Crazy Griever Update, No. 3

[house_of_princesses]

My Grandmother died when I was a teenager. I remember needing to go outside and get fresh air. I could not understand why the world would not stop! God has a funny way of preparing us for things to come, doesn't He.

Yesterday morning my twin-in-law left with his wife for MN. It was so difficult seeing him go. He caught me up, kissed me on the forehead, just as my John used to do. Twins can be scary, they're so similar in mannerisms, speech, thought.

Before he left, we were left alone to talk. He misses his brother so much. That void is one most people will never understand. Myself included. He feels a sense of obligation, as if he should be our knight. That gave me comfort. But, he has his own family and I will not add to his burdens.

John's younger brother called early afternoon. Our conversation focused on eternity, how happy we are we'll be able to be greeted by John when it is our time. Paul also wants to buy John's boat from me. John taught Paul to ski and together they dreamed of the day they'd have their own boat. Now they can share this one. (We had purchased it only a month ago.)

The world did not stop for John, for me. It stops for no one. John's brothers came and went. They have promised to visit, stay in touch. My friends are calling. My 40th birthday is 7/26. John had planned a surprise party, inviting some close couples. They ask if they can still take me out...for me...for John.

The world stops for no one. Though I want to jump off, the gravitational force of 4 dear (disney) daughters, brothers-in-law and beautiful friends keeps me from spinning off the Earth.

I see blessings everywhere. People left the funeral with Hope, someone shared with me. In my message that morning I said John and I never let the sun go down on our anger.... 4 or 5 couples came to me saying they walked away that morning having promised to do the same. There is a plan, and it is working perfectly.

The sun is rising, once again.

Thank you all, again, for listening. For your words of encouragement. For your support. I am shocked and amazed at how this has helped me. But it does NoT shock me that you have responded to me so beautifully.

Pax,
Vicki

 

[CathyCanada]

Vicki,
I think part of your healing may be to share with us your thoughts, your feelings, your pain. And we will be here to help you through and offer our love and support.

You are blessed to have such a wonderful loving family to help you through this too.

But whenever you need us, here we are!
Hugs!!
CC

 

[Dizzy-Disney4]

I'm glad you are finding some help by posting your thoughts and feelings. I felt the same way about the world not stopping when we lost our first born years back. You feel so out of the loop and can't understand why everyone else is just going about their business when your life is turned upside down. It was hard to get back into the swing of things...or to even want to.
Your family and friends sound so wonderful...I'm glad you're all there for each other.
Continued prayers for you and your daughters to find peace.Hugs to you all.

 

[debster812]

Oh Vicki. You are such a wise and eloquent lady. I just want to echo what CC said, that I think 'journaling' like this is helpful to you, and there are so many of us here to hear you, hug you (cyber hugs anyway) and support you.

I hope you and your friends have a WONDERFUL time at your birthday dinner!!!!

{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to you this morning

Debbie

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs Vicki}} I bet John is looking down from Heaven right now, smiling down at you and his family and friends. It sounds like you have great inlaws. {{hugs}}

 

[Desnik]

I must say I am so sorry for your loss. Your little princesses are so lucky to have you. I admire your strength and the way you dealing with this. Sharing here like you are is sort of like theropy and I think it is a great thing for you to do. In times of need or sadness I find myself doing the same. The people here are truely kind caring souls. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[wdwnutze]

Vicki- You have quite a way with words. It sounds as though you have wonderful family and friends to help support you. I'm sure your words have been inspirational to many. Jounaling often has a comforting effect. Continue to do it as long as it make you feel comforted by it. We will always be here to listen. Continued thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

 

[helenabear]

{{{hugs}}} to you Vicki. It sounds like you have a wonderful set of family and friends to lean on when needed. We are here for you as well and I hope that by talking to us, some healing happens for you. God bless you and your daughters.

 

[TINKTWINS]

Lots of PD for you {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[olena]

*HUGS* to you, Vicky.

 

[Lanshark]

I lost my mother when I was young. The words you write here will be a great comfort for your daughters when they get older. Please make sure you write your thoughts in a journal and print out your posts here.

Your faith will continue to help you through

 

[MickeyCrazed]

I cry with you everytime I read your posts.......
*HUGS*

 

[Kitty 34]

Writing is very theraputic......you're doing such a nice job at that, Vicki!! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[Dan Murphy]

Good to see your thoughts here, Vicki. And remember, that drive to eternity. But later. {{Hugs}}

Dan

 

[CamColt]

You truly amaze me.
Im still sending those prayers and pixie dust your way.

 

[TimeforMe]

I don't know what to say. I can't imagine the magnitude of your feelings right now. I lost both of my parents when they were both quite young and caring for my children was one of the things that helped me get through it. Make sure you take some people up on their offers of kindness -- it will really help you and make them feel good as well. You write beautifully and I was truly moved by your words. My best to you during this challenging time and may God Bless you and your family.

 

[SplshMtn99]

I'm not nearly as good with my words as you are....but I hope you get what I'm trying to say. I've read each of your updates...and I'm amazed at how in touch you are. Good for you! I'm not sure I would even be able to get up.

There was a trying time in my life...and I found journaling to be a help also. Only once, did I go back & read it all again. It helped me realized how far I had moved forward. Someday, your journal will to.

You've been in my thoughts...and will continue to be. Remember to take people up on their offers...and take time for yourself.. if not just for your sake...but for the sake of your girls.

 

[Mskanga]

Vicki;
This reminds me so much to when I lost my dad, I was 15 at the time, yes I was a bit older than your dd's , but I could also realize more what was really going on around me.
My mom was having a rough time grieving herself and also trying to find out how she was going to support the family all alone without my dad, not that it made any difference because he has been sick for so long and wasn't able to work , he didn't get any financial help, so my mom was the sole provider for years before he passed, but the thought of doing it alone was very scary for her.
But I do remember one thing very vividly, after my dad passing, nobody wanted to talk about him because it was painful. I felt that by not talking about him , I was grieving twice, I remember going to my room and close the door , I had conversations with him and then I just had to wipe my tears and go back out as if nothing had happened.
I guess my bottom line is let the children talk about him, share as much information as you can about him with them, it's an important for them to realize that their father hasn't been forgotten and that they are not alone in their grieving.
I'm not saying that my mom wasn't grieving, I know she was in the only way she was ever taught , but I took it as my dad had been forgotten and I just couldn't let go.
Share all those happy moments with your children whenever you get a chance and are ready, it will help you all tremendously. {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

 

[ead79]

Vicki, I have been thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers often. It really touched me how you said that your friends have committed to not letting the sun go down on the anger after you spoke at your husband's funeral. He is touching people now from heaven instead of from earth, but he is still making such a positive difference to those people and their marriages. And you are carrying on his legacy with such grace and strength. My prayers remain that God will continue to hold you in the palm of His hand.

 

[luvindisneyworld]

Vicki,I am amazed by your strength.My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.