DD12 is an eyelash puller, need ideas... Update #47 & #51

[ElizaB39]

to help her with her anxiety and nervousness. This just started this year, she is in 6th grade. She has resorted to pulling at her eyelashes (so long and beautiful, will never need mascara unless she can't stop) as a nervous habit.

We went to the Dr. yesterday for a regular check up and they discussed this habit. Dr. talked about eyelashes and why they are there, discussed with DD12 why she started doing this? DD12 said she catches herself doing this at school... We talked about alternatives.

Any suggestions?

So far I have come up with having a hair band around her wrist and having her play with that instead of pulling at her lashes. They aren't allowed to have regular rubberbands in school or on the bus. Lots of social changes this year in school, and she has admitted to being "uneasy" with 6th grade and her "place" in school.

TIA!

 

[Serena]

It sounds like you've gotten started on the right direction. I'd go with this and see if it works before trying anything more.
Does she have a journal or draw? Putting her feelings out there might help.

 

[Hillbeans]

Not to make light of anything, but if you see my tag underneath my username, I posted once that out of nervousness I pull out my eyebrow hairs - especially the one on the right. I don't pull out all of it, mostly just the coarse hairs under the arch (weird, I know).

There is a difference with eyebrows and eyelashes though, OUCH - that must hurt your DD.

I know when I do it, it's just my way of soothing myself when i'm in a nervous situation. I've had issues with stuttering in the past, and pulling at my eyebrows relaxes me even when i'm nervous at work- don't know why. Each pluck seems to just release tension.

Lots of people have habits (twirling hair, nervous twitches) so that's not uncommon. Maybe getting her involved in some kind of sports or activities can help her release her tension. I try and work out 4x a week to help me burn off steam.

Best of luck to you.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Have you checked out this site? Sounds like she suffers from Trichotillomania.
http://www.trich.org/home/default.asp?FC=5935453

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

Bless her heart. I always felt like I was throwing my two daughters to the wolves when the went to middle school for the first time. The 6th graders just look so small compared to the 8th graders!

Is she pulling them out? Is she doing it to her hair too? I know when people pull eyelashes out, they often pull hair out too. I've never understood it, but they say it actually soothes them.

I'm a big-time hair twirler - always have been. I catch myself going to town when I'm nervous! My 15 1/2 year old is too. You should see us on the couch beside each other. We'll both be doing the same thing and not even realize it.

I know she's a little young, but maybe if she wore mascara it would draw her attention to what she was doing. She may not be in that stage yet, but once she is, she isn't going to want to mess up her eye makeup. At least, the texture of her eyelashes may make her stop.

 

[ElizaB39]

She draws, has tap class once a week, plays the piano and the drums.

She doesn't have a journal, we did discuss this but she didn't seem too interested. In the past, she has written stories, started journals and dropped them after it got "boring". She is very good at entertaining herself and etc. She is an avid reader.


I just don't want them to disappear completely! The Dr. did discuss the medical reason for them being there (to filter stuff from going into your eye) and etc.

I am not panicking at this point. Just want to help her redirect her energies to a better habit!

 

[ElizaB39]

Have you checked out this site? Sounds like she suffers from Trichotillomania.
http://www.trich.org/home/default.asp?FC=5935453

Well, maybe we aren't quite there yet, but I will keep this site handy. Thanks!

Well so far she is not obsessed with it, and she only is pulling at her eyelashes. I have actually never seen her do it, nor has my DH. She told the Dr she only does it at school or when she is tired (rubbing her eyes).

She isn't ashamed of it and doesn't seem to care that she has bald spots on her lids. At this point I would call it a subconscious behavior.

 

[CathrynRose]

Well, maybe we aren't quite there yet, but I will keep this site handy. Thanks!

Well so far she is not obsessed with it, and she only is pulling at her eyelashes. I have actually never seen her do it, nor has my DH. She told the Dr she only does it at school or when she is tired (rubbing her eyes).

She isn't ashamed of it and doesn't seem to care that she has bald spots on her lids. At this point I would call it a subconscious behavior.

Ive done this, on my head-hair, since about that age, too. It is what another poster mentioned. Trichotillamania. A form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

See if you can find a DR who specializes in OCD.

I also, only pull at one area of my head (most trich sufferers have a *spot* - lashes, brows, one head area) I do it when Im nervous, anxious, but not really intentionally. It is subconcious. (Im suprised Im not bald after this whole thing with my Mom)

 

[Hillbeans]

Well so far she is not obsessed with it, and she only is pulling at her eyelashes. She told the Dr she only does it at school or when she is tired (rubbing her eyes).

She isn't ashamed of it and doesn't seem to care that she has bald spots on her lids. At this point I would call it a subconscious behavior.

My thoughts exactly. I've never pulled hair out of my head either, just my eyebrow - and it's only every so often (of course now that we're talking about it, i'll be doing it any second).

Just keep an eye on it, no pun intended. If it soothes her and she knows she's doing it than she should just try to stop herself and get up and get a glass of water or something just to change the scenery.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

First off - Yay for another tap dancer! I was one for 13 years, wish I could still do it.

When I was young, like 1st grade, I used to pull out my hair when I was nervous. I had to go to a special doctor and use all these creams in my hair, it was gross. I still notice myself doing it sometimes but now I mostly twirl my hair instead. I think the hair band is a good idea. Maybe make it a color that is really noticable so when she sees it she will remember what it is stopping her from doing. Also you can try mascara. They make clear mascara that maybe she could wear. Hopefully when she feels the texture she will realize that she should stop.

Hopefully she can get over this. If she is really into dancing maybe you can remind her that soon enough it is recitals time and she will need beautiful eyelashes to go with her beautiful tap shoes. (I really do miss dancing, can I live vicariously through your DD?)

 

[ElizaB39]

Thanks to all for your advice and comments.

I will be researching further with her, i.e. how does it feel when you pull it out (relieved, euphoric and etc) and then try to leave it at that. I don't want to stress her out about it even more than she may be right now.

 

[vetrik]

This is not something I talk about much, but I started out with something similar at a very similar age. I had a perm at the time with a lot of split ends, and it started for me with pulling at all my split ends. I went through a period where I pulled at my eyelashes a lot, but that was shortlived. Even to this day, more than 10 years later, I still pull and pluck hair. For me, I have kept it all under control - I do not overpluck my eyebrows, I don't pull my eyelashes very much at all anymore, but I do have a tendency to pull hair on my arms out. Also, now that I'm older I pluck grays a lot! I think it started with the pressures of being a teenage girl, and then stuck as a habit which is very hard to break. It relaxes me.

I watched a show on Trichotillomania, and I think I may have a mild case. Nothing like the people on the show - they had pulled so much hair they were bald. I never got treatment since I don't feel like it really affects my life. I wish I had more advice for you, other than you may want to look into a therapist to help get to the root of what is causing this behavior to start, and also help with methods to try to stop it.

 

[Rajah]

I do that, too, and have since about her age. No idea why I do it, and I don't usually do it consciously. It's more like a nervous habit or a habit when I'm thinking too hard. I'm honestly amazed I don't have bald eyes. I don't *pull* hair but I do *pick* at my hair, if that makes sense. More at my scalp. Nothing has really worked for me -- we tried the rubber band thing as well. Closest thing to help was a necklace with a good pendant I could fiddle with instead.

 

[frndshpcptn]

"Ive done this, on my head-hair, since about that age, too. It is what another poster mentioned. Trichotillamania. A form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

See if you can find a DR who specializes in OCD.

I also, only pull at one area of my head (most trich sufferers have a *spot* - lashes, brows, one head area) I do it when Im nervous, anxious, but not really intentionally."

I am the same way. It's one spot on my head - when I am stressed or nervous. It's really challanging to stop - and I started by oulling at my eyelashes when I was about your daughter's age. It escalated for me as I got older - as work tension makes it worse....

 

[Huggles]

Try 'worry beads'. My kids bit nails, twiddled with hair etc until we sat down and each of them selected colored beads and strung them onto a cord. They enjoyed making their own color schemes and patterns and now if about to twiddle they play with the beads instead. They just twirl the beads or shift them around the string loop. It's very relaxing and now we all have several sets each. They keep a set in their pocket for school and people have commented on it being a good idea....maybe I should set up a little workshop.

 

[Caradana]

If I were Eliza I'd probably be terrified having read about Trich, OCD, all of this in response to a post about her beautiful little girl pulling her eyelashes. I have a lot of family experience with Trich - my mother and grandmother. Eliza, I want to reassure you that Trich is manageable and OK, and that thousands - THOUSANDS - of women have encountered it.

There are some good coping mechanisms detailed above. One that tends to work well for young girls: tell her every time she's worried and feels compelled to do that, she should touch her eyelashes with her index finger three times, and then put her hand back at her side. It will subconsciously make her feel like she's controlling the urge, and when she feels that way, the urge will slow in frequency. It's similar to a tic.

Again - this is a manageable, controllable, totally OK thing and nothing to be horrified about or afraid of.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

I came back to add that I know about this as my DD went through a spell of eyelash pulling 2 years ago. Some stressful "girl" issues were popping up at school and this is how she dealt with the stress (she is sensitive). Her pretty eyelashes were quickly disappearing. I was freaked out and called the Pediatrician's office in tears. Yes, it is a lot to take in when your realize what it is. Ped referred her to a counselor and after just 3 sessions (learning how to relax- biofeedback, and how to deal with these girl issues that will keep coming up) she STOPPED pulling. I did keep a reward chart at home. 3 nights of not pulling=reward. Then it was 4 nights for reward, etc. I hope we nipped it in the bud as she has not pulled for 2 years.

I did read that this most often begins in girls age 11-12 as hormones kick in. My DD was just 9, but also just got glasses and I "think" she suddenly became aware of her eyelashes as they were long and touched the lens. We had them fixed but then had to deal with what had already started (the pulling). I think you are on the right track trying to stop it asap.

Good luck and it really is "just eyelashes". Nothing life threatening or bad at all.

 

[ElizaB39]

She told me today after school that she does it to have something to do with her hands. She is a fiddler and her teachers even mentioned that she is always playing with something when she is at school.

I like the idea of touching her lashes 3 times, then hands down to her side. I will mention that to her. I also think the idea of keeping your hands away from your face and hair, not focusing on the pulling. I am a picker of my face and when watching TV and/or reading, I will constantly be picking or scratching at my "pimples" or hairline... Hmmm... Maybe we can have a contest to see who can stop picking and pulling the most! hee hee

Also, the worry bead idea is great. I'll keep with the hair band around her wrist, bright color is a good idea too. I'll suggest makeup/eyeliner/mascara, a long necklace is a GREAT idea as well. This would be the easiest, she likes jewelry and has some but doesn't usually wear it. She also likes to make jewelry so she can make a necklace for herself and she can use that.

Also, she mostly wears sweatshirts to school, with pockets so maybe we can put something in it to let her fiddle...

Thanks to all. I'm not really too worried, but the number of posts is reassuring, I know it's common. And the trich website was informative, I'll have to research that more later.

 

[ElizaB39]

If I were Eliza I'd probably be terrified having read about Trich, OCD, all of this in response to a post about her beautiful little girl pulling her eyelashes. I have a lot of family experience with Trich - my mother and grandmother. Eliza, I want to reassure you that Trich is manageable and OK, and that thousands - THOUSANDS - of women have encountered it.

There are some good coping mechanisms detailed above. One that tends to work well for young girls: tell her every time she's worried and feels compelled to do that, she should touch her eyelashes with her index finger three times, and then put her hand back at her side. It will subconsciously make her feel like she's controlling the urge, and when she feels that way, the urge will slow in frequency. It's similar to a tic.

Again - this is a manageable, controllable, totally OK thing and nothing to be horrified about or afraid of.

Thank you Caradana. I was a bit "freaked" when I first went to the Trich website. But, I feel good about the ideas and that she will be "fine".

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

You are really on the right track. Her Dr. faxed me some info after we spoke and it gave various other "things" one could do as distractions with their hands. Squeezing them together was one idea. And also do not make a big deal out of it or let her know you are worried about it. Just casually try suggesting things she can do with her hands. I think that trich site or another one I visited says pullers often "pick" too! I am probably a "picker" to a certain degree (but not a puller). Dirt in fingernails is picked out when bored. Dry bumps on my skin get picked at! EW! Guess we all have our little habits...
Don't stress! Just give her other ways to cope.