DD14 - Opinions Wanted

[MouseMomx2]

This is for anybody who had or has had a teenage daughter...

DD14 is a great kid. She is very smart, funny, responsible etc. The problem is she doesn't have a lot of close friends. She can get along with just about anybody, but doesn't seem to make deeper connections. She doesn't have any friends that she confides in or that she really opens up to. She is more than happy staying home and doing her own thing. She isn't interested in the typical teen "stuff" like talking on the phone/texting, make-up, AIM-ing, talking about boys, etc. To be honest, it seems like she is past all of that stuff...although she never did it. She thinks the teen "stuff" is boring and a waste of time.

I guess I'm just wondering if there is something I should be doing for her or if this is just the way some kids are. I'd love to hear others experiences/opinions on this subject.

TIA

 

[golfgal]

Sounds like my DS14. I think in his case it is more of a matter of not wanting to have to get rides to do things from mom and dad yet not being old enough to drive. I think the social scene kicks in more when they are closer to 16 and have their license.

Also, some kids just aren't social. Some kids are happy to just do what they do. If it isn't bothering her, it shouldn't bother you. If she were complaining about it then I would say find her some clubs/activities to join to meet people with similar interests but if she is ok doing what she does, I wouldn't push it or she will start to think something is wrong with her for not wanting to go out all the time.

 

[Lorix2]

You have just described my DD14.5 to a tee. I wish I had the answer too because she has so much to give to anyone and fun to be around (sometimes not so much )

I guess they just have to find their way and get themselves more involved with things that do not involve technology and hiding behind a computer monitor.

At least we are not worrying too much about the boys right now...that's fine with me.

 

[MouseMomx2]

Thanks to you both for your replies.

It's not that she doesn't want to go out a lot. I'm perfectly fine with that and am happy to have her home. My concern is more that she doesn't seem to have close friends that she can confide in and open up to. I'm not sure if it is a self-esteem thing or if she just hasn't found the right friend(s) yet. That just seems like such an important part of the teen years but perhaps not having that is okay too.

I'd love to hear opinions for others too.

 

[kimg826]

Hi and Happy New Years,

I have a 15 year old daughter that you described. She also has Aspbergers syndrome, so I was blaming it on that.

Like everyone else, I am just very happy that she loves to be home. She is not wild and it feels great that she is comfortable.

Kimg

 

[I'mNoPrince]

DD13 is the same way would rather be home doing crafts ,making jewelry then going out with her classmates.

She does love soccer and is in a few leagues now playing 3 times a week but even then once the game is over thats it no extra time with any (most are boys her and another are only girls on the travel team in an all boys division).

We want to start letting her take someone to Disney with us but have had trouble finding someone.

She does a little of AIM with one classmate and nothing on her cell. I guess we made her little paradise a bit much as she never wants to leave it.

 

[damo]

My son used to be like that. Then he turned 17 and everything changed. Give her time. Sometimes the other kids need to catch up before the maturity level is attractive enough for her to want to hang out with the other kids.

 

[Serena]

She'll be alright. My youngest didn't really have friends like that either for the longest time. But she said it was the people around her at the time. She didn't want to be close friends with them. Now, she's got several friends that are really close. If they aren't at each other's home, they are on the phone or IM'ing them.
I'm really glad they are good kids.

 

[miss missy]

MY DD 13 is kinda like that too. She just changed school so it is kinda in between stage for her. She has lots of "friends" at school, but darn if she can find one that's parents will hold to a plan for the kids to do something.

She loves to be alone too. But she does love to go out and do things. I think she will be fine once she picks a couple close friends.

 

[Evil Genius]

My DSD 14 is the same way. Would rather stay at her mom's or our house then head out with friends. She has one friend that she does things with, but that's very sporadic. I'm hoping this will change once high school kicks in.

 

[MouseMomx2]

Thanks again for your replies (and for those still to come). She is well-adjusted otherwise and makes good decisions. She just isn't that social and I guess I was concerned that she was missing out somehow. It's nice to know that others have similar kids.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You really described my now 16yo when he was that age. He had friends, but not a big circle of them and he didn't seem real close to anyone in particular.

He's my second of four children and his oldest sister had a lot more friends.

It changed this year--his junior year in high school. Ben has always been a friendly child and now seems to have a lot of friends in a bunch of different places. He's not afraid to try new activities and because he's so naturally friendly, the kids like him. I think when he was younger they thought he was a little weird, but now that they are all maturing they don't view him as that anymore.

One bit of advice...let your daughter be who she is. The tendency is for us to push our expectations on our kids. If we were very social we expect them to be. Or maybe if we wish that we were very social we hope that our kids will be. But the fact of the matter is that there is a big range of normal and it sounds like your daughter is doing great.

I did allow my son to have friends over, but I didn't push him to do so. Last night he had a NYE party with about 15-20 kids, many of them kids who he has met in the last year in various places. They all seemed to have a great time. I'm glad to see him becoming more confident and social, but if he hadn't, that would have been fine, too.

 

[Feralpeg]

This is for anybody who had or has had a teenage daughter...

DD14 is a great kid. She is very smart, funny, responsible etc. The problem is she doesn't have a lot of close friends. She can get along with just about anybody, but doesn't seem to make deeper connections. She doesn't have any friends that she confides in or that she really opens up to. She is more than happy staying home and doing her own thing. She isn't interested in the typical teen "stuff" like talking on the phone/texting, make-up, AIM-ing, talking about boys, etc. To be honest, it seems like she is past all of that stuff...although she never did it. She thinks the teen "stuff" is boring and a waste of time.

I guess I'm just wondering if there is something I should be doing for her or if this is just the way some kids are. I'd love to hear others experiences/opinions on this subject.

TIA

Your DD sounds just like mine. All through middle and high school, DD had friends she would talk to at school, but they rarely did anything outside of school. She didn't talk on the phone or over the internet. DD was content hanging out with me, or watching TV, reading and listening to music.

All that changed this year when she went away to college. She now has several very close friends at school. The eat together, go to the mall, attend programs at the university and just hang out together. I had to put us on a new cellphone plan because DD was exceeding our alloted minutes. I am very happy that she has finally connected.

Don't worry. Kids do things in their own timeframe. As long as she doesn't seem alienated or unhappy, I don't think you have a problem.

 

[horseshowmom]

Thanks again for your replies (and for those still to come). She is well-adjusted otherwise and makes good decisions. She just isn't that social and I guess I was concerned that she was missing out somehow. It's nice to know that others have similar kids.

Mine was similar. She was very into horses and had friends that she saw at horse shows (both breed shows and 4-H) but not a lot of friends that she hung out with here (and even at the horse shows her #1 priority was getting her horses ready for the arena).

At home, she was usually busy working her horses but was involved in 4-H horse activities (team competitions such as Horse Bowl, Hippology, Judging, etc.). She didn't even get her drivers license until she was 17.

Truthfully, that remark you made about "being past all that" sounds very much like my DD. She got along well with anybody (adults on down), but she didn't have a lot of patience for the "drama" that goes along with a lot of teenage girls. She was pretty goal oriented and focused (she's won beauty pageants/queen competitions, many horse related high point awards, and is now in pharmacy school).

She was always very well satisfied with herself (which is a huge plus). From time to time, she did do some things with her cousin who she's still very good friends with (and they still hang out some).

She's in college now and has friends there, but she still laughs about some of the "drama" that goes on even at college (drinking, partying, etc. instead of applying themselves to their degree).

Honestly (putting on flame suit now ), I'd much rather have one like you've got than a lot of what I see. Count your blessings!

 

[juligrl]

This is for anybody who had or has had a teenage daughter...

DD14 is a great kid. She is very smart, funny, responsible etc. The problem is she doesn't have a lot of close friends. She can get along with just about anybody, but doesn't seem to make deeper connections. She doesn't have any friends that she confides in or that she really opens up to. She is more than happy staying home and doing her own thing. She isn't interested in the typical teen "stuff" like talking on the phone/texting, make-up, AIM-ing, talking about boys, etc. To be honest, it seems like she is past all of that stuff...although she never did it. She thinks the teen "stuff" is boring and a waste of time.

I guess I'm just wondering if there is something I should be doing for her or if this is just the way some kids are. I'd love to hear others experiences/opinions on this subject.

TIA

The teen stuff is boring and a waste of time!!! Be glad that she's not into that and sparing you all the drama!

Just give her something she loves to do and indulge her in it and support her in it. I was pretty much exactly the same way at 12 & 13, but I had band and dance which eventually became colorguard and marching band and musicals where I found some friends who were also very like-minded.

Be glad that she is comfortable enough with herself to not feel pressured to do the things she doesn't enjoy just for the sake of fitting in. And give yourself a pat on the back cause you've done something right as a parent.

 

[MouseMomx2]

Thanks again everybody.

Okay, now I will add the part that I hadn't added before. I didn't mention this before because I wanted to see what responses I got first. DD is homeschooled and I was concerned that her lack of desire for social activities came from that. She is very involved in activities and other things that keep her with kids her own age so she is not isolated.

I think that those of you who mentioned that she may be a bit more mature than her peers got it right. She is two grade levels ahead in her studies and will graduate at 16. She has no time for the girl drama that goes on at this age and she will not change herself to fit in. She doesn't follow fads and has her own style, something that isn't always appreciated among her peers.

I am feeling much better about the situation thanks to all of you. Just knowing that there are others like her helps and it is nice to hear from parents whose kids have gone through this and are now happy, social young adults.

Thanks again!

 

[Diva of Dragons]

I think it's absolutely awesome that her self-esteem is not tied up in what others think, say and do!!! You are very blessed to have such a well-balanced teen!

 

[horseshowmom]

Thanks again everybody.

Okay, now I will add the part that I hadn't added before. I didn't mention this before because I wanted to see what responses I got first. DD is homeschooled and I was concerned that her lack of desire for social activities came from that. She is very involved in activities and other things that keep her with kids her own age so she is not isolated.

I think that those of you who mentioned that she may be a bit more mature than her peers got it right. She is two grade levels ahead in her studies and will graduate at 16. She has no time for the girl drama that goes on at this age and she will not change herself to fit in. She doesn't follow fads and has her own style, something that isn't always appreciated among her peers.

I am feeling much better about the situation thanks to all of you. Just knowing that there are others like her helps and it is nice to hear from parents whose kids have gone through this and are now happy, social young adults.

Thanks again!

Go back and read my previous response and then add one more sentence - My DD was also homeschooled.

 

[dreamcometrue]

give it time...I was just like that at 14, then once I turned 16...watch out!!! I turned into social butterfly extrodinaire!!