Dating a seperated man

[ntburns22]

My sister (24) has just started dating a guy that is seperated and going through the process of a divorce. His divorce was supposed to be finalized in April, but now it is looking more like sometime in the fall. This guy is a great guy we know him very well because he is one of DH's friends. My dad is really upset that my sister is dating a married man. He said he refuses to come over our house if he is here. We are doing a couple cookouts this year like a big 4th of July bash. He has said countless times that he will tell him not to date while he is still married. My dad is a young 50 and is usually pretty easy going. I have no clue how to make this situation work. My sister is upset because she has been treated so badly in the past by former bf's that my dad loved. He has treated her like a princess and she is very happy. I hate to see her so upset about not having dad's approval.

 

[Evil Genius]

Your sister is old enough to make her own decisions. If she knows that this man is in the process of divorce and not just stringing her along, than I don't see a problem with them dating. Does your father think that other people will see her as "the other woman"?

 

[ntburns22]

Does your father think that other people will see her as "the other woman"?

That I think is what he is most worried about.

 

[golfgal]

Personally I wouldn't date a separated/divorced man unless I talked with his ex and several of their friends/family to find out exactly what happened because I would want to know what I was getting into (that and my DH might not like it much ). As far as your DS goes, she can't do anything to change your Dad's mind so it might just be best to let things be until his divorce is final. Hopefully by then your dad will come around.

 

[Sleepy]

His divorce was supposed to be finalized in April, but now it is looking more like sometime in the fall. This guy is a great guy we know him very well because he is one of DH's friends.

Problem is no matter how well you think you know someone (spouses, people being dated or even best friends), sometimes there are things about that person you will never know. As for this guy, he could be the greatest person in the world and then again he could be really good at keeping personal things at home to himself and having a wonderful outer shell around others. The delayed divorce would make me..... (oh darn, we need a red flag smilie).

 

[agnes!]

If she is important enough to him and if he wants some kind of *cordial* future relationship with your dad, then why does this nice guy have a problem waiting to date her until his divorce is final? Why can't the two of them just wait a little bit? Isn't "the fall" just a few months away?
I mean, yeah, she(DSis) is an adult, but this "nice guy" is setting himself up to have a nasty relationship with the dad.

I would *never* EVER date a man who wasn't legally free, meaning unmarried in the eyes of the law. It's just too messy for everyone. I would want to start everything off on the right foot. Plus people going through divorces are in emotional pressure-cookers. They don't always get divorced, sometimes folks change their minds.

Then where would your DSis be .

agnes!

 

[Jennifer48]

I think that if your DS likes him that much, then she should just stay friends with him for now until the divorce is final. If he really likes her, then he will wait for her and respect her wishes until after the divorce is final. Maybe then, that will give Dad time to cool down on the situation.

Just my opinion.

 

[lulugirl]

I think your sister is old enough to decide who she wants to date, your Dad should mind his business.
If I were you, I would refuse to be put in the middle....

 

[lindakmonty]

Your sister is old enough to make her own decisions. I know from experience that a divorce can drag on YEARS! Mine did! It took about 2 years to be final. My dh said he'd never date someone while going through a divorce, but he did ME...I didn't intend on meeting someone, wasn't out to meet someone at all... sometimes things just happen. Sometimes, things are just meant to me. Your sister is probably a lot of comfort through his tough time. It is really nice to have someone for support through a divorce. My family was very supportive b/c I was happy! Good luck to you and your sister.

 

[ntburns22]

Thanks for all the replies. Things just happened. Neither one of them were looking for a relationship right now. They were always just at the same place at the same time. They went out a couple times before we even knew about it. They just really click. I am just trying to avoid major drama on the 4th.

I really don't know the reason why the divorce was pushed back. I am trying to stay out of it. The wife has a criminal record that he didn't know about until he had to press charges against her for the same thing.

 

[ZachnElli]

Well, I'll put it out there. I dated dh while he was separated from his first wife. They had been separated for a year and she was living with another man. It was very hard telling my dad and he ranted and raved too, but he got over it. Dh was very young when he married the first time and it was a big mistake. Dh was not looking for a relationship and neither was I. My high school sweetheart wanted to get married and I wanted to finish college so I dumped him. Then I met my dh a few weeks later. We were head over heals for each other and tomorrow is our 14th wedding anniversary! Good luck to your sister! BTW, I sat in on the divorce proceedings!

 

[patsvette]

Well i was one of those married men that was going through a divorce when i met the wife im with now,she was 20 at the time i was 27,her father also dissapproved.I went to her father one night and pleaded my case,told him exactly why were getting divorced so he would know that im not just some guy trying to (yeah you know).From that point on her father and i hit it off ,i got divorced,and married his daughter 1 year later.Now its going on ten years and its great,have a 1 1/2 year old son and every day just keeps getting better.And her parents moved in right across the street from us.
I guess what im getting at is talk to your sister and have him go to your father and sit down and talk to him face to face.

 

[RitaZ.]

Well i was one of those married men that was going through a divorce when i met the wife im with now,she was 20 at the time i was 27,her father also dissapproved.I went to her father one night and pleaded my case,told him exactly why were getting divorced so he would know that im not just some guy trying to (yeah you know).From that point on her father and i hit it off ,i got divorced,and married his daughter 1 year later.

I think this is a good idea. Has the guy tried talking to your dad?

 

[ntburns22]

I think this is a good idea. Has the guy tried talking to your dad?

No 4th of July is going to be the first time they meet. They live about an hour and a half apart. Maybe I'll suggest a phone call. I would like some kind of common ground before the 4th.

 

[4greatboys]

I dont see a problem with it. If he really is seperated and they have a good relationship.

I was the seperated one when I started dating my dh. My x and I had been seperated for a year but not divoreced yet when we started dating. My dh to be knew this and so did his family. His mom asked if there was any chance of me getting back together with my x and I told them no way. We continued to date for a couple more years after my divorce was final before we married.
Im so glad dh didnt run in the other direction and that the gave us a chance.

 

[Marseeya]

I would *never* EVER date a man who wasn't legally free, meaning unmarried in the eyes of the law. It's just too messy for everyone. I would want to start everything off on the right foot. Plus people going through divorces are in emotional pressure-cookers. They don't always get divorced, sometimes folks change their minds.

Then where would your DSis be .

agnes!

You know what they say -- it ain't over til the fat lady sings. Why take your chances?

My DH and I were on the cusp of divorce. We both dated while we were separated. I made it very clear to the two men that I dated that I was open to a reconciliation with my DH. DH didn't "think" he was open to one, so he didn't say anything to the women he dated. Poor dears must've been heartbroken when we reconciled. (okay, well, one was a poor "dear," but the other one I had no sympathy for)