Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I'm sorry. Him complaining over $74 bucks a month is pathetic. Thanks to c/s enforcement, I've gotten two WHOLE months of my child support plus a little extra to try and put a dent in the $3000 he's behind. So now he calls to tell me he's filing a "hardship" or something with the judge so he can have child support reduced. I have no idea what's going to happen. I tired and disgusted. This is no way to live, fighting scratching and clawing for c/s and alimony. I just do NOT want to be so completely dependent on c/s or alimony any more, it's emotionally exhausting and makes me too reliant on HIM, and HE seems to be in total control, even when I got his pay garnished.

Please, only 18 months to go. Just let me get through school, just get through school!!!!

Good luck with school. I know how tired and disgusted you are. The thing that really gets me (ok there's a lot that get me) is that if I supported my daughter the way he does I would be in jail for neglect. Even if I only paid 74.00 a month for her care. But I would never do that..or even come close to doing that. It just makes me so mad that I would be willing to go without everything...even food if I had to... so my kids wouldn't suffer. But my ex won't do anything to help his daughter. He told me that I would never get a dime from him and no one can make him....I guess he is right. I just feel like he has won.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

For those that have finally received something from your Child Support Office...did you find that calling regularly (the squeaky wheel) helps move your case along? I have called every other week and I am told the same thing. "We are waiting confirmation of his whereabouts". I know exactly where he is. Why can't they find him? I am thinking about giving a weekly call so they don't shove my file under the stack of cases on her desk.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

For those that have finally received something from your Child Support Office...did you find that calling regularly (the squeaky wheel) helps move your case along? I have called every other week and I am told the same thing. "We are waiting confirmation of his whereabouts". I know exactly where he is. Why can't they find him? I am thinking about giving a weekly call so they don't shove my file under the stack of cases on her desk.

I filed and 8 weeks later, I got my first check. If I were you though, I'd call every week until they did something. Ask, "What exactly is it that you need?". When they stall, say, "OK, I'll talk to you next week to see how things are going."

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

For those that have finally received something from your Child Support Office...did you find that calling regularly (the squeaky wheel) helps move your case along? I have called every other week and I am told the same thing. "We are waiting confirmation of his whereabouts". I know exactly where he is. Why can't they find him? I am thinking about giving a weekly call so they don't shove my file under the stack of cases on her desk.

I'd definitely keep on them. Also a thought, because I did this once, but you should write a letter to your senator about your case and your issues. When I wasn't getting anywhere with the probation department I resorted to that. Senators don't like unhappy constituents. What really spurred me doing this was that I sent a letter first to probation complaining about the system and I got a note back in the mail from my case worker telling me that if I didn't like it, I could petition the court to dismiss my case and handle it all myself. That didn't go over well with me. Anyway, your senator is there to work for you. I am normally not the type to do this, but I got very bent over the whole scenario. Let me tell you, the secretary to my senator called me less than a week after I sent my letter and they lit a fire under probation's butt. Apparently probation doesn't appreciate that, but it sure gets them moving big time. It also got the case worker that sent me the cocky response fired, but that was never my intent...I simply wanted someone there to do their job. For a good five years any time I called my new case worker, she jumped through hoops for me-so I'm sure they had marked my file appropriately. The squeaky wheel definitely does get the grease.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thank you, Miss Park Avenue and KeepMovingForward, both you you had some great ideas and I am going to use both of them. I guess I am really upset. I am always the worry wart but my DD is going to need braces and I am stresed out about how I am going to pay for those when my ex owes me enough to cover them but won't pay. I guess I putting on a "feeling sorry for myself" hat.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I'd definitely keep on them. Also a thought, because I did this once, but you should write a letter to your senator about your case and your issues. When I wasn't getting anywhere with the probation department I resorted to that. Senators don't like unhappy constituents. What really spurred me doing this was that I sent a letter first to probation complaining about the system and I got a note back in the mail from my case worker telling me that if I didn't like it, I could petition the court to dismiss my case and handle it all myself. That didn't go over well with me. Anyway, your senator is there to work for you. I am normally not the type to do this, but I got very bent over the whole scenario. Let me tell you, the secretary to my senator called me less than a week after I sent my letter and they lit a fire under probation's butt. Apparently probation doesn't appreciate that, but it sure gets them moving big time. It also got the case worker that sent me the cocky response fired, but that was never my intent...I simply wanted someone there to do their job. For a good five years any time I called my new case worker, she jumped through hoops for me-so I'm sure they had marked my file appropriately. The squeaky wheel definitely does get the grease.

I think stress and anger are clouding my judgement so I will ask silly questions. How long would you/did you wait before you wrote you senator?

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I think stress and anger are clouding my judgement so I will ask silly questions. How long would you/did you wait before you wrote you senator?

I believe it was only a few months of having gone without any c/s coming in. I was aggravated because I knew where my ex worked, probation confirmed it, but his job (ex's buddy was the company owner) wasn't complying with the order to garnish from my ex's paycheck.

When I wrote my local senator I explained that I was a single mom, I was working full time and was not on any public assistance. I had stated that the system really beats down the honest to goodness folks who are trying to get ahead. I was not a slacker, I was working a GOOD paying job and 2/3's of my check went to daycare because I was trying to do things the right way. I said that probation's excuses were not putting food on the table for my children, that we lived and breathed for that money in order to have the basics. When the money didn't come, we did without-and usually it meant food or medical care. I asked if he knew how it felt to eat buttered noodles 6 out of 7 nights a week or to sit and pray that the sniffle or cough you just heard from one of your children doesn't develop into something serious-even though you have health coverage, because you can't afford the copay to the doctor or heaven forbid the medication that will be prescribed. I asked how this could be right and what was my senator doing to help those like me. I also gave a little background on how we lived-we did not live high on the hog-we had no tv/cable, I had no furniture other than our beds and a kitchen table, we did not vacation, I owned an old car that I band-aided way too many times, we did not have name brand clothes, etc. All in all, I think my letter was a good 3 or 4 handwritten pages long. I expressed my disgust and exasperation over things. All said, it did the trick. The secretary even called me numerous times over the next year to ask me how things were going and if I was encountering any issues. Of course years later, my ex has found other ways to buck the system by simply not working-or working a cash job. But, the letter to my senator was very effective. I figured I had nothing to lose by writing it anyway.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Thank you, Miss Park Avenue and KeepMovingForward, both you you had some great ideas and I am going to use both of them. I guess I am really upset. I am always the worry wart but my DD is going to need braces and I am stresed out about how I am going to pay for those when my ex owes me enough to cover them but won't pay. I guess I putting on a "feeling sorry for myself" hat.

I'm going through the same thing. I took my daughter to the orthodontist for the first time for an estimate and price. I figured I better get her there quick because his pay was being garnished and part of the divorce agreement stated that he had to pay an extra 130 a month for braces for the girls. I thought that he would want them to have their braces right away. When I found out that to get my payments to 130 a month, I had to put down $2000 dollars, the first thing that popped into my mind (after panicking and wondering HOW I was going to come up with that) was how I'm owed $3000 dollars child support. And if his taxes are witheld and sent to me instead, that right there would cover it. Low and behold I get a phone call from him THAT NIGHT asking me to please write a letter forgiving him for the amount he's behind on. He cried about how he can barely make it, he has no money for food, waa waa waa and some more whining that I tuned out (I know that he's just trying to save his tax refund). I said, "you know this past summer, I called and begged for help from you because you completely cut us off and you didn't do a thing. These girls had nothing and now I am supposed to feel sorry for YOU???? So now for my punishment, he is going to file for "hardship" and try to get the payments reduced.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I'm going through the same thing. I took my daughter to the orthodontist for the first time for an estimate and price. I figured I better get her there quick because his pay was being garnished and part of the divorce agreement stated that he had to pay an extra 130 a month for braces for the girls. I thought that he would want them to have their braces right away. When I found out that to get my payments to 130 a month, I had to put down $2000 dollars, the first thing that popped into my mind (after panicking and wondering HOW I was going to come up with that) was how I'm owed $3000 dollars child support. And if his taxes are witheld and sent to me instead, that right there would cover it. Low and behold I get a phone call from him THAT NIGHT asking me to please write a letter forgiving him for the amount he's behind on. He cried about how he can barely make it, he has no money for food, waa waa waa and some more whining that I tuned out (I know that he's just trying to save his tax refund). I said, "you know this past summer, I called and begged for help from you because you completely cut us off and you didn't do a thing. These girls had nothing and now I am supposed to feel sorry for YOU???? So now for my punishment, he is going to file for "hardship" and try to get the payments reduced.

Of course you are supposed to feel sorry for him. Isn't that what it's all about . I know what you mean, though. About 4 years ago he owed 220.00 in back child support. He asked me to call them and tell them that he just gave it to me. He gave me this song and dance about how he is 6 months behind on his rent, car broke down, etc. I asked him if he was 6 months behind why he quit his job and go visit his family for 3 months. When he finally got another job the state garnished his wages. He quit his job again and told me I will never get another penny from him.
Flash forward to Feb. of this year. He left a nasty message on my machine that he was on his way to dept of family services to turn me in for not getting braces on my DD10. I called back and asked if he was going to pay for half. He laughed and said the only way he will pay is when they put me in prison for not getting her braces.
I have no idea if he made it to dept of family services of not. But now he is the one with supervised visitation and I have a great professional relationship with all of the caseworkers down there.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Ok so I finally get a hold of my case worker. She then tells me that she doesn't have any news for me. I then ask if there is anything she can tell me she says no...I can feel her wanting to hang up on me so I get off the phone. I don't think I can wait a whole week for news...and she wasn't friendly at all so..yes I did it..I called her manager. I have talked to her before.
When she answered she acted like she was waiting for my call. I tell her my whole story and she then tells me that my case worker is the best one, how she has won awards, etc. Then she tells me that she has made 6 calls to me ex in 3 days and that they are trying to locate him everyday. I answer by asking why my caseworker didn't tell me that and that my ex is not going to call back. She then tells me to settle down (I was upset but not hysterical) and nothing will solved by being angry. So now I have the whole dept p*ssed at me. Oh well, if they hate me calling maybe they will track him down so that they won't have to talk to me anymore.

 

[Irin997]

Wow, sounds like a lot has been going on. I have a question for you guys though. With tax season coming up and back child support, I know the IRS can forward any refund to you. Does that happen automatically if there is back child support or do I need to do something? TIA

BTW, I hate to say it but after 4 1/2 years of trying to get child support, I've now gotten exactly 5 checks with another one on the way. I do wonder how long it will last though.

 

[Irin997]

Hi all..

Been a rough couple weeks here, but it looks like there is some good news for some of you. I am SOOOO glad. Its nice to see that the road is long and crappy but sometimes, good does come out of it.

I have decided to go ahead and seek the entire amount of c/s owed as well as all medical bills he hasn't paid. You are so right when you say rocking the boat wasn't my thing. I wanted the kids and him to have a good relationship. If they haven't established that in 10 years, I can't help them. They are old enough to see that I am not getting rich off their dad, so he has no right to say that. He also does not have the right to discuss the c/s issue with them and use it as an excuse. Once the papers are filed...hopefully in the next 7 days...I will sit the kids down and explain some basic things to them. At 12,14 and 16 they are quite old enough to understand. Ds14 understands some things about the economy due to having to take Civics this semester so I am hoping that he will understand noone gets the same amount of $$ for 10 years on the job. I am not going to go into detail just explain that if their dad is upset, its with me and not them and not to take it personally. If there is a problem they have my permission to hang up the phone, tell him to take it up with me or change the subject.

So...good luck everyone. I know that I will be scared for the next 14 days waiting for them to serve him the papers. That should be a banner day! Funny thing is, it is about control. You are so right. But, I have to break the final tie and not be concerned if he hates me or whatever he is going to do. This is about making sure that my kids get what they need to move forward in their lives. I have raised them for the last 10 years and done a darn good job. I am the one who made the promises that college would be there, that school was the most important thing. So, I am the one that is going to make it happen.

Kelly

Wow Kelly, this really got to me and I hope the rest of you read it. For so long, and I suspect it is this way for many of you, I felt like because I broke things off with him, it was my fault and he shouldn't necessarily have to pay child support or I should at least forgive him of it. Then I realized what a selfish BAS**RD he really is and how he has treated my daughter and I. I fought for 4 1/2 years and I am just now finally getting my daughter deserves.

Stay strong and do it for your children.

 

[Kimickey]

Wow Kelly, this really got to me and I hope the rest of you read it. For so long, and I suspect it is this way for many of you, I felt like because I broke things off with him, it was my fault and he shouldn't necessarily have to pay child support or I should at least forgive him of it. Then I realized what a selfish BAS**RD he really is and how he has treated my daughter and I. I fought for 4 1/2 years and I am just now finally getting my daughter deserves.

Stay strong and do it for your children.

I told my ex three years ago when I broke it off with him and headed for our divorce..."this is no longer personal, this is business". He and I -- our relationship was personal. He, I and our kids -- that's business and I'm their business manager. I'm going to get them everything they deserve, because they are kids and they don't have a voice for their needs/wants.

What everyone else including him thinks about me not wanting to be with him -- well again that's personal...I'm not concerned. However I am concerned about my kids, they deserve the options of opportunity -- that's business!!!

 

[blanq]

Wow, sounds like a lot has been going on. I have a question for you guys though. With tax season coming up and back child support, I know the IRS can forward any refund to you. Does that happen automatically if there is back child support or do I need to do something? TIA

BTW, I hate to say it but after 4 1/2 years of trying to get child support, I've now gotten exactly 5 checks with another one on the way. I do wonder how long it will last though.

If you have a full services case open with the child support office in your state the child support agency can take the noncustodial parent's federal tax refunds to pay past due support is owed, if the total of past due support owed is at least $500 if there is no past due support owed to the state (i.e., it is due a parent); or $150 if there is past due support owed to the state; and the past due support is at least three months old on January 1 of the year the IRS processes the tax return. This is done automatically by the child support office; there is nothing special you have to do.

If the child support agency intercepts a refund, and the noncustodial parent filed a joint return, the agency may hold the payment for 6 months before sending it to you. The reason for the hold has to do with the joint person's ability to file an amended return so that the portion of their refund does not go to pay back support due you. In these instances, the IRS does what is called a "take back" of the portion the noncustodial parent is not responsible for.

 

[blanq]

Has anyone else heard about the $25 fee that WE (the CUSTODIAL parent) has to pay yearly if you were never on a TANF recipient and you are paid more than $500 a year in child support? I'm sorry but this is just an outrage. Why should I have to pay a fee for something HE should do on his own??!!

For anyone who hasn't heard about it check out http://www.newyorkchildsupport.com
It applies to everyone in EVERY state.

I have some insight into this. Several years ago, Congress passed the Deficit Reduction Act. It was a controversial bill. It cut many programs (medicare, student loans, child support and others), but also had tons of spending in it, including billions for the war in Iraq. The vote was a tie, straight along party lines, in the Senate and Dick Cheney had to step in to break the tie. He voted FOR the bill and it passed with President Bushes blessing. The funding cuts to child support were significant, including about 28 million in my state of MN. The bill also requires the $25 fee you mention, as an offset to other federal funding for this program. There has been momentum in both the House and Senate to repeal the cuts to child support, including recent attempts to add it to a 2nd economic stimulus bill that failed in the House during the midst of the financial crisis we are in. As many of you may be aware, there is talk about another economic stimulus package and based on the information I have read about this, there may be more discussion about, once again, trying to repeal child support cuts as part of the package. If you don't like the fees, and don't like the reduced service you are receiving, perahps you may want to contact your legislators.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I have some insight into this. Several years ago, Congress passed the Deficit Reduction Act. It was a controversial bill. It cut many programs (medicare, student loans, child support and others), but also had tons of spending in it, including billions for the war in Iraq. The vote was a tie, straight along party lines, in the Senate and Dick Cheney had to step in to break the tie. He voted FOR the bill and it passed with President Bushes blessing. The funding cuts to child support were significant, including about 28 million in my state of MN. The bill also requires the $25 fee you mention, as an offset to other federal funding for this program. There has been momentum in both the House and Senate to repeal the cuts to child support, including recent attempts to add it to a 2nd economic stimulus bill that failed in the House during the midst of the financial crisis we are in. As many of you may be aware, there is talk about another economic stimulus package and based on the information I have read about this, there may be more discussion about, once again, trying to repeal child support cuts as part of the package. If you don't like the fees, and don't like the reduced service you are receiving, perahps you may want to contact your legislators.

You have me curious...do you work for your MN State Child Support offices? I ask because the guidelines for tax return intercept here are a bit different and don't happen automatically in my case. I figured if you do this for a living, perhaps you could help shed light on why it may be different. Even though my ex is over 30K behind, I have to file each year for the child support probation office to do this-on the off chance that my ex might actually have filed a tax return. Which, he hasn't in a good 7 years.

 

[blanq]

You have me curious...do you work for your MN State Child Support offices? I ask because the guidelines for tax return intercept here are a bit different and don't happen automatically in my case. I figured if you do this for a living, perhaps you could help shed light on why it may be different. Even though my ex is over 30K behind, I have to file each year for the child support probation office to do this-on the off chance that my ex might actually have filed a tax return. Which, he hasn't in a good 7 years.

Yes, I manage a county child support office in MN. The federal tax intercept process should not vary from state to state. I have some contacts in NJ, where you live, so called this morning about your state's federal tax intercept program. It is automatic; you should not have to ask your child support office to invoke this remedy every year just as long as the arrears meet the federal threshhold that I described in my previous email, unless the arrears are spousal maintenance and not child support. I was told that there may be a computer coding error on your case (perhaps tax offset was improperly suppressed). I did a get a direct phone number to the NJ tax offset unit for child support for you: 609-631-2670. Give them a call and specifically ask them why you are having to call each year for them to do this and if they cannot make sure they do things on their end for the offset to happen automatically. Let us know what you find out.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Yes, I manage a county child support office in MN.

Awe, no flames from me. My dad is a retired social worker in the welfare department (at least that is what it was called when he worked there). I know your job is not easy and you can only do so much. It just gets really frustrating when you are waiting for a check to come in the mail. My last check came a week late, no clue as to why.

But thanks for the info. I wasn't really doing anything to get his tax refund. Now I know it should be coming to me instead.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I have a question that maybe someone can give me some insight on. My ex owes me almost 3K. I reopened the case the first part of Sept. Now the child support office has my acount as 2800 in arrears..no arrears payment and the current amount with no payment. My ex is dodging the child support enforcement (CSED). Since he will not contact them he has neither claimed or denied the arrears amount. Therefore no payment arrangements have been made.

Can anyone give me any idea if I would be able to get his tax refund in 2009 (for 2008 taxes)? or is it too late this year? My daughter desperately needs braces and if that happened I would be able to get them next year instead of waiting until the end of 2009.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Yes, I manage a county child support office in MN. The federal tax intercept process should not vary from state to state. I have some contacts in NJ, where you live, so called this morning about your state's federal tax intercept program. It is automatic; you should not have to ask your child support office to invoke this remedy every year just as long as the arrears meet the federal threshhold that I described in my previous email, unless the arrears are spousal maintenance and not child support. I was told that there may be a computer coding error on your case (perhaps tax offset was improperly suppressed). I did a get a direct phone number to the NJ tax offset unit for child support for you: 609-631-2670. Give them a call and specifically ask them why you are having to call each year for them to do this and if they cannot make sure they do things on their end for the offset to happen automatically. Let us know what you find out.

Thanks for the info. I am definitely going to call up on Monday and see if I can get things in motion.