DD's MIL strikes again

[marlasmom]

My DD, SIL and DGD visited his brother and wife a couple of weeks ago. MIL and FIL came too. She took lots of pictures of our new grandbaby and sent them to everybody she has ever met - but NOT to us. Wouldn't it occur to her that the other grandparents would like to see them too?

She is now getting things for the baby - summer clothes that have been marked down again and again in her current size. Summer is almost over - she needs fall stuff. She just never thinks.

 

[snoopy]

Maybe she just doesn't like you.

I know I'd have a hard time cooperating with someone who made a judgement about everything I did or bought for my grandchild.

 

[RadioNate]

she probablly thought that your DD would forward them on.

I don't know if this is the case in your situation but it seems you have a lot of hostility towards your DD's MIL. My mom does towards my MIL too so I wanted to tell you a little about how it makes me, as the DD, feel. It is very hard on me when she bad mouths DHs mom. I don't really like my MIL much either but for the sake of DH I need to make the relationship work and that is very hard to do when my own mother is nitpicking every action.

 

[Crankyshank]

It's going to be pretty warm at least for another 2 mos. I know my grandmother just got a couple of cute discounted summer outfits for my cousin's baby that he'll get at least a dozen uses out of before the cooler weather hits.

maybe she wanted to wait until closer to fall to see what size the baby will be wearing then.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Who cares if he is buying summer stuff? At least she is not ignoring her Grandchild.

 

[Missy1961]

Both of my brothers are married & 2 of my sisters are married. When the other grandparents take pictures they don't share them with us, nor does my dad share the pictures he takes with them. And we like them!

And there is another month of summer left. I buy clearance stuff at the end of the season--the deals are hard to beat--and if they wear it once or twice that's good, especially if I only paid $1 for an outfit.

 

[aprincessmom]

She just never thinks.

Maybe she gets that vibe from you whether you say it outloud or not. Your posts about her are always negative so I'm sure she can sense how you feel about her. In her mind maybe it's just best not to have contact with you so you have one less piece of ammunition to use against her.

Just because she's not like you doesn't mean she loves your grandchild any less. Be happy your grandchild has two sets of grandparents to love her...something many children never, ever know.

 

[SleepyMom]

Not sure on all your details, but I can say from my own experience that neither my Mom or either of my MIL's ever gave pictures to the other grandparent. I think there may have been a few times that I liked a pic that MIL had taken and I would get a copy myself to give to my Mom, but I would never have expected MIL to do it.

Now if these were e-mailed pics and you didn't see them, like another poster said, maybe the MIL figured your DD would forward them to you and any other family on your DD's side. I would never expect any IL to make sure my own family sees every pic they take. Do you make copies or forward all pictures you have taken of the new grandbaby to DD's MIL?

As for the clothes, maybe they were just too cute and at such a great price to pass up. If she wants to waste her money on clothes that will only be worn a few times, I guess that is her choice. My ex-MIL was famous for buying my DD shoes, but they were only allowed to be worn at Grandma's house, she couldn't bring them home. OK, I guess if it didn't bother ex-MIL that DD only wore some of them 2 or 3 times then it wasn't going to bother me. I didn't understand it, but I also didn't let it bother me.

 

[kejoda]

Hae to agree with Snoopy on this one(not that i'm surprised by that

 

[va32h]

I am sure that my mother-in-law would assume that I sent plenty of pictures to my own mother, and not feel she needed to send my mom additional pics.

As to the summer clothes - what's it to you?

 

[lil mermaid]

I don't know the history here, but it appears that there is some bad blood between you and your DD's ILS. Maybe that is why they didn't send you the pictures, or maybe they thought your DD would forward them to you. Who knows but really, I wouldn't be surprised if they sense your hostility.

I totally agree. My DD is the only granddaughter for my MIL (DH's brother has two boys) and the only grandchild for my parents. We live far from all of them - they live in New England, and we live in Texas. They don't get to see DD often.

Her grandmothers LOVE to buy her things. My Mom and MIL will often shop the clearance racks and send them to us. They often send little books or toys or things they think that DD will like. Well occassionally, they get it wrong in regards to size, or season or whatever...but SO WHAT???? It makes them happy to do it, and she has two sets of grandparents who love her. Isn't that the important thing? And DH and I appreciate everything that they give her.

Anyway, about the summer clothes - why do you even care in the slightest

 

[Miss Jasmine]

same old, same old. Why do you even care?????

 

[christinadei]

I'm not sure why you expect her to send you pictures? My mom and MIL get along great, and I give them both pictures and they share pictures among their own families, but they have never thought to give pictures to each other.

As for the clothes, MIL is contantly getting DS clothes and shoes she finds on clearance. Sometimes they are too small adn if so, I just pass them along to my nephew who is 2 years younger. It's not a big deal to me. I know she loves buying the clothes and they are usually good deals. So even if he's not able to wear them long, she got a great deal and my sister gets barely (and sometimes brand new) worn clothes for her DS.

 

[C.Ann]

There was a time when I didn't get along with DD's MIL either.. She drove me nuts because we are ENTIRELY different personalities.. Last summer there was a crisis with my DD and much to everyones surprise, the MIL came through with flying colors and did a TOTAL turn around with EVERYONE..

We get along great now.. I understand that she's different than I am and she understands that I am different than she is.. Life is sooooooooooo much better for everyone now..

She doesn't share photos - but if she has one that I've seen and would like, I come right out and ask her if I could please have a copy.. She gets it made pronto and will NOT accept payment for it..

Tonight she will be taking my DD and DGD school-clothes shopping.. She will buy everything "large" so it will last longer.. DD doesn't mind - it's not her money.. I - on the other hand - would purchase "summer" clothes right now for my DGD (if I got them for rock bottom prices) because there will be many more warm days till the colder weather sets in..

I don't know the particulars of your situation, but I can tell you first hand, we're ALL "family" now and it's a million times better.. (Not to say the MIL "never" gets on my nerves anymore, but I keep it to myself, don't complain to anyone and usually end up realizing that whatever she's doing isn't bothersome enough for me to fret over it.. )

 

[disykat]

While I'm sorry people are being so hard on you, our families don't send each other pictures either. I truly PREFER they don't communicate that way anyway. It probably never even occured to her to send you pictures of them holding the baby, etc. Maybe she even thought it might make you feel bad.

As for the clearance stuff, just go out yourself and buy stuff on clearance in bigger sizes for next year - knowing your granddaughter will get more wear out of them.

 

[Lessa of Pern]

sigh...from what you've said, she doens't treat your dd very well...so why are you suprised at anything anymore?

sure, it would be nice if she sent you photos. and sure, it would be nice if she thought about what the baby really needs...

at least she's not neglecting the baby.

my late MIL barely paid attention to my older dd, and virtually ignored my younger dd. she passed away when the girls were 3 1/2 and almost 2, so the girls never knew that they were "neglected"... and my parents more than made up for it.

 

[cheerful chickadee]

I don't know the history but I would try to seperate myself from anything your DD's MIL does if it upsets you so.

FWIW I don't expect my MIL to share her pics of ds or us with my mom, they hardly even talk so I wouldn't expect them to do this. I sometimes show my mom pictures that MIL has taken but that's about as far as it goes, there is no animosity over this. As far as the clothes...don't know why it irked you but I would be so grateful to anyone who bought ds anything regardless of size or season. Just my 2 pennies.

 

[Pam]

Do YOU send them photos when you visit your/their grandchild?
It's a two way street.

At some point in your life you need to step back and appraise the situation and ask yourself if it's worth letting every little thing about your DD's ILs upset you. And if you decide it's not, then you need to just let go and enjoy the moments that you personally share with your DD and her family.

 

[Wishing on a star]

marlasmom,

From your past posts, I do think that, in the past, you have some really legitimate concerns about your MIL!!! So, take heart!!!

However, I agree with everyone who says that THIS is just not one of them. I can see that you have been hurt and upset with the situation, and once burned - twice shy. I think now maybe you are being a little too sensitive???

Also, and I think that this is a BIGGIE!!! You should not expect pictures, or ANY communication at all directly from your DDs inlaws!!! Your children are now adults, and it is up to them to handle their relationships with the sets of Grandparents... If my Inlaws were contacting my Mom, or vice-versa, I would be very upset. They have no right to go above my head, or behind my back. ( realize that a few in-laws may be one big happy family... but for the huge percentage, including your situation, this just is not true.) This kind of back-and-forth with you and the in-laws is only making the situation more complex, and possibly worse. It is your DD's inlaws, and her husbands parents. Really, it is all beyond your concern or control.
NOTE TO SELF: Recite the serenity prayer several times.....

Believe me, this kind of thing will be hurtful to your daughter and your grandchild(ren).

If your DD has recieved such cute photos from her inlaws, she should be so kind as to forward you a copy or two!!! It is really none of your business who sends pictures/info to whom....

So, hey, take a deep cleansing breath, and be happy!!!!

HUGS!!!!

 

[sharbear]

I don't know what is going on but my mom is very jealous of my MIL. My MIL is a fine person, she drives me crazy sometimes but hey I live 3 hours away and I don't have to see her all the time. On the other hand, talk to my SIL who lives in the same town and sees her all the time!

After a while I figured out that the best way to deal with things was not to discuss my MIL with my Mom. Because my MIL just is a little annoying sometimes but my Mom would make everything much bigger and more of a problem.

I think that you need to tell your DD that you just don't want to hear about her MIL. It will be better for everyone.

My Mom and my MIL don't share pictures. For one thing, all of the pictures of one half of the family have that family in them. I don't think that my Mom wants pictures of the kids with all of my DH's family in them. But if you want pictures have your DD forward them.