Crazy Greiver Update

[house_of_princesses]

Thank you all for your outpouring of support. I truly feel the arms of God and my husband wrapped tight around us. Would you believe I actually slept through most of the night?

Tammy said something to the effect that it helps to write. She's correct, and I guess that's one reason why I'm here.

Yesterday was tough. My dad took me to the funeral home where I met with the director, our minister and his wife. Our minister and John were friends. It's tough on him too. Having to pick out all these things...urn, cards, a suit (which he hated wearing..still thinking on this one), ick. When they showed me the casket where he'll be, I wilted against my dad. Just wilted. My cousin says that that day is the hardest. I don't know how that can be when I look to all the tomorrows we face without him.

My husband has a twin brother. He arrived last night. It really freaked our 5 and 2 year old. They thought he was Daddy. Oh, this is so hard!!! The twin is devastated. He keeps apologizing, saying he's the one who is supposed to be comforting me.

I could go on. I found an empty journal, so am going to start writing there. I'm torn between writing and typing. Typing is so much quicker, I could get all this down and out in no time. But writing is so personal.

Thank you MrsV98 for the phone number. We have a woman in our congregation trained in child grief counseling. I'll start there.

It's amazing, how this helps.... thank you again for your support. I knew I wasn't crazy for leaning on you guys!!

Vicki

 

[JohnTBap]

Woman! You are NOT crazy!! You have been dealt an INCREDIBLE blow. {{{HUGS}}}

Listen honey - if you don't want a suit - forget it. When my father passed, we had them use his favorite golfing attire. It is what HE loved and would have wanted. You do what makes YOU comfortable. A suit is NOT necessary.

More {{{{HUGS}}}} for you.

 

[kdibattista]

I don't know what else to say other than you and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for you and your children.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

I don't think you're crazy at all! In fact, I'm amazed by your composure and your ability to put your thoughts here so elloquently.

My thoughts and prayers will continue for you and your family..........

 

[CamColt]

I agree with the others, you ar not crazy, but an incredibly strong woman.
Continued prayers & pixie dust to you!!!!

 

[bananiem]

I agree with everybody else. Come back here as often as you need. Some things may be easier to say to us, rather than other family and friends who are grieving with you. Do you know what I mean?
My deepest sympathy to you and your daughters.
{{hugs}}
ann

 

[poohandwendy]

My cousin says that that day is the hardest. I don't know how that can be when I look to all the tomorrows we face without him.

Not to disagree with your cousin, but it will probably be hardest when the dust settles and people go back to their 'normal' lives and you and the kids are left with the loss. Try to make sure to reach out then. There are people around you who KNOW you will need them...please take them up on it. You are not a burden, try to remember that if/when you feel that way (which many people end up doing) You will get through this, one day at a time. I think writing is a great idea.

My continued thoughts and prayers for you and your children.

take care,
wendy

 

[Blondie]

Stay strong, some of the toughest moments are still ahead and your kids will need your strength. If it helps to write, then you write. If it helps to cry, then you cry. You do what you can to keep on going...one foot in front of the other. (((hugs))) and continued prayers coming your way.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

{{{HUGS}}} It really does help writing and sharing with others.

If your DH hated suits, then pick something else out. Did he have a favorite sports team? Maybe a jersey or something. When my dad passed away my mom wore his favorite dress of hers to the funeral. She didn't care that it was a bright teal, it's what he liked and he had made her promise that is what she would wear.

Continued thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

 

[helenabear]

Okay, first of all, you are not crazy... you are amazingly strong to be able to handle this the way you have been. My continued prayers for you all {{{hugs}}}

 

[figmentvi]

Vicki......you do what you need to do to get through this nightmare. Don't let ANYONE tell you what's right and what's wrong. There are not rights and wrongs in the grieving process. You are absolutely doing a good thing by coming here and releasing. And if you want to come here and vent and yell and scream, you can do that too. We are all here for you.


Linda

 

[ead79]

Vicki,

My prayers continue for you and your family. You just keep doing what helps you get through and know that God and all of us here on the DIS are here for you. {{{HUGS}}} continue.

 

[lizzie64]

Vicki,
I am amazed at your composure and your strength. May god continue to guide you through this difficult time and continue to provide the strenght you'll need for your girls.

I totally agree with the others about the suit. I would definitely go with whatever he loved to wear.

My prayers for you and your family will continue.

God Bless,
Liz

 

[Rexfan]

I read your earlier post, and my heart goes out to you and your kids. I agree with the others about the suit....don't worry about convention. You know what he liked better than anyone.

(((((hugs))))) to you, and I'm glad you can find some comfort in this board.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'm thrilled to hear that you were able to get a little sleep. I know when I am stressed, sleep doesn't come easily.

Don't let anyone tell you what you need to do or how you should grieve. It's a personal thing. Lose the suit if it doesn't feel right. There are many tough days to come, especially after everyone goes home, but you can do it. Just remember that you have a lot of friends behind you and a special angel looking out for you.

 

[Rajah]

I don't know why you keep calling yourself crazy. You're not. *hugs*

I agree with the others -- if you don't think he'd want to be in a suit, don't put him in a suit. Put him in his favorite outfit or something.

If you can't make up your mind whether to write or type -- do both!! Keep one journal online (whether in Word or Notepad or some online journaling system, or even here on the DIS, doesn't matter -- just something that you can type to), and then keep one journal you can write in. I'd even suggest keeping a small notebook with you at all times so that if you feel the urge to write some of your feelings down, you can do it then and there.

In the meantime, realize that it's okay to grieve. You do have some tough times ahead of you, but it's perfectly okay to grieve. If you feel the need to cry, cry. To scream, grab a pillow and scream into it. To hug, grab a kid or family member and hug. To hit something, hit some pillows. To write, write.

And know that we'll be here for you on the DIS. *hugs*

 

[Tinkbell]

I'm sure you are feeling "crazy" right now, but you are not. You need time to grieve. I admire your strength and courage. You and your little ones remain in my prayers.

 

[zurgswife]

thanks for keeping us updated...I've thought of you frequently over the past day.....Even if you decided to do a personal journal please drop in every now that then....

I vote that you don't pick the suit, especially if your DH didn't like them....Put him in something he would enjoy wearing....

Lots of {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}........

Love ZW

 

[SeaShelley]

{{hugs}} Vicki. Sending prayers your way. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I too have been wondering about how you and your kids were doing. I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this. When you mentioned how you wilted, I had such a visual, and my heart breaks for you. I agree with what everyone else has already said, don't worry about the suit. Do what feels right. Keep reaching out as you need, we are here for you.