DD wants a purity ring

[chobie]

Ok. I did not mean that at all but ok.

Am I the poster you are in a heated argument with? Honestly i wasn't aware that it was heated. That wasn't my intention.

I'm assuming that's what the poster was referring to. We were going back and forth holding to our opinions, but that's what a discussion board is all about.

 

[PaulaSB12]

The ring and its meaning in of themselves do not case harm. its the lack of teaching the rest of the info teens need that cause harm. Imho

Not true its leading to parents being lazy, our daughter wears a purity ring so we don't need to teach her about condoms and sexually transmitted diseases. The girls who don't hold to this don't get condoms and have a higher chance of pregnancy.

 

[ford family]

Not true its leading to parents being lazy, our daughter wears a purity ring so we don't need to teach her about condoms and sexually transmitted diseases. The girls who don't hold to this don't get condoms and have a higher chance of pregnancy.

I didn't realise that purity rings were a reliable form of birth control.

I wonder which one of us is being naive?

ford family

 

[PaulaSB12]

I didn't realise that purity rings were a reliable form of birth control.

I wonder which one of us is being naive?

ford family

No one is saying they are what they are saying is

GIRLS WHO HAVE BEEN GIVEN PURITY RINGS ARE NOT USING ANY BIRTH CONTROL

 

[ford family]

The Op wasn't aware doesn't mean the other parents weren't. i know ahead of time what every youth meeting dd goes to is about. Teaching is not promoting or forcing or
influencing ; its teaching. thats what youth groups do they teach.

Oh please!
That would be a ridiculous statement in any situation, doubly so when referring to the teaching of a church group.

ford family

 

[luvsJack]

Oh please!
That would be a ridiculous statement in any situation, doubly so when referring to the teaching of a church group.

ford family

So teaching equals forcing? i will correct myself on the use of the word influence. But personally couldn't choose anyone better to influence dd than our youth minister.

 

[luvsJack]

Not true its leading to parents being lazy, our daughter wears a purity ring so we don't need to teach her about condoms and sexually transmitted diseases. The girls who don't hold to this don't get condoms and have a higher chance of pregnancy.

That's what i said. its the lack of teaching about birth control and stds . You can have both but its on the parents to finish the lessons. the teaching of the church can't ne held responsible for lazy parenting

 

[Granny square]

That's what i said. its the lack of teaching about birth control and stds . You can have both but its on the parents to finish the lessons. the teaching of the church can't ne held responsible for lazy parenting

True. There are messy things parents need to teach. You can't hand it off to schools or churches, IMO.

 

[EMHDad]

Its a joint experience with the parents and the church to educate youth on sex and God's plan for them in their lives.

Also, a purity ring does not prevent sexual activity. It only reflects the hopeful commitment of the person.

 

[ilovemk76]

I am married to dd's father. and if you are referring to my sons vs my daughter i answered that upthead. No double standard. And no one is pushing anything.

I don't claim to be perfect. No Christian does. Only forgiven

Your DH was not your first marriage and you were pregnant when you got married. Your younger son made two babies before getting married. Now you want to keep your DD pure?

Educate her on sex and explain why your way was not the best way to bring a life into the world or to start a long term commitment.

I read all posts and do not remember what you said about you Dss. With over 30 posts, it would be hard to find. Please just state yep it again. Thanks.

 

[sandynd]

That's what i said. its the lack of teaching about birth control and stds . You can have both but its on the parents to finish the lessons. the teaching of the church can't ne held responsible for lazy parenting

True. There are messy things parents need to teach. You can't hand it off to schools or churches, IMO.

While I agree with the spirit of these comments, I'm not sure it's lazy parenting so much as maybe "Disneyfied" parenting What I mean is, the whole soft-focus, rose-coloured view that "my child believes what I do, and has the same strength of will I have, because, look! They're willing to publicly show their commitment by wearing a ring. So we don't have to talk about the messy stuff until the eve of their wedding, when we will have a precious Hallmark parent-child-on-the-cusp-of-embarking-on-their-adult-life discussion about how fulfilling married sex is."

For many of the very religious people I've met, they yearn for a "simpler" time when life wasn't so messy, and rely on the teachings (and this certainly doesn't apply only to Christianism) of their childhood to comfort themselves when life gets complicated. It's a rare gem of a person who actually approaches, tests and confirms their beliefs in a mature and realistic way, because that is hard, hard, hard, often with very little comfort involved. I am currently helping two family friends in their late life who have recently come to realize that they were approaching their spirituality in a very child-like way, which allowed them to be used and led into some damaging practices. They're having such a crisis because they entrusted their faith to very fallible humans and got burned, instead of approaching their God on a more mature level as they lived their lives. I wouldn't ever call them lazy - just perhaps a little naive. And I wonder if many parents who rely on abstinence-only education, virginity pledges, purity balls and rings, etc. are approaching things in the same way. To me, it seems like a lack of critical thinking skills in one area of their lives, which they may not even recognize because it fills a deep need for comfort and nurturing. I feel for them and their children - and understand the desire to "let go and let God" instead of actively working it. But I think we have to "put away childish things" including our desire to just be taken care of, and face God as an adult, as we do our physical parents. It's our responsibility to help our kids do that too.

Oh, and BTW, the idea of father - daughter "purity balls" does make me queasy - the ones I've seen detailed are very paternalistic and truly do convey the father's "ownership" of his daughter's virginity. That leads down some awfully slippery paths - I'm thinking of religiously inspired honour killings, amongst other unsavoury things. I am hopeful that these practices are not the "norm" for this movement, but unfortunately, it is the face of the movement that the public sees due to media coverage. If these practices go against your beliefs, I think you need better PR so the rest of us don't judge a whole religion on a nutty offshoot!

OK - end of diatribe! This one hit a big nerve for me.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

While I agree with the spirit of these comments, I'm not sure it's lazy parenting so much as maybe "Disneyfied" parenting What I mean is, the whole soft-focus, rose-coloured view that "my child believes what I do, and has the same strength of will I have, because, look! They're willing to publicly show their commitment by wearing a ring. So we don't have to talk about the messy stuff until the eve of their wedding, when we will have a precious Hallmark parent-child-on-the-cusp-of-embarking-on-their-adult-life discussion about how fulfilling married sex is."

For many of the very religious people I've met, they yearn for a "simpler" time when life wasn't so messy, and rely on the teachings (and this certainly doesn't apply only to Christianism) of their childhood to comfort themselves when life gets complicated. It's a rare gem of a person who actually approaches, tests and confirms their beliefs in a mature and realistic way, because that is hard, hard, hard, often with very little comfort involved. I am currently helping two family friends in their late life who have recently come to realize that they were approaching their spirituality in a very child-like way, which allowed them to be used and led into some damaging practices. They're having such a crisis because they entrusted their faith to very fallible humans and got burned, instead of approaching their God on a more mature level as they lived their lives. I wouldn't ever call them lazy - just perhaps a little naive. And I wonder if many parents who rely on abstinence-only education, virginity pledges, purity balls and rings, etc. are approaching things in the same way. To me, it seems like a lack of critical thinking skills in one area of their lives, which they may not even recognize because it fills a deep need for comfort and nurturing. I feel for them and their children - and understand the desire to "let go and let God" instead of actively working it. But I think we have to "put away childish things" including our desire to just be taken care of, and face God as an adult, as we do our physical parents. It's our responsibility to help our kids do that too.

Oh, and BTW, the idea of father - daughter "purity balls" does make me queasy - the ones I've seen detailed are very paternalistic and truly do convey the father's "ownership" of his daughter's virginity. That leads down some awfully slippery paths - I'm thinking of religiously inspired honour killings, amongst other unsavoury things. I am hopeful that these practices are not the "norm" for this movement, but unfortunately, it is the face of the movement that the public sees due to media coverage. If these practices go against your beliefs, I think you need better PR so the rest of us don't judge a whole religion on a nutty offshoot!

OK - end of diatribe! This one hit a big nerve for me.

I agree. I also think it can be very uncomfortable for certain individuals - parents and kids alike - to discuss sex and relationship matters openly. And to some it seems discussing is condoning, even though health experts assure it's not.

I hope that since the noted research reports have come out, that maybe things have changed for the better in regards to sex education along with purity pledges. It will be interesting to see what subsequent studies show.

 

[Granny square]

I think it is lazy to relax into the disneyfied rose colored glasses reality. :/. You don't have that privilege as a responsible parent. It does a child a disservice.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

moms are wearing red hot love beads!!

What now?

 

[luvsJack]

I was a different person when my sons were young. Sadly I did not bring them up in church. they did attend and both joined the church but I wasn't as involved myself as i should have been. I was young and bought into the "well they will do it anyway". So while we did talk about good choices and being careful, abstinence wasn't stressed as much as i wish it had been.

So while yes they were raised differently it wasn't because i believe in different values for girls and boys. My biggest wish for Dd is that she meet someone with the same values she has.

Your DH was not your first marriage and you were pregnant when you got married. Your younger son made two babies before getting married. Now you want to keep your DD pure?

Educate her on sex and explain why your way was not the best way to bring a life into the world or to start a long term commitment.

I read all posts and do not remember what you said about you Dss. With over 30 posts, it would be hard to find. Please just state yep it again. Thanks.

Read above for the post I was referring to.

My daughter is well aware of the facts of my first marriage. Its not a secret. She is well aware of the facts of her brother's marriage (although, they were married before dil became pregnant with dgd2 so please, if you are going to follow me around with snide remarks, keep your facts straight).

As I have said several times, I do not believe that teaching abstinence alone is enough for any teen. So, while I appreciate your concern, I am quite able to teach my daughter the lessons she needs.

I am not "trying" to keep her anything. This is something that is between my daughter and God. It has nothing to do with me. My only part in it is supporting her decision and continuing to help her discover God's plan for her. And keeping that line of communication open so that she will feel free to discuss with me the hard decisions she will make.

I do not claim to be perfect. I do not claim to have led a perfect life. No one can do that. You seem to confuse being perfect with being Christian and that's not the case. We are not born a Christian, all human beings make mistakes and some travel some very wrong roads before they find their way and even then mistakes happen, wrong turns happen, people stumble and yet they are still forgiven. Do I sit around and feel guilty about it? No. I am forgiven by the only one who counts. So while you may feel the need to sit there in judgment of me, it is a complete waste of your time because it doesn't matter. Have a blessed day!

 

[luvsJack]

While I agree with the spirit of these comments, I'm not sure it's lazy parenting so much as maybe "Disneyfied" parenting What I mean is, the whole soft-focus, rose-coloured view that "my child believes what I do, and has the same strength of will I have, because, look! They're willing to publicly show their commitment by wearing a ring. So we don't have to talk about the messy stuff until the eve of their wedding, when we will have a precious Hallmark parent-child-on-the-cusp-of-embarking-on-their-adult-life discussion about how fulfilling married sex is."

For many of the very religious people I've met, they yearn for a "simpler" time when life wasn't so messy, and rely on the teachings (and this certainly doesn't apply only to Christianism) of their childhood to comfort themselves when life gets complicated. It's a rare gem of a person who actually approaches, tests and confirms their beliefs in a mature and realistic way, because that is hard, hard, hard, often with very little comfort involved. I am currently helping two family friends in their late life who have recently come to realize that they were approaching their spirituality in a very child-like way, which allowed them to be used and led into some damaging practices. They're having such a crisis because they entrusted their faith to very fallible humans and got burned, instead of approaching their God on a more mature level as they lived their lives. I wouldn't ever call them lazy - just perhaps a little naive. And I wonder if many parents who rely on abstinence-only education, virginity pledges, purity balls and rings, etc. are approaching things in the same way. To me, it seems like a lack of critical thinking skills in one area of their lives, which they may not even recognize because it fills a deep need for comfort and nurturing. I feel for them and their children - and understand the desire to "let go and let God" instead of actively working it. But I think we have to "put away childish things" including our desire to just be taken care of, and face God as an adult, as we do our physical parents. It's our responsibility to help our kids do that too.

Oh, and BTW, the idea of father - daughter "purity balls" does make me queasy - the ones I've seen detailed are very paternalistic and truly do convey the father's "ownership" of his daughter's virginity. That leads down some awfully slippery paths - I'm thinking of religiously inspired honour killings, amongst other unsavoury things. I am hopeful that these practices are not the "norm" for this movement, but unfortunately, it is the face of the movement that the public sees due to media coverage. If these practices go against your beliefs, I think you need better PR so the rest of us don't judge a whole religion on a nutty offshoot!

OK - end of diatribe! This one hit a big nerve for me.

I have never heard of a purity ball. The phrase "let go and let God", imho, was never meant to mean not to parent your children. Its more about letting God show you the path you need to take instead of worrying about problems in your life. God doesn't just throw the solution in front of you, He will guide you to it, you still have to do the work toward it.

honor killings? this is where you come to?

The Bible and its teachings on sex and marriage have not changed. This isn't something new. The whole purity ring thing may be new but the message hasn't changed.

DD's father doesn't own her or anything about her and I have never heard of her getting any such silly message. She makes her own decisions as far as her faith is concerned. She is well aware of STD's and birth control and all the rest, but this was her decision at this time. I don't know of any parents that are assuming that because the church teaches them about abstinence that its the only lesson they need. Not saying there aren't any.

Are you suggesting that the church should not teach this because some parents don't have the gumption to follow through? Do you really think that a Christian church should ignore the Bible on this subject?

And for the people you are working with, sounds like the problem is not in their faith but in entrusting it to any person. Your faith should only be entrusted to God.

Your simpler life analogy may be true of some people. I don't know that life was so simple when I was a kid. I don't know why I would want to return to that. Life is what it is. You deal with it and you learn from it and you do a whole lot of praying and asking for guidance. But, to wish it away to something else, seems wrong to me.

 

[ford family]

So teaching equals forcing? i will correct myself on the use of the word influence. But personally couldn't choose anyone better to influence dd than our youth minister.

So, did you correct "promoting" as well? As for "forcing", it is very apt for a so called teaching situation where only one viewpoint is tolerated.
As for the rest, you are perfectly entitled to your opinion as I am to mine, which is diametrically opposite.

ford family

 

[luvsJack]

So, did you correct "promoting" as well? As for "forcing", it is very apt for a so called teaching situation where only one viewpoint is tolerated.
As for the rest, you are perfectly entitled to your opinion as I am to mine, which is diametrically opposite.

ford family

How can it be? You don't know our youth minister. How do you judge someone's influence without knowing anything about that person? Is that really fair?

They aren't teaching a "viewpoint" they are teaching what is said in the Bible. That's kind of what we go by, you know.

And no I don't correct it. They are teaching, not promoting. Its not an advertisement. Its not a request. Its not an order. Its a simple explanation to them about what is said.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

How can it be? You don't know our youth minister. How do you judge someone's influence without knowing anything about that person? Is that really fair?

They aren't teaching a "viewpoint" they are teaching what is said in the Bible. That's kind of what we go by, you know.

And no I don't correct it. They are teaching, not promoting. Its not an advertisement. Its not a request. Its not an order. Its a simple explanation to them about what is said.

Does your minister also force his viewpoint about not have affairs? I bet he does. Oh, and I bet he is one of those who tells people it is wrong to lie, too.

 

[ford family]

How can it be? You don't know our youth minister. How do you judge someone's influence without knowing anything about that person? Is that really fair?

They aren't teaching a "viewpoint" they are teaching what is said in the Bible. That's kind of what we go by, you know.

And no I don't correct it. They are teaching, not promoting. Its not an advertisement. Its not a request. Its not an order. Its a simple explanation to them about what is said.

For me, that is only a viewpoint. YMMV.
End of discussion, to prevent you straying too far into an unapproved subject.

ford family