Crying It Out

[GEM]

you're pretty much sunk. You have already formed the bad habits with him.

I'm sorry, I tried, but I just can't let this go. Rocking your baby to sleep - even if you do it every night - is not a bad habbit. It's a natural, wonderful thing to do. Diana, if you want to find a way to get your little one to sleep without rocking, I hope you find something that works. However, please do NOT feel bad about what you've done so far!

 

[DWhittles]

I should also post that my son doesn't sleep in our bed at all. Never ever has. He was in his bassinette next to me for the first 4 months and then moved to his crib. I have a recliner that rocks and that is where we do all of the rocking to sleep or rocking back to sleep.
He goes from my arms, to his own crib. I rock him and hold him till he's asleep and then he goes back into his crib. The only way he will stay in my arms is if I fall asleep in the chair with him.

Isn't it amazing how many different styles of parenting there are out there?
No wonder new mommies are so overwhelmed!!! It's sometimes hard to trust your gut or your instinct when the world is telling you different!

 

[newholidayx2]

when DS was little DH would have me time his crying for 30-45minutes!
man that killed me

 

[hentob]

Are you saying your husband would have you wait 30-45 minutes before we would allow you to pick up your crying child?

 

[BuckNaked]

I would read some of the books recommended here, and then make a decision based on what is best for YOUR family.

With our first child, I made the mistake of always nursing/rocking her to sleep, and then holding the whole time she was sleeping (except at night, when she was in her cradle). The result was that not only did she think she needed me in order to fall asleep, she thought she needed me in order to stay asleep. It took 4 nights of letting her cry it out (30 minutes the first night, about 2 minutes on the 4th night) to get her out of that mode. DH or I would go in every 10 minutes, pat her back and talk to her, but not pick her up.

With our second child, I always made sure he was still awake when I put him down (after the first 3 or 4 weeks). He learned early on that he could go to sleep on his own, and life was much better for everyone that way.

 

[swilphil]

The No-Cry Sleep Solution has some good ideas. If those ideas don't work, try a modified version of the Ferber method. Put him in his crib awake, and then gradually increase the amount of time you let him cry. We did 2 minutes the first time and never more than 15 minutes of crying.

For your next baby, read the book The Happiest Baby on the Block. It has some good ideas about how to avoid the whole issue to begin with.

 

[grlpwrd]

I think some mommies are far too sensitive. Kids cry. Its what they do.

Your son needs some distance from you. If he cries every time he's apart for you, its a sign that you need to let go a little. It's also not healthy for him to be so dependant on you that he needs to be in your arms in order for him to fall asleep.

Perhaps that's harsh to say but its also the truth.

Now, that's not to say I don't understand. I do. I love it when the nephew falls asleep in my arms and I love him dearly but he also doesn't get to do that every time he falls asleep (not even with his mommy) and its much better for both of them.

I say let him cry it out even though it hurts you. Both of you need it.

Interesting perspective coming from a non-parent...and innacurate, too.

Like transparant stated, statistics prove that attachment parenting creates independence.

 

[auntpolly]

Interesting perspective coming from a non-parent...and innacurate, too.

Like transparant stated, statistics prove that attachment parenting creates independence.

I read this and have flashbacks of when DD was little! This debate is probably old as time and I'm sure we could duel with statisitics!

When DD was a baby, I had lots of friends with babies and belonged to LLL and watched many, many women doing the same thing - trying to get their babies and kids to sleep and trying to sleep themselves. I didn't know anyone who just stuck their babies in rooms and let them cry for long periods of time, but I did see some that were more committed to getting their kids to fall asleep on their own than others.

With some of my friends, it just wasn't a family priority to get the kids to bed at all. Their philosophy was that it was cruel to have a crying baby at bedtime, and there was never any bedtime established so there really was never a bed time even when the child was in preschool. Now, all of those kids are all grown up with no sleep disorders that I'm aware of, so all's well that ends well!

We were of the camp that believed in bedtime even for babies, so we just made it a project to get DD to sleep at 7:00. (I'm not talking about her as a newborn, but once she was a few months old.)It didn't take many nights - but it took commitment to the mission! We put her in her bed, we stayed with her, we rubbed her back, we sang, but we were firm that this was the time to be in bed. Yes, she cried a little at first, but since we were consistant and didn't abandon her, it was very minimal.

I always thought that people didn't give babies enough credit. Honestly, when we'd be at people's homes in the evening where their little ones were all up until 11:00 and DD was home asleep, I used to think I would go nuts if I were in their shoes. But I think they were happier that way, so it was their choice as a family and I certainly never told them that I thought they were wrong.

All grown up now no way are the kids from one camp better adjusted than other. You have your over achievers and underachievers, your discipline problems and dream kids from both sides. It all boils down to being the most loving parent you can and the way you do that can be different for different people.

 

[BuckNaked]

All grown up now way are the kids from one camp better adjusted than other. You have your over achievers and underachievers, your discipline problems and dream kids from both sides. It all boils down to being the most loving parent you can and the way you do that can be different for different people.

Well said, and ITA.

 

[auntpolly]

Well said, and ITA.

Thanks, I'm glad you understood me even with my typo!

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree with you Polly, well said! It all boils down to how you want things to be in your family. I think the OP is saying that she feels that it is time to find a new way for her child to fall asleep, nothing wrong with that.

We all have to do what is right for us.

 

[justhat]

I'm glad I found this thread because sleep has been an issue with my daughter since she was 4 months old. From 6 weeks to 4 months she slept great. I put her down awake in her cosleeper and she'd get up once to nurse, then back to sleep within 10 minutes. At 4 months that went out the window though. She would only sleep in our bed and wake up every 2-3 hours when I'm in bed, and about every 30-45 minutes if I'm not in bed yet. She'll be 11 months on Thursday and still sleeps like that. I tried not nursing her during the night but she'd cry forever, once for almost an hour. I was holding her and rocking her during that time, but she didnt' give up till she got milk. I tried water, but she cried till she got milk. And at 3am, it's so much easier to just nurse her than walk around with her for an hour, only to have her fall asleep for 10 minutes then be back up to nurse. I was exhausted and after 2 weeks I went back to nursing her on demand at night. I'm hoping once she starts weaning then she'll sleep better, but who knows and that's not for at least another 4 months anyway. I was so much more rested when she was 2-4 months than I am now though and that's my motivation to change her sleeping habits. But she's been sick on and off since mid-December and got 2 teeth in the past 2 weeks so all that has been delaying the sleep changes. I read the No-cry Sleep Solution but haven't been able to try it out yet because of the illnesses and teeth, so hopefully that will work. I just can't let her cry though and it's really reassuring to hear others can't too. It's so hard to constantly hear everyone (even my husband) say she just needs to be put in her crib and cry.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

justhat-can you do side nursing? This was the only way I got any sleep with DD.

 

[peacefulgirl]

took me 8 years to get mine to go to sleep alone ..so no answer here

 

[Kermit]

Justhat, I feel for you. In my experience, it seems like most babies start waking up more often at around 4 months. I think it's because they're hungry. The bigger they get, the more calories they need, and it's just not possible to do it during the day when your tummy is small. I read something the other day about a study done somewhere in Africa (where the babies were allowed to nurse as needed at night). 9 month olds were getting somewhere around 1/3 of their daily calories at night. I know it doesn't make you any less tired, but sometimes it's a little easier to deal with when you know it's good for them.

It will eventually pass. When my 2-year-old was about 11 months old, he started waking up every hour. I was newly pregnant and exhausted and thought I would never sleep again. But within a few months, he started sleeping for longer stretches and was sleeping through the night before he was 19 months old and his baby brother was born. In fact, I read The No-Cry Sleep Solution, but by the time I decided which tactics I wanted to start with, he was sleeping 2-3 hours at a time, and I decided we were okay for then. Sleep problems are very overwhelming, but they all eventually work out.

 

[luv2nascar]

justhat my oldest did the same thing around 4-5 mos old.
she was hungry and breastfeeding just wasn't giving her enough
once she started eating ceral and fruit and switched to formula she was a much better sleeper. Kids will not sleep if their hungry.

 

[justhat]

Jenn, I actually do side nurse, which is a huge help (which I know because occasionally DD will refuse to nurse laying down and I have to sit up and hold her and I feel like I could fall asleep sitting up). It's just that broken sleep is rough. I really love having her cosleep as there's nothing better than waking up to her little hand patting me in the morning, but I think she'd probably sleep better if she were in her crib, away from the milk source.

It is reassuring to know it's nutritional, and I think that's a big reason I'm not pushing too hard to stop. She's pretty thin, around the 25th percentile in weight (and 75 in height, so for her height she's thin) and she doesn't eat much during the day (solids or breastmilk) so I know she must really be hungry at night. I was hoping that starting solids would help her sleep better, but unfortunately it didn't do much for me. She's just so active during the day that she doesn't want to 'waste time' eating so I guess she makes up for it at night.

Diana, thanks for starting this thread! Have you had any luck with your son and the rocking? Does he sleep through the night once you put him in his crib, or do you have to get up and repeat the process everynight?

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

I agree with the poster that said these things (in regards to you figuring out how to get 2 kids down to sleep at night) just work themselves out. There are so many things that seem so overwhelming when contemplating a toddler and infant. But you'll figure out and it'll be fine.

As far as a sleep solution, there is no one method. We also refused to use CIO. We did co-sleep and I nursed my kids to sleep, and both were transitioned to their own beds/rooms around one year, because thats when they were ready. But don't listen to anyone who says you've given your child bad habits. We did everything we "weren't supposed to" with dd 1 and she is a fantastic sleeper. DS we're still figuring out. Thought he was doing good but now, at 2 1/2, he's entered the nightmare and afraid of the dark stage. So we've got to come up with some new tricks. As of tonight his brand new big boy bed has gotten a protective laser shield from Buzz Lightyear to keep bad dreams away.

One tip: Music (a lullaby cd) worked well for both kids. Started by playing that while we were getting them to sleep with us, and transitioned it to using in their rooms while they went to sleep on their own. Nice thing about music is its portable. Good to have tricks for getting kids to sleep at Grandma's or even WDW hotels!

 

[shortbun]

A modified version of crying it out without the crying might work. Try putting him in bed before he's quite to sleep and keep your hand on him with a motion until he sleeps
then little by little and I do mean little, change your routine until he can fall asleep without you in the room. I agree with Kermit, there won't be Jr. High rocking. You WILL
be pleased as a parent when you know your child can fall asleep peacefully on his own though. It's a skill well taught but you are far from being silly to soothe a 1 year old. Just begin to change that routine by tiny bits working toward the day when he can do it. BTW, setbacks happen often. Sickness, travel, teething and others mess with your baby's routine. This doesn't need to be a big worry right now, just a goal. I used to set 2 and 3 year goals for mine.