DD gets DSIL to sign behavior note...

[mickeyluv]

I'm really not sure what to think/make of this. Our DD got a misconduct code in her languauge arts class on Friday. Now to me that's not that big of a deal, first time offense, etc., but what is bothering me is that she got my SIL to sign the note on Friday afternoon before she got home and didn't actually tell us about it until Saturday night. (Me and SIL do the school car-pool thing...we live across the street from one another)

DD did say she was sorry that she didn't tell us and that she knew she should have just gotten us to sign the note in the first place but that she was nervous that we were going to be mad with her. We are not bad parents, we do not punish her for silly things, etc. We may be at fault for maybe expecting to much from her from time to time, I will say that. But the other thing is, why didn't SIL tell us /me about it? I mean why in the world would she sign something like that anyway? I pick up her DS from school and if he was to ever come to me and ask me to sign something like that I would tell him that I really think his parents need to be the one to sign that type of thing. Wouldn't you? Am I making too much of this?

Like I said, it wasn't a big deal...DD said that she dropped her pencil and the boy sitting behind her picked up her pencil and wouldn't give it back, so she turned around in her desk and asked him for her pencil back and the teacher saw her and said she was getting a "not paying attention" behavior code. I believe what she is telling me because she is not a trouble maker in school, is a straight A student and all of her teachers have always told me that she is a very well behaved, eager to learn student.

The thing that is a big deal is the fact that she was trying to keep it from us (for a while)...I mean that is the same as lying...although I know she must have been thinking about it due to the fact that she did tell us Saturday night! But my SIL...I just don't get that! Anyone ?

Would you sign another childs behavior code note to be returned back to school?

 

[Jeninindy]

Nope, I would not sign another child's misconduct notification. That would his/her's parents job.

 

[Kath2003]

No, I wouldn't, I also wouldn't accept your SIL's signature on the note as a teacher, either.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I wouldn't be mad at DD, but at DSIL - thats rediculous to sign another childs "bad" note (though I think the reason she got it was as dumb as can be!). I would speak to DSIL and ask what happened - what DD said, and why she actually did it, but in an unthreatening way.

Good luck.

 

[amyhughes]

Um...no. That's a bit out of bounds for me. But, maybe she thought she was signing something else, like all those forms in the first few weeks?

 

[c4a]

Out of Line. I pick my neices/neph's up from school, baby-sit them, and am the one the school calls if they need something-however, I am NOT these kids parents. If SIL had offered to go with your dd to talk it over and be moral support-that is one thing. Signing or representing herself as you or your dh-wrong. You're all supposed to be a team & the parents are the head coaches...and make the rules.
As for dd-the kid has been beating herself up & as long as she knows that NO MATTER WHAT...she can always talk to you-that is the important thing. Yes, a lie is a lie. However, the building blocks of today become the structure of tomorrow-and the ....TEEN years loom, ahead. She learned that her guilt was worse than the "feared punishment"-which will be a good reminder in years to come.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well, your dd should shoulder most of the blame. She must have laid it on heavy to get your SIL to sign it.

The biggest thing that stands out in your description is that your dd is "not a troublemaker, a straight A student, etc."
So she is holding herself to a high standard of perfection for YOU.
She did not want you to see her as "imperfect".

I have a dd who strives for that and it can be stressful for them. However we have brought her down to a level where she can mess up and the world will be OK. She does fall apart sometimes, esp. when it will affect her grade.

Just tell SIL not to sign any papers for you unless you talk beforehand, problem solved on that note.

 

[laurie31]

How old is your DD?

I agree your SIL was wrong to sign the note...

Now I'm wondering how in heck your DD was supposed to get her pencil back? Was she just supposed to sit there not taking notes?

 

[merekc]

I agree that SIL should not have signed the note. I would mention it to her casually and non-accusatory that DD mentioned she signed her note, and in the future you'd prefer she not. You want to be aware of the things coming home with DD.

I am surprised though that no one has expressed concern that your DD asked your SIL to sign it. I understand the good student not wanting to take this to parents. I was always the model student, but in 7th grade managed to get a detention. I hated telling my parents even though in reality it was no big deal.

If it were my DD I'd be talking to her about the fact that 1) she needs to not try to hide this kind of thing and 2) she put your SIL in a bad position involving her in this. She needs to understand that she never should have asked SIL to sign it in the first place. The note was sent home intended for her parents.

It's funny that the good students freak when they get in trouble, and the kids that really need help, could care less.

 

[Linzybrooke]

Your SIL should not have signed that note, and like another poster said I would not accept it as a teacher. You might want to check with her teacher and see if your SIL signed her name or yours...

 

[mickeyluv]

Yes, I did talk with my DD about this particular thing of her asking SIL to sign that type of note and she told me that she knew she should not have asked her to sign it. DD is 11 years old, just starting the 6th grade. I asked her did she not have another pencil with her to use and because they are now using lockers (first time for this, just starting middle school) she said that they have to put their bookbags in their lockers now, they can't carry them around with them. So we have now put a pack of pencils in her messenger bag, (this bag she can carry on her shoulder with her to class). We talked a little more about it today and she is a very mature 11-yo. She told me she knew where I was coming from b/c she wouldn't want her child to do something like this to her. She apologized again and I let her know that I was going to speak to SIL about it.

 

[DVCBELLE]

I would have called SIL right away and asked her about it. To be honest with you - I would go talk to the teacher and find out what is going on. Make sure her story fits your daughter's story. If it was really that innocent why didn't she just tell you?

My child would also be grounded - not for what happened at school but for lying to me. My children know that the punishment for lying will ALWAYS be worse than if they had just been honest from the get go. They also know Mom and Dad always have a way of finding things out!