Daycare/preschool-Concerned, what would you do? Update post 71

[Liberty Belle]

It could be innocent, but I wouldn't take the chance. If I were the daycare director, I'd call in both parents (separately) and see their reactions. Then I'd decide whether to call CPS. Or heck, maybe I'd just call. I don't know. That's a tough one.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Children should be home with their mothers at that age not being raised by strangers in a day care. It's best that they get raised with your values not others. Please don't take this wrong. It just saddens me to see little one's, even newborns in day cares.

You forgot the "I think" in front of your statement.

Many people do not have that option and many choose not to use that option. It's no one's business but their own. Besides, the children are five. That is kindergarten age. Should we not send our children to school, either?

 

[Liberty Belle]

Oh Boy.

OT, is your name a typo or is it supposed to be a play on Hitler? Just curious.

 

[DVCJones]

OP here. The incident happened outside while all the children were playing. There is a giant play structure with several slides and hiding places. All the teachers (4) are outside. The children where behind the play structure. It wasn't until the teachers noticed several kids crowded around looking at something (they were quiet) that they went to check it out. They thought it was strange to have a group of silent kids behind the structure. I was told it happened quickly and it had just happened before I got there.

I don't think the teachers are at fault here. The kids could have been looking at a strange bug or a cool toy. I think it was the silence that clued them in.

My biggest concern is that this child would do this and would know or want to do this. I am assuming it is Daisy that initiated the activity, but it could have been the little boy too. Although I doubt it. For years I have been listening to stories about Daisy and have witnessed some things too. She just seems wise beyond her years.

Her teacher once told me that my DD and Daisy have a on again off again friendship. DD wants to be friends, but can't accept the naughty behavior. DD often comes home and tells me "Daisy was being naughty again." or "Daisy was a good girl today." or "Daisy said she isn't going to be naughty anymore." I get the feeling my DD calls her on her bad behavior.

I am really concerned how the child would know or want to participate in that kind of behavior and where and who did she/he learn it from.

I hope the owner of the preschool does the right thing here. I will ask her. Even if she can't tell me anything, I want her to know I am concerned and that I don't appreciate my DD being exposed to that kind of stuff. Maybe it will make her more likely to react to the situation. Especially because I NEVER have complained about anything before. She may take my concern for the situation seriously. The owner is very nice and always has done the right thing in other situations. She runs a tight ship, so I have faith that she will handle it appropriately.

 

[DVCJones]

Children should be home with their mothers at that age not being raised by strangers in a day care. It's best that they get raised with your values not others. Please don't take this wrong. It just saddens me to see little one's, even newborns in day cares.

Ignore

 

[Aimeedyan]

I can't speak too much to the incident but I can tell you almost the same thing happened at a center I had a connection to years ago. CPS was called and there was an investigation done. If your center knows proper protocol, they will have already contacted the proper authorities about the incident.

The teacher shouldn't be telling you details about it - esp not the identity of the children involved (if your child says who it is, that's one thing). I would expect to receive information from the director about the steps being taken to respond.

 

[balletmom97]

OP- Regarding your DD picking up new language at school...

When DS16 was young, he would occasionally use a word he had heard from someone else...maybe at a friend's house, maybe from his uncle , ....

I finally told him that if he heard a new word and did not know what it meant, he should try to think if he has ever heard that word come out of my mouth. If not, he should ask me what the word meant FIRST. I promised that he would not get in trouble for asking about an inappropriate word...but, once he was told it was inappropriate, he shouldn't use it again!

It worked for us.

 

[DVCJones]

I can't speak too much to the incident but I can tell you almost the same thing happened at a center I had a connection to years ago. CPS was called and there was an investigation done. If your center knows proper protocol, they will have already contacted the proper authorities about the incident.

The teacher shouldn't be telling you details about it - esp not the identity of the children involved (if your child says who it is, that's one thing). I would expect to receive information from the director about the steps being taken to respond.

Correct, the teacher did not tell me who the kids are. My DD did. The teacher only informed me of the incident, knowing that my DD would tell me.

 

[Sinderelli]

It could be innocent, but I wouldn't take the chance. If I were the daycare director, I'd call in both parents (separately) and see their reactions. Then I'd decide whether to call CPS. Or heck, maybe I'd just call. I don't know. That's a tough one.

Yes, but they are obligated to file a report based on suspicion alone- no matter what explanation the parents give. In this case, there is NO explanation that would ease my (the provider's) mind.

You forgot the "I think" in front of your statement.

Many people do not have that option and many choose not to use that option. It's no one's business but their own. Besides, the children are five. That is kindergarten age. Should we not send our children to school, either?

 

[Sinderelli]

OP here. The incident happened outside while all the children were playing. There is a giant play structure with several slides and hiding places. All the teachers (4) are outside. The children where behind the play structure. It wasn't until the teachers noticed several kids crowded around looking at something (they were quiet) that they went to check it out. They thought it was strange to have a group of silent kids behind the structure. I was told it happened quickly and it had just happened before I got there.

I don't think the teachers are at fault here. The kids could have been looking at a strange bug or a cool toy. I think it was the silence that clued them in.

My biggest concern is that this child would do this and would know or want to do this. I am assuming it is Daisy that initiated the activity, but it could have been the little boy too. Although I doubt it. For years I have been listening to stories about Daisy and have witnessed some things too. She just seems wise beyond her years.

Her teacher once told me that my DD and Daisy have a on again off again friendship. DD wants to be friends, but can't accept the naughty behavior. DD often comes home and tells me "Daisy was being naughty again." or "Daisy was a good girl today." or "Daisy said she isn't going to be naughty anymore." I get the feeling my DD calls her on her bad behavior.

I am really concerned how the child would know or want to participate in that kind of behavior and where and who did she/he learn it from.

I hope the owner of the preschool does the right thing here. I will ask her. Even if she can't tell me anything, I want her to know I am concerned and that I don't appreciate my DD being exposed to that kind of stuff. Maybe it will make her more likely to react to the situation. Especially because I NEVER have complained about anything before. She may take my concern for the situation seriously. The owner is very nice and always has done the right thing in other situations. She runs a tight ship, so I have faith that she will handle it appropriately.

Bolding is mine- just wanted to say thank you for giving the teachers the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, there are times when our backs may be turned on a child- say for example, when I am bent down tying the 100th tennis shoe at recess It only takes a second for something to happen, and for some people to expect a teacher to prevent every possible scenario is not realistic.

Now, if I found out the teachers were sitting down, talking to each other, with their backs to the play area- then yes, I would complain. Otherwise, I know that things can happen when I am watching my own 2 children, much less my class of 19!

 

[tiggspring]

W0W somone needs to contact childrens services if they haven't already.I don't say that lightly because it can cause a lot of harm to a family if nothing bad is going on. DH and I met in a childrens Psychatric hospital and we both did community work with abused kids and that is a HUGE red flag. While children this age like to "play dr" that generally involves touching and looking. This sounds like somone has has an experience that caused them to think that was normal.Just think about how most preteens respond to the big "talk" most are pretty grossed out by the whole thing. Most kids would never think to do that... exposed to bad tv or not. It is possible they walked in on their parents but in my experience that is extreamly unlikely. Watch this situation carefully. I would keep my distance for awhile until I understood if my child was at risk.

 

[lillygator]

Children should be home with their mothers at that age not being raised by strangers in a day care. It's best that they get raised with your values not others. Please don't take this wrong. It just saddens me to see little one's, even newborns in day cares.

are you a man or woman? not that it matters.....are you from Utah?

I don't care about privacy laws. I have gotten things out of my daycare when I needed to.

I would have been on the horn tonight and I would not go back until my questions were answered.

 

[tiggspring]

My dh is now in risk managment and knows the laws well. The FERPA law applies. You need to realize that the school has a leagal obligation to report ONLY IF THEY FEEL THERE IS A DANGER if they do an internal investigation and deem it as "playing Dr." They can choose to do nothing. Then you have a big problem. If you need more info PM me.

 

[happygirl]

OMG I would be pulling my child out of that school ASAP. There were 4 teachers out watching the kids, not one of them caught them. I would think the places that you would watch are places that you can't see the kids.

I hope someone will call DFS and see what is going on in these homes.

 

[portocall]

Bolding is mine- just wanted to say thank you for giving the teachers the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, there are times when our backs may be turned on a child- say for example, when I am bent down tying the 100th tennis shoe at recess It only takes a second for something to happen, and for some people to expect a teacher to prevent every possible scenario is not realistic.

Now, if I found out the teachers were sitting down, talking to each other, with their backs to the play area- then yes, I would complain. Otherwise, I know that things can happen when I am watching my own 2 children, much less my class of 19!

Completely agree with this. Things happen even with good supervision.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Completely agree with this. Things happen even with good supervision.

I agree too. I am stunned by the number of people on the thread who advocate immediatly removing OPs daughter from a school she has been very happy with for 4 years becuase of this one incident.
It is not possible to see every child all the time and honestly not good for the kids if you try to. A reasonable amount of supervision might still mean that the etachers are not crawling around and through every 'hiding place" in the play structure at all times. It sounds like Daisy is pretty wise to the world--meaning she likely knew this would garner a lot of attention for her and cause trouble (but pobably has no idea how much attention and trouble) and planneed to move fast. Two 4-5 year olds in elastic wasit pants with a plan could pull this off in 10 seconds or so.
It is a very disturbing thing that almost certainly will be reported to CPS (if it hasn't already been). Beyond that, the girl may be removed from the preschool, but the school may feel it is in her best interest to keep her there and watch her like a hawk instead. I once worked at a United Way run daycare and some of our children were court mandated to be there (we had to report if they did not come for more than 2 days so someone could check on their well being). I don't what would have happened had we tried to remove one of those children but I am sure there must have been a procedure.
As a parent, I think i would meet with the director and tell her that the teacher did not tell you which children were involved but your DD did and you wanted to let her know about the pattern of behaviour your DD has experienced up until now from Daisy. I would then ask that the girls be placed in seperate classes (if their are seperate classes for their age). If seperate classses are not possible then i would ask that extra care be taken to watch the otehr girl very closely and that my DD not be placed as a "buddy" or partner of the other girl at any time (like going to the restroom especially).
As to what to tell your kid--honestly I would not have told my DD what you did (that they needed to be punished). I would have told my kids that it really saddens me that htey acted like that becuase it is not an okay way to act and it is not even a normal type of being bad for kids. I would tell her that kids doing that type of thing have almost always been very hurt by bad adults in their lives and htat makes me really worry about Daisy and it also makes me really frightened that Daisy might do other things that are very wrong for children also becuase we do not know what all innappropriate things have happened to her so it is probably best to keep being nice to her but not to try to be her friend--just treat her politely but keep your distance. Then I would try to drop the matter around DD and jsut wait to see what else (if anything) she says about the incident or Daisy in general (keep alert but do not grill your child kind of thing). I think it is better not to make it into the kind of big issue it is in our eyes when it is likely to be seen as jsut another time Daisy acted naughty by the kids and they can move past it if we let them.

 

[SandrA9810]

I remember my playground in elementary school, and there were plenty of hiding placings. Who knows how long things could've gone on with these two if the kids didn't stop and stare??

As a teacher watching the kids, I'm sure they're watching the slides and any other entrance on to the play equipment to make sure no one is falling off, and probably listening for any yelling or their name being called. There's so many obvious things to watch out for, easy accidents that can happen, crazy things like that would be the last on their mind. You know they were paying attention to the kids when they started to gather in one area... a bad teacher would just let them be till some other kid came up to tell.

 

[Art 1]

You forgot the "I think" in front of your statement.

Many people do not have that option and many choose not to use that option. It's no one's business but their own. Besides, the children are five. That is kindergarten age. Should we not send our children to school, either?

It's not a "I think" kind of thing. It's a fact. Of course children should go to kindergarten, and when the school day is done they should come home to their mother, father for family.

 

[Art 1]

are you a man or woman? not that it matters.....are you from Utah?

I don't care about privacy laws. I have gotten things out of my daycare when I needed to.

I would have been on the horn tonight and I would not go back until my questions were answered.

Father of 3, never been to Utah but would like to someday.

 

[SnowWhite607]

It's not a "I think" kind of thing. It's a fact. Of course children should go to kindergarten, and when the school day is done they should come home to their mother, father for family.

Yeah I wanna see how this plays out.