Crazy Over Protective Mom Question

[Tink888]

In middle school I always drove my kids to the bus stop in the morning. Two blocks away, bottom of a hill, no sidewalks, dark.

By 3rd grade both of boys would've been mortified had I stood at the bus stop with them.

By 5th grade they'd have been slightly embarrassed to have me wait in my car watching while they stood at the bus stop with their peers.

Up to and including 8th grade, not bothered or embarrassed in the least bit to wait IN the car with me until the bus came. During the cold months, I couldn't get them out of the car until they saw the red lights of the approaching bus flashing.

There were at least 4 other middle school kids in the car with their parents every morning until the bus came.

High school - they are walkers, I could drive them but we can't be seen together.

If you feel better driving her & waiting at the stop, don't hesitate to do so.

 

[divabydisney]

Agree that the responses are funny. While your DD could decide this for you, you also could be surprised by the response. My DS who just turned 12 is extremely tolerant of me. (not that I'm surprised by this. ) He is never embarrassed by me and often mentions about other kids and says he doesn't know why they don't want to be seen with their parents. Heck he even saves us pool chairs and makes sure we sit next to each other. I adore him for this. I know I'm not one of those smoking hot mamas but he really has true appreciation for all people not just me. I love him for that.

Anywho, ask, you might be pleasantly surprised. And if she says yes, do it every morning, you never know when she might wake up and change her mind.

 

[cornflake]

Dang, when I was 11 I walked to and from school nearly a half mile in a major metropolitan city myself. I can't imagine my parents wanting to wait with me for a bus or something.

 

[Michelle67]

My situation sounds a little bit similar to yours. We live out in the sticks, long driveway, can't see the bus stop (or the road) from the house . No sidewalks, country highway that people speed down like crazy, and the bus stop is about the equivalent of a block down the road. My daughter just finished sixth grade. What I did may sound a little silly, but it worked for us. I walked her down to the end of the driveway, then stood where I could see the bus stop but the trees and underbrush pretty much kept the other kids from seeing me. When I saw the bus coming I would go back to the house.

My daughter said that she really didn't care if I walked her down all the way to the bus stop, but we figured that the older kids would probably make fun of her sooner or later, so I kept out of sight instead.

When we first moved here I could barely hold myself back from walking my Junior in high school down there. I didn't, of course, but I held my breath praying some idiot didn't run her over every morning. I mentioned that to her recently (she's almost 22 now) and she said that there were mornings she wished I HAD walked her down. Between the scary drivers going too fast as she's walking on the skinny shoulder next to a drop-off into the woods, and things making noises in the woods in the pitch dark in the winter time(there's no street lights out here either) she said she probably really wouldn't have minded. Made me feel a lot less stupid about watching her younger sister make it to the bus stop every morning...

 

[Imzadi]

So my DD11 is starting sixth grade. We received the letter with the bus routes today and she will be picked up at the bottom of our driveway. Our driveway is about three hundred feet, down the hill, and the bottom is not visible from our house. Obviously, she'll be the only one at the bus stop. We live on a state road that can be both very busy and very quiet at times. I know I can't stand with her because it is middle school, but I'm not comfortable with her being by herself down there either. So thinking back to my own days as a middle schooler, I remember that while waiting with Mom is absolutely unacceptable, for some reason waiting with Mom in the car was fine. Is that still the case? Thoughts appreciated.

No - it's the kind of road where people open their garages and leave for work, come home and shut the garage. They're all nice people - just doing their own thing. Plus the houses are about an acre apart or are set back lots like ours. If this makes any sense…it's a busy road, but the homes have a lot of privacy.

I would be afraid to let her go down there by herself too. After seeing the story of Jaycee Dugard who was snatched on her way to the bus stop.

I think sitting in the car wouldn't be too embarrassing to her. Ask her what she thinks about it.

Its not even so much them going up to strange cars--its the cars pulling up and just grabbing the dang kids now.

OP, You already know you are uncomfortable with her being alone and thought of a solution as to how to wait with her. Did didn't ask if she was old enough to do it alone, you asked for a way to do in in such a way as to be respectful of her AND wait with her.

Jaycee Duggard was snatched into a car at 11. Predators LOOK for opportunities. Before school & after are perfect times. A road that is both busy enough for them to blend into the crowd AND have lulls, where they could quickly stop & snatch a child then, head back into the flow of traffic unnoticed would be perfect for them.

Don't ask DD what she wants. Part of being the adult is knowing more than the child and being the parent and doing what is BEST, not what they want. She can't possibly know the extent of dangers out there as you do. You think Jaycee even fathomed the likes of Garrido before she ran into him? This isn't a situation of being paranoid. You didn't say, "My child is 16 and it is an isolated, private road which no one, except the bus, even knows is there. Should I wait with her?" You are appropriately concerned considering your street situation.

You know what you want to do, and found a great compromise. Just STATE it to her. Don't ask. "The bus will pick you up at the end of the driveway. I'll drive you down there." Period.

Then while the bus is pulling away, drive off in the other direction, to the next drive, make a U-Turn & come home. This way, the other school kids might just assume that you are headed for work & are dropping DD at the end of the drive. They probably wouldn't even say anything to her.

While waiting for the bus, she could snack on a little something extra in the morning. Have extra reasons or incentives for her waiting in the car. Make it a positive thing. Once it gets cold out, a warm car will be incentive enough.

 

[deegack]

I don't see why you would wait with her. The chances of her being snatched off the street by a stranger are basically nonexistent. I remember waiting at a bus stop down the road from my house by myself in elementary school. There were a couple other kids at the stop but if they werent going to school that day for whatever reason then I was on my own.

 

[NHdisneylover]

As to what will or will not embarrass your daughter, I think that depends largely on the area and the kid--so you just have to ask her (and maybe some friends who have kids a year or two older and live nearby).

Another option which might ease your mind but give her a little more independence would be to get her a cell phone on a shared plan with yours that has free minutes between the two of you. You can stay on the phone with her while she waits for the bus and she cannot hang up until she tells you the bus is pulling up.

Personally, in the vast majority of areas, I would be okay with mine waiting at the end of the drive at that age and actually quite a bit younger Really, the reason we all know Jaycee Duggard's name is because the horrible incident with her was so rare that it made national news repeatedly. In reality, your DD is in much bigger danger every time she gets in the car with you, spends time with a teacher or coach or friend's parent, etc.

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't see why you would wait with her. The chances of her being snatched off the street by a stranger are basically nonexistent. QUOTE]

We get at least a dozen alerts sent home from the school every year about kids in our school district that were approached at bus stops by strangers and its always in the morning waiting for the school bus when they are standing on corners- never in the afternoon when they are walking home.

 

[deegack]

I don't see why you would wait with her. The chances of her being snatched off the street by a stranger are basically nonexistent. QUOTE]

We get at least a dozen alerts sent home from the school every year about kids in our school district that were approached at bus stops by strangers and its always in the morning waiting for the school bus when they are standing on corners- never in the afternoon when they are walking home.

How many kids have been snatched off the street? Even the center foe missing and exploited children has said they don't teach stranger danger anymore because it just doesn't happen. Kids are taken by their family/friends etc not a random stranger in a white van. I would suspect someone in your town has an over active imagination and the school district has to cover themselves.

 

[kathmzh]

My friend's middle school-age daughter is alone at her bus stop on a busy state road that is used by drivers from several towns. Last school year a man stopped, exposed himself to her and then sped away. I think this, unfortunately, is more common than we would like to think.
Needless to say, my friend drives her daughter to school now. Can you wait in the car farther up the driveway, close enough to see but far enough to give your daughter some space?

 

[Kona65]

First I understand your concern, but on the other hand how do you handle day to day situations. Is your daughter allowed to go outside on her own during the other days. Is it dark when your daughter waits for the bus? Maybe you and your husband could install a bench further up the driveway for you to set and wait for the bus. I still am one of those parents. My daughter is in the military and I still worry about her.

 

[aprilgail2]

How many kids have been snatched off the street? Even the center foe missing and exploited children has said they don't teach stranger danger anymore because it just doesn't happen. Kids are taken by their family/friends etc not a random stranger in a white van. I would suspect someone in your town has an over active imagination and the school district has to cover themselves.

Its not even just snatched--some are "flashed" by men as they wait for the school bus. We had one guy in a carwould pull up, open his drivers side door and show off his "goods" to the girls then speed off....

 

[ilovemk76]

You are going to drive your car 300 feet and then let it idle in your own driveway? Really? If you are worried for her safety then just walk to the part of your driveway where you can see her and let her wait for the bus or get per a perpaid cell phone that she can use in an emergency.

 

[daisyduck123]

I would definitely NOT allow my 11yo girl to stand there alone waiting for the bus. If there were even one other child there with her I'd feel differently, but not alone.

Can't we learn anything from Jaycee Dugard's story?

I'm betting, now that her story is out, that there will be some sickos trying to copycat, who will look at that story & think, "Wow! He got away with it for all those years". That poor little girl was tasered...having a cell phone to call for help would not have helped her.

 

[disneyismyname]

I would rather be embarassed by my mother than be snatched from my bus stop by a crazed man/woman.
Try doing something around there at the same time or just tell your child that in the times we are in, you can't have her waiting for the bus by yourself.

 

[dfchelbay]

So my DD11 is starting sixth grade. We received the letter with the bus routes today and she will be picked up at the bottom of our driveway. Our driveway is about three hundred feet, down the hill, and the bottom is not visible from our house. Obviously, she'll be the only one at the bus stop. We live on a state road that can be both very busy and very quiet at times. I know I can't stand with her because it is middle school, but I'm not comfortable with her being by herself down there either. So thinking back to my own days as a middle schooler, I remember that while waiting with Mom is absolutely unacceptable, for some reason waiting with Mom in the car was fine. Is that still the case? Thoughts appreciated.

How about she wait inside the garage with the door open. When you see/hear the bus coming down the road, she can walk to the end of the driveway and get on. You can hide yourself behind your car, or step to where you cannot be seen and watch her walk down the driveway. Or, she can wait half way down the driveway, before it goes down the hill, and when she sees the bus coming down the road, she can begin walking to the end of the driveway. Messages can always be sent to the bus drivers too via the dispatcher. Maybe call during school hours and let your driver know that your DD will be in the garage, if the garage door is open she will be getting on the bus. If the door is not open, stop briefly to see if she's around, then just go on without her. In rural areas, it's a lot easier for drivers to know who's who and what's what.

 

[ToyStory Fan]

If she has a cell phone - how about if she stays on the phone with you until she gets on the bus? I've seen a few people in our area do that. Otherwise I agree - warm car on a cold morning is better than standing around in the cold waiting for the bus.

 

[deegack]

Its not even just snatched--some are "flashed" by men as they wait for the school bus. We had one guy in a carwould pull up, open his drivers side door and show off his "goods" to the girls then speed off....

And in that case I would assume the child knows enough to run and tell her mother who would tell the police and the school. I guess I don't see this as a huge problem. We wonder why kids can't grow up and can't problem solve but we smother them and make the world seem like a big bad place. We live a block from the school. When dd starts first grade, maybe even kindergarten, I plan on walking her a few times but then letting her do it on her own. Its about growing up and kids have been walking to school for hundreds of years.

 

[Polyluvr]

I would definitely NOT allow my 11yo girl to stand there alone waiting for the bus. If there were even one other child there with her I'd feel differently, but not alone.

Can't we learn anything from Jaycee Dugard's story?

I'm betting, now that her story is out, that there will be some sickos trying to copycat, who will look at that story & think, "Wow! He got away with it for all those years". That poor little girl was tasered...having a cell phone to call for help would not have helped her.

ITA!!!! I am reading her book now~ I really don't care how embarrassed my kid is or would be. There are sicko's everywhere

 

[castleview]

We live a block from the school. When dd starts first grade, maybe even kindergarten, I plan on walking her a few times but then letting her do it on her own. Its about growing up and kids have been walking to school for hundreds of years.

Where do you live? Here, the schools won't let the kids walk home alone (without an older sibling) until fourth grade.

How about she wait inside the garage with the door open. When you see/hear the bus coming down the road, she can walk to the end of the driveway and get on. You can hide yourself behind your car, or step to where you cannot be seen and watch her walk down the driveway. Or, she can wait half way down the driveway, before it goes down the hill, and when she sees the bus coming down the road, she can begin walking to the end of the driveway. Messages can always be sent to the bus drivers too via the dispatcher. Maybe call during school hours and let your driver know that your DD will be in the garage, if the garage door is open she will be getting on the bus. If the door is not open, stop briefly to see if she's around, then just go on without her. In rural areas, it's a lot easier for drivers to know who's who and what's what.

We can't see the bus coming at all and the bus driver can't see my house from the road. Hearing it is hard, because it blends in with other large trucks going by and busses from other neighborhoods. I probably will have her do the halfway thing at times though…especially when it's icy out.

I would definitely NOT allow my 11yo girl to stand there alone waiting for the bus. If there were even one other child there with her I'd feel differently, but not alone.

Can't we learn anything from Jaycee Dugard's story?

I'm betting, now that her story is out, that there will be some sickos trying to copycat, who will look at that story & think, "Wow! He got away with it for all those years". That poor little girl was tasered...having a cell phone to call for help would not have helped her.

Agreed. Her dad was also at the top of the driveway or road watching her the whole time. I know it's a very small chance of that happening. But that's not something to chance.

You are going to drive your car 300 feet and then let it idle in your own driveway? Really? If you are worried for her safety then just walk to the part of your driveway where you can see her and let her wait for the bus or get per a perpaid cell phone that she can use in an emergency.

Hopefully, that will happen when it's warmer.

Its not even just snatched--some are "flashed" by men as they wait for the school bus. We had one guy in a carwould pull up, open his drivers side door and show off his "goods" to the girls then speed off....

Not that I'm expecting that, but this brought back a memory. When I was coaching a high school sport, the team was flashed by some perv on the way home from a meet. The bus driver reported it and the police interviewed me. If you think being flashed was weird, you should have heard the questions I had to answer!