Daughter (5) Sad over MJ.

[VampieNJ]

Well my daughter is taking the news of MJ's passing hard. She is 5.
She doesn't want to watch or listen to anything unless its MJ.

She heard his music before him passing away. Thriller was something we listened to every now and then and she loved it!

She has asked me, "Mommy can I give him medicine so he can wake up again." "Mommy MJ is my honey".

I have tried to limit her from watching anything on tv regarding MJ. But she goes to her room and starts singing his songs.

How can I help her cope with his loss?

 

[maelstrom]

I think that allowing her to listen to his music might help her to grieve. Everyone grieves differently, and this may be something she needs. VH1 and MTV have been playing a lot of Michael Jackson videos since his death, and you can probably find them on YouTube as well. You can also find a copy of Captain EO on the internet.

 

[VampieNJ]

ty for responding!

I will look into those right now. I just want her to feel okay with his passing. This is the first "loss" she ever experienced.

 

[maelstrom]

When I was a teenager, Maurice Gibb (of the Bee Gees) died. He was my favourite Bee Gee (yes, I'm 23, but I love the Bee Gees). I actually cried and was very upset. Listening to their music, watching the Sgt. Pepper movie, and watching my various videos of them (VH1 Storytellers, etc) helped me to grieve.

So... just help her to understand that Michael Jackson *IS* dead and will *NOT* be coming back, but that she can still like and appreciate his music and celebrate his life. Remind her that it is people like her who love his music so much that will keep his legacy alive. If you're religious, you can add in something about him being in Heaven now watching over her, or whatever you believe.

 

[shortbun]

I think it's ok to let her watch the stuff on TV-MTV playing of his videos and the tributes. She should understand that there are lots of us who are very sad that MJ has died. We know he won't be coming back to life but we plan to remember him always by listening to his music and honoring his memory.

 

[VampieNJ]

I think tomorrow I will have her do something special. Maybe a balloon that she can let go, that will go "straight up to heaven" just for him! Maybe even attach a note from her.

 

[DebIreland]

Even though she liked MJ's songs before he died, I think a lot of her current sadness might be because of all the media coverage his death is getting. I have a 5 year old daughter too and, like your DD, she's sad that Michael Jackson died, not because she was familiar with his songs (well, maybe one or two vaguely) but because last weekend we watched a lot of tribute shows and news coverage about him. I make a point now of turning over if anything about him comes on. If you listen to how often the words 'death', 'sick', 'heart attack', 'sad', 'tragic', 'doctors' etc are used in even a one minute broadcast, it's no wonder our DDs are scared and sad.

If you believe in the concept of heaven, that's always a handy way to to lessen the finality of death - by saying that he's be an angel now singing from heaven (jeez, did I really just type something that cheesy ).

I also think when a young child hears of someone dying, they automatically wonder if the people they love could die too. It's important to re-assure her that you're not going anywhere.


P.S. I'm not saying, by the way, that you should ignore the fact that he died. Just maybe don't have the TV shows on about him and use your own words (instead of a TV reporter) to explain his death to her.

 

[maelstrom]

I think tomorrow I will have her do something special. Maybe a balloon that she can let go, that will go "straight up to heaven" just for him! Maybe even attach a note from her.

I was actually *just* about to come back to this thread and suggest that she writes a note to Michael. Will a balloon still blow up alright with a note *inside* of it? I was thinking that she could write the note and then when I read your balloon idea, was thinking that she could put the note *inside* the balloon, and have it filled with helium (at some place like Party City or wherever) so that it will float up and away to Heaven.

The only thing that I would try to steer her away from are the tabloids and any television programming that is negative towards Michael or talks about his *alleged* pedophilia. She can read about that on her own when she's older, but for right now, it sounds like Michael Jackson is her idol and there's no reason to tarnish that in her innocent mind.

 

[a1tinkfans]

When I was a teenager, Maurice Gibb (of the Bee Gees) died. He was my favourite Bee Gee (yes, I'm 23, but I love the Bee Gees). I actually cried and was very upset. Listening to their music, watching the Sgt. Pepper movie, and watching my various videos of them (VH1 Storytellers, etc) helped me to grieve.

So... just help her to understand that Michael Jackson *IS* dead and will *NOT* be coming back, but that she can still like and appreciate his music and celebrate his life. Remind her that it is people like her who love his music so much that will keep his legacy alive. If you're religious, you can add in something about him being in Heaven now watching over her, or whatever you believe.

 

[WDWBarb]

It's a part of learning about the life and death process.

I remember so well when Elvis died. I was 7 and my mom yelled down to the basement where we were playing that the TV was reporting that he was dead. We had company over - another family was visiting and they had LOTS of kids. I sat in the corner on a couch, crying my eyes out. I just couldn't believe The King was dead.

I should also say that for a large part of my childhood, I actually believed that Elvis was my father because my mother seemed to like him more than she liked my dad!

I will say that I had a hard time dealing with the fact that my mother quit grieving when she heard his death was drug related. I didn't understand about drugs, but I was shocked that anyone could stop loving someone because of something like that. So I agree that you should steer your DD away from the negativity about Michael.

The teenager in me is extrememly sad about Michael's passing. When my DD was younger, I turned her on to Michael's music and she adored him. I had to have long talks with her about what other kids were saying to her about Michael and what the media was saying. I told her, "It doesn't change the music, it doesn't change the talent and we can't judge on something that we know nothing about."

So DD (now 15) and I are celebrating his life by re-visiting his music and his videos. We've enjoyed singing and dancing together. I attended the MJ "Thriller" dance held in my town last night (the crowd was absolutely enormous - how amazing the impact that man had on the world).

I think your DD can learn from this that there is a loss, but the legacy left behind should be celebrated.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

I think having her do something special to say goodbye is a great idea!! It's such a tough "growing up" moment when kids start to understand this kind of loss, and the permanence of it.

May I please go all greenie on you though and ask that you do not release a balloon. What goes up must come down as litter and if it lands in the ocean, animals could eat it. It's a really common problem.

Maybe she could pick some flowers and release them in a stream, if you have one nearby. Or write the letter and burn it in a fire and tell her her thoughts will go up with the smoke... Another idea is to make a small donation to a children's charity in his memory..

Not a lecture, just a request.

 

[maelstrom]

Another idea is to make a small donation to a children's charity in his memory.

I think this sounds like a really great idea as well. Michael obviously cared very much about children (in a positive way; I personally do not believe that he was a child molester) and this would be a great way to honour his memory.

 

[powellrj]

My oldest DS was also upset when Jim Henson died. He loved the muppets and felt his death greatly.

What we did was go out and buy a sympathy card for him. I took him to a store and we read all the cards and I let him pick out the one he wanted. For some reason it really brought him closure and he was much better. I am not sure where I even sent the card to, but I do know how much it helped him. My DS was 6 at the time.