Daycare Problems (Long Post)

[AC7179]

My daughter was two in September.

She goes to daycare at the school where I teach. It is a fabulous arrangement where she is close to my classroom, daycare is only held on school days, and I'm not charged for when she doesn't go (summer.)

We loved it when she was in the infant class. Her teacher was wonderful and all was well.

She moved to the toddler room this year, and we have not been happy, to say the least.

She was bit twice the first few months of school, and pushed down to where first aid was administered twice. The child that she seemed to have issue with mainly was her teacher's son. The first bite I saw occur. I was coming through the door to pick her up, she was riding a bike. The boy was getting out of timeout, was still mad, got out of timeout and stormed over to my daughter, who was riding a trike, and bit her. Completely unprovoked. The other times I wasn't around and didn't see it. The second time she was bit, it was another child (who I think had also been bit by child one.) Accident reports are supposed to be filled out when these things happen, and I was given reports for these incidents. I expressed my frustration with her getting bitten twice in such a short period of time (about a month, I think.) The THIRD time she was bit, we were walking out to the car, and she said, "Sam (not a real name) bit me." Sam is the teacher's boy. I thought she was just talking about before, so I asked her where. She showed me a spot on her arm that I probably wouldn't have noticed as a bite, but since she showed me, I did see how it looked like that. I went in and asked if she was bitten, and the teacher said yes, but she had forgotten to write up the report. Today I pick her up and all is fine. We come home and I see this.




I'm so upset. This is the fourth time she has been bitten since September. I find that excessive. Does it seem excessive to you? She's my first baby.......I'm by no means saying she is perfect but four times just seems like so much. Also I wasn't told she was bitten or given a report or anything. I just found that when undressing her. To me, that indicates that someone is either trying to keep this from me or wasn't paying attention and doesn't even KNOW about it---I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm a teacher myself, so I don't want to be that problem parent but I don't think they are being watched appropriately and wanted to get others' opinions. Please give them to me---I appreciate all sides.

There are other issues with the daycare and I am looking elsewhere, but I also have an appointment with the principal to try to get this resolved.

 

[Tink123]

I would talk to the director especially since it is not always being documented. When my daughter was the same age she was being bit at school and it is frustrating, but it goes on all over. At that age most are not able to articulate their frustration so they bite. My daughter was bit everal times by the same child and she still has the mark on her back from one bite and that was 3 and a half years ago.
I expressed my frustration to the director and she was frustrated also, so that is what she said to me. I personally think that steps should be in place to to remove the biter to a room where older kids are so that they know how it feels to be picked on. No flames please! Good luck!

 

[RitaZ.]

Wow! Poor baby!

Why is the little boy in his mother's class? Is it the only class in their age group?

This is unacceptable! I would be just as upset if it happened to my child. I know that some kids will bite, but this has happened too many times. She "forgot" to write up a report? Sounds like she is covering up for him. Then again, maybe she didn't even know that he bit your DD today. If that is the case, then there is a lack of supervision problem.

Go ahead and talk to the director. It sounds like it's time to find another school for your DD.

Good luck!

 

[lulu71]

I had a conversation about biters with my best friend, who formerly owned and directed a daycare. Her opinion is that biters sometimes "strike" so quickly, there is nothing they can do to prevent it, no matter how closely the kids are monitored. But, if a child is a serial biter, she is left with no choice but to ask them to leave. She said it's really a sad situation because the little ones don't understand, but it's not fair to the other kids to get bitten so that is the only way to stop the problem if a child keeps biting. HTH.

 

[pajamommy]

Hi, I am a preschool teacher in a daycare and I have a similar setup as yours. My kids are school-age, however, so for the most part they just come to my center afterschool, but full-time when there is no school and during the summer. When I first started at this center, my son was preschool age and he was with another class of preschoolers, not in my own class. I don't think that I could teach a class that had my child in it, it just brings up too many issues. I like to be Mommy to my kids, and Miss Jennifer to the class.....honestly, my class listens to me a lot better than my own kids! That is part of the reason why I never wanted my son in my preschool class, it would just be too many moments dealing with him and not focusing on my class. Your DD is in a class in which the teacher's child is also in....I think it is a bad idea for the teacher to have her own child in the class. You are not being told about the biting.....she probably is embarrased, and doesn't want to upset you, as you are co-workers. That is just a tough position to be in. If her child is the one doing the biting, she has to feel uncomfortable. She cannot control her own child, but she probably knows that she wouldn't tolerate this behavior from another child. I don't know what to say, other than it seems like a bad idea for this teacher to have her own child in with her. Is there another room for him to go into? I guess my advice would be for the biter to not be with his Mom, maybe another teacher
could work better with him. Also, if you think that the class is not properly supervised, that could be part of the problem, too. Biting at that age is often common, especially when the biter has little verbal skills. Are there any triggers that they can watch for with him? Usually biters outgrow this, as they become more verbal.....I am sure that you already know all this, as you are a teacher as well! I am sorry for your little one getting bit.....good luck with it and let us know what happens from here on.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Sorry for what you and your DD are going through. I know what it's like.

I had an issue similar to yours. My child was bitten severely one week. Called & spoke with the teacher. It happened again the very next time the "problem" child came to class. Both times the teacher claimed she didn't know about it. I pulled my child out of the program after that second bite.

The administrator asked me what I would have them do. I said, No, what is your policy on biting? They didn't have one! They didn't want to address the problem. Leaving was the best decision I ever made. Found out later the "problem" child had a looonnng history of biting. And has continued since we left. I've run into other mothers that asked why we left. When I told them why I found out a number of other families have left for the same reason. Crazy!

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree with the others. Four times is excessive - particularly since you weren't even told about the last two. That really speaks volumes. Was this last time also "Sam"?

I think talking to the principal is the best course of action and then you can go from there.

Just as an aside, my brother's daughter was a major biter when she was little. Finally, somebody got tired of it and bit her back. I know that's not politically correct, but it sure stopped her. (And, no, I'm not telling your daugher to bite somebody.)

 

[CEDmom]

This is absolutely excessive. I probably would have forgiven the 1st time but after that I would addressed it with the daycare. It doesn't matter if it's a teacher's child or not they need to do something about it.

We had a few issues with our DD getting knocked down and one time scratched by a child in her toddler daycare room.

I'm sure there will be people who don't agree with me but I think it has to do with kids who don't yet have good verbal skills and get frustrated. Boys generally don't become verbal as quickly as girls and are generally more physical so it can be a bad mix.

Don't let this go even if it means moving your DD.

 

[diznygirl]

Happened to my son too - and sometimes the teacher never knows. The policy is that biters are supposed to be removed from the classroom. Talk to the director - mention the fact that reports are being "forgotten" and ask that child to be moved. For the sake of all the children in that class.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

 

[Blondy876]

Yes, four bites since September does seem excessive. Now it seems as though they are trying to hide it from you. That is not OK. There should be NO secrets about your child. I would imagine that the teacher's son has not only been biting your dd, but also other children. Yes, it does happen, but when it happens repeatedly and your child is being harmed repeatedly then something needs to be done. Perhaps they need another set of eyes in the room. Seems to me that the teacher and her son should not be in the same classroom, that can be a conflict of interest.

I have worked in schools that will expel a biter, as a last resort of course. That is what happened at my dd's daycare. She was bit 3 times in a couple of weeks. After the second I asked them what they planned to do to assure her safety and I was told it was being handled. After the third I asked again, I was told that the child was being expelled. Not just because of the bites to my dd but apparently the child had bite every kid in the class several times.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do, it's a tough situation.

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

Our daycare has a written, posted biting policy on every billboard. I know DD had a problem with a biter in school from 18 mos. to three years (I saw this little girl bite another child in person once when I was picking up DD, and she was almost three!). When they're really little (18 mos. or so) there's very little reasoning. It wasn't until I started talking to other parents that I learned the biter was attacking other kids, too. She eventually was transferred, then eventually kicked out of the program.

The problem here is that she's the teacher's child. You need to get the director involved not as a teacher/ co-worker, but as a parent. That photo speaks VOLUMES. At our center, kids and parents can't be in the same room ...

 

[AC7179]

She's not clear as to who bit her this time.

She says Sam sometimes, but then the other little boy who bit her earlier, his last name is Sam........and she has also said his first name, so I'm not really clear on that.

The other little boy who bit her is the elementary principal's little boy. So you can see that I am in a delightful situation. The principal's little boy is young,like my daughter, and I really think he might bite as a way to cope with frustration. There are several kids that are almost 3 and aggressive as all get out. Including Sam. So I'm not mad at any of the kids, I'm just concerned about the (lack of) supervision and the possibility of them keeping something from me.

The other issue I have had lately is that we are potty training. The bathroom is down the hall. There is another teacher who is supposed to help between the infant room and the toddler room.

Anyway, my daughter had one accident the first day when the other teacher took her potty.

The second day she had five! accidents. I wasn't really upset until her teacher said, "Yes, she told me she had to go, so I told her she could, and when she came back she told me she had gone, but I'm not sure is she actually went or not."

Okay, a.) she can't get her pants down by herself.
b.) she can't reach the potty on her own
c.) she sometimes needs to be reminded to wipe
d.) she can't reach the sink on her own.

Also, there wasn't a potty seat on, so she could have possibly fallen in. Am I overreacting? She's only 28 months old, and she is doing great and not really having any accidents anymore, but I was a little concerned they would just send her down the hall on her own.

 

[OceanAnnie]

To me, it doesn't sound good. You have two biters that are related to staff and the potty thing a-d are all valid concerns. Doesn't sound like enough supervision is going on. The potty situation cinches it.

 

[Traveliz]

Former daycare owner and director here...

I will pass on the biting - its a huge hassle for us director's as well - its really one of those no win situations - just very hard.

But for the potty training - ACK -- NO NO NO they can't send a child down the hall by themself at that age (or any preschool age) to use the restroom!!!

That would really concern me.

Liz

 

[Blondy876]

The other issue I have had lately is that we are potty training. The bathroom is down the hall. There is another teacher who is supposed to help between the infant room and the toddler room.

Anyway, my daughter had one accident the first day when the other teacher took her potty.

The second day she had five! accidents. I wasn't really upset until her teacher said, "Yes, she told me she had to go, so I told her she could, and when she came back she told me she had gone, but I'm not sure is she actually went or not."

Okay, a.) she can't get her pants down by herself.
b.) she can't reach the potty on her own
c.) she sometimes needs to be reminded to wipe
d.) she can't reach the sink on her own.

Also, there wasn't a potty seat on, so she could have possibly fallen in. Am I overreacting? She's only 28 months old, and she is doing great and not really having any accidents anymore, but I was a little concerned they would just send her down the hall on her own.

Wow. Well, to be perfectly honest, after reading your second post, I would pull my child from the school. It sounds like they are hiding things from you and not supervising her properly. They expect a 28 month old to handle using the bathroom alone? No, that's inappropriate and dangerous. At 28 months they are still really top heavy. What if she had reached in the toilet to play and fell in head first. She wouldn't have been able to get out. I have a 28 month old myself and I would be furious if they sent her to the bathroom alone. I don't think you are overreacting at all.

 

[mom2grace]

What would be the repercussions if you pulled her out?

What do you teach?

Is this a child care in a public school system?

Why isn't there a bathroom in the classroom?! That is probably a violation of the child care code in your state.

 

[RitaZ.]

S I wasn't really upset until her teacher said, "Yes, she told me she had to go, so I told her she could, and when she came back she told me she had gone, but I'm not sure is she actually went or not."

Okay, a.) she can't get her pants down by herself.
b.) she can't reach the potty on her own
c.) she sometimes needs to be reminded to wipe
d.) she can't reach the sink on her own.

The teacher sent her to a bathroom outside of the classroom by herself? She is too young for that.

It sounds like the school is understaffed. Listen to your gut- if it feels wrong, it probably is. Continue to look for another school for your DD.

 

[grlpwrd]

She goes to daycare at the school where I teach. It is a fabulous arrangement where she is close to my classroom, daycare is only held on school days, and I'm not charged for when she doesn't go (summer.)

I know you have a good arrangement and it is convenient, but really, I think the toddler room is not being managed efficiently. I would pull her out or work with them to improve how they manage care etc.

With the biting, I think part of it may be because the child of the principal may feel resentment or jealousy because he has to share his parent. It may not be feasible that they expel him, but I am sure they could watch him more closely and don't let him out of their sight enough to bite again or at least give him guidance or alternatives to keep him from biting. The staff should be a lot more proactive.

I don't mean to be rude, but it is ironic that a center with staff that cares for teachers' children is irresponsible and inefficient. They should know better.

I was a daycare provider in the late 90s and now I am getting licensed again. Idon't know what state you are in, but in Virginia we can report offenses to the department that handles licensing and they will investigate. I am able to access reports and see the violations online. It might take getting authorities involved to change things.

GL!

 

[barkley]

sounds so much like the i/t center dd and ds went to not only was the agressive kid a teacher's child-the director was the child's grandmother (private school so no rules about it being inapproriate to directly supervise your own child as a student or staff member). when my complaints to the director went (in my opinion) unaddressed i stepped it up to HER boss-and outlined the incidents and resolution steps i had taken (and the lack there of on her director's part). as a result, the 'boss' looked into the situation and found that my child was not the only 'victim'-and that procedures were not being followed, nor was the boss being given all the information about the operations/incidents in the center as her director should have been passing on.

in my case it caused the school to address the issues of staff supervising their own kids in the classroom-and more importantly senior staff supervising the individuals who were supervising their children/grandchildren. in the end there was some restructuring of the i/t center such that parents could not be the 'teachers' in their own children's classrooms-and those who did 'teach' the children/grandkids of their directors/principals-had to report to the next level above them all the issues that they would normaly report on an unrelated child.

 

[kat3668]

Toddler teacher chiming in here! I have taught a toddler enrichment/daycare class for over 15 years and it sounds like this classroom is just not properly being supervised. Yes, I too have had a couple of biters over the years but 4 bites is just totally unacceptable. If they know that child is a hazard to the other children then they should be shadowing him at all times to help him facilitate language if he is upset and frustrated. Yes alot more work but the first priority in that classroom should be the safety of the other children! As to sending a child unsupervised into a toliet at that age or stage in her toliet teaching that is just plain nuts! Anything can happen and will in a split second with little ones and the never should be untattended! Looks like that classroom needs a little restructuring in my opinion.
Oh and another idea that I have used in the past with biters is that they should have a teeting ring with them at all times so if they become frusterated and need to bite they have an acceptable item to bite.. It really does work once the child has learned what is ok for them to bite.. Good Luck!