Cross country move

[westcoastwannabe]

Ok, heres my story in a nutshell:
Verbally abusive husband who is not working(disabled) and who has lost jobs due to his temper. Has also made court appearance for assaulting our neighbors kids friend (juvenile) but that was taken under advisement so if he stayed out of trouble for a year it was dropped.
I am the worker in the family, I want to move across country so I can be far from him as possible. He tells me to go, but no way am I taking our DD 9 with us. I can easily transfer anywhere in the country with my job, but have friends on west coast.
My attorney says to transfer, take child and leave him the papers of separation when I go, making sure I provide him with an address so that he cannot allege kidnapping. No legal separation or divorce papers have been filed yet.
He routinely threatens me, and bullies and taunts, but no physical damage, just mental. I almost wish he would hit me so I would have evidence.
There are also allegations from within his family of past sexual abuse that is outside the statute of limitations from the state it occurred in. The family member has offered to testify on my behalf in any potential custody case.
Any thoughts or advice?

 

[disykat]

Listen to your attorney!

Welcome to the West Coast.

 

[mhsjax]

If your attorney says it is ok to do so, then leave. Get yourself and your child out of there as fast as your legs and moving company can carry you.

 

[golfgal]

It's kind of a no brainer-move, take your DD with you, let HIM try to get custody--not only do most courts favor the mom but with his track record they will laugh him out of court. I would also be VERY cautious about even allowing visiting rights-at bare minimum only supervised visits.

 

[luvmy3]

Leave and take your dd. If you are still legally married, then he can't claim kidnapping. Don't leave him papers, send them, certified mail and make sure he has to sign for them so he can't ever say he didn't get them.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you and your dd

 

[kirbsam]

listen to your attorney. not us.

 

[3boymthr]

Ok, heres my story in a nutshell:
Verbally abusive husband who is not working(disabled) and who has lost jobs due to his temper. Has also made court appearance for assaulting our neighbors kids friend (juvenile) but that was taken under advisement so if he stayed out of trouble for a year it was dropped.
I am the worker in the family, I want to move across country so I can be far from him as possible. He tells me to go, but no way am I taking our DD 9 with us. I can easily transfer anywhere in the country with my job, but have friends on west coast.
My attorney says to transfer, take child and leave him the papers of separation when I go, making sure I provide him with an address so that he cannot allege kidnapping. No legal separation or divorce papers have been filed yet.
He routinely threatens me, and bullies and taunts, but no physical damage, just mental. I almost wish he would hit me so I would have evidence.
There are also allegations from within his family of past sexual abuse that is outside the statute of limitations from the state it occurred in. The family member has offered to testify on my behalf in any potential custody case.
Any thoughts or advice?

Ask your attorney if it would be okay to leave him with the address of your new office as a contact point that way he can't show up at your home one day and kidnap your DD. At least until the divorce is final and custody has been resolved.

 

[PigletsPal2]

Or see if a P.O. box address is sufficient; then he can't show up at your place of work. And pick up your mail at different times each day or alternate days. Or use a mail forwarding service.

Goo luck to you!

Queen Colleen

 

[njmom47]

Yes, listen to your attorney. And PO boxes are a good idea, although my ex bypassed my PO box and had my mail delivered to my rental home when I thought I was safe.

 

[westcoastwannabe]

Now, would you
a) take everything you can with you
b) take minimal items to get started and have the rest sent later
c) or something else?
Looking to try to do this as cheaply and securely as possible
Quick, quiet and safe is a must

 

[diznygirl]

He's telling you no way could you take your child because he knows it will prevent you from leaving. Don't listen to him. Listen to your attorney. Your attorney knows the law, and he's seen this before.

 

[pixiewings71]

Does he leave the home routinely? If so I would have a moving van scheduled for when he's going to be gone. Follow your "normal" routine of leaving for work for the day but don't go, go back home and wait for him to leave, then meet the movers, pack up and get the heck outta there!!!!! BTW, I had a restraining placed on my ex, he did make a threat to me that the female officer I talked to about it said sounded too much like a death threat and she suggested the RO, I had that done and he was removed from the home by the Sheriff's office, if you could something like that then your DH would not necessarily be home when you were moving out. Good luck!!! Please keep us posted, we will worry!

PS, welcome to the West Coast! What part of CA are you coming to?

 

[Leajess99]

OP, head West. Take your child and leave. Does he have appointments or friends or anywhere that he goes?? I would leave when he is gone and never look back. Give him a cell phone that cannot be traced to an address and either a PO box or the office address.

Also when you do move, I would give the new school notice to not contact him in reference to your child.

 

[westcoastwannabe]

I was thinking something along the lines of a UPS store address thats a suite address, looks like more of an actual address than just a box number. He rarely leaves the house, but ive managed to get a few things out and into storage unit so that I won't be starting from scratch.
I'm looking at the San Fernando valley, I know it wont be cheap, but the weather and the many different social and cultural activities are a plus.

 

[Planogirl]

Do you have friends who could meet up with you to help you pack? That would be faster and probably also better if he should happen to return unexpectedly.

Do you know anyone in the area you might move to? You could quietly ship some small items. Also think of your creditors.

Good luck.

 

[westcoastwannabe]

Oddly (and for the better, I suppose) we have no mutual creditors to speak of. House in his name, cars are solely in individual names, not joint. I have a joint check acct with him that I will close, and I am on a joint check acct with him that I can take my name off of if my atty advises me to. I will kill the cable when I leave, and remove my name from the electric bill. All credit cards are in either his name or mine, not joint.

 

[westcoastwannabe]

Has anyone here ever gone through a similar situation? I'm still working to try to find the most inexpensive method of shipping things cross country. I dont have a lot of furniture, mostly clothing, electronics, and kitchen small appliances.