Crying It Out

[DWhittles]

Okay, my son just turned 1 and I'm still rocking him to sleep. I love snuggling with him, but I realize with a newborn that might not be possible.
I need to figure out a way to make him not so dependant on mommy to sleep.
Crying It Out isn't an option because I can't stand it. I can't stick with it because it tears my heart out.
Does anyone have any other suggestions to get my little guy to start sleeping on his own?

Diana

 

[Serena]

I couldn't do it either. Not being able to let them cry it out made for a very cranky mommy.

 

[eeyore45]

have more kids!! *grin

Really, my first born I was right there with you, and he was such a gift after 2 mis. I couldnt bear to let him cry it out... but if its not working, and you want him to learn autonmy, independence, then read, go to a B&N, a library, and read... its been awhile since I've read up on the sleep thru the night, but I know its important, and you get to decide, you're the mommy!!

 

[clh2]

What a difficult transition for both of you.

My DD had sleeping issues when she was about 3, and her pediatrician recommended a fabulous book about kids and sleeping. I no longer have the book (DD's issues were tonsils - the sleep issues went away after the tonsils came out).

The book had many great suggestions on how to change patterns. Of course, I gave the book to someone else, so I can't tell you the name or author.

Edited to add the link: Based on mrsv98's post, I was able to figure out the name of the book I was referring to. It is "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems."

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

Maybe ask your pediatrician for a recommendation???

 

[720L]

My son cried also. I wanted him to be able to go to sleep on his own so eventually I stopped rocking him to sleep. I would read him a story, rock him for a while, then put him in bed. He would start crying, I'd let him cry maybe 5 minutes, go in and tell him everything is ok, kiss him and leave the room. Repeat about 10 times maybe more. After a couple weeks, he started falling asleep on his own. Now he is 3 1/2 and I still rock him after his story. He won't go to sleep unless he's rocked. My husband thinks he's too old for this. I don't care, but what happens if he still wants to rock when he's 6????? Good luck!!

 

[mrsv98]

Look for this book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

Dr Weisbluth is a Chicago doctor and researcher and I know people who have consulted with him and he is wonderful. We have been blessed with a DD who sleeps well but I was a nanny for children who had some real sleep issues and he was able to provide good, sensible help.

Good luck and congrats on #2!

 

[DWhittles]

Thanks guys! I'm going to go to B&N today and see if they have either of these books!
Diana

 

[poohandwendy]

Ahhh, the things we learn from our firstborns...they are the guinea pigs in the parenting experiment, LOL.

It is so hard to change midstream when the are beyond the newborn stage...I made the mistake of nursing my eldest to sleep...boy was that a bad idea in the long run.

The best thing you can do is try for gradual change. It will be tough and there will be tears (probably from both of you). Keep your chin up. He will eventually get used to it. Good thing is that you are thinking about trying to do something about it now, before the baby comes.

Great idea about the books, I never read either one of them, but the professionals usually have some good ideas. Hopefully they can point you in the rigt direction! Good luck!

 

[auntpolly]

PoohandWendy is right - there will be tears. You don't need to let them completely cry it out, but you need to get a little tough, or you'll pay for it later. Little babies that won't go to sleep turn into toddlers that won't go to bed. And if you <i>like</i> watching David Letterman and Saturday Night Live with Toddlers every night, then you'll love this!

 

[CamColt]

I know you said you couldnt do it, but the Ferber method worked wonders for us. And it literally took 3 nights! My DH happened to talk to Dr Ferber right after we went through this and he couldnt stop thanking him, LOL!

 

[Christine]

I also used the Ferber method. It worked within the week for us. It was tough--but I guess I'm a cold-hearted witch because it didn't bother me all that much. Once I figured out that my child did not truly need me and that it was a coddling/spoiling issue, then I felt okay with it.

 

[transparant]

I have 6 kids and never let any of them cry it out. I could never do it.

 

[RadioNate]

We did a little crying it out. I guess I'm cold hearted too but frankly DS was 11 months old and I wanted him to stop waking 2-3 times a night! We all survived with little drama. I think the most he cried was 10-15 minutes. It's amazing how short it really is once you actually start timing. I also put a little sippy of water in the crib with him. Once he found the cup he was fine, took a few sips and went back to sleep. At 3.5 he still takes a cup to bed.

Entire thing took maybe 5 days and left us all wondering why we didn't draw the line sooner.

 

[Kermit]

I recommend the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution. The author's last name is Pantly (the first name escapes me at the moment). It's a great book with lots of ideas, and none of them involve any crying.

I'm firmly against letting babies cry alone. If my friend was crying, I wouldn't leave her alone. There are lots of other ways to get babies to sleep. Some of them do need a little extra attention, but they're only babies for such a short period of time. It's a season in your life, and some day you'll look back on it and miss it. It's not like he'll want you to rock him to sleep in junior high.

 

[DWhittles]

Transparant,
How far apart are your kids age wise?
My kids will be only 16 months apart so my big boy will still to me be just a baby.
I wish he would just fall asleep on his own one day with no crying...
I'm going to check out those books today and see what they have to say.

 

[momof2inPA]

Let your husband rock the older one to sleep.

I nursed both of my kids to sleep. I could never have let them cry it out.

 

[meandtheguys2]

It took two nights each for my 3 boys to learn how to go to sleep at night. Maybe an hour of crying each total. Well worth the last 10 years of easy bedtimes in my house. (They don't seem scarred for it...)

 

[Kermit]

My two are 19 months apart. Jacob just turned 2, and Nick is 5 months old today. Jacob still needs cuddling to get to sleep, but I can do it on my own even if DH is working late and not home yet. I worried about it while I was pregnant, but everything just fell into place after Nick was born.

Jacob eats a bowl of yogurt in my lap right before bed every night. I sit on the couch with him, and I put Nick in a bouncy seat at my feet so I can bounce him. If Jacob doesn't fall asleep in my lap, I simply take them both up to bed. (Both the kids, DH, and I all sleep in the same bed, well, 2 beds pushed together, so there's plenty of room for the baby and me to lie down with Jacob.) If Nick isn't sleepy and is making too much noise for Jacob to fall asleep, I nurse him. That means I have to have my back to Jacob, but he's fine with that.

Your situation will be different, of course, but the point of this long-winded explanation is that things just have a way of working. I was a little worried about my kids being so close in age, but things have worked out wonderfully and I wouldn't change a thing if I had the chance.

 

[4greatboys]

Just wanted to wish you luck. I never did CIO either, it just seems mean to me. Then again my little ones sleep with so we didnt have to go through the CIO since they didnt cry. And I do have older ones who slept with us too so I know its not forever, lol.
720L--If it were my ds and he wanted to be rocked at 6 then I would rock with him. They just grow so fast. It could just be a special part of your day.

 

[minkydog]

We did do the "cry it out" method and it worked out fine. At the time i was stressed out, clinically depressed and extremely sleep-deprived and my over-1yo just would not got to sleep and stay asleep. He needed to nurse every time he woke up, which was 3-4 times a night. There is no way a 1yo needs to eat every 2 hours in the middle of the night! he didn't nurse that much in the day time. We tried everything. Finally our ped told us to try letting him cry--BUT--only do it if we could stick with it and not give in.

We made a calm, rational decision and started it on a Friday night. He cried and cried. We cried and cried. Nobody slept. The next day, he went down for a nap easily, but we made sure to wake him so he could sleep at night.

Night #2--he cried and cried--for about 15 minutes, then slept.

Night #3--he whimpered for less than 2 min, slept through the night, and never had another problem(with sleep, that is).

The interesting thing is, as he began to regulate his own sleep at night, his daytime naps became more restful and easier. He finally "got it."

I do not regret letting him cry it out. It did not have any lasting consequences. I learned from this to not rock and nurse my babies all the way to sleep, as much as I enjoyed it, but to always put the baby to bed while he/she was drowsy and sleepy. My 2nd & 3rd babies did just that and neither ever had any problems sleeping (and we didn't have to do that dreadful "cry it out" ever again!)

Cathy--still likes to rock my three delightful, well-adjusted kids, 18,11, & 9