DD harassed @ school/what to do?

[wdwmom0f3]

My daughter is being harassed at school by a girl and I am so sick of it, and I don't know what else to do. Long story short, my daughter was "going with" a boy when she was in the 8th grade. I hated him, he was a looser and once I found out that he quit school, I put an end to it. My daughter thought she could change him, her first boyfriend, but couldn't. I found out that he threatened to kill me so I put a restraining order on him to stay away from all of us. He also hit & abused my daughter, as I found out later. She would sneak to see him, but finally hates him too. No one would want this for their child. She was not raised this way. (they "went out" for only 6 months.)

Well, he now goes out with a girl from her high school, I think he lives with her now. This girl has harassed her for over a year, but it has recently gotten real bad. The girl has been suspended twice. Once for cussing DD in the hall & once for skipping school only to show up for Drama class along with her boyfriend, and then leave again. Her BF could have been arrested for trespassing and has been formally warned. Her mom wanted to meet with the principle & DH & me so we did. It didn't work. Her daughter is STILL messing with her. She sees my daughter as a threat. She is a Senior and my daughter is a Sophomore.

Last week my daughter had enough, and wanted to fight her. Again, I go up to the school for help. The last thing I want is my daughter to get suspended. She is a good student and we have never had any problems. They needed witnesses, but he would not take DD's friends, it had to be a teacher. Yesterday, she tried to trip her in the hall. She sits in the hall and stares at DD to try to scare her. She follows DD around the campus. Talks to DD's friends about her, etc. Everything that DD is involved with or likes, she puts the same thing on her myspace page. This girl is crazy, and not well liked. (being kind here)

Today, they are in the same Drama class and during auditions for the up coming play, DD got another "dig" from the girl. They were told to give a monologue from a movie. The girl chose to write one on her own. It was all about how she would kill this preppy girl, taking her life with her bare hands. How she was never noticed before because she wasn't the prettiest thing, but she would be known for killing the preppy girl. It went on & on.

DD knew this was directed toward her, and so did all of her classmates. The teacher did nothing. She is aware that there is a problem with the girls and tries to keep them apart. My problem is, I don't know what to do. If I go back to the school, they will tell me that she didn't mention DD's name in it. What should I do? Something needs to be done. I don't want my daughter to fight her, although she could kick her a$$, I just don't want that to happen. I just want all of this to END!

Advice..... PLEASE!

 

[*Toadstool*]

My prayers are with you. If it were me I think I would pull my daugher out of school, but that being said I want to home school her anyhow.
I would say that the school needs to do more. That is pretty ridiculous. Maybe you need to go to the police to file some kind of restraining order or protection order against the girl? I'm not sure if you can even do that since they are in school together.
I really feel badly for your DD. I hope you can get them to do soemthing to protect her.

 

[Katy Belle]

Go higher. Go back to the Principal with the new information about the audition. Refer to it as a "threat" because that is what it is. If he/she blows it off again, go higher. Go the the Superintendent of schools if you have to. Go to the Police. This is serious, I agree with you. How many times have we seen in the news that these crazy kids threaten and then carry it out. If you can't get them to protect your daughter you will have to pull her out of that school to protect her.

Hugs to you You are doing the right thing in fighting this.
Katy

 

[Schmeck]

I want to second the sufggestion to take this to the principal, supreintendent and the police, as it is most definitely a threat. Also look at your daughter's student handbook for a section on bullying, so that you can use the wording in there to make your point.

 

[bookwormde]

What has been going on has fallen under the definition of bullying and is the responsibility of the school to address. Under NCLB the school must have a bullying prevention policy so if they are not enforcing it then if going to the district or state level does not help then let them know that you are going to file a federal NCLB complaint.

bookwormde

 

[moepanz]

Put it in writing to the Super Intendent (sp) and cc the school board and request a meeting with SI. Consult a lawyer, see if there are stalking laws in your state. Have your daughter talk to a professional to make sure she is OK with this situation. The key here is to document everything! If the school sees you are keeping notes and consulting lawyers, I think you will get some satisfaction. By them not taking action is compromising your girls saftey, not a good thing for a school.

 

[The Disney Bunch]

The school has a legal obligation to step in at this point - the girl is making threats & in today's day & age, a teenager who is talking about killing another student is a student that needs watching. The teacher should have brought this to the principal's attention. Go to the Board of Ed, the principal, the super. This child needs attention. She is a danger not only to your daughter but to others & herself.

 

[christa112]

1. Get the school handbook, most schools have a No Tolerence clause about bullying, educate yourself regarding how the school is suppose to handle it.

2. Call the Superintendent's Office and tell them what is going on. Tell them they if something does not happen about this ASAP, you will be seeking legal action against the school for not protecting your daughter. Obviously, this is become out of hand and something needs to me done, before someone gets hurt.

 

[2Kds2K9]

No more "one more chances" here. At this point, I'd call a meeting with the principal, drama teacher, and SI. State everything that has gone on and have the drama teacher submit the "play" that the other girl read from. I'd tell the school that they must do something immediately to your satisfaction and if not, your next meeting will be with a lawyer!

Sounds like the school has been ignoring the problem in hopes that it will go away, or they are taking the stance that a lot of this stems from out of school issues.

Either way, they MUST address this now! Your DD has a right to attend school and not feel threatened to do so. Also, how much more is your DD going to take before her temper blows. Then what? Will they fight and your DD is now suspended or worse? This must be stopped now!

Good luck.

 

[mlynn]

I really think you need to talk to a lawyer and the police. I pray it never happens but she may hurt your daughter one day. The school needs to do something. They shouldn't need a teacher to witness. If somebody saw it they should take there word on it. Girls are worse than boys with bullying. If the school is not helping then you have to go to the police.

Last year 2 streets over from me. There were a bunch of kids that teased this one kid.(he is over weight) So the one girl in the group lured the boy out of his house to meet her. Well when he got there there was a group of kids waiting for him. The "leader" brought a steak knife with him. Well they started beating on the boy. But the boy fought back and got the knife away from the "leader" and ended up stabbing him.The leader later died from the stabbing. He wasn't charged with murder because he was protecting himself but still he has a life sentence that he had to kill somebody to save him self from bullying. So now one is dead and one is let with this for ever. It all start with words and ended badly.

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

Go directley to the school board, the principal is dropping the ball by not taking this seriously.

 

[JoiseyMom]

You've gotten some great advice here. Look into the laws of your state, and first threaten to get a lawyer if soemthing isn't done within 24 hours. Then get the lawyer. Once they see you mean buisness they will hopefully come around. I will also get a restraining order against this girl. That monologue she did is a threat.

Good luck!!

 

[princessmom29]

I teach high school and I have seen this kind of situation before. This is how we handle it:
First the students would be seperated into different classrooms if at all possible. Second, they would be told to have no further contact with each other. If the harassing continued the student doing the harassing should be suspended from school. Please understand that the school is legally bound as to what they must do, but also as to what kind of evidence they can base their decision on. We cannot take a student who is involved in the conflict's word as the sole source of evidence for a suspension. That would include the friends of either girl. The child suspended's mother could just as easily threaten legal action for suspending her daughter without proof as you could for the school allowing the harassment to go on. Something needs to be done about the problem and quickly, but please understand thet the school is legally required to portect the rights of everyone involved. It is the same situation as the legal system, and even more extreme because these are children. We cannot accuse anyone of anything without absolute proof.

 

[luvmy3]

I would take it directly to the Superintendants office, especially since the principal is already aware if the problems and it hasn't stopped. The dram aclub stuff would scare the you know what out of me. That should be covered under the no tolerance rule. That girl needs to be gone ASAP!

I just posted about my dd being harrassed and I didn't read through the forum and see yours when I did. I feel horrible for your dd, she shouldn't have to deal with that kind of stuff in school. I hope you can get it taken care of for her

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I believe OP has enough proof. The threatening girl's mom is well aware of the situation, due to a previous meeting at school. School should also have some record of the meetings and calls w/OP. They wanted proof from someone other than friends and now they have it -- the play she purportedly wrote. It's time to step up and stop the nonsense. If OP's daughter fights with this girl, I'm sure she'll be brought up on assault charges. OP, I feel, needs a lawyer immediately and needs to have that lawyer contact the Superintendant, school board, police, etc. Also, make sure the restraining order against former boyfriend is extended to include all family members, and is still in place and continues to remain so.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I teach high school and I have seen this kind of situation before. This is how we handle it:
First the students would be seperated into different classrooms if at all possible. Second, they would be told to have no further contact with each other. If the harassing continued the student doing the harassing should be suspended from school. Please understand that the school is legally bound as to what they must do, but also as to what kind of evidence they can base their decision on. We cannot take a student who is involved in the conflict's word as the sole source of evidence for a suspension. That would include the friends of either girl. The child suspended's mother could just as easily threaten legal action for suspending her daughter without proof as you could for the school allowing the harassment to go on. Something needs to be done about the problem and quickly, but please understand thet the school is legally required to portect the rights of everyone involved. It is the same situation as the legal system, and even more extreme because these are children. We cannot accuse anyone of anything without absolute proof.

I understand what you are saying, this is what I am running into. Apparently her mom called the school and said that my DD is talking about her daughter. I am sure that she is, people come to her everyday telling her what that girl has been saying. The principle has told mt DD to take the highroad and be the bigger person here and ignore her. DD has done that all year and it is not working.

 

[princessmom29]

I understand what you are saying, this is what I am running into. Apparently her mom called the school and said that my DD is talking about her daughter. I am sure that she is, people come to her everyday telling her what that girl has been saying. The principle has told mt DD to take the highroad and be the bigger person here and ignore her. DD has done that all year and it is not working.

It really is a tough situation for schools. I have had some situations where I have wanted so badly to jump in and do something, but my hands were tied. I think that mabye some of the pp's are right in that you need to deal with this legally outside of school. Get the restraining order extended. As for in school there is really not a lot else that can be done. The sad fact of the matter is that both girls have the right to go there, and as long as both are there the drama will continue. The threat made in Drama class cannot be proven to be agianst your DD and untill she says something in front of someone else or directly to your DD the school cannot discipline her for it.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I just called the school, again. The principle is checking into getting a copy of the monologue & will talk to the Drama teacher. I am not expecting much.

The sad thing is, this is my daughters favorite class. She was chosen for a roll in the up coming play but now she wants to quit. She doesn't want to work with the other girl and I can't blame her.

 

[czycropper]

Set up a meeting with the principal, the drama teacher, & the superintendent immediately. Also, get some of your DDs friends to write down what they have notice. It is the responsibility of the school to cut it out now. I would also contact an attorney in case it has to go that route. Even though I'm currently in Jersey, I went to college in Alabama, where do you live? I can check the database and check on attorneys for you. I'm the past-Executive Director of the Bar Association up here and I still have access to the database.

A similar thing happened here in our district a couple of years ago but between boys. It ended up that restraining orders were issued and when the boy violated the order the school had no choice but to suspend him. He continued when he came back to school until the point when a suit was filed and then all of the sudden the boy stopped.

Good luck!

 

[mom2princessj]

I would be scared to death...if this girl is writing plays like this obviously she's got some thoughts going through her head of how things could play out. There is NO TIME TO WASTE. I'd be talking to everyone possible to get this resolved. This girl is a NUTBALL! Your dd's safety is at risk. I'd do whatever you have to do to protect your child including pull her out of that school. Contact a lawyer and the police and at least see what they have to say. You can NEVER be too careful when it comes to your children. Good luck!