Dabby’s Chpt 6 added (pg 2)- Now in Brilliant Technicolor!

[Tinkershell]

Chapter One - Dabby's Deliquent Disney Documentary

We are going to WDW in December and this will be our kid’s second trip. In a moment I’m going to tell you our kid’s age and I need to prepare you that they are not quite as young as many of you might expect. I say this because I realize that, for many of the people on this board, your kids second trip to WDW normally occurs sometime in their third trimester. Before I continue, I would like to point out that A: we have also taken the kids to DL twice and 2) this is actually the 4th trip to WDW for Tinkershell and I. With that being said, our son is 13 and our daughter is 10. Order! Order! Another outburst like that and I’ll clear this message board!

So if we aren’t going to WDW until December, why am I writing a trip report? Good question, but you didn’t raise your hand so I’m afraid your name will be going on the black board. The answer is simple. I’ve got the Disney bug but it’s too early to do anything relating to our upcoming trip. I had always planned on writing a report about our last trip but, sadly, once the experience was over I lost my vim and vigor and went back to watching unhealthy amounts of televised sports. I’m not proud of that but it is what it is. Then, it hit me. Maybe I could dig out Tinkershell’s notes from our last trip, blow the dust off the ol’ gray matter and see what happens.

Now, I’m not an expert on trip reporting but I have done a little homework and found that a couple of things seen to fall under the category of “unwritten rules.” I come from a long line of rule-followers and I think its safe to say that if something is presented to me as a rule, it’s gonna be followed.

First rule, fictitious names must be assigned to family members. Luckily, I already refer to my daughter as “Woobie” and my son as “Baba” so this first part is a piece of cake. My wife is a little tougher nut to crack. I’ve got a broad range of knick names to choose from, including “Sweets”, “Bugs”, “P”, “P-pod”,“Peabody” and pretty much any other combination of letters and a P. For simplicity’s sake, I’m using her self-selected Disboard name of Tinkershell. As for myself, I will normally go with “I” or “me” because I’m writing this report in the first person and that’s just how it works. However, for the sake of propriety, my daughter calls me Dabby.

Second rule, never use the actual names of things. Please raise your right hand and repeat after me: “proper names of people, places or things that might assist the reader in actually understanding what you are referring to should be replaced with acronyms at all times.” Well, a rules a rule but, I must admit, the dizzying array of acronyms often times leaves me SAD (Searching for Acronym Definitions) or UTUWYPAS (Unable To Understand What You People Are Saying.)

Let’s begin.
The year was 2005. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. The night was moist. A royal edict had come down from Tinkershell that the children were ripe for a trip to WDW. We decided upon early October because that was when the kids were out of school and I’ve always felt that proper book learnin is one of the goodest things ya can do fer yer youngens. We booked our trip for seven days and six nights at the Carribean Beach Resort somewhat by mistake because I thought it was the “caribou” beach resort and I’ve always loved deer. In booking our flight, we fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is to never get involved in a land war in Asia, but the only slightly less well-known one is this: never use Delta Skymiles when ease of travel is on the line. As it turned out, we just weren’t seeing eye to eye with Delta on the subject of travel dates. On a brighter note, several months later, I stumbled upon a sweet little deal I like to call “free dining” and officially became the smartest man on earth. How smart you ask? Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons.

Finally, the big day arrived. Our departing flight was a bit earlier than we had hoped for (thanks Delta Skymiles!) so we were up at 3:40 am and off to the airport with Woobie and Baba belting out “99 bottles of beer” from the backseat. Its funny what can become a family vacation tradition. If your kids are still young, you might want to nip “99 bottles of beer” in the bud. On long car trips, they go all the way down to “1" and, let me tell you, it ain’t pretty.

On the first of our 19 connecting flights on the way to Orlando (thanks Delta Skymiles!), Woobie started to feel a little sick. After about 20 minutes of watching his sister breath into an airsickness bag, Baba couldn’t bear the suspense and (quite loudly I might add) inquired “HAS WOOBIE BARFED YET?” After assuring Baba and rows 24-32 that she had indeed not barfed yet, we settled back to watch the in-flight movie of “Bewitched” which, if I remember correctly, received a fair amount of Oscar attention that year. During our first layover, we decided we should get Woobie a little something to settle her stomach so we grabbed some greasy chicken strips and fries and headed for our next gate. Upon boarding our next flight, Woobie quickly checked her seat pocket and, with genuine joy, proclaim “YAY, I HAVE A BARF BAG!” I don’t know, maybe we need to buy our kids more stuff.

We arrived in Orlando without further incident and began our search for the Disney Magical Express bus area. At this point I should mention that I have a tendency to needlessly worry about things like, oh I don’t know.. ,whether we will wander around the airport for hours and never ever be able to find the Disney Magical Express bus area. Luckily, Tinkershell is the ying to my yang and understands that sometimes, in extreme cases, asking a simple question is preferable to staggering around an airport in a blind panic. So she walks up to a gift shop employee and asks about the buses. The girl behind the counter is helpful enough to tell us the buses are “over there” and accompanies that little nugget of vague information with a sweep of her arm that easily included 60% the airport. I was looking for something more like “the buses are in this general area right in here, below the stereo but to this side of the bicentennial glasses, somewhere between the ashtrays and the thimbles, somewhere in this three inches right in here, in this area that includes the chicklets but not the erasers. By this point, I’m doubled over by the magazine rack and breathing into one of Woobie’s souvenir barf bags. Funny thing, it turns out the buses were really easy to find and I had absolutely nothing to worry about. I would like to say that I learned a valuable lesson that day. That’s what I’d like to say.

Baba & Tinkershell on Disney Magical Express
(the peace sign is his "go-to" move)

We checked into the CBR at about 4:00 pm and Woobie and Baba immediately christened our room by jumping back and forth from bed to bed. They do this every time we stay in a hotel and it causes me great anguish as I imagine the startled people below us gazing up into a gentle shower of ceiling plaster. Eventually, I was able to restore order and, after assuring hotel security everything was under control and slipping him a finsky for his trouble, it was time for the vacation to begin. A quick glance at Tinkershell’s non-negotiable itinerary told us that our first evening would be spent in the Magic Kingdom (whoops, I mean MK, my bad.)

We headed for the bus stop and here began a trend that continued for our entire trip. It didn’t matter which park we were headed for, but as soon as we got to the sidewalk in front of our building, we would see the bus we needed rumble past us heading for our bus stop 50 yards away. Obviously, we’re gonna make that bus, so what inevitably ensued was a wild scramble through the parking lot and down the road, fanny packs flapping, and arms waving in that time-tested “hold the bus” fashion. As far as our kids are concerned, all WDW bus rides start w/ 5 minutes of Dabby gasping for breath and Tinkershell moaning and clutching her side.

Next up: Wishes, Spectromagic and the bus ride from heck-fire.

 

[IATink]

I love your writing style! It makes me feel like I'm there. I'm looking forward to reading more!

 

[Tinkershell]

I just read your trip report and it is GREAT!

You are awesome, Dabby!

from the tinkershell

 

[Tinkershell]

Lets review, it’s the first day of our vacation and we’re on a bus to MK. It was a glorious afternoon and the plan was to grab some dinner and then catch Spectromagic and Wishes. If we had time to hit a couple rides that would be the icing on the cake; or the mustard on the brat; or … well just something extra that makes a good thing even better.

It was our maiden voyage on a Disney bus and I was relieved to find that it dropped us off close to the entrance not in some ditch by the road where we had to wade through marshes and crawl through culverts like I had secretly feared on the ride over. I try to do most of my worrying in secret because most of it is about silly stuff which turns out to be fine and then, afterward, Tinkershell points her finger at me and laughs. I hate that.

We navigated our way through security and headed for Mainstreet USA. Only one hurdle remained between us and the happiest place on earth; the sinister tunnel of strollers. Tinkershell has a problem with strollers. She always wants one really bad. If they offered stroller rentals at the bus stop, I think she would rent one there; turn it back in at the park entrance; and then walk through the gates to rent a stroller. She wants one really bad even though we have no babies. No babies, no toddlers, no ankle-nippers, just a couple of good healthy kids perfectly capable of enjoying the park on their own two feet. On this particular night, we were only in the park for the evening so I probably would have be OK but, just to be safe, I distracted her with candy and comic books until we had left the strollers safely behind.

Mainstreet USA is an awesome place. You walk out into the shops and music and tree-lined streets and there at the end of it all is Cindarelly’s Castle. It was Disney’s 50th Anniversary and the castle was dressed to the nines. Ok, I’m not really sure what that means but I’m hoping it means “looked really fancy”. We started toward Fantasyland, making little progess with Tinkershell stopping us every 10 feet to take another picture with the castle in the background. 45 minutes and two memory cards later, we reached our destination. Seeing as we had some time to burn before strapping on the old feedbag, we decided that the award for official first attraction of the trip would go to (drumroll please)….Mickey’s Philharmagic!

After suffering through Philharmagics acceptance speech thanking Disney for its support and the Imagineer that made it all possible, we were ushered into the auditorium and treated to some Disney magic that was simply the perfect way to start the trip. A number of years before in DL, we had taken the kids to see “Honey, I shrunk the audience” and all we got out of that decision had been a lot of therapy. So this was better.

A lot of familes couldn't pull this look off

After Philharmagic, we headed for Columbia Harbor House to eat. We knew we were going to be spending some quality time with this particular establishment because they had chicken strips. You see, chicken strips, or “fingers” if you prefer, are high on the list of the three or four food items that our kids will even consider eating. Years ago, we were assured by friends and family that, “someday”, our children would eventually start eating things like liver and asparagus on their own. Some cosmic phenomenon would intervene and our children would naturally take there rightful place in the nutritional universe. Who was I to argue? At this point, I have come to grips with the knowledge that I will probably not live to see “someday.” Tinkershell and I had the “Captain’s Special” and we had heard on the Disboards that you could substitute a cup of clam chowder for a dessert under the dining plan. We had a couple of desserts to spare because our kids won’t touch gross foods like “pie” or “cake” or “most cookies” so we gave it a shot. This whole substituting idea makes me uncomfortable because, to me, substituting seems like breaking the rules. People went to a lot of trouble to set up these menus and who am I to suggest they were wrong. So I had Tinkershell do it. That’s my way.

After dinner, we staggered out into the street reeking of pie and chowder and began looking for a place to watch the parade. Tinkershell had a variety of choice viewing spots in mind, all of which involved traveling great distances in a very short amount of time, so she settled for a spot just below the castle where we were able to grab some curb and enjoy an incredible show.

Baba waiting for the parade
(apparently he's some sort of moose)

After the parade, we began to sidle back up Mainstreet USA to find a place to watch “Wishes”. Our family is pretty big on fireworks. If a neighborhood kid lights up a sparkler, we’re likely to breakout some lawn chairs and give him a standing ovation when its over. “Wishes” is way better than sparklers. In fact, when the last of the music died away and the smoke began to clear, I felt (you guessed it) numb.

So far, the night had gone off without a hitch ….and that’s when I should have known we were in trouble. At 9:00 someone must have fired a starting pistol because everybody turned and began to bull rush the exits. Tinkershell and I exchanged smug looks because we had done our homework and planned to do a little shopping before heading for the buses. So we meandered over to Main Street Cinema to pick us up a Pal Mickey. I had a coupon. We made our purchase and relaxed while the kids watched a couple movies. We were in no hurry because we knew exactly what we were doing. I love it when a plan comes together.

Thirty minutes or so later, we exited the park and headed for the buses. Suddenly, my “worry” senses began to tingle. The designated Caribou Beach Resort bus area was teeming with people. I’m not talking about teeming in the sense that there was going to be 30-40 people ahead of us in line. I’m talking about teeming in the biblical sense. There were so many people waiting for buses that the mass of humanity had spilled out from under the covered areas and possibly millions of people were forming multiple make-shift lines. I can’t do make-shift lines! Where are the ropes? I don’t see any ropes!

We waited for one hour before we wearily climbed on our bus only to greeted by the world’s perkiest grandmother sitting behind the wheel. This lady was toast. Unaware of her imminent danger, she grabbed the microphone and, in a cheerful tone mind you, began to apologize for the delay. She assured everyone that the problem had been solved and this type of delay would never occur again. Her apology was met with dead silence which was probably the best possible scenario she could have hoped for. Undeterred, she grabbed her microphone and announced it was time to sing a song. At this point, I honestly felt that I had no choice but to plug this lady in the back of the bean with our newly-purchased Pal Mickey. I had an obligation to my family and the rest of the bus to end this madness.

Funny thing, by the time we got to our hotel that spunky little Aunt Bea had the whole bus belting out “M-I-C…K-E-Y…M-O-U-S-E!” You don’t experience many true miracles in life but, I got to believe, we experienced on that night. By the way, that bus-driving Bettie White was true to her word. We never had another problem with the buses.

Next up: Animal Kingdom and Tinkershell’s Quest for Dry Socks

 

[mrp4352]

Hi Dabby and Tinkershell!

Just had to tell you, I read what you have so far outloud to my Mom last night. Several times we had to stop while she (well, we) regained control!

Can't wait for more!

 

[Tinkershell]

Thanks for reading! So glad to hear you are liking the trip report!

 

[Tinkershell]

It’s the morning of our first full day at WDW and a quick check of Tinkershell’s non-negotiable itinerary indicates its an AK day. This was pretty exciting because the last time Tinkershell and I were at WDW, AK was just a gleam in Michael Eisner’s eye and what could possibly be better than visiting a WDW park for the first time. Ok, that’s better. Ok, that’s better. Ok that’s potentially better if it’s warm enough but on a cloudy day I’d still take the first time in a WDW park thing.

Six months ago, when we were making our dining plans, it had seemed like a perfect plan to start the day at Breakfastasaurus for …well…breakfast. The thing we didn’t consider at the time, as we were all hopped up on free dining and character meals, was the minor fact that, while all the clocks would be set on eastern standard time, our bodies would still be stuck in mountain standard time. Ergo, even though those evil little red digital numbers on the alarm clock looked me square in the eyes and swore to me it was 6:30 am, my brain wasn’t buying it. “4:30 am, rise and shine! Who’s ready for some flapjacks!” The answer: nobody. Nobody is ready for some flapjacks at 4:30 am. Nobody gets up in the dead of night and says “shhhh..go back to sleep dear, I’m just having a little trouble sleeping so I thought I’d go out to the kitchen and fix myself some eggs, bacon, sausage, muffins, hash browns, juice, toast and coffee.” Granted, I’ve got a couple of old fraternity buddies that might be able to poke a few holes in that last statement but that was a totally different set of circumstances and, frankly, I can’t believe you even brought it up.

Anywho, a quick glance out the window revealed that some farmer must have been up late praying for rain because it was coming down pretty good. You got to have a lot of nerve to put “sunshine state” right on your license plates and then wake me up to this. Luckily, Tinkershell was prepared for everything and, after showing me she had nothing up her sleeve, with a flourish she produced 4 rain slickers out of thin air. I love it when she does that.

A "moist" day in the sunshine state

When we arrived at Breakfastasaurus, we found that all the prime dry waiting places were already occupied so we flipped up the hoods on our slickers and seated ourselves around a little table to wait in the drizzle. I believe this was my first glimpse of Tinkershell’s little dry socks problem. Apparently, she had been on the disboards and gotten the impression that, without dry socks, it was impossible to have anything but a disastrous experience at WDW. Literally, our life depended on our ability to maintain dry feet. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against dry socks but we were about to spend a full day outdoors and, oh by the way, its raining. Under the circumstances, I’m not sure that four sets of perfectly dry feet was a realistic goal. Nevertheless, Tinkershell was clearly worried about whether our kids feet were directly under the table or were too close to a puddle until, finally our table was ready and we were ushered inside.

Breakfastasaurus was nice. We had hoped that our kids would eat a bit more than they did but the bacon wasn’t exactly how mom made it at home and the sausage had the unmitigated gall to be patties but we were able to force enough down them to hold them over until lunch. Obviously, the biggest reason you go to Breakfastasaurus is for the characters and that part was as good as advertised, although I was a little embarrassed to find out I was wearing the same shirt as Mickey. A word to the wise, it’s probably best not to wear a bluish-green leafy hawaiian shirt to AK. Later in the day, some crabby lady came up and asked me an AK question because she thought I was a CM and then yelled at me for wearing a bluish-green leafy shirt. I felt that the freedom to wear a bluish-green leafy shirt was one of the unalienable rights our founding fathers fought for, so I said to her “Well, you can say what you want about my bluish-green leafy shirt crabby lady, but I’m not going to sit her and listen to you bad mouth the United State of America!” and then I turned around and left... humming the national anthem. Ok, I didn’t really but that's what I plan to do next time.

After breakfast, we headed for Kilimanjaros Safari. Now before you judge me, don’t forget that this trip report is a flash-back and is occurring pre-Expedition Everest. Yes, I am fully aware that everyone entering the park is contractually obligated to rush to EE for their first ride of the day but, seeing as it didn’t exist, I hope you’ll give us a free pass on this one. After the Safari, we grabbed a fasspass to go again later and headed for Kali River Rapids. It’s still raining by the way. I guess chilly and rainy doesn’t put most people in the mood for a water flume because, although the safari ride was pretty dang busy, there was nobody at KRR. Go figure. I mean were wet already.

Throughout all of this, Tinkershell had been keeping a pretty close eye on the sock situation and I started to get an uneasy feeling like you get when you realize someone seems to be washing their hands too much. It started out with fairly normal things like “watch out for the puddle” or “couldn’t you at least try walking on your hands” but when she tried to cram the kids feet into the little zippered water-proof area in the middle of the raft, I felt I had to stage an intervention. “Tinkershell, first of all we all love you and we’re only doing this intervention because we're all worried that you might be turning into a total nut job.” Overall, I felt it went as good as could be expected.

After KRR, we decided to catch the Lion King Show before lunch. We ended up sitting in the elephant section which, unbeknownst to us, is where all the non-disboard losers sit. We know better now. Its just that I can make such a good elephant noise that I thought it was destiny. Never mind the fact that we spent the entire show staring at the business end of Simba, I was trumpeting like a champ.

We settled on Pizzafari for lunch because our kids loves them some pizza. Tinkershell and I were still processing mexican hash browns and breakfast pizza from earlier in the day so we just settled for their desserts (because our kids don’t eat things like “pie” and “cake” and “most cookies.”)

After lunch, we nonchalantly started to steer the kids over towards “Dinosaur”. You see, our kids don’t want to go on Dinosaur. In fact, they had made it perfectly clear that they were terrified of the thought of going on Dinosaur. Ah, what do they know? They're just a couple of kids. I'm sure they'll love it. To get them in the mood, we decided to start out small on Primeval Whirl.

So how was Primeval Whirl? Absolutely no idea. After standing in line for an eternity, we were loaded into a car just in time for the sunshine state to treat us to a torrential downpour. The only way that you could appreciate our experience is if someone sat across from you in your car, held their thumb across the end of a garden hose and squirted you squarely in the face….for the entire ride. I believe there is a very good reason why the ride was not designed this way. It’s not that fun. But it was very funny.

Post dousing

Here’s the kicker, something about that awful experience cause our kids to change their mind about Dinosaur. I don’t know if it was the drenched clothing or the near-drowning experience or just the fact that Tinkershell had finally given up on the socks but our kids were good to go for Dinosaur and we hustled them over there toot sweet. And let me tell you, that picture we bought in the Dinosaur gift shop with our kids curled up in the fetal position on the floor of the car …..priceless.

The rest of the day was fun but uneventful. A parade here; A tree of life there, that type of thing. The real excitement came at the end of the day. The plan was to grab some McDonalds for the kids on the way out of the park and then Tinkershell and I would grab something to eat at Caribou Beach Resort while the kids frolicked in the pool. It was a good plan…..a good, solid plan. Then my worrying nature finally caught up to me. We actually had McDonalds in hand and were just about to leave the park when I remembered that a sign on the buses said “no drinks”. No drinks, that’s the rule yet here we are with drinks in our hands and heading for the buses. Obviously, this will never do. So I stop the procession and announce that we will not be bringing our drinks on the bus because that would be a blatant violation of the rule clearly stating “no drinks.” I know, I’m a very sick person.

Now, Tinkershell knows that its either ditch the drinks or I’ll starting knocking on my forehead and repeating “V-E-R-N…..V-E-R-N” so we take a few gulps of the drinks and pitch them in the trash. Immediately after exiting the park, we notice that number one son Baba is empty-handed. That’s odd, where are his McDonald’s chicken nuggets and fries? Why, in the trash dummy along with the forbidden drinks. Hmmm, I didn’t see that coming. Now what? I certainly couldn’t walk back to the entrance gate and beg to be let back into the park so that I could root around in the garbage for my dinner. So I had Tinkershell do it. That’s my way.

Next up: Magic Kingdom and “What’s a larboard side?”

 

[Tinkershell]

It was a MK morning and I was awakened by the muffled chaos that is Tinkershell’s early morning preparation. The gentle clicking of the curling iron; the periodic rummaging through the make-up bag.

Caribou Beach Resort rooms have a curtain between the beds and the vanities. Granted, a “curtain door” is not exactly top shelf but, when backlit, it did provide a fascinating shadow puppet demonstration of Tinkershell’s beauty gyrations. At one point, it appeared as if she had taken the bottom of her left foot and placed it against the small of her back and then thrown her right arm across the back of her neck like a scarf.

Why women have never discovered the simple genius that is the baseball cap I’ll never know.

It was our 2nd WDW morning and, already, I was starting to see the monumental conflict that Tinkershell was experiencing in regards to waking the kids. She had done her research and was fully aware of the importance of getting an early start at WDW. Rule #1: get there early! When she boarded that plane for Orlando, I truly believe that in her heart she was committed to rule #1. That being said, as far as our family knows, there may not even be a rope drop. Oh sure, we’ve heard about them in songs and fables but we didn’t even got a sniff of one.

Why, you ask? I wish I knew. Somewhere down the line, Tinkershell got a hold of a bad parenting book. Perhaps it was a Russian book, poisoned by Chernobyl. In any event, she’s pretty much convinced that children from the age of 0 - 21 need to average 17.5 hours of sleep a night. Oh, and that’s not all. She keeps a running tab. If the kids get only, oh I don’t know, say 15.5 hours of sleep on any given night, they of course will need to get 19.5 hours of sleep the next night in order to balance the ledger.

What a conundrum. How on earth does Tinkershell reconcile these two seemingly irreconcilable objectives? Allow me to demonstrate. Imagine, if you will, a long stretch of railroad track. At one end of the track is a train we will call “get to the park early” and at the other end of the track is a train we will call “kids need an insane amount of sleep.” Both trains leave their stations and hurtle towards each other at an ever increasing rate of speed. At the exact instant the mushroom cloud appears, that’s when you wake the kids.

It was to be our first full day at MK and this was the day we had decided to unveil the tie-dye mickey shirts. I had seen these shirts on Disboards and they had appealed to me in a way that few non-football related things ever do. After a few disastrous test runs, I had devised a rubber band configuration utilizing most of the theory of relativity and bits and pieces of advanced string theory that produced a pretty darn good tie-dye shirt with a big fat mickey in the middle.

Right on cue, the MK bus was idling at our bus stop as we stampeded across the parking lot to catch it. As soon as we got on the bus, we started to get a lot of attention for our shirts. Problem is, I don’t like a lot of attention. It’s just not my thaang. Maybe I should have thought this t-shirt thing through. I guess I assumed everybody would be wearing bright pink, yellow and blue mickey t-shirts. Nope, just us.

Tinkershell made us embrace


We arrived at MK and, as I feared, there were no ropes to be seen. I considered offering a CM a finski to stretch out his belt for a faux rope drop but decided to save my money for one of those Dole Whips that everybody talks about but nobody ever seems to eat.

Ignoring conventional wisdom, we headed for Fantasyland first. Obviously, it wasn’t crowded because everybody with a clue had headed for either Space Mountain or Splash Mountain (SM or SM? That’s odd. I’m sure there’s a solution for that in Advanced Acronyms 301). Because all of the people in the know were at the good rides, we were able to ride Winnie the Pooh a couple times in a row with no wait. Same thing with Peter Pan and It’s a Small World.

At this point, the kids were all hopped up on Disney spirit so I suggested we head for the Haunted Mansion, one of my personal favorites.

I wouldn’t exactly categorize our children as adventurous. This is why we didn’t head straight for SM or SM in the first place. They like to ease into things, kind of like a warm bath. Baby steps to the Haunted Mansion queue. Baby steps to the Haunted Mansion door. Baby steps to that circular stretching room where all the teenagers think its funny to scream in mock terror and completely undo all of the progress I made with all those previous baby steps.

Of course, it probably didn’t help that we had almost scared the Teppanyaki out of our kids at Dinosaurs the day before. Using soothing tones and gentle caresses, we were able to convince Woobie to enter the mansion. So how did it turn out, you ask? OK, I guess. She wasn’t really scared but she just doesn’t like it. Her first experience with HM was in DL when she was five and they had a whole “Nightmare before Christmas” thing going on. I guess she just misses Jack Skellington.

After HM, we headed for POTC.

Fastpasses for Maelstrom but not POTC, re…he….heeeeally.

Its just that POTC seems quite a bit more popular than Maelstrom and there is always such a long line but.....well, I’m sure they have their reasons.

After we had boarded our vessel and had just reached the point in the ride where the pirates are in the process of buying & selling kidnaped women, the ride stopped. “We wants the redhead!” “Show us your larboard side!” These are not exactly the concepts you want your children to have time to pause and reflect upon.

Woobie: “What do they mean; show us your larboard side?” Dabby: “Well, honey....sweetie....., they...um....want them to...ah.... turn around.” Baba: “Why do they want them to turn around?” Dabby: “Boy, I wonder what’s taking them so long up there? I really wish they’d get this puppy moving.” Woobie: “So, why do they want them to turn around?” Dabby: “To...ah....see if they are... pretty from... the.. ah.. backish.. direction...... ..say, whose up for the Tiki birds after this?”

After riding “Pirates of the Caribbean: the End of Childhood Innocence”, I set off for Splash Mountain to get some fastpasses while Tinkershell, Baba and Woobie headed for Aladdin’s Magic Carpets. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I didn’t want to ride the carpets. As a child, I had a bad experience with a camel.


After Tinkershell and the kids had been spit on for awhile, we rode Splash Mountain, Philharmagic and ended up at Belle’s Story Time. Somewhere in that period of time, I stole Tinkershell’s magic. I (conveniently) don’t remember all the details but I know that we were cutting though Frontierland and heading for the castle when we happened upon a line of children waiting for autographs from Woody and whats-her-name......the female Woody.

Long story short, Tinkershell wanted to stop and I was on some type of mission to get somewhere and, by the time the dust settled, I had committed grand theft magic. Sadly, I had forgotten the lyrical wisdom of the great singer/songwriter Mac Davis:

You got to stop and collect the autographs
You’ve got to count your many blessings everyday
You’re gonna find your way to Cinderella’s Castle is a rough and rocky road
If you don’t stop and collect the autographs along the way​

Lunch was at Tony’s Town Square. Steak for lunch...woohooo! Does life get any better than this? I submit that it does not! Tinkershell did the math and figured lunch would have cost about $130 bucks were it not for the miracle of free dining. At some point during the meal, Woobie got dusted. Nobody saw it happen but, all of a sudden, the top of her head and shoulders were covered with little golden Mickeys. Pretty cool.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

After lunch, we settled in for the 3:00 parade. Guess what? It started to rain. Hard. What is the deal with parades and rain?. Somebody ought to cram Cinderella in a snow globe and tour the world’s drought stricken nations. Come to think of it, that’s the best idea I’ve had since “feeding mayonnaise to live tuna.” Since we were wearing our surprisingly stylish slickers, we used the downpour as an opportunity to sweep by all the people huddled in store entrances and make a beeline for Stitch.

I’ve got to be honest. I wasn’t feeling Stitch. Dark, smelly, it reminded me of getting stuffed in a gym locker in junior high. Er....I mean, it reminded me of stuffing some poor loser in a gym locker in junior high. Because, I was cool.

After Stitch, we stuck around in Tomorrowland. Baba was able to hit the maximum score on Buzz Lightyear (little cheater). We started our love affair with Carousel of Progress (yes, we are the ones singing along).

This is what happens to cheaters

We even got our kids on Space Mountain. Its hard to describe the expressions on their faces when they realized that they had to sit in the car by themselves. All alone…..in the dark. Tinkershell was in front. I was next. The kids were behind us....I think. I didn’t hear a peep out of them for the entire ride. Total silence.

After emotionally scarring our children for the second straight day, Tinkershell decided to take Woobie to Cinderellabration (funny, spell check doesn’t like Cinderellabration. It’s almost as if its not a real word). Baba and I used the opportunity to squeeze in a couple of Buzz Lightyears and a Philharmagic (again with the spell check. Have I perhaps misspelled Philharmagic?) Afterwards, we met up with a very dejected Tinkershell and Woobie who had waited 40 minutes for a Cinderellabration that was eventually rained out.

Magic gone. Not my fault.

It was a Spectromagic night. Because we had seen the parade the night before last, we decided to take advantage of the distraction to hit some rides. Did I just refer to Spectromagic as a distraction? If you just went numb, flap your hands around a bit until full feeling is restored. Better? Lets proceed. We rode Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain in the dark. Richard, I’ve seen a lot of things in my life but that.....was......awesome! Truly one of the highlights of the trip.


We wrapped up the night by heading to Main Street for Wishes. During the show, Woobie stationed herself in the middle of the street and did her best impression of Mickey controlling the fireworks ala Fantasmic. I noticed some old codger shooting her glances with an expression on his face like he was annoyed. I walked up to him and said: “Oh, I’m sorry. Is my 8 year old daughter’s spontaneous display of joy interrupting your 99,000th time experiencing fireworks? Hmmmm, perhaps, this is some type of payback for when you were 8 years old and annoyed the guy who was inventing the wheel.” OK, I didn’t really say that. But next time I will.

After wishes, we immediately headed for the buses. No dilly dallying around this time. You may remember we had a bad experience our first night at MK. Tonight, we waited for maybe 10 minutes tops before boarded our bus and were whisked back to our hotel.

It was a glorious night. Probably the best night since the 1994 SEC Championship game when my beloved Gators beat Alabama by a single point. Go Gators!

Next up: MGM and the incredible shrinking morning.

 

[Tinkershell]

Another great chapter Dabby! You are awesome
love, your DW, tinkershell

 

[estherhead]

Awesome, awesome. Football, WDW, and sarcasm are some of MY favorite things in the world too.

I have a secret to tell you, tho, that may get me kicked off from reading this TR. I'm an OSU fan. Can I stay anyway? Please?

 

[Tinkershell]

Absolutely you can stay! Its all about the Gators and Buckeyes lately anyway.

Whoops, unless you're an Oregon State fan. In that case, go Beavers!

Er, I forgot about Oklahoma State. How bout them Cowboys?

Dang, I hate acronyms.

Dabby

 

[estherhead]

No, no I meant THE Ohio State Buckeyes. I was just worried, you know, with it just constantly being Gators-Buckeyes there might be some rivalry there. Who is Oklahoma anyway? They have a team? Is that like the New Jersey State football team? Ha!

As for the NFL, as a die hard (and you must be to be one) Bengals fan I never critisize other NFL teams. What footing would I have to do such critiqueing? Except for the Steelers. Dag-burn Pittsburgh.

 

[Tinkershell]

Chapter 5 – MGM & the Incredible Shrinking Morning

So here we are on Thursday and where has the time gone. Why, just yesterday it seemed like it was Wednesday.. It is our MGM day and I have no recollection of a rope drop. Hmmm, that’s odd. It’s so critically important to get to the parks early that I’m sure DW wouldn’t have let the kids sleep in again. Would she?

As we entered the park, it hit to me that we had absolutely no plan for the day. Nothing. Nada. MGM was a bit of a poor fit for us. You see, the kids weren’t sold on TOT or RnRC and those are the must-see attractions so that leaves......what? Apparently, we didn’t know.

Tossing a handful of grass in the air, we discovered that the wind was blowing us towards Voyage of the Little Mermaid. That’s not entirely true. The truth is: that’s where Tinkershell wanted to go. I had another destination in mind, but, after slipping out of my pants and handing them to DW, I hiked up my skirt and we headed for her choice.

At this point, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first? The bad news? That’s funny. I had you pegged as more of a glass half full kind of person. Anyhoo, the bad news was that the Little Mermaid choice (or the Scott Farkle incident as it became known) sent us spiraling into a series of unfortunate incidents from which we barely recovered. The good news? Ahhhh, the good news was......I was right! The Little Mermaid was a mistake. In your face Tinkershell! Can you feel that! Can you feel that!

Allow me to provide the gory details (interesting side note, when I am wrong, I rarely provide the gory details). When we arrived at Little Mermaid, we had just missed a show. Rats! Twenty minutes until the next one. No problemo, we’ll grab a fast pass for VOTLM and head on over to the Great Movie Ride.

Now, the Great Movie Ride wasn’t the problem. It was a great ride....involving... movies. We had a short wait and managed to give the kids a “heads up” for the scary alien creature so as to avoid any further emotional scarring. In fact, as soon as it finished, they wanted to go again. “No can do kiddos, we have to scamper back to Little Mermaid to catch the next show.” If you’ve got cameras, you may want to get them out because this is where it started to get ugly.

Back at Little Mermaid, we discovered that, once again, we had just missed the show. Undeterred, Tinkershell and Woobie decided that they were going to plunk themselves down on a bench and wait twenty minutes for the next one. Once DW decides upon a plan (especially if she gets the kids hopes up), she’s going to forge ahead no matter what.

Me? Not so much. I’ll scrap a plan in a heartbeat. “But dad, I wanted to go to college”. “Well, I wanted a toilet made of solid gold, but it just wasn’t in the cards was it....baby”. This is an unpredictable world and you’ve got to be adaptable; that’s my credo (if you have to have a credo). That being said, I grabbed my number one son and we set out for manlier pastures.

After a couple of quick rides on Star Tours, we headed back to Dunce Cap Gigante, which had been designated as our rendezvous point. I tried to muscle the boy into Sounds Dangerous along the way but, if its got “dangerous” right in the title, it probably ain’t gonna happen. When we arrived at check point charlie, we were greeted by a couple of pretty dang unhappy campers. It turned out, after all that fuss, that Woobie had been expecting Little Mermaid to be some type of a grand Broadway caliber stage production, complete with special features and deleted scenes. Judging by the expression on her little punom, that’s not what she got. Oh well, let’s look on the bright side. At least we didn’t waste the entire precious morning on it. What’s that? We did? Well, that stinks.

Well, at this point, you might think that doesn’t sound so bad. After all, life is cruel and the sooner a kid understands that sad fact the better, right? What are you some kind of sicko? We had devoted our lives to shielding our children from life’s harsh realities and we were certainly not going to stop now. We had an unhappy child right smack dab in the middle of the happiest place on earth. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if that type of thing was allowed and half expected to be escorted off the property in shame.

“We’re going to need all available personnel at Dunce Cap Gigante. We’ve got a possible 419 - unhappy camper in the happiest place on earth - in progress. Please approach with caution. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill”.

Chip and Dale arrive on the scene
and take Woob into custody

After some serious damage control (which I’m sure involved buying Woobie something frivolous yet expensive), we were able to get the needle on the ole WDW magic-o-meter back into acceptable levels. Still with absolutely no clue as to how we were going to tackle this park, I closed my eyes and jabbed my finger at the map. The magic eight ball says: the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular! Wow, does life get any better than a stunt spectacular of epic proportions? I submit that it does not.

A short time later, we were settling into our seats primed for some epic stunts of a spectacular nature. On the stage, I noticed there was a lady asking for volunteers from the audience. Yeah right. What kind of a moron would actually.......when suddenly, there goes Tinkershell rushing down the aisle, flapping her arms around like she’s the next contestant on the Price is Right. Come on down! Except, this story didn’t end with a new car...just fifteen minutes of fame in a robe and turban.

Tinkershell is the loser..er volunteer in the middle

We enjoyed the show but, unfortunately, it chews up quite a bit of precious time and we didn’t really have a lot to waste. A quick glance at the ole wristwatch revealed that it was nearly lunch time. Excellent! We’re halfway through the day and we have managed to squeeze in three whole attractions. We had bungled the morning so badly that I fully expected Tourguide Mike to walk up and slap me in the face. I would have deserved it too. THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER! Smack! THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!

Oh well, at least we have lunch to look forward to. “Hey kids, Who wants some pizza?” Yay! What a great idea. If I were still at my college weight, I truly believe they would have hoisted me on their shoulders and carried me around like a conquering hero. This was just what the doctor ordered. Lets forget all our morning troubles by enjoying a wonderful restful, yet relaxing lunch at the Toy Story Pizza Planet.

Ok, except here’s the deal. Apparently all of the parents had massacred the morning and were desperate to drown their kids sorrows in pizza because they had all somehow managed to squeeze into line in front of us. If I squinted my eyes, I thought I could make out a cash register somewhere up ahead of us but I just couldn’t be sure. I might have been a pudgy kid in a beret.

After what seemed like an eternity later, we had a couple of trays heaped with pizzas, salads and soft drinks (soft drinks? Does anyone actually use the term soft drink) and elbowed our way back through the huddled masses to look for a table. Hmmm, that’s odd. I’m not really seeing any open tables. I guess I should have known this was coming, seeing as the entire population of Rhode Island had been standing in line ahead of us.

Lets not panic, I’m sure we can find a table outside. Nope, nothing outside either. Ok, at this point, I’m struggling with the urge to turn this vacation around and head back home. That’s when it happened. You may call it divine intervention. You may call it answered prayer. What you really ought to call it was a torrential downpour because that’s pretty much what it was.

Cats and dogs, people! Although it was never confirmed, I heard stories that in AK all the animals had begun to form a long line two-by-two. That’s how hard it was raining.

We were outside in a kind of food court when the heavens opened so we found a covered doorway where we could stand like idiots, holding our trays heaped with untouched food. Then we noticed that the all of the people at the tables without umbrellas were grabbing their belongings and scurrying for cover. Why, whose that knocking at the door? Could it be our old friend opportunity? I looked at Tinkershell and she was already digging for the ponchos.

A few minutes later, our poncho-clad family was happily munching away on slightly soggy pizza at a recently deserted table in a steady fall of rain. Now, there’s something you don’t see everyday. Funny thing, it was just what the doctor ordered. I guess watching your family eat lunch in the rain just tickles the old funny bone.

After lunch, we headed over to the Muppets 3D movie. Nobody enjoys a good sight gag like our son Baba. It’s a pity that the stooges were before his time because he lives for that kind of thing. When our kids were little, if Baba wanted to cheer up his younger sister, he always went to his patented “fake punch yourself in the groin and then fall to the floor” move. I’m telling you, the kid loves his slapstick. Also, whereas I am a “laugh on the inside” kind of guy, Baba roars with laughter when something tickles his funny bone. Suffice it to say, those crazy muppets tickled his funny bone. Two thumbs up from the number one son.

Since everyone’s spirits seemed to be lifted, we decided to head on over to Tower of Terror. Granted, that’s not our kids thing, but .....ok, I admit it... I blackmailed my son into going. You see there was this Xbox game he was dying to have so I just simply suggested that if he were to ride a certain Tower of Terror that it might improve his chances of procuring aforementioned Xbox game.

Don’t look at me like that. He actually enjoyed it . Ok, he didn’t enjoy it but it’s not like he hated it. Ok, he hated it and vowed never to go again but that’s not necessarily because of my strong-arm tactics and dirty pool. I mean, he got his game for crying out loud.

While Tinkershell was busy placing cold compresses on Baba’s forehead and trying to get him to re-emerge from his happy place, I took advantage of the lull in the action to study my trusty MGM map. Hmmm, here’s an interesting bit of trivia. Of all the possible attractions at MGM, it appeared that “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” was the furthest distance from our present location. “Hey kids, where should we go next”? Who wants to be a Millionaire it is!

WWTBAM is one of those attractions where they herd everyone into a waiting room before they let you into the studio. I’m not really a “crowded waiting room” kind of guy. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been uncomfortable in tight places. Growing up in North Dakota, we used to get a lot of large, tightly compacted snowdrifts and all the kids loved to dig into the drifts and create a bunch of long winding tunnels. I would worm through those tunnels with all the other kids (because I had no desire to be forever referred to as “Nancy”or the only slightly less popular “Sally”) but I always knew deep, deep down in my soul that those tunnels were going to collapse on me and I would be a blue, lifeless, popsicle by the time the dug me free.

“Your time is up Dabby but I think we’ve made some real progress today. Please schedule another appointment with my secretary on the way out because you are one crazy nutjob.”

Once inside the WWTBAM studio, I was disappointed to find out that, for years, I had vastly overestimated my fastest finger question abilities. I wasn’t even on the board. “I demand a recount!” Afterward, Woobie confessed that she had “taken a dive” on the fastest finger question because she was worried that she would qualify for the hot seat. As for Tinkershell, we are still giving her grief to this day because on the question “Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum: a) are twins b) can become invisible or c) can fly” she picked “c”. “What’s that? Is it a bird? Is it a plane?”

Outside, it was starting to rain again. So, we hiked up our ponchos and headed with all due haste clear across the park to catch the Beauty and the Beast show. Woobie and Tinkershell loved it. Actually, Baba and I did too but.......we’ve got a certain manly image to maintain....you understand. Also, it was a good time to be sitting in a covered amphitheater because the rain started coming down pretty hard.

After the show, we slogged our way over to Hollywood & Vine for our ADR. We checked in with the ADR lady and then found an open table out in front of the restaurant and took shelter under the umbrella. Um....did I mention it was raining? I did. Ok, good. We passed the time until our table was ready by playing a little good old tic-tac-toe. I’ll let you in on a little secret. We let our kids win.

When our name was called, we were escorted over to a section of the restaurant that had a couple tables set up for four. The other table was already occupied so we gave them the obligatory nod of acknowledgement as we passed by and then sat down at our table. Unfortunately, we had barely gotten our napkins tied around our necks and began to pound the table with the handles of our knife and fork when a couple of Hollywood & Vine’s finest came over and crammed a tiny table for two into the space between our table and the next.

Now, I’m no fire marshall but, I really don’t think that the space we were occupying was designed for three tables. Shortly thereafter, a young couple was ushered over. As they approached, you could tell by their expressions that, they too, had some serious doubts about the feasibility of the seating arrangements.

Everybody situated? Good. Well isn’t this cozy. “Whoops, sorry about that complete stranger to my left. I seem to have gotten my elbow in your butter.” Extremely cramped quarters at a buffet style restaurant, does life get any better than this? I submit that it does not.

After dinner, we made our way to Fantasmic. I can’t speak for the rest of the clan but I had no clue what to expect. Wow! What an awesome experience. We got there nice and early because that’s how I roll. Literally, 50% of my enjoyment of an activity depends upon arriving early. I could win free tickets to the Superbowl…at the 50 yard line…..in a jacuzzi, and my experience would be borderline unbearable if I wasn’t able to get there early. If you don't believe me, just ask Tinkershell. She'll tell you its true, with a tear in her eye.

Next - Magic Kingdom (part deaux) and the anxiety attack in Cinderella’s Castle

 

[estherhead]

Chapter 5 – MGM & the Incredible Shrinking Morning

Literally, 50% of my enjoyment of an activity depends upon arriving early. I could win free tickets to the Superbowl…at the 50 yard line…..in a jacuzzi, and my experience would be borderline unbearable if I wasn’t able to get there early.

This is me! Early, early, early. The stress of getting some place only 10 minutes early is just so stressful as to be unbearable. We bring lots of cards and books for the kiddos because you can guarauntee we'll be waiting for things to open.

I've often pondered that the reason we're getting somewhere early is to avoid waiting on the crowds. But, of course, we wait just as much time as we would have waited by getting there before the crowds. Thank goodness my dh is OK with this or he may have to kill me with this useless, circular logic of waiting 20 minutes for opening so we can be first and not have to wait in the 10 minute line which we would have been waiting in had we not gotten there 20 minutes early.

 

[Tinkershell]

I don't even bother trying to figure out my compulsion to be early. It is totally beyond my control. I'm early therefore I am.

Incidently, I notice its only 3 days until your trip. Shouldn't you be heading to the airport?

 

[estherhead]

I don't even bother trying to figure out my compulsion to be early. It is totally beyond my control. I'm early therefore I am.

Incidently, I notice its only 3 days until your trip. Shouldn't you be heading to the airport?

Ha! You have no idea. I deliberatly made our flight at 5:40 pm so there would be no need to pull the girls out of school early. Now that we are getting so close I'm getting so nervous I told dh we need to be ready to go & pick them up at noon, which means they'll miss a half day. Dh just rolls his eyes.

 

[Tinkershell]

good job on the new installment Dabby! I liked the photos you added in, esp. the one of me in the turban. However I was shocked and confused at the "Loser in the middle" caption underneath it.

Estherhead thanks for reading!!

 

[Tinkershell]

Chapter 6 - MK (part deux) and the anxiety attack at CRT

This morning we woke up and, for the first time in our trip, we didn’t hear the sound of rain. Man, what a break! Finally, it looked like we were in for a sunny day in the sunshine state.

Tinkershell’s non-negotiable agenda showed that today was a park-hopping day, starting in MK and then “hopping” over to EP. Awesome! That means when I plunked down that extra cash for the park-hopping option, I wasn’t an idiot. I love not being an idiot. Yeah but…park-hopping strikes me as a little risky and I’m not really a risk-taking kind of person. I like stability. I like routine. I’m boring.

Once again, we were a bit late getting to MK. I believe that this time Tinkershell let the kids watch a cartoon before we headed for the bus. Apparently, we don’t have cartoons at home and she wanted the kids to experience this curious new Florida fad while it lasted.

When we (finally) arrived at the park, there was a dastardly little Goofy autograph trap set up just inside the entrance and we fell right into it. “Robbed by a little old lady on a motorized cart and I didn’t even see it coming!” I tried to dissuade the family by circling them and shouting “we’re burning daylight her people”; and “ya gotta make hay while the sun shines”; and “these rides ain’t gonna ride themselves” but they just staggered toward the farmhouse, vacant eyed with arms extended, moaning “goooofy….goooofy.”

Whatever Goofy! I don't know how you sleep at night.

(By the way, all of these characters were at Breakfastasaurus on our first morning when we forgot to bring the autograph books. Newman!)

After scoring a precious autograph from some Disney employee who happened to be crammed inside the Goofy costume that particular morning, we finally headed off to Fantasyland to get us some IASW. Tinkershell loves her some IASW. She sings every time we’re on the ride. Yup, she’s the one. For the record, I love my wife terribly and she possesses many, many precious gifts. She’s funny; she’s patient; she’s an awesome mom; she’s funny. Did I mention that she’s has a beautiful singing voice? I didn’t? Hmmmm…that’s odd. Anyway, she sings every time we’re on that ride.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t sing either. Baba and Woobie can sing. My sister sings like a lark. In fact, I’ve spent my whole life watching my sister playing parts like the Narrator in “Joseph” and Audrey in “Little Shop of Horrors” while my last positive musical feedback was a handwritten note on my kindergarten report card saying that I was a “fine little singer”. What does that even mean?

Anyway, the morning is stretching on and we have a beautiful blue sky above so what could be better. After all the rain we had experienced during the first few days of our trip, it’s about time that we got lucky and had a nice sunny day. We were due, that’s for sure.

Enjoying the beautiful sunny day.

Is anybody else getting a little warm? Good, then its not just me because, I got to tell ya, I was feeling a little toasty. Wouldn’t that be funny if we had spent the last three days praying for the rain to stop only to find out that temperatures in the mid to upper 90’s coupled with high humidity is a bad thing. Yup, that would be a hoot.

The rest of the morning was a little sketchy I think mostly because of the severe heat stroke. I’m pretty sure that at some point I was staggering around with my pants on my head like Clark Griswald in “Vacation”. I remember that we stopped and used snack credits for drinks in front of the Jungle Cruise because that is where we decided to put the cap back on Woobie’s half-full bright-red bottle of fruit punch and stick it back in the bag with her neatly folded pristine Cinderella dress that she was going to wear at CRT later that day. Does that sound a little risky to you? Don’t look at me. I had my pants on my head.

It was really hot, yet muggy, so we consulted the trusty MK map to try to find a little relief. Ignoring conventional wisdom, which would have suggested finding someplace shady and breezy, we opted instead for Tom Sawyer Island which offered open water and tight, compacted vegetation. Ahh, just what the doctor ordered. The raft ride over was horrific and it grieves me to say that we lost a few good men that day. Once on the island, I decided to break out the ole video camera so as to capture the moment. I haven’t seen such depressing footage since “Saving Private Ryan.”

The horror of Tom Sawyer Island

We arrived back on the mainland to discover it was time for lunch at the castle. Can you say air-conditioning? I knew that you could.

The waiting area for CRT was very cool. There were suits of armor and banners and a giant fireplace and a throne where you could get your picture taken with Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother (hmmmmm, I wonder if Cinderella knows that her Fairy Godmother is using her throne to make a little cash on the side.) All and all, very castle-ish…er..castle-icious…..castle-tastic?.

Fairy Godmother usurping the throne

While I entertained myself snapping pictures of Baba in various poses next to a suit of armor (okay, now stand at attention and salute….okay, now act like he’s standing on your foot), Tinkershell was preoccupied with the task of changing Woobie into her beautiful Cinderella gown. Okay, couple of things. First, the bright red fruit punch had leaked onto the bottom of the dress (and autograph books, Newman!). Second, when Woobie slipped the dress over her head, the effect was spoiled by her brightly colored tie-dye t-shirt clearly visible underneath.

Thought I was kidding didn't ya

Obviously, this just wouldn’t do. Tinkershell informed me that she needed to find a restroom so that Woobie could change properly. “No can do Tinkershell. I’m sure they’re just about to call our name for our ADR so I’m afraid that she’s just going to have to wear the t-shirt underneath.” There, that was settled. They wanted to go find a place to change and I had responded with a clear, yet decisive “no.” So let it be written, so let it be done.

Couple of minutes later, I’m still taking pictures (okay, now pretend you’re kneeing him in the groin) when I hear our name called. Awesome! Our table is ready. I grabbed Baba and turned to look for Tinkershell and Woobie…..

My blood went cold. My decree had not been written and it had most certainly not been done. They were gone. Duh, duh, duuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

There will now be a brief intermission. Candy and popcorn are available from our snack bar.

Is everyone back in their seats? Good. Let’s continue.

So now I’m in a blind panic and Baba is trying to get me to stop slapping myself on the head and repeating “V-E-R-N!” like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. But what else can I do? Our name has been called and the kindly CM at the top of the stairs is smiling expectantly and scanning the crowd for the next lucky family to step up and claim their table. Unfortunately, roughly 50% of this happy family is AWOL. The CM consults her clipboard and calls our name a second time. I’m dying. I can’t breath. I knew this would happen! We’re snubbing Cinderella. You don’t snub Cinderalla. She’s royalty for pete’s sake!

A few seconds later, Woobie and Tinkershell showed up, tie-dye t-shirt safely stowed away, and we were shown to our table. Whew! I almost lost my cool there. What’s that dear? No, I wasn’t in the fetal position. I thought I saw a nickel.

CRT was a blast! They sit you down and start up with the m’lord and m’lady stuff and you find yourself buying into it hook line and sinker. Baba decided that on that particular day he was feeling more like a court jester than a prince so, when our waitress returned, she found him with his colorful napkin on his head and a big grin on his face. Woobie was treated to a parade of princesses each stopping at our table for a little personal chat. It’s the look on your kids faces that makes it all worthwhile. That’s what non-WDW people don’t get.

Yup, that's the look I'm talking about

After CRT, we caught the monorail over to Epcot. It probably wasn’t a brilliant strategy but we had an ADR for Biergarten that night so what’cha gonna do? The problem we encountered with arriving at EP in the early afternoon was that all the FP’s were gone. None, nada, bupkus. Ergo, we spent most of the afternoon with Figment. I got nothing against Figment but……

Okay, so now we get to re-live my second anxiety attack of the day. Allow me to set the scene.

We’ve just enjoyed our trip with Figment and have been spit out into that interactive area at the exit of the ride with all the cool stuff to explore. We had some time to burn until our ADR so we were just kind of wandering around. Eventually, we sauntered over to this little photography studio area where we discover that you could get your beloved daughter’s picture taken and they would cram it into a shot with all the Disney Princesses. This was something that Woobie just had to have. Also, we were still lugging around here Cinderella dress from CRT so what could be more perfect.

“Can we do it Dabby!” Well, I don’t know. Here, let me run the figures. I take a look at my trusty wristwatch which reveals we still have an hour to spare before our ADR. For me, that’s cutting it a little close but….. I glance over at the little photography studio area and saw that there was nobody in front of us so…. what the heck! Let’s live dangerously. Yes Woobie! Yes, you can get your princess photo.

So off Tinkershell & Woobie go to change back into her Cinderella dress. Whoops, forgot to figure in the changing and primping time. Oh well, that’s a minor miscalculation. Let me see, add 10; carry the one; factor in wind velocity. Yup, we should still be fine. Double whoops, a couple of families just got in line ahead of us. All righty then. I’m having a little trouble breathing again.

I’m not going to bore you with all the gruesome details. Let’s just fast-forward to a point immediately after we had paid for our princess photo and, unfortunately, exactly at our ADR time. Here’s the problem, its our ADR time and we’re still at Journey into the Imagination and not at the Biergarten. Great! First we make Cinderella wait at CRT and now we are about to disrespect an entire country.

A quick check of the EP map shows we’ve got some significant ground to cover and we need to get there…..now. I don’t know why I hate to be late but I do. I’m sure it has something to do with all those hours in my childhood spent locked in the “box of punishment”. Just kidding. There was no box of punishment. Technically, it was more of a sarcophagus.

So, off we go around the lake, at a frantic pace, headed for das Deutschland. Couple of things. First, it’s the Food & Wine festival and our path is clogged by a bunch of liquored-up revelers binging on potato leek soup and chicken sha cha. Second, nobody else in my family had ever experienced the motivation of the “box o’punishment” and they are having trouble keeping up.

Ahhhh…..you’ve gotta love stress.

Once again, I found myself seated comfortably at our table in the Biergarten, a gigantic stein of beer in front of me, wondering why I allow myself to get so worked up when everything always seems to work out in the end. Oh well, life is a journey am I right. I’m sure next time I’ll do things different.

Biergarten was awesome and we were even able to cram a little chicken schnitzel down the kids gullets. Bonus! We were stuffed and it was getting close to Illuminations so we started to gather our things to leave. That’s when the waitress came up and asked if we need a couple to-go cups for our beers. To-go cups for our beers? I love Germany!

We had a bit of a wait for Illuminations so we just found a quiet spot by the lake and let Baba and Woobie entertain themselves. They were in a giddy mood and we got a lot of pretty entertaining video. They told jokes and re-enacted some of their favorite dance steps from “So you think you can dance”. My job was to simply make sure they didn’t maim any innocent bystanders.

Illuminations was great. The bus trip back went without incident. All in all, I think the day went like clockwork…oh, except for the heat stroke……and the CRT crisis…….oh, and the whole late for the Biergarten deal. Yup, just like clockwork.

Next up - "Excuse me, have you seen my family?"

 

[Tinkershell]

great installment Dabby!
but what's this about my singing voice? I thought you loved when I sing It's a Small World over and over throughout the entire ride.
Maybe I just need to sing a li'l LOUDER next time.