Daycare/preschool-Concerned, what would you do? Update post 71

[funkychunkymonkey]

I work in a preschool. We can have up to 30 kids on our playground. I have to admit sometimes its hard to keep a eye on every hidding place. Currisoty is common at this age but this is WAY beyond curroisty!

 

[Gabes_mommy]

OP - I am so sorry! That is very traumatic and I can only imagine how upset you are.

Poor little Daisy - she has clearly been exposed to things she shouldn't have.

My friend and I worked at a religious daycare/aftercare program when I was in college and something similar happened there in the 5 year old group - also on the playground. As I recall it turned out that the boy who initiated it had been abused.

It's terrible what some poor little children are exposed to by the people in their lives.

FWIW, I wouldn't pull my DD out of the school, but I would hope the school asked Daisy's family to find other arrangements, although they may not.

 

[kellyg403]

OP, I would be concerned too. Thankfully, the teachers were paying attention to the quiet and caught them in the act. I, personally, don't think I would pull dd out if she enjoys the school and they fixing this current situation.

And not to get caught up in the other rubbish..I was a SAHM and working mother. I was a much better mother when I worked. Having something outside the home completed me. I love my children and I love the time I spend with them. They are all socially rounded, intelligent children that have not been affected by a few hours a day in a daycare center coloring and playing with their friends. Different strokes for different folks.

Art, if you like your children home and not in any situation that involves daycare and can afford it...I say more power to ya. Just don't assume your stand is anymore right than anyone elses...just different.

Kelly

 

[Gabes_mommy]

OP, I would be concerned too. Thankfully, the teachers were paying attention to the quiet and caught them in the act. I, personally, don't think I would pull dd out if she enjoys the school and they fixing this current situation.

And not to get caught up in the other rubbish..I was a SAHM and working mother. I was a much better mother when I worked. Having something outside the home completed me. I love my children and I love the time I spend with them. They are all socially rounded, intelligent children that have not been affected by a few hours a day in a daycare center coloring and playing with their friends. Different strokes for different folks.

Art, if you like your children home and not in any situation that involves daycare and can afford it...I say more power to ya. Just don't assume your stand is anymore right than anyone elses...just different.

Kelly

Absolutely! I agree on all points.

 

[Rora]

Wow!! OP, I think you've gotten a lot of good advice from posters. I agree with those who say to call CPS-- IMO, this sounds like something that needs to be investigated, immediately. In addition, I don't see a need to pull your DD out of the school- just have her steer clear of Daisy and make sure she understands that her behavior is not something to be replicated (she already seems to know that with her "Daisy was a good girl today!" reports- way to go Mom! ).

As a 3rd grade teacher, thank you for not automatically blaming the teachers "lack of supervision". Playgrounds are filled with nooks and crannies to make playing more fun and stimulating. As I teacher, I'd expect kids to be hiding in these places or simply just talking with a classmate but certainly not what you described!!! It's hard enough to keep track of kids when they're sitting in the classroom in front of you, let alone on the playground!!

OP-I hope you chose to call CPS and that your daughter quickly forgets this incident. Please keep us updated!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

My dh is now in risk managment and knows the laws well. The FERPA law applies. You need to realize that the school has a leagal obligation to report ONLY IF THEY FEEL THERE IS A DANGER if they do an internal investigation and deem it as "playing Dr." They can choose to do nothing. Then you have a big problem. If you need more info PM me.

Sorry, but I have to very strongly disagree...
One can play 'semantics' all they want... (of course, your DH in risk management knows this very well) And, the school may choose to call this as 'playing Dr." just because they want to avoid hassle/problems/issues....

That is why it is call MANDATORY reporting.

Playing doctor is one thing, but IMHO, lip to privates contact warrants IMMEDIATE report.

 

[Minnesota!]

Wanted to add...as a teacher and mandatory reporter I would file a report with CPS- there's no way kids that age would know about that kind of stuff unless they've seen it or been a victim to it.

Bolding mine.

I have to disagree. I am not going into it, but I can tell you from VERY personal experience - there doesn't need to be an abuse history for these things to occur.

I would just ask the director what was going to be done, and leave it at that. And hope that Daisy and whomever the boy were would be more strictly supervised. Not saying the teachers didn't do their job - I have been the teacher, too, and know how hard it is to track 20+ students. Just hoping that this puts Daisy and the boy in a scope to see what behavior they exhibit.

This is the age where kids start to explore their body - be available for questions, etc. I know my son - almost 6 - has been asking us things lately. I would rather him know/understand than try and explore on someone else..

And Art1 - won't say what I really want to, but you couldn't be more wrong.

 

[okeydokey]

Children should be home with their mothers at that age not being raised by strangers in a day care. It's best that they get raised with your values not others. Please don't take this wrong. It just saddens me to see little one's, even newborns in day cares.

Completely off topic here and inappropriate to this conversation.

 

[abdmom]

OP, you asked "what would you do?" I'm a mandated reporter. As the mom of your little girl, I would report it myself. I wouldn't depend on the school to report it, although I would expect them to. There's enough in the history to tell me this little girl needs help.

I would hope that the last thing the school would do is ask the little girl to leave. It sounds like she has enough bad things happening to her to be thrown out of school.

 

[luvsJack]

It's not a "I think" kind of thing. It's a fact. Of course children should go to kindergarten, and when the school day is done they should come home to their mother, father for family.

That would be wonderful in a perfect world, sadly we do not live in a perfect world and many of us actually have to work for a living.

 

[luvsJack]

Speaking as a former child care director and teacher of 4 year olds:

The child care center should call in both parents individually and speak to them about the incident. DHS should also be called. If it is just innocent "playing doctor" then that is what DHS will find out. They are the investigators of what goes on outside the center, not the child care center.

They should never discuss any of what happens now with any parent. We did not even tell the parent of a bitten child which child bit them. No child should be discussed with anyone but that child's parent.

At this age, punishment is not the answer. They need to get to the bottom of why this has happened. That is the only thing that is going to prevent it from happening again.



For you OP: talk to your center's director. Ask about the supervision on the playground. Teachers/caregivers should be positioned so that there are no blind spots. We also had a large climbing structure. Two adults were always on the playground. One on one side and one on the other. And they were to walk around, interacting with the kids and making sure they could see all of them (of course they cannot see every child every minute, but should be moving around enough to notice clothes coming off) and that no one was under the play structure and not visible for any length of time.

Also, tell the director about the words your child is coming home with. She may be completely unaware of the language and she will need to address that with Daisey's parents and with Daisey's teacher.

 

[lillygator]

It's not a "I think" kind of thing. It's a fact. Of course children should go to kindergarten, and when the school day is done they should come home to their mother, father for family.

so you have been a stay at home dad for all three of your children until they went to K? oh and it's NOT a fact....but, surely being a stay home dad to three, you probably don't have much free time on your hands for research.

Father of 3, never been to Utah but would like to someday.

oh I bet you would!

 

[clutter]

It's not a "I think" kind of thing. It's a fact. Of course children should go to kindergarten, and when the school day is done they should come home to their mother, father for family.

Never mind

 

[Wishing on a star]

I still can find no way to swallow a 'playing Dr' explanation here.
I just can't.

This was not an 'examination' or 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' (which I could easily understand)

From the original post:

Daisy and another kid (boy) were caught with their pants down and this boy was "kissing" her privates while some of the kids watched.

Since when does going to the Dr. involve this kind of activity?

And do not forget the history of other language and activity that the OP mentioned....

Again, I really don't see how any mandated reporter could let this slide.

 

[luvsJack]

I still can find no way to swallow a 'playing Dr' explanation here.
I just can't.

This was not and 'examination' or 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' (which I could easily understand)

Since when does going to the Dr. involve this kind of activity?

Again, I really don't see how any mandated reporter could let this slide.

I agree.

This is something one of these two kids has either seen before or experienced before. One of the two could have easily walked in on their parents, a baby sitter or someone else. They could have walked in on a movie not meant for their eyes. It doesn't have to mean abuse. BUT, that is NOT for the child care center to decide.

Child protective services are there for a reason and this is it.

 

[bookgirl]

It's not a "I think" kind of thing. It's a fact. Of course children should go to kindergarten, and when the school day is done they should come home to their mother, father for family.

Judge not........

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would pull my kid from the school if the school fails to kick out the other kids.

Heck, I'd probably pull my kid out of the school anyway.

My child would not be going back.

And I would report the school.

There are 3 children involved in this incident.

 

[luvsJack]

I would pull my kid from the school if the school fails to kick out the other kids.

Heck, I'd probably pull my kid out of the school anyway.

My child would not be going back.

And I would report the school.

There are 3 children involved in this incident.

Why would you report the school?

You are not going to find the perfect center or school where nothing ever happens. And kids are not usually kicked out for this kind of thing. If a center kicked out every kid that did something inappropriate, pretty soon they would have no kids and would go bankrupt.

These things should be dealt with and the OP should make sure the center is taking every action possible to prevent another incident (although, totally prevention is impossible). But, imho, pulling her child is a bit of an overreaction and a panicked reaction.

 

[lillygator]

Why would you report the school?

You are not going to find the perfect center or school where nothing ever happens. And kids are not usually kicked out for this kind of thing. If a center kicked out every kid that did something inappropriate, pretty soon they would have no kids and would go bankrupt.

These things should be dealt with and the OP should make sure the center is taking every action possible to prevent another incident (although, totally prevention is impossible). But, imho, pulling her child is a bit of an overreaction and a panicked reaction.

this incident doesn't seem the garden variety play dr type deal. I definitely would be reevaluating where my child goes.

 

[happygirl]

Why would you report the school?

You are not going to find the perfect center or school where nothing ever happens. And kids are not usually kicked out for this kind of thing. If a center kicked out every kid that did something inappropriate, pretty soon they would have no kids and would go bankrupt.

These things should be dealt with and the OP should make sure the center is taking every action possible to prevent another incident (although, totally prevention is impossible). But, imho, pulling her child is a bit of an overreaction and a panicked reaction.

I would pull my child out. It has to do lack of supervision. This happend at the school there were 4 teachers there and not anyone saw this going on? Come on it had to take a while for the kids to talk about it and then to take off there clothes. I would want teachers to esp supervise where kids can hide;.