DD is a terrrible driver. Help!

[Cinderella94]

Bad mom here. Ds18 has a hand me down minivan, and I did let (ok made) him drive his sisters' dance carpool, 6 girls total, a lot, when he was 17. They have dance 5 - 6 nights a week, he's a great driver, and I got him 2 PBA cards just in case.

I want to ask, so no one assumes before you can clarify - did the other moms know that your son was driving?

 

[mom2rtk]

Bad mom here. Ds18 has a hand me down minivan, and I did let (ok made) him drive his sisters' dance carpool, 6 girls total, a lot, when he was 17. They have dance 5 - 6 nights a week, he's a great driver, and I got him 2 PBA cards just in case.

I think there's a decent difference between 16 and 18 when it comes to driving (assuming they are not a new driver at 18). Our rules are different at 18.

There's also a big difference between driving little sister's dance carpool and driving with friends. More showing off when friends are involved. And let's face it, how much showing off can you do in a minivan?

 

[spacemountainmom]

MN also has the provisional license until 18 with restricted nighttime driving and limitations on teen passengers. That has changed since I was was a teen. I had a big car, a Caprice Classic, and could take 5 of my friends everywhere I went. I did insist on seat belts even then though.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I think there's a decent difference between 16 and 18 when it comes to driving (assuming they are not a new driver at 18). Our rules are different at 18.

There's also a big difference between driving little sister's dance carpool and driving with friends. More showing off when friends are involved. And let's face it, how much showing off can you do in a minivan?

My thoughts exactly. The "showing off for friends" and the distractions that come from a big group of teens together is the reason for the restriction.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I was out today with my DD17. Ugh. She isn't a very good driver on a good day with her too wide, too fast turns.

And she needs direction on when to turn because she's not a good judge of how fast others are going. I was very happy when we got home.

I told my husband it's his turn next weekend. I wanted to get her in Drivers Ed but the class was filled quickly. We are hoping to get her in the next time it's available - January I believe.

 

[clori]

I'm in MA. My dd16 just got her license today. On your 16th birthday your eligible to go to the DMV to take the learner's permit and eye exam. Then 6 months after getting your permit you are eligible for your license if you meet the other requirements. You need driver's ed which is 30 hour classroom, 12 hours of driving, 6 hours of observation, and a 2 hour parent class plus at least 40 hours driving with a parent (or other licensed adult). You can actually take the classroom portion of driver's ed at 15 months 10 years but they can't start the driving until you get your permit. If you only do driving lessons with a driver's ed school you have to wait to 18 to get a license.

DD started driver's ed in April when she did a one week classroom portion over April vacation. She turned 16 in May on a Sunday so the next day she went and got her permit. Before she could start driving a parent class was required which dh took. DD started out driving in the cemetery then spent a lot of time driving on a side street with very little traffic and gradually did bigger/faster streets with more traffic. We live near Boston so she mostly did urban driving. She volunteers at a museum in Boston so as her driving improved dh had her drive on Sundays so she could get practice with higher speeds without tons of traffic (starts at 9am). AT the end of the summer we went to the Berkshires so dd got about 2 hours of driving on the Mass Pike but by then she was doing excellent.

Here it is easy to find driving schools that offer 1 week school vacation programs or two week evening programs year round. It is the cost that is not fun to pay nor am I looking forward to the insurance cost (only have estimate find out true price tomorrow). Some kids are like my dd is get their permit right away and others have no interest and wait to 18 or older. My dd will not have a car. Actually we just have one car since we live in an area with public transportation. DD knows that even though she has her license she has zero experience driving in bad weather and can't drive alone in snow. With the junior operator rules dd can't drive anyone under 18 for the first 6 months other than siblings (she just has one).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I do echo others on the private lessons. I did mine when I was 16 and completed when I was 17 (didn't have a car yet so didn't feel the need to get a license until I was 17 1/2 when I got my car but I had a permit at 15); it was like $350 I believe at that time (but this was over 12 yrs ago) for one 8hr classroom session and three 2hr each driving sessions which were completely done whenever the student driver wanted so you could complete the whole course as quickly or as slowly as you wanted. The "cool" thing was you were driving around in newer mustangs;though the instructors gave the important "do not do this or that because you will mess up the vehicle". Bonus learned to parallel park (not required by my state) which came in handy when I went to college and was able to skip physical and written test for DL at the DMV.

In your case OP I don't think three 2hr sessions would be enough at all but I would start looking around for instructing companies/people and at least talk with them regarding your daughter.

ETA: Read through the comments and forgot that Gumbo mentioned a while back in some forgotten thread the rural aspect so the abundance of assistance that I have being in the metro area will be different.

 

[rigs32]

Back in the 90s when I turned 16, the NY DMV gave out books with all the rules of the road described with diagrams. I know that I studied that thing before I got behind the wheel for the first time so I knew the basic rules and my lessons were on how to apply them. Perhaps more time for her to study the rules would make the application part easier/quicker....

 

[Unas]

Bear in mind that 20/20 vision doesn't assure good depth perception or the ability to process motion of an object, such as a car heading towards the viewer. These are things not normally tested in a routine vision check and people who lack these abilities often don't know what they never had.

 

[Planogirl]

I taught our son how to drive and it was going well until he blew through a stop sign. He never noticed it.

All you can do is be patient or turn the lessons over to someone else.

 

[kimblebee]

Bear in mind that 20/20 vision doesn't assure good depth perception or the ability to process motion of an object, such as a car heading towards the viewer. These are things not normally tested in a routine vision check and people who lack these abilities often don't know what they never had.

You are 100% correct. I have 20/20 vision when I'm wearing my glasses but have very little sense of depth perception. I also have a hard time judging (I don't know the exact term) if something will fit into a container. Like, if I'm putting leftover soup in a Tupperware container I have to get someone else to choose the right one. I used to be able to but my eyes have gotten worse over the past few years and same with my judgement. I still can drive but I always err on the side of caution before making a turn in front of a car.

 

[FINFAN]

this might be a stretch, but what size is the car she is practicing in? My kids practiced on a '96 Quest minivan and 2000 Pontiac Grand Prix . DD was sort of struggling/second guessing herself until she got into the little tin can car used for the Driver's Ed road classes. It was like a switch was flipped once she felt more in control the of vehicle (and she or us had no idea she didn't feel that in control of our cars, until she drove a small one). Now, tiny cars scare the jeebus out of me, and we all prefer a higher vehicle (SUV or DS Wrangler) but DD did do better learning on a smaller vehicle. That said, she just spent Thanksgiving in CO and rented a Tahoe~ so she's good with monstro size again lol.

 

[Southernmiss]

Double post.

 

[Southernmiss]

Oldest ds took to driving fairly easily. He drives a little fast for my taste and has had a couple of fender benders. He's now 22 and will get married and come off our auto ins. next year. Thank goodness!

Ds #2 and 3 did not take to driving as easily.

We learned that all those years of sitting safely in the backseat for ds#2 really left him clueless how to get to places around town and with a poor sense of direction. We were really surprised to hear that as he rode back to college with friends one weekend that he was the one giving directions on how to navigate a city the group passed through. Knock on wood he's been driving 3 years now safely and to college 5 hours away with no accidents.

Ds#3,even while learning drove too fast! (DH is an agressive driver who drives an hour each way for work and has for 14 years and I think he very much influenced ds's driving.) Ds#3 had an awful wreck where he rear ended a kid on the highway on a Friday afternoon coming out of school. He did big damage to his car. We did repair the car and he was without a car for 6 months. Since the accident, he greatly slowed down and has become a very safe driver. Biiiggg, hard lesson learned for ds.

Dh took our soon to be 15 year old to the huge school parking lot for her first lesson. He says I think she'll learn fast like oldest ds. We shall see.

It's not easy, but it does get better and each one learns differently.

 

[xlxo]

@Gumbo4x4 : Do you have a dashcam? Perhaps post some of the situations for us to analyze?

Another vote for private lessons. Hopefully a places that teaches "defensive driving".

Emergency and skid training is valuable too.

Has anyone tried this place? https://racewithrusty.com/

 

[BLAZEY]

Definitely pay for the private lessons. My mum paid for us to have private lessons in the winter. She grew up and learned to drive in Edmonton Alberta, we are in Victoria BC(Seattle like climate), we had a pro teach us about winter driving and trip pre-check to ensure we were best equipped to handle winter driving.

 

[mjkacmom]

I want to ask, so no one assumes before you can clarify - did the other moms know that your son was driving?

Absolutely! They counted the days until he got his license, and mourned him going away to college..

 

[Klayfish]

Sorry, I haven't had time to read the entire thread, but a few thoughts. Practice, practice, practice. Whether it's parking lot, early in the morning when there is no traffic, etc... the more seat time she gets, the better.

Private lessons aren't a bad idea, ever.

If you're going to teach her yourself, one tip I always give is to preach being smooth. I've taught a lot of people to drive over the years, and one thing I find with anyone struggling to master it is they tend to hack at the wheel, stab at the pedals. Inputs should be smooth and progressive. Don't "fight" the wheel and pedals, work with them. It's a dance.

Another idea...seriously...is to do something called autocross (autox). If you're not familiar with it, it's the most basic form of "racing" you can get. It's where cones are set up in a giant parking lot and cars go one at a time to go through the cones as fast as you can. The events are well organized and sanctioned, so they're perfectly legal and safe. Before I got into wheel to wheel racing, I did a ton of autox. We would see some teens learning to drive show up. It sure teaches you how to be smooth, car control, looking ahead and many other tools you can use for safe driving on the street.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

this might be a stretch, but what size is the car she is practicing in? My kids practiced on a '96 Quest minivan and 2000 Pontiac Grand Prix . DD was sort of struggling/second guessing herself until she got into the little tin can car used for the Driver's Ed road classes. It was like a switch was flipped once she felt more in control the of vehicle (and she or us had no idea she didn't feel that in control of our cars, until she drove a small one). Now, tiny cars scare the jeebus out of me, and we all prefer a higher vehicle (SUV or DS Wrangler) but DD did do better learning on a smaller vehicle. That said, she just spent Thanksgiving in CO and rented a Tahoe~ so she's good with monstro size again lol.

She's done ALL of her driving in a Ford Focus. We also own a full size SUV and a 3/4 ton truck.

Honestly, I've thought about having her drive the larger cars on the back roads that she has pretty well mastered in the little car. But, she's not keen on the idea.

 

[Shutterbug]

https://youtu.be/cbNyDqMuK6A
Maybe she is too evolved for driving