I think you handled it fine in the end with your update. I agree with others that your children's relationships should not have much to do with yours (either in the first place or now)--so if you were friends it is fine to maintain that. Do be careful in what you say not only about your daughter but about her son. The term you used for him here is pretty harsh and uncalled for and i hope the mother never sees you using such a term about her son (it doesn't sound like he was caught with another girl or dumped your DD over the phone 5 minutes before her big final or some other really bone headed move-so I really do not understand the type of reaction that is indicating coming from you).
I agree. When you have moved from feeling sorry for your DD to feeling that the ex is a "d bag" for having felt differently than she did about the relationship you have gone into the overly vested territory for sure. I also think talking about future grandchildren before the couple is even engaged--much less married is far too invested. DH and I started dating at 18. We were engaged at 22 and married at 23. Had our parents been talking about grandchildren that would have really bothered me--and truthfully might have scared DH away (and yet we had a honeymoon baby--WE could talk about it to each other and be fine with it, but for other people to put that kind of assumption on us would have been too much).
Agreed
Nice kids, but IMHO it's hard to decide upon a life partner when you yourself have barely "lived" life. I'm always glad when it works for folks who marry early, but I know many more people who married at 18-20 years old who are divorced at 30.
Thanks so much!
I won't go into the details but there WAS a "bone headed move" involved, making the situation harder for her to understand and harder to recover from. If they had mutually decided to go their separate ways I would feel much differently, of course.
As far as the grandchildren comment, I did put that (!) after to show I was being a little facetious - guess that was too subtle for most posters. The mom and I had never discussed that - but the couple had, at least with each other and cetainly my daughter had shared some of that with me.
It's interesting to me - on other threads about young adults (do they pay rent while living at home, how much do you help out your young adult, etc.) so many posters say "I was married at 18" etc. It made me think almost everyone had settled in their adult relationship at 18 or 20 and that it wouldn't be unheard of for a couple who had dated four years and planned to get married to be discussing their future, planning for their eventual children, etc. I guess those posters are doing something else this weekend!!
Anyway, all is well and everyone is moving on. Thanks for the support from those who gave it and thanks for the negative commetns from the usual suspects so I can continue to ignore them.
)
. Thanks for the support from those who gave it and thanks for the negative commetns from the usual suspects so I can continue to ignore them.
Didn't I say, right in the post you quoted, that I was dating my future husband at 18 and we were married at 23? Yes, OUR future lives were pretty much settled by then--in our minds and between us. Had our parents decided to count on that before we did anything official (and you do not even mention them being engaged), even to the point of turning family holidays into joint affairs, it would have felt very much like they were over involving themselves in our lives and pressuring us to be sure of ourselves before we really were.
Anyway, I did not get that the "future grandbabies" thing was just sillyness and not you having ever actually mentioned it with the boy's mother--sorry for missing the joke there.
I am sorry if you dislike my opinion or feel it is overly negative in some way. I was simply giving my perspective since you asked for advice. Anyway, it seems like you have the current situation figured out. For what it is worth, I personally do think staying out of any future relationship a bit more might be a good idea (like not having formal get togethers with a new boyfriend's family until and unless there is actual wedding planning happening). It will probably save everyone a lot of trouble if you do (maybe that will be easier now that your daughter is grown up and, presumably, out of the house
It will all work out. The friendship with his mom will wither on it's own. I know unheard of these days!) so luckily that wasn't an issue. 
ssst: oh, and I'm one of those married at 18 for some 34 years now..
, although admitidily, I don't post that often on the community board.)
Hey, it's a first time break up for you too! It is an awkard situation, especially when you were fond of the boy, and knew his family socially.
In my case..I don't have a FB page (
I will tell you that no matter how old your kids get..when they hurt, you hurt.
1. WHERE??? Show me where other posters were negative or snippy or where others agreed that people were negative or snippy with you.
That all said, I'm glad you are feeling better about the situation. I know it must hurt a parent to see their child hurting.
PS: Just to throw this out there.... I don't see how hosting the boyfriends family, at your home, over a family holiday is "the other mother initiating..." Full responsibility needs to be acknowledged here.
) probably felt doubly terrible about breaking things off and put it off too long because he was breaking not only your daughter's heart but also his mom's.
To me, it sounds like you're handling this just right. There's no reason to burn any bridges on your end and if you like the Mom as a person, I see no reason to suddenly cut her off. Friendships develop in the weirdest of ways sometimes.
