Daughters "coming of age" (mostly for women)

[tkd lisa]

This post is mostly a question for the moms out there.

When your DD became a "woman", did you do anything special?

My DD at nearly 12 is showing all the signs that she'll be having her first period soon. It's been an emotional 6 months, and I was thinking about taking her out of school for the day and doing something special with her.

Can anyone share if they did anything like that?

 

[FOJMO]

My DD17 began menstruating at the age of NINE! All of a sudden, she wanted to do her own laundry! She knew what was happening to her, as we never hid it from her wheneverI had my period and she knew what to expect. I ended up also telling her the "facts of life" that day also. My DH missed the whole thing cause he went into work for a few hours -- LOL.

For my DD, doing something "special" in honor of that day would not have been a good thing. She was somewhat embarrassed, silent and moody. We tended not to make a big thing out of it. Sometimes, teens (or pre-teens) do not want extra attention when it comes to something like that.

I did NOT see it as "becoming a woman" -- she was still 9 years old and playing with her Barbie dolls that afternoon... There was plenty of time yet for her to catch up in years to what was happening to her physically.

 

[peg2001]

My DDs are still young but I think that is a WONDERFUL idea. I remember being scared and upset myself. How much better to be happy and excited!!

Please let us know what you finally do to celebrate.

Peggy

 

[honeywolf7]

I was like Fojmo's daughter (embarrassed)....I started when I was 11 and my mom didn't find out until I was 13 and when she sat me down to talk to me about it, I made her promise not to tell my dad.

 

[mckryan]

I have to agree with FOJMO. My daughter was 10, and it was better for her that we just treated it very nonchanantly. If I had made a big deal out of it, she would have been freaked out. Inside I was dying, but I remember how much I hated getting my period and my mom didn't know for months. I'm happy she was just able to come to me and let me know. Even now we are pretty low key about it. Maybe I'm just hoping against hope to keep her a little girl as long as possible even though her body is not playing along! =)

Christa

 

[Lewski709]

It's embarassing for a girl. While it is really nice that you want to do something special, I wouldn't make it about that.

 

[peg2001]

While I understand that this time can be embarassing to a girl, why does it HAVE to be? Why can't it be turned into something to look forward to, to be excited about, to be celebrated?

I had one friend when I was about that age who was looking forward to it very much. When her day came, she called me all excited to tell me about it. I have no idea how her mother influenced her view but I think it is a much better way to look at it.

I say go for it!
Peggy

 

[Disney Doll]

My mother treated it as part of life and not something to make a big deal out of. I don't have daughters, but I think I'd probably handle it the same way.

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by peg2001
While I understand that this time can be embarassing to a girl, why does it HAVE to be? Why can't it be turned into something to look forward to, to be excited about, to be celebrated?

I had one friend when I was about that age who was looking forward to it very much. When her day came, she called me all excited to tell me about it. I have no idea how her mother influenced her view but I think it is a much better way to look at it.

I say go for it!
Peggy

Trust me, unless your DD is the exception, and because this is such an emotional time (with the hormones rushing, etc), she will NOT want to make a big deal out of it. You don't necessarily have to dwell on the embarrassment of it, though -- just not make it a "special" time.

The last thing they want to be at that age is "special".

 

[mckryan]

Originally posted by FOJMO
The last thing they want to be at that age is "special".

My daughter hates it when I make a big deal out of anything - except her grades. She has asked me to not chaperone the band when they go down to Universal next year. I was heartbroken, but she knows I also have a hard time letting go, and I would have a hard time letting them (at 12) go around the park on their own and check in at certain times. She loves hanging out with me, but she wants to try out her independence some, too.

DH and I have already reserved a room at OKW so we can be close by and watch the competition but still give her her space. I also rub it in that I will be going to Disney and riding Rock 'n Roller Coaster many, many times without her!

Does it show that she's my only child!

Christa

 

[dizny4us]

tkd lisa,

I think it's a great idea! Why does this have to be embarrassing for girls? I find that sad. It's a special part of being female and should be celebrated as such. My DD is 9 and shows no signs yet but I plan to do something special for her too. A whole day for just her! JMO

 

[KarenC]

My DD would not want a big deal made out of it. She is still upset with me (7 years later) for rinsing her underwear out in the sink so her daddy knew what had happened!

Maybe you can take her to lunch "just because"...

 

[Evil Princess]

I was too embarassed to tell my mother until a few days later as well. Personally, I wouldn'tve liked my mom making a big deal about it. If my mother had acted like it was this WONDERFUL thing of becomming a woman from a start, maybe then I would appreciate it.

 

[MickeysMommy]

*UGH* I was just talking about this today. I was 12 when it happened to me and didn't tell my mother for a few days...(mind you I am an only child) and when I did finally tell her she announced it at the dinner table to my father that "Stacey became a woman today". OMG. Right then and there I was hoping the earth would open up and swallow me whole! For that reason, when and if I have a daughter, I wil NEVER do that to her.

 

[Allie322]

We just went through this with my DD. I had originally thought that maybe I would get her a new charm for her charm bracelet or something along those lines, but then IT happened and I had nothing! In the end, I think it worked out better this way. DD is handling it great but I think part of the reason is because we haven't made a big deal out of it. It's just another part of life that we deal with. She is so nonchalant about it all.

 

[luvmydogs]

To this day, my mom hasn't told me that I'd be getting my period, and I'm 36 years old with ds8! More than anything, I wish we could've talked about it--or talked about anything else for that matter. I was so scared to tell her when I did get it, I cried and cried. All she did was say to me, "You know you can get pregnant now." and walked away. I was 12, and I didn't even really understand the whole pregnancy thing, either! I think you're a wonderful, caring mom for even thinking of your daughter, and I would love to have had such a close relationship with my own mother. It's something I've always been sad about. Take your cue from her--maybe she doen't want to make a big deal out of it (40 years of cramps to come-ugh!), but maybe a mother-daughter lunch or a day of shopping "just for the women" might be fun. Whether or not you decide to do something special for her, you have already have given her a gift: an open, trusting, caring mother-daughter relationship. I'm sorry I missed out on that with my own mom.

 

[DoeWDW]

I had talked to my daughter by the time she was 11 to explain that she would get her period. I wanted her to understand so she wouldn't freak out. I also put some feminine "supplies" in her bathroom and showed her how to use them, so she'd be ready when it happened.

My DD14 finally got hers this summer. She didn't tell me for a day but I figured it out and made sure I was available to talk when she was ready to tell me. She said she didn't want to tell because she was afraid I'd make a big deal about it and tell her brother and father in front of her.

Now she and I share it as our little secret, although I do talk about general information about periods in front of my son so he will understand it is a normal part of a woman's life. She likes it that she and I can share this - the PMS munchies, borrowing "supplies" from each others' stashes, etc. It has become a normal part of life at our house.

 

[snowball22]

My dd was 10 and a half. I took her shopping for a new purse to carry her "monthly items" in. We then went to lunch. She loved her special day as it made her feel so grown up. I think she also appreciated my support on that day.

 

[suzannen]

I think it's a wonderful idea.

I could not wait to get home to tell my mother when I got mine, I was so excited. And, she and my two older sisters all stood outside the bathroom door yelling helpful hints about using tampons. It was hysterical, it only took me an entire box to get it right. And, my Dad came home and give me a big hug and kiss.

I would love to know if you do something and how she reacts. I'm thinking a special mother-daughter tea at the Plaza would work wonders for my DD when the time comes to reinforce a positive feeling about it.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I think it is a good idea.

I got mine in fourth grade and it was not a big deal to me. Mom and I went to the store so I could pick out my own products. I do remember asking her not to tell Dad. (He was in San Jose for the summer going to school.) I knew she told him when he wrote me a letter congratulating me! My Mom wasn't too happy about that LOL!

I always loved Mother/Daughter time. Very special memories!