Cremation/Ashes issues

[GeorgeG]

No, they will vacuum you, and you will spend eternity in a Disney vacuum bag!

Ah, but my ghost will remain forever.

 

[Sonya]

I am sitting here reading this in absolute shock! Don't people think a MINUTE before they do things like this. Were they senile? Was there some sort of dementia that would cause them to be so cruel? That is just shameful. You are so good to try and help your DMIL through this hurtful and sad situation.

No, not at all, but they were pretty old, in their 80s.

Did she ever ask about the ashes? I don't understand why she didn't have them. You are all forgetting that these are their son's ashes. If she didn't ask about them or let them know that she had other plans after all these years, they did what they felt was best for their son.

That was my thought, they only had one child and he was dead. The thought they were doing the right thing, I just can't imagine why they didn't tell her or ask her if they should put her name on the plaque.

Like I said, I'd have never allowed DH's ashes to go to MIL's house in the first place, but who knows how they ended up with his parents. Maybe she was moving and thought that their house was a safer place than a moving box and just never asked for them back. Who knows? I do still think that before putting the ashes in a final resting place that she should have been consulted.

I don't think I said anything mean, just that I know DH's wishes more than the rest of the family. I would think that is pretty normal


If you don't mind my asking, do you plan to scatter your DH's ashes or keep them with you? We just lost a family member this week so we've been talking about the whole "what I want my memorial to be like" thing, and we've agreed that whoever survives the other one will keep the ashes so we can have our final resting place together. I can't imagine not being with my DH, but another family member said that we were weird and morbid for keeping ashes to be scattered together.

I think at first everyone was hurting so much. Plus I think The inlaws might have paid for the cremation. He was young and I'm sure they weren't ready to pay for a funeral. SO the inlaws probably got the ashed by default. I have no idea why she left the ashes with them, maybe she felt it would hurt them to ask for them.

DH and I plan on the survivor keeping our ashes and then when the other passes on our kids will scatter us. We are still debating where. I think a special place in Rocky Mountain National Park maybe.

 

[lovingthemouse]

My DH died just 2 months ago, but this is something we discussed in the event that we would need to carry out each other's wishes. Part of his ashes are here with me, but we intend for them to be in a place special to both of us - and if they end up " fertilizing some beautiful rose bushes" then they will grow more elegantly.!!!
He'll make it back there one more time!!
I am also so lucky because he will always be in my heart!

 

[lisajl]

Me too - except I'd exclude the in-laws names. They already made the decision to have their name included on their plaque.

It sounds like something my MIL would do. After all, I'm not "family" in their eyes. Almost 20 years of marriage and I still am the outsider. I'm sorry for the hurt she's feeling.

Geez-did we marry into the same family? LOL! My DH and I have been married 24 years, together 26...still not worthy of the family, I guess.
If they did this to us I would definately get the last word in...finally.

Lisa

 

[CookieGVB]

I can't imagine why she never wondered what happened to the ashes in the last 15 years...? Sounds like the in-laws and she didn't see eye-to-eye, and that's why they excluded her. But in the end, she's still got her memories, and they can't take that away. After all this time, I think she may just want to let it be, and let everyone rest in peace.

JMHO.

 

[C.Ann]

I would get a new plaque made and have half of my ashes spread with DH then get a second plaque made for just the two of us where we wanted to be and have the other half spread there. Maybe she can take up a little piece of the ground and transplant it to the new spot too.

---------------

This sounds like a very logical solution..

 

[Sonya]

I talked to DH about this, his mom called to talk about T-day and they ended up talking about what the inlaws did. She was on very good terms with them. DH said that when his Dad passed away suddenly his mom was so overwhelmed and it was so painful for her that she couldn't deal with what to do with the ashes. I don't know why she never asked for them once she got to a place where she could make a decision. DH thinks that his grandfather, always an authoritarian, just did what he did so that his son would have a resting place. At least that is what he is telling himself and his mom.

Sorry for all your losses, it is so painful to lose a loved one.