DD19 wants to withdraw from college, advice please?

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I know I posted in the middle of the night, eyes half closed. I still would recommend reading up and using rate my professor as a guide. I totally understand that many students put up comments more in the negative. That is just the nature of reviews. Same as tripadvisor.

It is not the do all to tell all, but as a small little guide it will not hurt her to look at it.

My daughter uses it faithfully and rates her professors honestly and truthfully on all topics. I am sure she is not alone.

Again, I was posting tired and it was not my attention for you to use it as the only tool in your toolbox. Just an idea to maybe give you some understanding re: how her day is playing out.

I really am hoping all works out for you today. I said it before and I really do mean it - there is really great advice on the thread to help you with your list for the meeting.

 

[RitaZ.]

Maybe during her time of figuring out what to do, she could get a job as a teacher's aide in a special education setting. That would put her ahead of many classmates if she goes back and starts doing clinic hours, because she would have some experience with kids on various spectrums. I went through the CDS program as an older student, and the thing I heard supervisors say about some of my younger cohort was they had a hard time with behavior management due to a lack of experience with -any- kids, much less kids who are not typically developing. Is your daughter planning on working in a school? If not, she could look into work at a nursing facility. If she did that, she would get some experience working with the elderly and hopefully get a little mentorship (okay that's a made up word) from the slp who works there.

This is excellent advice! I would definitely encourage the OP's daughter to do this. Even if she decides to take a break, observing an SLP in various settings is an excellent way to get an inside view into what they do everyday. Also, if she decides to pursue COMD, she will have to complete 25 hours of observation and this would be a good way to get a head start on that requirement.

I do consider someone's "mental health" more important. Your dd is struggling with many things and it is good that she wants to get herself together!

This is really important, too.

OP, you're doing the right thing by listening to your daughter and helping her through this. It's difficult right now, but everything will work out in the end.

 

[RitaE]

This sounds very much like what happened with my son's girlfriend.
She was a pretty good student in High School and then went to a fairly large State University, was miserable, and bombed.

All the excuse making aside (because a student's grades really are not the fault of an advisor or the professors), she just wasn't in a mental place right then to succeed at that school. It happens. They are young and goofy and they make mistakes and flounder a bit sometimes. It isn't the end of the world to fail at something.

Her parents brought her home and put her in Community College part-time and had her start retaking the D and F classes because they weren't going to transfer anyway and she needed to get the GPA back into shape. They also required her to get a part-time job.

She eventually graduated with an Associates degree with over a 3.5gpa and was able to get accepted into many Universities for a second try. The second time around is going much better.

 

[MrsPete]

You've received a great deal of good advice already, but I'm going to go in a different direction:

If she does withdraw from school, I suggest that the two of you agree upon "an exit plan strategy". What do you expect her to do when she comes home? I would guess it includes getting a job, earning/saving for her eventual return to college, and -- after some time to recouperate a bit -- looking into other schools. You don't want her to come home and sit around, being unhappy that all her friends are away, and feeling bad about not knowing what she wants to do. By being proactive and discussing what you expect her to do, you'll avoid this problem.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You've received a great deal of good advice already, but I'm going to go in a different direction:

If she does withdraw from school, I suggest that the two of you agree upon "an exit plan strategy". What do you expect her to do when she comes home? I would guess it includes getting a job, earning/saving for her eventual return to college, and -- after some time to recouperate a bit -- looking into other schools. You don't want her to come home and sit around, being unhappy that all her friends are away, and feeling bad about not knowing what she wants to do. By being proactive and discussing what you expect her to do, you'll avoid this problem.

This is very true.

We have a set expectations for our dd. She was having some serious issues and had to get a handle on them. I can say that it took her an entire semester plus summer to get back into the game.

She is working part time and going to school part time this semester. She is taking night classes to ease herself back to normal.

In addition I have "cleaning requirements" and "communication expectations". Which are really nothing more than common courtesy. However she wanted to come and go as she pleased and treat her room and the house like a flophouse. Not happening here. There has to be a level of respect both ways.

If she is still under your health insurance you need to look at that issue with regards to school requirement. Also make sure you look at your student loan issues if you have any.

Good Luck! If she is still under your insurance make doctor appts. Get her a physical, see a counselor, and any other loose ends she needs to do.

 

[disfan07]

My situation was a little different but this is what happened with me:

I graduated high school with a 2.4. The classes weren't hard, I just didn't care( and there were some other issues going on). And if it hadn't been for band, there's a possibility I might not have graduated at all.

Obviously, I did not get into a 4 year school. I ended up going to CC for 1 semester. I ended the semester with 2 Ds, 1 C and 1 B.
I took the next semester off to deal with some health/depression/anxiety issues. The semester off also just helped me clear my head a figure put what I really wanted. I went back the next year and did a little better (mostly Bs and Cs...one or two As). The next semester I transferred to a different CC ( we moved) and I thrived in the new environment. I got 7 As and 2 Bs. I managed to bring my CC GPA above a 3.0. I transferred into a 4 year university's a psych major and started in upper divs immediately.

2 years later, I am in my final year (I am a 5th year senior) as a double major. I have above a 3.8 and I am in the process of applying to pre-med post bac programs for medical school. 4 years ago, there was a lot of concern about my future because we were all just so lost with everything. But I was able to turn it around. It just took some time.

Similar thing with my brother. He went to a 4 year university but after the first semester he had failed 2 classes and was on academic probation. And overall, he was just not happy with the school. He came home and did 2 1/2 years at CC. He then transferred to a different 4 year school and ended up getting 2 degrees as well. He's still struggling a little with figuring out exactly what he wants to do but he's motivated and a hard worker so I have no doubt he will be fine. But again, he had some bumps in the road but he was able to turn it around.

What I'm saying is that the best option might be a CC for 2 years and up her GPA and then try a 4 year school again. Not everyone is ready for college right away. Some people need more time than others. There is nothing wrong with that. But it's better that she do it now when she is still fairly early in her college career. She still has a chance to turn it around but unless she would definitely be able to turn it around at that school, I would have her withdraw and spend some time at a CC and give her time to figure things out.

Oh...and in relation to what a PP said about health insurance, if she is on yours or your husbands insurance she is fine until age 26 regardless of student status. It was part of the ACA. There are no academic restrictions for children on their parents health insurance until age 26.

 

[I Love Pluto]

My daughter withdrew from a college because she was miserable there. At the time, I thought she was doing the wrong thing. We allowed her to make her own decisions. She could withdraw - if she paid back the money we lost for the first month. She agreed.

Now - (she is 37) - she has a Masters degree in speech therapy, has taught since 1998, and is happy in that job. The first college just didn't "fit" her personality. She came home - did a year at Community College - then was ready for the next step. She was extremely successful at the second college. I am so glad that we let her choose what she needed to do.

Your daughter is miserable in her present studies. She is nearing adulthood. Let her make her own decisions. You will not regret that you allowed her to choose her own future.

 

[disykat]

I think delving further into WHY she doesn't like the school is important.

I went to a small private school. My best friend freshman year wished for a larger school, she felt like she didn't ahve enough freedom there. Because she decided to transfer after we'd already signed up to be dorm roommates, I was assigned a freshman the next year. My new roommate was "quirky." She very quickly figured out that she was simply different from the "norm" and transferred the next year to a much more diverse, edgy school. Two friends, both needed to transfer so they would "fit in." However, both my friends were happy enough and did well academically. For them, it was really a social thing.

I think the whole academic thing needs to be explored more. What is it she hopes to find that will be different academically at a different school? Are their other local schools she could transfer to while trying to get her gpa up?

I also think the financial thing needs to be explored. Have you been paying? Are you going to require that she pay you back for her unfinished term?

I also think you need to address failure. What will feel more like failure to her - continuing or dropping now? How will she cope with those feelings?

 

[Chelley00]

Our DS is going through the same thing, and actually right now is meeting with his adviser. His original plan was to drop out at the semester end and join the army because "I'm just not smart enough to be here". This coming from a kid who graduated with honors from a college prep high school. College has turned out to be a lot different than he thought.

He and the adviser have been emailing and she's managed to convince him to slow down and really look at things. He loves being at school, loves campus, but he hates some of his classes and isn't doing well in the ones that are related to his business major. She pulled his transcripts to see what he did well in during high school, asked him what he liked about college and what he did in his free time, and today they are talking about seeing if a change of major is the answer. She came up with some great ideas, and this morning when we talked it sounds like he's getting excited about things again.

I think a good adviser is the key to many freshmen making it through their first year of college.

 

[leebee]

I think a good adviser is the key to many freshmen making it through their first year of college.

I agree. I also think it's important for freshmen to realize that they DON"T have to declare a major until the end of 1st semester of sophomore year. They can spend three whole semesters fulfilling general ed requirements, getting their feet wet, learning to live on their own and study like a college kid needs to, without having to commit to a major. I think it takes some of the stress off of freshman year if kids don't think they are tied to a major; they have the freedom to find what they really like without feeling they have wasted time, money, and credits.

 

[zurgswife]

Hope the meeting went well.

 

[Jeanne B]

Hi everyone, for those who are interested I wanted to give you an update on what happened yesterday...

First off I called DD yesterday morning and asked her to read through this thread before I came up.

I went to her apartment and spent some time talking to her. For one thing she's still been working 32 hours a week which I didn't realize, I thought her hours had been cut back a couple of weeks ago but apparently that's not the case. So she said she's already in a hole at school going into this semester but besides that, she has still been very unhappy there, hasn't felt "inspired" and because of that has missed classes and she knows she doesn't focus on her studying/homework like she should. UMaine wasn't the school she wanted to go to initially and she feels like she settled, so I think some of it has been psychological. By the time we were done talking it was clear she was ready to withdraw that day...I did tell her that if she was going to withdraw I felt it was fair that she start contributing to her apartment rent since the reason she had the apartment was because of college (right now she pays for her internet, electric and food and I pay the rent).

Anyway, we went to the university, went to her department building to tell them she was considering withdrawing and the professor we met with was wonderful. He asked her some questions in order to get an idea of what was going on, he didn't pressure her in any way to stay at the school, he only gave her his opinion (he thought she should stick out the semester, especially knowing she was just a bit below 2.0 but he made some suggestions if she was going to withdraw regardless). As we talked it came out that there was one class in particular that she was very stressed out about and it was the reason she felt like her GPA would continue to suffer this semester. So he suggested she drop that class, which would actually put her in part-time status since she dropped another class previously but he felt with her current 3 classes she would easily get the GPA above 2.0 as long as she got B's (he was concerned about her Anthropology class since apparently a lot of people struggle with that, but she told him that's actually an easy class for her). And I had looked at her grade history yesterday morning and she's been getting a mix of B's and D's, so I knew she would definitely be capable of getting B's. When it started sounding like she was going to stay I asked him how she changes advisors and explained that's been much of the problem as well and he said it could be done right then, so since he was an advisor she agreed to switch to him.

She walked out feeling so much better because she'd switched advisors and withdrew from the class that was her biggest stress and the advisor was really terrific, he was clearly there to help her regardless of the decision she made and when we left he told her to email him any time if she has questions/problems. She said the meeting would have gone completely different if she'd me with her previous advisor and I don't doubt that, and she most likely would have dropped out. She still intends to withdraw from UMaine after this semester and I'll support her if that's what she decides to do because ultimately, it's her life, her decision, and I want her to do what she feels is best for her.

Thank you all again so much for your advice and support, I felt like I went into the meeting yesterday a little more prepared and knew what questions to ask thanks to the comments here.

 

[jennylyn_b]

Let her and support her decision. She may need some time to evaluate her goals. I would make sure she knows she has to be working full time if she isn't going to college though. Honestly, withdrawing is better than failing out. In a year or so when she is ready to go to college again she will have to look into their gpa requirements. They will take all her college grades, AP classes included and get her overall gpa.


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[HM]

Sounds like a very successful visit with the new advisor. I hope the changes she made help her get into the right state of mind and things really start looking up for her. Good job, mom.

 

[jujube]

It's great you had a good meeting and tht yr daughter has a new advisor.

 

[leebee]

I'm glad to hear that things worked out for your DD. Is she going to cut back on her work hours? That's really too much for a college student, even a part-time one, and especially for a student who is working to improve her GPA!

UMaine was not my DD's first choice, it was her "I'm never going there" safety choice, but even with almost straight A's, 4th in her class, good SAT scores, activities, etc., she didn't get into choice #1 and didn't get enough aid from #2 and #3 to be able to attend. She can't get the major she wants at UM but has made the best of a difficult situation and has tailored a minor to meet her needs. Although she didn't want to go there, she made friends freshman year and went out of her way to get involved with campus groups, and now is comfortable in her decision not to transfer... yet. It's a possibility for next year, but so is a semester abroad or in the Disney College Program. We'll see. Every year is a new experience!

OP, best of luck to your DD!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I agree 32 hours is a lot of work time for a full time student. My DD works 8-10 a week and I am not happpy about that even if she does sit and study most of the time she is working. I am glad you were able to work things out and best wishes in whatever she decides for the future.