Could I vent please re: kid birthday party

[TwingleMum]

I know I can't get involved but my heart is hurting for my little boy and I need to vent.

My DS is 9 yrs old. He has been friendly with a boy since sept. Always talking about "X". The teacher mentioned to me a few times how they talk and hang out together everyday. (and talk a bit too much ). He has other friends in the class but they mixed up the classes this year and "x" hasn't been in his class since 1st grade.

DS birthday is in 3 wks so I asked him if he wanted to ask 3 boys including X to see Diary of a Wimpy kid and go out to dinner. He said he couldn't because x's birthday party is also in 3 weeks and that thats what he is doing. and he is not invited. But they other 2 boys they are friendly with are. I asked why and my DS told me that X's parents hate my DS and think he is retarded (qouting) and he has bad eating habits. ?????? We don't know these people. My Ds is the top of his class and in enrichment. He told me in 1st grade he ran around at a cub scout meeting and X's parents saw him. They are in 4th grade now and X left cub scouts in 1st grade.

My DS is hurt and feels badly that his other friends got invites at school today but he was not only excluded but told that a kids parents hate him. I of course am really pissed and hurt for my DS.

Thanks for the ear.

 

[disykat]

I'm guessing those parents are trying to put the blame on your son if their child does normal kids things like talk to much in class or goof off in boy scouts.

I can relate. One of my son's (although older than your son) was told by a friend of his that his parents consider him a bad influence and don't want him hanging around him. Their basis for this was basic goofball boy behavior. My son's feelings were pretty hurt, but he realizes that it's not about HIM, it's about the expectations of the parents.

It sounds like your son was already able to evaluate where their judgement of him came from and assertain that it was unfair. Good for him! Sometimes you just have to realize that some people are odd that way. I'm angry for you, and hurt for your son, but I feel the worst for X - whose parents don't trust him to let him make his own friends and belittle those he wants to be friends with.

 

[TwingleMum]

Thanks. My DS is actually handling it better than me. I don't say anything in front of him but I'm really hurt for him. He told me I'm still going to be X's friend his parents have no clue who I am or what a great kid I am. So he is teaching me.

 

[luvmy3]

I know I can't get involved but my heart is hurting for my little boy and I need to vent.

My DS is 9 yrs old. He has been friendly with a boy since sept. Always talking about "X". The teacher mentioned to me a few times how they talk and hang out together everyday. (and talk a bit too much ). He has other friends in the class but they mixed up the classes this year and "x" hasn't been in his class since 1st grade.

I'm a little confused, are they in the same class now because you say that he hasn't been in X.'s class since 1st grade. I'm guessing that your ds being 9 is in 4th?

 

[MnMomtoboys]

We've had the same problem. Our 10 year old is in a tight group of 5 and he was the only one who was excluded. And addtional problem is the Mom is constantly calling me asking me to do things for her. Plus whenever we see each other she is always making comments about me stying home with the kids. I'm just done with her.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

OMG! What jerks! Who *says* that kind of crap to their kid?! What a great example they're setting.

Kudos to your son for handling it so maturely.

 

[laurie31]

I'm a little confused, are they in the same class now because you say that he hasn't been in X.'s class since 1st grade. I'm guessing that your ds being 9 is in 4th?

I thought she meant they were together this year, after having been apart since 1st grade, and that's why they have been excited to get to be together and were getting in trouble for talking at times.

OP, your little guy sounds very mature. Good for him for not getting his feelings hurt and still wanting to be X's friend.

 

[TwingleMum]

I thought she meant they were together this year, after having been apart since 1st grade, and that's why they have been excited to get to be together and were getting in trouble for talking at times.

OP, your little guy sounds very mature. Good for him for not getting his feelings hurt and still wanting to be X's friend.

You are right. They haven't been in class together since 1st grade (they are in 4th now)

He is a great kid and really kind. The thing that gets me is we don't know these people and they have had 1 interaction with DS 3 years ago for 1 hour at a cub scout meeting where 25 boys are running around. Plus my DH is at every cub scout meeting and very strict. Ny kids are not allowed to go wild. My DH is always watching them. Sure they run around like normal kids but they are not allowed to be wild or push or shove anyone.

 

[EMom]

I know I can't get involved but my heart is hurting for my little boy and I need to vent.

My DS is 9 yrs old. He has been friendly with a boy since sept. Always talking about "X". The teacher mentioned to me a few times how they talk and hang out together everyday. (and talk a bit too much ). He has other friends in the class but they mixed up the classes this year and "x" hasn't been in his class since 1st grade.

DS birthday is in 3 wks so I asked him if he wanted to ask 3 boys including X to see Diary of a Wimpy kid and go out to dinner. He said he couldn't because x's birthday party is also in 3 weeks and that thats what he is doing. and he is not invited. But they other 2 boys they are friendly with are. I asked why and my DS told me that X's parents hate my DS and think he is retarded (qouting) and he has bad eating habits. ?????? We don't know these people. My Ds is the top of his class and in enrichment. He told me in 1st grade he ran around at a cub scout meeting and X's parents saw him. They are in 4th grade now and X left cub scouts in 1st grade.

My DS is hurt and feels badly that his other friends got invites at school today but he was not only excluded but told that a kids parents hate him. I of course am really pissed and hurt for my DS.

Thanks for the ear.

Hmmm....The movie opens 3/19. If a mom was that bad a witch to my kid, I'd be tempted to out-witch her and have my kid's birthday party BEFORE her kids's........Invite the same boys and a few extras from the class to see the movie a week before she gets the chance. Heck, invite her kid too. Let her scramble to make alternate plans and think to herself, "If only I would have invited that retarded boy to my son's party, none of this would have happened."

Is that nice? No. Is it mature? No. Is it the kneejerk reaction of a mother whose child has been treated like crap? Ummm......yeah. At any rate, I'd make certain MY child had one heck of a party, even if it cost more than I'd initially intended.

BTW, I had a friend in jr. high whose mom got the idea I was a bad influence. Why, I don't know, since I was a straight A student. Her family did have more money than mine. It gives me no pleasure to say that while I wound up graduating from university and law school as well as being happily married for decades, my friend dropped out of school by age 14, married several times and had many kids by many different men, and never made it off welfare. Ironically, her mother would have done well to have had her hang around with me more, not less. In truth, the mother was the worst influence that poor girl ever had.

 

[minkydog]

Ugh. I hate that happened to your little boy. Once those words are said they can't be unsaid or unheard. Poor boy.

I had something similar happen to my son when he was about 12. He was great friends with these two brothers and i was friends with their mother. We both homeschooled, so we did a lot of things together, shared baby things, hosted playdates, etc. Then one day I came home and there was a message on my answering machine. Hearing her voice, my son came running in, hoping to hear that she was bringing the boys over for the afternoon. Instead, she launched into a diatribe about how my son was a bad influence,because he talked about Pokeman to her two sons(11&12) who she planned to "keep pure for the Lord" and she thought they shouldn't play together anymore. She ended with "I value your friendship and I hope that will continue." Huh. When pigs fly!

Just about 2 weeks ago, John ran into the boys in a bar. The 21yo offered to sell him some cocaine and the 23yo was completely blitzed and asked for a ride home--to the next county. As if! I guess the whole "purity for the Lord" thing didn't quite work out. Of course, that might depend on the quality of the powder.

 

[3_disprincesses]

Hmmm....The movie opens 3/19. If a mom was that bad a witch to my kid, I'd be tempted to out-witch her and have my kid's birthday party BEFORE her kids's........Invite the same boys and a few extras from the class to see the movie a week before she gets the chance. Heck, invite her kid too. Let her scramble to make alternate plans and think to herself, "If only I would have invited that retarded boy to my son's party, none of this would have happened."

That is so what I would do! Is it right? Probably not but I would do it anyway.

 

[IDoDis]

I'm sorry this is happening to your son. I can say that I've been in your shoes, so I know how it feels.

A few years ago, DS and a neighbor boy down the street started playing together during the summer. I'll call him Ray. They would either be at our house or at Ray's house. When school started back up they both joined cub scouts and were excited to be in the same den. Then one day Ray said he was not allowed to come inside our house, but he could still play with DS outside in the front yard or back yard of Ray's house. I figured it was because Ray's parents wanted to be able to find him easily (found out later that wasn't the case). There were times that we had to leave or eat dinner and Ray would say he couldn't go home because his parents were sleeping and the front door was locked. They never called the house when they wanted Ray to come home. They usually sent an older sibling to come get him.

Anyway, one day DS and Ray were playing at Ray's house in the front driveway. As boys will be boys, they decided to open up a little round brown ball (the side of a small rubber bouncy ball) that had fallen off of Ray's next door neighbor's tree. They got a saw from Ray's garage and cut it open! Then they picked all of the other little brown balls off of the neighbor's tree and cut all of them open with Ray's dad's saw. Mind you, this all happened at Ray's house, not our house.

So, the neighbor's tree was left bare -- not one more brown ball left. When Ray's dad found out, he walked over to our house and said what a bad influence DS was on his son and that Ray could no longer play with DS. DH and I were First of all, they were at Ray's house where Ray's dad should have been monitoring them (he was sleeping instead). Also, I know how boys can be curious boys, so they were both equally to blame.

I took my DS over to the house next to Ray's to apologize to the neighbor for the messing up the tree. DS was nearly in tears (he was 8 years old at the time). The guy who answered the door was not upset. He said the tree was going to lose those pods anyway once the weather cooled off which would be in a few weeks.

I myself was concerned with DS and Ray using a SAW to cut these little things open while Ray's dad was asleep. They could have cut off a finger!!! DS didn't know they had a saw but Ray knew exactly where it was and got it out, but somehow our DS got the blame.

 

[Tinker74]

Have an even better party and invite all the boys except HER son!..see how they like it.

 

[sunnyday123]

Hmmm....The movie opens 3/19. If a mom was that bad a witch to my kid, I'd be tempted to out-witch her and have my kid's birthday party BEFORE her kids's........Invite the same boys and a few extras from the class to see the movie a week before she gets the chance. Heck, invite her kid too. Let her scramble to make alternate plans and think to herself, "If only I would have invited that retarded boy to my son's party, none of this would have happened."

Is that nice? No. Is it mature? No. Is it the kneejerk reaction of a mother whose child has been treated like crap? Ummm......yeah. At any rate, I'd make certain MY child had one heck of a party, even if it cost more than I'd initially intended.

BTW, I had a friend in jr. high whose mom got the idea I was a bad influence. Why, I don't know, since I was a straight A student. Her family did have more money than mine. It gives me no pleasure to say that while I wound up graduating from university and law school as well as being happily married for decades, my friend dropped out of school by age 14, married several times and had many kids by many different men, and never made it off welfare. Ironically, her mother would have done well to have had her hang around with me more, not less. In truth, the mother was the worst influence that poor girl ever had.

I would do this. Might even have a limo take and pick up from the movie.

And I am sure your son is dealing with this way better than you are. A little girl DD goes to school with had this happen to her because she's a vegetarian. The other mother said it was too hard to feed her. Some people are just idiots.

 

[dicar123]

I'm sorry for your son. We know a few boys who were rowdy in early boy scouts who have improved with age.

I was accused of being a bad influence once. My best friend's (for all of elementary and middle school) mom was never very nice to me. As she wasn't very nice to her own daughter I didn't think about it too much. Then I found out she just didn't trust me because "no kid is that nice".

 

[Redpepperflakes14]

That no matter what, your son will be just fine. Almost everyone has a tale of growing up being best buddies with someone, only to not be included in some function with that friend they were so close with.

I know I do. In high school, a 'friend' whom I had known since age 5 had a birthday party at a local restaurant. I found out the following week when I saw the pictures she was passing around at school. She guiltily told me that her mother only invited friends 'whose mothers she knew.' Hmm, we'd been friends since we were 5, her mother was a nurse who had helped take care of my mom after she had my middle Dsis, but suddenly, her mom didn't know my mom? Really? Of course the friends she invited were people she had only known the previous couple of years, including her latest conquest, some boy who broke up with her shortly after.

At any rate, we drifted apart for reasons other than the party (this girl really turned out to be a witch with a capital 'B'.) I made a great group of new friends, whom I am still close with today (one of them went with my DH and I last year to WDW and we had a blast! Of course previous friend was insanely jealous of new best friend when we were all in HS together.) I finished college and married a wonderful man. She is still struggling to finish her bachelor's degree after 13+ years (I'm not knocking anyone who takes a while to finish school btw. I know it can be tough, but this girl was too busy chasing boys and having unplanned/unwanted pregnancies to focus on college.) A few years ago, when I still worked, she had the nerve to send me an email telling me how 'proud' she was of me and my accomplishments (as if I needed her approval for anything I was doing. If I hadn't been apprised of the fact that she hadn't changed a bit, I might have thought she was a changed person and given her a chance to be my friend again -- no thanks!)

OP, as long as you're a good mom and he's a good kid, your son will probably come out standing above everyone after all this as long as you help him keep his head up and don't let him get mired in someone else's issues and nonsense.

 

[TwingleMum]

Thanks so the kind support. I was thinking of uping the cool factor for the boys maybe a paintball party (no one has had one yet). Or something that would inspire envy. Is that wrong????

 

[Redpepperflakes14]

Thanks so the kind support. I was thinking of uping the cool factor for the boys maybe a paintball party (no one has had one yet). Or something that would inspire envy. Is that wrong????

Nope!

 

[EMom]

Thanks so the kind support. I was thinking of uping the cool factor for the boys maybe a paintball party (no one has had one yet). Or something that would inspire envy. Is that wrong????

EMom here....The one who said I'd have the Wimpy Kid party one week ahead of the other kid's and make it even better. I told DH about your situation (without telling him what I'd said I'd do) and he said, "I'd have my kid's movie party first and throw in laser tag too.....maybe even a limo." So we'd both say, "GO FOR PAINTBALL!"

I don't know......the real lesson here may be that no one had better try to ever screw over my DD in too cruel a fashion.

Get busy with those invitations.

 

[Carl]

Thanks so the kind support. I was thinking of uping the cool factor for the boys maybe a paintball party (no one has had one yet). Or something that would inspire envy. Is that wrong????

Good idea. But, I would invite the other boy. Don't punish him for his mom's bad choice.