Dad has cancer, advice needed

[NeedaVacation03]

I really need the help of the DIS today.. I found out last night that my dad has cancer. I talked to the doctor and he said they need to check to see if it has spread and then start radiation. I live near my parents and see them on a regular basis, but can anyone tell me what to expect with the chemo and radiation. I know that it can vary between people.
Now my selfish question:: We were going to go to HHI 11/18-11/22 for a small get away- Dh, me and 4 dd's. Should we still go or cancel our plans?
We will be back for thanksgiving.
I am usually able to think things through, but today it is a struggle. Help please

 

[minnieandme]

to you and your family.

 

[Christine]

I'm sorry to hear this. Do you know what kind of cancer he has? It makes a difference as to how harsh the treatments are and what kind of toll they might take on him (for instance, thyroid cancer treatment is not a rough on you as colon cancer treatment).

 

[NeedaVacation03]

He has advanced throat cancer. They do not want to operate due to his age and the location of the cancer. The doctor feels radiation and chemo will be the best way to go.

 

[Frantasmic]

It sounds like it isn't too agressive if only radiation is being considered (prostate?).

You should be good to go if that's the case.

 

[Christine]

He has advanced throat cancer. They do not want to operate due to his age and the location of the cancer. The doctor feels radiation and chemo will be the best way to go.

I see! My grandmother had throat cancer when she was in her 70s. She had the laryngectomy surgery followed up by daily radiation for 6 weeks (she did not have chemo).

I can tell you that the radiation made her very tired but she was still able to function fairly well. Just needed a lot of naps. I'm not sure what the chemo will do--it's usually a lot tougher on the body than radiation.

I was in Japan when my grandmother went through this but I flew home for a month to take her to her radiation treatments (I didn't have a job at the time and it was a hardship for other family members to take off that much time everyday).

 

[TigerKat]

This is a tough one for me, as I lost my Dad almost one year ago. He too had cancer, however, it was treatable bladder cancer. He was originally diagnosed in 1993 and was 72 at the time. As he got older the treatments became harder and harder on him. He also had congestive heart failure to boot. I would suggest talking to the doctor after you have had time to digest all of this. I'm sure he/she can give you a pretty good idea of what to expect, depending on your Dad's age. As far as your vacation plans, his prognosis would be the deciding factor there. I had to cancel many vacations in the past, but I am an only child.

I'm not sure of your situation, as to other family available to help, but please feel free to PM me at any time if you need to talk. Prayers for you and your family!

Kathy

 

[mickeyboat]

I am so sorry to hear this and am sending good thoughts for a speedy recovery.

Take a deep breath. I think you should talk to your dad, and his doctor if possible, about whether or not you should take your trip. Is there anyone else around who can help your dad if he needs a ride to the doctor to the grocery store, etc. If so, and there is little expecetd chance of a grave turn for the worse, I would still go. I bet he would insist on it.

Denae

 

[tlstyxx1]

So sorry to hear the news. My mom had breast cancer and I remember clearly getting that phone call. I agree that you should check with the doctor & your dad and barring any immediate danger, you should go. Hopefully your dad has a neighbor or other family members who can keep tabs on him if you do go. Remember...stay positive. Your dad is lucky to have you nearby!

 

[4nana]

Oh sweetie, I feel your pain and send you a big . I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Sadly, I've been there with both of my parents and know the toll it takes.

In our case, my Dad (72yo) was dx with cancer of the Larynx. Fortunately DH and I were able to take him to his dr appts. and help him understand his illness and his options. Drs recommended a full Laryngectomy at our local VA Hospital, who gave him great care. They did not suggest chemo for him, as at his age would have been more difficult, but recommended 26 treatments of radiation. He did fine w/radiation with the exception it destroyed his thyroid, so he required meds. Praise God he beat the odds for about 12 yrs when unfortunately the cancer returned to the esophageal area. Thankfully VA kept him going through different procedures another couple yrs., till sadly we lost him at the age of 86yo.

Once you have time to absorb it all, please investigate all options and get several opinions for your Dad. Once he starts treatment you will get a better idea if you should continue your trip plans. My Dad would insist we go, as he did not like me hovering over him.

Sending prayers for all sweetie. I know how difficult it is, but you need to stay strong for your dear Dad, think positive and lean on your faith, family and friends. Hope his treaments plan allows him many good yrs. Godspeed ^i^

 

[MickeysMommy]

I just lost my Dad 8 months ago but not to that kind of cancer. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. The most important thing I can say is just to be there for him. I went to every treatment (once a month) with him for almost 3 years and was always up at my parents house - i know it may be different for you - but I was able to do so. Many to you!

 

[hlbtimes2]

Sorry to hear about your dad. Not sure what to tell you about your trip. I would probably wait and see as the diagnosis gets a little more clear and the treatments start to decide if you can go or not. Here is my experience:

Both of my parents have been thru chemo and radiation. Mom had breast cancer (8 years ago), dad had lung cancer ( 3 1/2 years ago). Mom had a mastectomy, followed by chemo, then radiation after the chemo was done. She had a pretty easy go of it. Yes, the chemo made her sick and the radiation was a bit painful. But, over all the surgery was the worst part of it for her. She never even lost her hair. She is now cancer free.

Dad wasnt so lucky. His had two tumors. One in his lung and one near or on his esophogus (sp?) (small cell lung cancer that had spread). They couldnt operate. They did chemo and radiation at the same time. It was extremely hard on him. He only made it 5 weeks from the time of the diagnosis. They were pumping him full of fluid because because of the chemo. Then they damaged his lungs with the radiation. The fluid they were giving him couldnt get out of his lungs and it killed him. We never expected to loose him so quickly.

 

[Hedy]

::hugs:: Having lost my father to cancer complications, my opinion is that the brief trip will be for the best. If it's *really* bad at that point, you can always cancel. However, life is going to, erm, stink deeply for a while, so I vote for some enjoyment.

 

[safetymom]

I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[NeedaVacation03]

Thank you all so much. It is nice to be able to have people to bounce it off of. I truly have no idea what to expect. I want to be there for my dad.
I always knew I didn't want to be a grown up and life just keeps reinforcing that belief
Thanks for all the nice thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate them.

 

[SillyMe]

My mom is battling her second round of breast cancer. She just had a mastectomy two weeks ago and is waiting to find out if she needs chemo. The best advice I could give you is to talk to your dad and find out how he feels about it. I had the same dilemma. My sister wants me to visit her in Florida next month, but I wanted to be here for my mom if she needs chemo. Mom told me to go. She has other people to help her out those few days if she needs the help. My prayers to you and your family.

 

[Buckalew11]

to you. My dad also has cancer. he is in his last days after a 3 1/2 year fight with aggressive Prostate cancer.

I hate cancer.

I will pray for your dad and family and for minimal side effects from the chemo radiation.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I'm sorry for your dad
Saying a prayer for your family

 

[LuvTigger]

I know a few people who became grouchy when they were going through chemo. Not necessarily directed toward others, but I guess they were more easily agitated than they were prior to chemo, so it's possible that the chemo affects moods. One person I knew also experienced lack of bowel control at times, although I'm not sure if that was directly related to the chemo or cancer.

Best wishes to you, your dad, and your family.

 

[NeedaVacation03]

I know a few people who became grouchy when they were going through chemo. Not necessarily directed toward others, but I guess they were more easily agitated than they were prior to chemo, so it's possible that the chemo affects moods. One person I knew also experienced lack of bowel control at times, although I'm not sure if that was directly related to the chemo or cancer.

This gave me a chuckle. My dad has always been grouchy. We have always said that the movie Grumpy Old Men was filmed without him. So I can not even imagine him more grumpy I know that it is not really funny, but it did give me a smile for a minute.


Thank you everyone for your prayers. I will include all of your families in my prayers also. You can never have too many prayers. It is really hard to imagine that so many people are going through similiar experiences as you. It is nice to have the internet to share these things. I can't think of what I would be doing without people to bounce things off of . Thanks