DD's name & family vent

[Imtink2]

Our DD has a name that can be shortened to a popular nickname. We decided when she was born that we did not want her called by the nickname. I love the full name by itself and think it's far more beautiful than the nickname.

Despite our repeatedly asking them not to, some members of DH’s family continue to call our DD by the nickname. We’ve asked and told them again and again that we want them to use DD’s given name, but they say that the shorter name is cute and that later in life, people will shorten DD’s name anyway so why not start now. I feel like it’s an issue of respect and that they should respect our choice to call our DD by her given name. I could never imagine going against someone's wishes when it comes to their or their child's name. I know many people who go by longer names that could be shortened, but they prefer the longer name. Unfortunately, respect issues aren’t new with some of these people however and they continue to use the nickname.

It’s gotten to where I absolutely cringe when I hear the shortened name – even when it’s used to talk about other girls. I know that some of these family members are doing it because they know it bothers me – yes, they are over 50 yrs old yet are so immature that they find things that bother people and then continue to do them just so that they can get a kick out of it. I try not to react to the shortened name other than saying, “Her name is X, please call her that.” But apparently that’s enough of a reaction to keep them going.

Would you be more forceful about it and bring up the respect factor? DD is just an infant so it’s going to be a while before she can decide if she wants to be called by the shortened name or not.

Thanks for your input.

 

[mjmoon]

I wish I had some advice for you. I suspect this will be an issue for you for a long time to come as people love to nickname others. All you can do is ask that these people respect your wish to use the child's full name. A friend of mine has two kids with commonly shortened names (Caitlin & Danielle) and she feels the same way about their names being shortened. People just need to get used to the child's real name and it will eventually stick. Nobody uses any names other than Danielle (which is easily shortened to Dani) and Caitlin. Just keep correcting them.. eventually they will give up.

I actually decided against Alexander for my youngest son (it's his middle name now) because I didn't want him turning into an Alex.

Good luck!

 

[DRS_Are_Best]

My older ds's name is "Daniel". We call him "Daniel". Our family calls him "Daniel". Mine and dh's feeling was if we wanted a "Dan" or a "Danny", we would have named him "Dan" or "Danny". He is "Daniel". He may choose to go by something else as he gets older, but chances are his Dad and I will always call him "Daniel", even if his friends use another name.

You probably need to bring this up to your inlaws. If you wanted her called "insert nickname here", you would have named dd just that. Her name IS "insert actual name here". Every time they do it in your presence, correct them. This is her name -- this is what you call her -- this is what her family should be calling her. I'm not saying I have anything against nicknames -- we actually use a nickname for dd (we call her "Kitty" - her name is "Rachel" -- long long story behind that from when she was only 1 day old).

But a name is a choice of a child's parents. When your dd is older, she very well MAY prefer being known by that nickname, and then you can decide what is right for you to be calling her. But, from what you say in this post, that is not what you are facing right now.

Good luck!

 

[BeckyScott]

I don't know what to tell you as far as the respect issue.

But. Our oldest DS's name is Richard. Not Ricky, Rick, Rich, Richie, or that other one that our former Vice-President was called that I'm sure the DIS will censor. We were concerned that while we liked Richard, we did not like any of the nicknames with it.

And he's still Richard. He hasn't shortened it, his classmates haven't shortened it, occasionally he will use the name Rich if it is a situation where his whole name is just too many spaces. But I can count on one hand the number of times he's been called something different.

So I can tell you it is possible for her to go thru much of her childhood, that's as far as we've gotten, with the name you gave her. When she starts school, the teachers will call her by the name she is enrolled as, unless she tells them otherwise, and because of that, so will her classmates.

I think you just wait it out, if she's an infant. Keep calling her the name you chose. Eventually she will be old enough, she will either tell your family herself, or just won't acknowledge the other name. I guess it could be worse, they could have decided to call her Bubba or Tinkle or some other annoying "family nickname".

 

[saraheeyore]

can it be shortend to anything else? some names u can use one bit or another and although its not idea and i personally hate names being shortend which is why my daughter has a short name there might be another option you could use that you could say to them they need to use that instead
a little girl we knew is called isabel and rather than shorten it to izzy they call her belle which is still quite pretty. its not ideal but worth a try if u really don't like other name

 

[saraheeyore]

just wait till you get to the other silly words grandparents seem to think are great to use
we has to have words over them calling her dummy a noo noo. I have a thing were we use proper words for everything not babyish versions as i don't see the point but unfortunitly grandparents seem to try and use them all

 

[geogirl0626]

I can't believe your in-laws are being like that about it! I too gave my DD a name that is commonly shortened. Her name is Madelyn, so lots of people want to call her Maddie. I correct them each and every time I hear it. I named her Madelyn because I like the name Madelyn. It would drive me crazy if anyone in my family called her Maddie, especially if they did it just to annoy me! Once she gets old enough, she'll know what her name is and she'll likely correct people. Mine does! She won't even respond if someone calls her Maddie.

I don't really have any good advice for what to tell your family because they don't seem like they are being reasonable. Could your DH knock some sense into them?

 

[Tinkmom75]

I like the question previous posters have posed: can it be shortened to another nickname or is there a nickname other than the name you are OK with? My name is Melissa never Missy. My Mom called me Lissy Lou then it went to Lou Lou and Louie. It seemed like different people came up with their own special nicknames however strange they may have been, but Missy was not ever acceptable. My first 2 children have short names so their nicknames are entirely different from their names. Dolly and Leroy. I don't know how those came about. My youngest is William or Will not Bill or Billy or Willy. I've told people William or Will is OK and it seems to stick. Sometimes Grandparents especially like to have a "special" nickname. I think people may see it as more affectionate.

 

[HockeyMomNH]

My son's name is Jonathan. I really did not want him called Jonny, and I always called him by his given name, even though some of my family members called him Jonny.

When he got to school he asked to be called Jonny and not Jonathan. He is very adamant about it. I am the only one who calls him Jonathan now, and I do call him Jonny too. It is who he is now and it fits him.

I say don't make a big deal about it. Your daughter will decide when she is older what name she wants to be called by.

 

[bumbershoot]

Well I don't see what else you can really do, you've tried it all.

My mom and stepmom both believed in naming the name you want the child to be called. Which means I have half brothers who are Matthew and Michael, NOT Matt and Mike.

As they got older, they would correct people. My full brother would too, when people tried to shorten his given name (later on he grew tired of that name and legally changed it to the short version). so you might have that to look forward to from your daughter.


Quick thought on this though..."the nickname rhymes with our last name and they sound awful when used together". Be careful saying that sort of thing, because eventually you're going to run into someone with that combo.

I'm Molly, and my last name follows the same consonant vowel double consonant ee-sound. Rhymey, singsong, just adorable, when you're 3. But it's my name. I have a cousin who is Sally. (though she's originally sarah, so that's a nickname, but it's one that has stuck for 38 years) Hearing that combo isn't bad to us. Then at my brother's wedding, my brand new SIL told me that she was changing her name to Jen, b/c Jenny *our last name* sounded terrible and unprofessional.

Now I'm sure she regretted saying that...but still, she said it, she thought it, and she did change her professional name. Should have just left it at "I'm going to be a lawyer someday and want to be Jen, Esquire rather than LawyerJenny".

So just be careful who you say it too, b/c you might hurt feelings.

Also, it might just be that the family LIKES how it sounds. And it doesn't sound like you'll be able to convince them to stop it...well, unless suddenly you decided they cannot call her by her given name...then they might do it to spite you...

 

[brymolmom]

I can understand liking a long name better than a short one, but honestly I have never really understood parents who get actually very upset by this. I had a friend, 'jennifer' as a girl and her father would correct me almost every time I said her name in his presence. I have a good friend who named his twin daughters Candace and Amanda - and I immediately thought 'candy and mandy' and he quickly corrected - NO (they didn't even realize it could be that until after they had 'officially' done the paperwork). But it will not surprise me, and shouldn't surprise him if they are called that.

Honestly, do all of you who have kids like this ALWAYS call them by their given name - never any nickname - 'honey, little guy, sweetie, anything'?? Or for your grandparents, etc - never 'nana' or anything like that? If you use a nickname then you shouldn't be surprised when others do - but obviously their teachers and kids at school aren't going to go with 'honey' - they're likely going to shorten the name. If you honestly never use any nicknames at all - then I guess it is just a behavior or upbringing thing. My kids are sometimes 'bry' and 'mol 'and my husband sometimes 'kev' - never bothers any of us, nor would it if the full name is used.

So maybe I'm not a good one to answer - but I would never make a big deal out of it. Why start now - you're just going to be banging your head against the wall your child's whole life. I did, however, strongly encourage my sister to stop calling my dd 'satan' - it was just a little evil phase she was going through.

 

[mom2meiko]

i tend to be a bit intolerant so you may want to take what i say with a grain of salt, but...

stand firm and make sure your dh backs you up on this! it is your child and therefore your decision what she is called. end of story.

i'm pretty sure my inlaws fear me too much to pull anything like that with my dd. before she was even born we made it very clear to them all that she will not be eating the junk food that the other kids eat - typically provided by the loving grandparents. they mean well but honestly she goes out and stocks up on sugar, carbs and disgusting junk food if she knows they are coming. i've only ever seen one kid eat fruit at their house - my dd and it was because we brought it with us! they are all really good at respecting our wishes though - they always ask if she can have something before she has any - and usually they only ask about things that are ok. very well trained!

good luck!

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd say give it up. Use the proper name yourself, but don't make a big deal out of what version they use, unless it is a situation where legal papers are involved. If these are older folks, they will go to their graves calling her whatever they feel is the cutest nickname for her that they can come up with. Probably the only thing that MIGHT sway them is if you can make a case for a bad association with the name; a famous criminal or something like that.

Since this is DH' family, it's their last name, too, right? As a PP pointed out, tread carefully. That may be someone's favorite grandmother's name, and they think it is sweet and reminds them of Grandma.

My name is Maureen. I *hate* being called Mo. However, there is one person in the entire world who I allow to call me that at all times without argument: the librarian from the town where I went to hs. She calls me that because her daughter had the same name, and was named after Maureen Connolly, the 1950's tennis star, who was known as "Little Mo." This lady's daughter died young in an accident before I ever knew her mom, and I was touched that she wanted to call me by the same nickname that she called her late daughter. She's in her 90's now and still calls me Mo whenever I stop in to see her.

As for your DD, she'll decide in her own time what she wants to be called. She may like the nickname, in which case you'll be fighting a losing battle.

 

[saraheeyore]

i tend to be a bit intolerant so you may want to take what i say with a grain of salt, but...

stand firm and make sure your dh backs you up on this! it is your child and therefore your decision what she is called. end of story.

i'm pretty sure my inlaws fear me too much to pull anything like that with my dd. before she was even born we made it very clear to them all that she will not be eating the junk food that the other kids eat - typically provided by the loving grandparents. they mean well but honestly she goes out and stocks up on sugar, carbs and disgusting junk food if she knows they are coming. i've only ever seen one kid eat fruit at their house - my dd and it was because we brought it with us! they are all really good at respecting our wishes though - they always ask if she can have something before she has any - and usually they only ask about things that are ok. very well trained!

good luck!

lol i think Grandparents are just on a mission to annoy parents. my mum now insists on giving her chicken nuggets and chips every meal which i hate as its ok sometimes but twice in one day is just stupid. And she lets her have a day sleep which means she is then up till 10pm at night and up at 4am

 

[a1tinkfans]

My ds has a name (11 letters) and can be sliced in half for another Nickname. We had always used his full given name and our family has always respected that.
Then in Middle school, we noticed that WE were using the shortened version sometimes and sometimes his initials (first and last name, which is also common) and that his friends used the shortened version.
I figure at this point, it is his decision to use or correct people as he see's fit. The rest of family still uses his full name and when I am annoyed, he gets the full ...............first, middle, and last name

You're dealing with an infant here, so I think it is a matter of respect, just not sure how far to go with it. Is it worth the "flack" of tension? It does seem to really bother you, and if thats the way you feel, perhaps a pow wow with you dh to say something also when he hears the nickname will stop it???

whatever you decide to do , enjoy every minute with your little one, they grow up so fast!!!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

We hate nicknames. Period. So this is how we handled people shortening our names or our kids' names:

1. Pretend like you didn't hear them. THey'll repeat the nickname. Continue to pretend. Either they will eventually say the full name or you say "were you talking to me? 'Cause that's not my name."

2. Teach your kids early to say "my name is Alexandra, not Allie." Tell your kids that some people need help learning to pronounce your name properly and it's up to them to help the dummies out there. My kids always got an enormous kick out of this. Even though they would occasionally call the people dummies.

3. Start shortening their names to something really stupid. Like if their name is Fred, start calling them Effie. or Red. or Better off Fred.

4. When they call your kid "Allie" in earshot, you say "Oh, Alexandra, Aunt Meemee is just having a little trouble pronouncing your name correctly. Can you show her how to say it properly?" And your kid will of course say it properly.

I come from the ruling family of passive aggressive nutjobs, and I learned how to play the game *very* well.

Don't whine about how they don't respect you, that lets them know they're winning. Just make them feel totally stupid and humiliated every time they can't get the name right.

 

[wilderness01]

I can understand liking a long name better than a short one, but honestly I have never really understood parents who get actually very upset by this. I had a friend, 'jennifer' as a girl and her father would correct me almost every time I said her name in his presence. I have a good friend who named his twin daughters Candace and Amanda - and I immediately thought 'candy and mandy' and he quickly corrected - NO (they didn't even realize it could be that until after they had 'officially' done the paperwork). But it will not surprise me, and shouldn't surprise him if they are called that.

Honestly, do all of you who have kids like this ALWAYS call them by their given name - never any nickname - 'honey, little guy, sweetie, anything'?? Or for your grandparents, etc - never 'nana' or anything like that? If you use a nickname then you shouldn't be surprised when others do - but obviously their teachers and kids at school aren't going to go with 'honey' - they're likely going to shorten the name. If you honestly never use any nicknames at all - then I guess it is just a behavior or upbringing thing. My kids are sometimes 'bry' and 'mol 'and my husband sometimes 'kev' - never bothers any of us, nor would it if the full name is used.

So maybe I'm not a good one to answer - but I would never make a big deal out of it. Why start now - you're just going to be banging your head against the wall your child's whole life. I did, however, strongly encourage my sister to stop calling my dd 'satan' - it was just a little evil phase she was going through.

I agree.

 

[adventure_woman]

My DD2's name is Elizabeth. We call her by Elizabeth. No shortening. If I had wanted her to be called Liz or Beth or something else, I would have named her that. I told my DH BEFORE she was born, that she WILL BE CALLED ELIZABETH, or we will not name her that. I told everyone in the family that too. I would be SO MAD if they insisted on calling her a nickname, and I would make a HUGE DEAL OUT OF IT! Yes, her name may be shortened when she is older, but right now I have control and this is what I say. I will also be telling her teachers to call her Elizabeth (and not shorten it). I tell my family that they can call her by something else (honey, pumpkin, little girl, etc.), but NO NICKNAMES out of her name. As you can tell, I'm a little sensitive about this and have a strong belief on this.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Honestly, I would let it go! Seriously--just leave it alone. They aren't doing it just to annoy you, and I would try not to let it. I have a "Robert" who goes by "Robert"--some people call him Bert, some call him Rob, I don't care. He's old enough that he can stop them if he chooses.

Keep in mind, the bigger a deal you make of this, the more they're likely to do it just to tweak you. Seems like that's working. Besides, there's nothing the kids on the playground won't think of, eventually. Ask Peein' Ian, or my DD's friend, Carter. (doesn't sound too bad--until you sing the "Name Game", which they do in her K class. Go on, try it!) I guarentee, you will have bigger issues on yoru plate at some point. This is NOT worth making a huge deal over.

 

[wilderness01]

Honestly, I would let it go! Seriously--just leave it alone. They aren't doing it just to annoy you, and I would try not to let it. I have a "Robert" who goes by "Robert"--some people call him Bert, some call him Rob, I don't care. He's old enough that he can stop them if he chooses.

Keep in mind, the bigger a deal you make of this, the more they're likely to do it just to tweak you. Seems like that's working. Besides, there's nothing the kids on the playground won't think of, eventually. Ask Peein' Ian, or my DD's friend, Carter. (doesn't sound too bad--until you sing the "Name Game", which they do in her K class. Go on, try it!) I guarentee, you will have bigger issues on your plate at some point. This is NOT worth making a huge deal over.

I guess this was what I was thinking when I agreed with the other poster. If this is the worst it ever gets for you with your child being called by a name other than his/her proper name, thank your lucky stars.