Curfew for 18 year olds???

[MELSMICE]

My DD's are not 18 yet, but I think just mutual respect as far as rules & priveleges will hold then, just as it does now with them.

If they are still living here at 18 then I would expect to know where they are & an approximate time of when I can expect them home. I will also expect a little "mom, I'm home" if I am sleeping when they arrive. I can't say I'll set a definite curfew.

I feel you can get into trouble at any time of the day or night. It doesn't have to be after midnight to do something wrong. JMO though!

BTW - I never thought I'd be able to, but I can fall asleep if my oldest DD is not home. Some nights I just can't keep my eyes open & as much as I try to by reading, it's a useless effort!

 

[azgal81]

My parents never gave me a curfew even when I was in high school as long as they knew where I was they were okay with me being out.

My mom also gave both me and my brother I can't sleep until you are both home talk but we are both grown up now and neither one of us lives at home anymore so I have no idea how she sleeps!

 

[jgmklmhem]

I agree that even though 18 is an adult...if they live in your house it is your rules. I never had a hard and fast curfew but I did have to give a detailed description of the nights itenerary. We did have a basic rule to be in before 1am. It was sleep related but more so that you can not get in to my parent's house without a commotion. Door is loud, dogs always woke up and barked. So as a matter of respect to my dad who had to wake up early we tried to get home before 1am.

 

[Mercy]

OP here Thanks for all the replies, I appreciate the input. From what most have said, I don't feel I'm being unreasonable.

DS doesn't really have a curfew so to speak, it's usually on a case by case basis. But on weeknights (school nights for him) I do think that 2 am is too late. It's not like he's old enough for nighclubs, etc. And since he still lives with me and I am paying most of his expenses, I think it is reasonable for him to follow some rules. Trust me, our rules are not that strict.

Last night was an exception because we didn't get a phone call. That was my biggest peeve, and like I said in my original post, he didn't have his cell phone, so we couldn't contact him either. That is what upset us so much, him being extra late and not knowing where he was, and not being able to contact him.

Like someone else said regarding the not sleeping till they come home thing... when he is spending the night at one of his friends house, I also sleep like a baby. God only know what time they get in there, but I guess it's the whole outa site, outa mind thing. But if I am expecting him home, well that's a different story, don't really know why.

Skiwee1... what DoubleT did your son go to... that is where my son went!!

 

[scoutsmom99]

I never had a curfew at any age, but I always told my parents I would be home around such and such a time or I would be really really late tonight. I didn't get a cell phone until I was 18 so after that they could always just call. I can only think of one time my mom was wondering where I was and called me to say get the heck home (It was about 4:15am).

 

[Kirby]

I never had a curfew while in high school. I always checked in with my parents and let them know what was going on. It was a matter of respect and being courteous. Now my sister.......

Fast forward to today. My son is 17 and a high school senior. His current curfew is 10:30 Sun - Thurs and 11:30 Fri and Sat. He's fine with that. He comes home and stays up awhile myspacing and IM'ing. And his curfew is extended on a case by case basis when needed. I sleep on the couch until he comes in. He turns 18 in July and heads to college in the fall (no more couch sleeping for me). His curfews will stop then but when he comes home to visit, he will be expected to at least let us know what his nightly agenda will be and what times he will expect to be in. It is a matter of being courteous and respectful.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't think that an actual curfew is necessary but I would expect to know roughly when someone will be in. I would expect that of a spouse, roommate or anyone who I lived with. It's just showing concern IMO.

 

[In a hurry]

I think it is natural to be concerned when anyone is blatantly missing after a certain hour. (I liked the parents that made sure the car was in the drive!) Maybe you can talk out some reasonable solution, that allows you to feel safer since he is an adult. I wouldn't really think a curfew is appropriate for someone who is an adult, but that is purely my opinion, and I do understand your stance!

Good luck!

 

[LiteBrite]

Our only DD turned 18 last November, and is living at home, going to college locally. We stuck with the curfew for awhile, but we have recently dropped it, on a provisional basis. The provision is that she has to show she's up to the responsibility of not having a curfew by being responsible for cleaning up after herself around the house. (She's a very bright and talented girl, but a complete slob. I was the same way at her age). We still expect her to let us know where she is and approximately what time we can expect her home. That's just common courtesy, to keep us from worrying. I wouldn't stay out late at night without telling my husband where I was and when to expect me, and I won't let her get away with that, either.

 

[Talking Hands]

For those who have children over 18, do you give them a curfew at night?

My daughters had curfews until 21. After that no curfew but my 23 yo tells us where she will be to this day. 27 yo is currently living on her own in another state. She still lets us know is she is leaving town for auditions or concerts and how long is will be gone.
I would ask if he is getting done all the things he is required to be doing. Up for school, for his job, etc even when he comes in at 2 am. If so I wouldn't be upset. Trust me you will learn to go to bed and sleep but still will wake when the door opens and he arrives home. My husband does. No I don't hear the door but she always sticks her head in my room and I wake when the bathroom light goes on. (Hard of hearing so light wakes me not sound). She got in around 1:30 last night and was out for work at 10am this morning. Opener for lunch crowd.

 

[C.Ann]

I think it's just common courtesy for people to come in at a reasonable hour when others have to get up for work in the morning.. My DD's MIL is an EXTREMELY light sleeper and even if she did manage to fall asleep before her son came home, as soon as he pulled in the driveway she would wake up and then toss and turn for a couple of hours before she could get back to sleep.. When my now SIL realized it was causing problems for his Mom, he gave himself a curfew on week nights so his Mom could get her much needed rest..

 

[MinnieM3]

DS17 has a midnight curfew on weekends.

When DD20 was here hers was 1am.

 

[disykat]

I'll probably do what my parents did when we were home visiting from college. We were required to call if we were going to be out past the expected time and then knock on their door and let them know when we arrived home. That way they could sleep soundly the rest of the night instead of waking up and wondering if we were in yet.

I totally get about the not sleeping part. I sleep fine when dh is out of town or working graveyard shift, but if he is working swing shift and I'm expecting him home I keep waking up. Once I hear him come in I roll over and sleep like a baby.

 

[malibuconlee]

I turned 18 the week I graduated from high school. Curfew went out the door.

I did let her know where I was going and if I decided to spend the night at a friend's house I either called, or left a note if it was too late.

I lived with my mom and evenutally my step-dad until right before I turned 21. Never had a problem with when I came home. It could be right after work, it could be 4 am.

It was my car and my insurance separate from my mom's.

Lots of times if I was going to be out late I would just stay in town at a friend's house anyway and I'd just let her know that before I left to go to work or go out.

We all worked different shifts and had crazy schedules anyway, so we left a LOT of notes.

 

[Jabber_Jaws]

The first question from my dad the day I turned 18 was " Are you going to be comming home tonight?" I said nope, and down the drain went my cerfew. I only had 1 rule to follow. If I was drinking ( I know 18 you're not suppost to ) please call them for a ride.


Cheers:

 

[princesspumpkin]

I don't think that an actual curfew is necessary but I would expect to know roughly when someone will be in. I would expect that of a spouse, roommate or anyone who I lived with. It's just showing concern IMO.

That sounds reasonable to me! When I was in college, I never understood why I had a curfew while I was home during breaks. Just telling Mom when I was to be expected should have been enough. Now, I have a DD-9, and what Planogirl sounds pretty good to me. I'll have to remember that 10 years from now.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

shesh, cant sleep when they're not home, what is going to happen when they move out?

Out of sight, out of mind? That's what my my mom always told me. It is different when they are on their own. (just going by what my mom said, my kids are years away from being on their own) You always worry about your kids, but once they move out, you are not holding your breath until the door opens.

My mom and dad used to tell me, "as long as you live under OUR roof, you will live by OUR rules."

Oh, I should mention, I never really had a curfew. I would tell mom and dad where I was going and with who, and what time I would be home. My curfew became the time I said. If I said I was going to be in at 11PM, I better be in at 11PM.

One HUGE rule my mom had, and she did not care how old you were...if you came home after midnight, there was no going back out. I made that mistake once.