Curfew for 18 year olds???

[Mercy]

For those who have children over 18, do you give them a curfew at night?

My 18 yo DS, lives with us, he goes to community college. We pretty much pay all his expenses except his car insurance, which he gives us money for each month. He has a part time job at a local grocery store. He is a pretty good kid and really has never given us too much trouble.

Is it reasonable to give him a curfew to come in. If he is out, I really can't fall asleep till I know he is home. Last night he got off work at 10:00 pm, then went to get something to eat with a friend from work... fine. My DH said just don't be too late, told him 3 times. Well he comes in at 2:00 am (of course DH and I were both up till 2 waiting for him and I get up at 5 am for work). The worse part was we couldn't get hold of him (he left his cell phone at a friends house) and didn't know where he was. I'm not too bad, if he calls and just lets us know where he is.

Am I being unreasonable?

 

[DawnCt1]

My parents always said, "nothing good happens after midnight". I have sort of changed with the times and have amended that to, "nothing good happens after 1 am". I usually expect anyone who drives on my insurance to have the car home by 1 am. DS 21 is usually in before midnight. DS 18 likes to push the limit and comes in between 12 and 1 but then, he doesn't drive yet. Like you, I can't go to bed until everyone is in the house. I think that 2 am is too late. The bars get out at that time and you have to worry that the serious drunks are driving home. I would definately expect him in by 11 pm on a weeknight when everyone has to get up for work, school, etc but 1 am seems reasonable although midnight seems more reasonable.

 

[VSL]

I still make sure my parents know where I am - and I'm 21!

 

[vettechick99]

I lived at home for a few years when I was in college. My parents offered me room and board, but I paid all my other bills.

I did not have a curfew, but I did give them an idea of when I was coming home (that being either by 12 or "late"). I think at 18, he's too old to have one, and it's a battle I wouldn't fight. But it is your home...if you want one, you have every right.

 

[antmaril]

My son is 19 and a freshman in college 300 miles from home. When he is home for visits, I expect him to come in at a reasonable hour. Like you, I have to get up early for work and I do not sleep until he's in. I call it "having my ducks in a row". Anyway, he is very good about it and respects my wishes. We are paying for all of his expenses, and this is what I expect in return. I don't think it's unreasonable.

So far, so good.

 

[LBAK]

My almost 20 yo has to be in at midnight on weekdays and 2:00 on weekends. At 18 and a senior in high school it was 10 on weeknights and 12:30 on weekends.

 

[skiwee1]

My now 17 y/o DS doesn't have a curfew on weekends. As long as I know where he is then and when he is coming home then I don't have a problem. He got off work at midnight last night, picked up a friend and went out to eat at the Double T diner. He didn't get in til 3am but we knew it. I wouldn't like it if he just came and went without me knowing what is going on.

 

[Ronda93]

No, not unreasonable, but I think you need to sleep when he's not home. He's only going to get older and stay out later. You could open up a box of "My House, My Rules" but that doesn't sound necessary in this case. If he's never given you trouble, going to school (has a plan for independence), meeting his obligations (car insurance) and is an all around good kid I'd drop the curfew.

If he'd gone away to college there wouldn't be anyone staying up to wait for him. Good luck.

 

[VSL]

*just wanted to add that I don't have a curfew, but I do give my parents an idea of when I'll be home/where I am, etc.

 

[ReneeA]

I had a 12:30 curfew when I was still in high school. Of course, I had to give my parents all the details: who, when, why, where .

I turned 18 the summer after high school, and they lifted the curfew, although I still gave them the who, when, why, and where just out of respect. I always gave them an idea of when I'd be home so they wouldn't worry, and typically didn't stay out much past my original 12:30 curfew.

I think it's completely up to the parents since he's still in your house.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I don't have curfews for my oldest. She's almost 20. I do ask her to let me know if she is going to be late or if her plans change. It seems to work well for us. My 17 year old doesn't go out too much at night, although he does work a few nights a week until midnight. On the rare occasions he does go out he's home by midnight anyway. He has a full plate with school, work and cross country/track and drivers Ed. Add to all that he will be starting the SAT prep course, so not a lot of free time. So while he doesn't have a curfew, he knows he needs to be home and in bed on non work days by about 10:30 or 11:00 just to catch up on his rest.

 

[mudnuri]

shesh, cant sleep when they're not home, what is going to happen when they move out?

I dont get the whole they come home from college i cant sleep until they're home, how do you sleep when they are at college?

I think he's 18, and if he's not giving you trouble this is a battle i'd rather not fight. But it's your house- so you make the rules

I didnt have a curfew when i was a senior in high school, but I did tell my mom- i'll be early or late, that basically meant, before midnight or after. I found that my friends with curfews ended up breaking them and staying out later than myself and my friends without curfews...a little bit of adulthood goes a long way

Brandy

 

[Crankyshank]

My car had to be in the driveway by 1am. I could be down the street at a friend's house all night but my parents wanted to make sure I wasn't driving around in the middle of the night.

 

[ely3857]

I never had a curfew but my Mam was adamant she knew the details of where I was at ALL times which I was happy to provide her with.



Jodie

 

[Beth76]

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to let you know where he's at and approximately when he'll be home. I do think it's unreasonable to make him come home early so you can get some sleep.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

In your situation you have to find something that you both can agree upon.

He can call, even if he forgets his cell. That is just an "excuse". If he has to come home to tell you then so be it.

Make rule he has to call, let you know, etc... at 10pm and tell you his evening plans. That way you can transition each other to a different family dynamic. It will also build trust and show respect.

 

[kpm76]

I think as long as anyone lives under your roof, your rules apply, especially since you pay most of his expenses. My parents never set a hard and fast curfew, they made decisions based on where we were going to be. I think if adult children are still living with their parents they have to have respect for them and the fact that parents, regardless of how old the kids are, are still parents and will worry unless everyone is home safely. My mom was/is the same way....can't sleep until everyone who lives under her roof is home. DH and I had to live with my parents this past summer because we sold a condo and were buying a house but there was a period where we needed a place to live. My parents very graciously allowed us to live with them and consequently we were very respectful of the fact that we were "guests" in their house. We did not come home late because we didn't want to disturb them....obviously they were not about to give us a curfew but we knew this was not our house and, therefore, needed to be mindful of that.

 

[Michie]

Yes, my 21 and 19 year old have a curfew when they are home. I dont want things so comfortable that they will never leave.

 

[DisneyForLife]

shesh, cant sleep when they're not home, what is going to happen when they move out?

I dont get the whole they come home from college i cant sleep until they're home, how do you sleep when they are at college?


Brandy

It is hard to explain why this happens because I don't understand it myself. When my son is home from college I can't sleep til he is in this house but when he is at college I sleep like a baby. It must be that out of sight out of mind thing. I know what goes on in college but I guess not knowing what he is doing when he is doing it keeps my mind from straying.
Whatever it is, it works thankfully or else we would never sleep.

 

[Nancy]

shesh, cant sleep when they're not home, what is going to happen when they move out?

I dont get the whole they come home from college i cant sleep until they're home, how do you sleep when they are at college?

I think he's 18, and if he's not giving you trouble this is a battle i'd rather not fight. But it's your house- so you make the rules

I didnt have a curfew when i was a senior in high school, but I did tell my mom- i'll be early or late, that basically meant, before midnight or after. I found that my friends with curfews ended up breaking them and staying out later than myself and my friends without curfews...a little bit of adulthood goes a long way

Brandy

I never had a curfew either once I turned 18. 18 was our legal drinking age back then, our bars closed at 4 am..still do... so we didn't even go out for the night until 10 or 11. I did have a friend that had really strict parents, she had to be home by 2..she was the one who was always calling and lying to her parents about where she was and she seemed to have an awful lot of car problems and stuff that kept her out later.

My oldest will be 18 in a few months, she really doesn't have a curfew but generally is home before 1am or 2am when she is out with friends. I have no problems sleeping when they are gone.