Contemplating number 3... experiences with larger age difference?

[momofmikey]

We have 2 DSs, ages 6 and 4. I'm contemplating number 3, but am having reservations about the age difference. Because my older two are close in age, they're so close and do everything together. My DH and I are concerned about adding another one into the mix. My youngest would be 5 at the time. I'm just so nervous that he/she would constantly feel left out, and we're definitely not having 4 . Anyone have similar experiences, and what is the relationship? I will say that my boys LOVE babies - I'm just concerned about it being their own

Thanks!

 

[Pembo]

My boys were 6 & 4 when I had dd. It has been a great experience. The oldest one just loves his lil' sis to death. She was born in July and he had to hold her every morning before school. It was also great to have extra "help" at home too. It's nice to be able to say, boys can you get me xyz? I also was a much more calm new-mom. I knew what to expect and I cherished the little moments more. (even those 3 am feedings)

They are now 11, 8, and 4. Things are still great. Oldest ds is still very attentive to his ds. They are both very protective of her and have enjoyed helping her learn things.

I am seven years younger than my closest brother and I can say that there were times I wish I had someone my age but I think you always want what you don't have. My mom always said it was nice to have me around as my brothers got older. And I have to agree with her. As my boys are getting older and more independent it is nice to still have dd.

AND someone told me when I was pg with #3, that three kids makes you feel like a family. I didn't really understand until we became a family of 5. It is a different feel than just 4.

It's been a great experience for us.......good luck

 

[jx3smom]

My two oldest DSs were 13 months apart. When they were 11 and 10, I had my third DS. It was pretty terrific. They all (including friends) loved to play with him. Sure there were some adjustments but with loving parents any thing can be accomplished. I really believe it was easier than when I had 2 close together.

 

[KristiKelly]

We have 3.

Oldest & middle - 2-1/2 years apart
Middle & youngest - 5-1/2 years apart.
Oldest to youngest - 8 years apart.

I was worried about the age difference but now I'm really glad. I think 3 is hard and having the older 2 self sufficient is wonderful. If I need to take a shower, DS 9 will watch DD 20mo. They have been great help.

 

[debbi801]

We have 2 DSs, ages 6 and 4. I'm contemplating number 3, but am having reservations about the age difference. Because my older two are close in age, they're so close and do everything together. My DH and I are concerned about adding another one into the mix. My youngest would be 5 at the time. I'm just so nervous that he/she would constantly feel left out, and we're definitely not having 4 . Anyone have similar experiences, and what is the relationship? I will say that my boys LOVE babies - I'm just concerned about it being their own

Thanks!

LOL, I can give you all sorts of information. My DS was 9 and my DD almost 7 when my DS was born. They are now 14, almost 12, and 5 yrs old.

It was an adjustment for my kids. They had a difficult time at the beginning when they needed my undevided attention at the same time the baby needed a diaper, nursing, etc. Tag teaming between Dh and myself became even more important. They absolutely adored having a baby in the house, helping get him dressed, even helping change diapers. It was just the less attention thing that got to them. I will say that I think things worked out better because my youngest was a boy. This way, my DD, who was becoming a middle child, was still the only girl in the family. I truly think that helped her deal with the fact that she was no longer the baby.

It was also a huge adjustment for us, all the stuff you have to carry around again, diapers, stroller, car seat, snugli, umpteen changes of clothes, etc. Little things like going to watch my DD's softball game or DS's lacrosse game became huge drawn out affairs instead of an easy hop into the car. LOL Plus, we're now out numbered.

I have to say the hardest time is now, with one child starting high school in the fall, one in middle, and my youngest starting elementary school in the fall. My youngest wants to hang out with my oldest and his friends. Anytime my oldest has kids over, my youngest is there trying to join in the fun. In the past 6 months, I've heard more whining about my youngest and his getting into things or getting in the way of the older kids fun than I did the rest of his 4 1/2 years.

I hope this helps!

 

[shirleyb]

My boys were 6 and 4 when I found out I was pregnant with DD. They were 7 and almost 5 when she was born. Oldest DS has always loved her to death, and has always been great with her. My younger son is a classic middle child, and fights with the oldest and the youngest. He has the strongest personality of all of my kids, and I think it was hard on him to go from being the baby of the family to not.

All that being said, from the moment she was born, I couldn't imagine our family any other way, and I felt like it was missing something before she came along. My kids are now 17, 15, and 10.

As someone else said, it's nice having older children who are more self-sufficient when you have a newborn, but I also remember about being overwhelmed with work having three kids. Eventually that feeling went away, but it may have been some post-partum depression too.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

My older dd was 5 when my younger dd came along. She was a huge help with younger dd when she was a baby and toddler. She was old enough that there was none of that sibling jealousy and they got along great. They are now 9 and 4 and they still adore each other... usually .

The downside is that their interests are so different now. For example, it's hard to find a movie they both want to see, that is appropriate for younger dd.

Also, the younger one does feel a little left out when the older one plays with her friends, has sleepovers, etc. She's making friends now in preschool and getting more playdates, but still not to the extent her older sister does, and she's been asking for sleepovers since she was about 2.5.

Still, it's been a great experience and I think as the little one gets older, it will be easier to find some things they can both enjoy doing together again. Like just yesterday, they played a little soccer together in the backyard, which the little one wasn't interested in until now.

 

[LisaNJ25]

to me that is not a very large age difference.. I LOVE having them spaced out. i was doing great until #4. My kids are 14, 7, 2 and 1. # 4 was a surprise or else it would of been another 4-5 years.

 

[java]

Well I "said" the same that 3 was it and then lo and behold number 4 came along. I did feel like my 1 and 2 were close and did stuff together and then when number 3 came along there was a 5 year age difference. They were great with him. And honestly it was my issue not his or my older 2- I just kept imagining them older- and I look at my much younger sister and how lost she is... well anyway here we are with 4...
Maybe I should have just gone into therapy, it would have been cheaper.

 

[mrsltg]

My older dd was 4.5 when baby dd was born. It was an adjustment but it was also great. I could ask older dd to get me a diaper or burpee or rattle or whatever and she loved to help out with her sister. Now they are 6 and 21 months and baby girl loves to be like her big sister and big sister loves to play with baby sister. It really works in our house.

There is a BIG age difference between myself and my baby brother - 11 years. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I adored having a baby around when I was in my young teen years. As I got older it was great having someone to race bikes with and chase around the yard as well as read "kid" stories to. It kept me from growing up too fast. Now he's about to turn 21 and I'm wondering where my life went!

Anyway, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. It's different to go back to infancy when you're used to potty trained kids who can dress themselves, but it's wonderful in it's own way.

Good luck!

 

[JunieJay]

My boys were 6 & 4 when I had dd. It has been a great experience. The oldest one just loves his lil' sis to death. She was born in July and he had to hold her every morning before school. It was also great to have extra "help" at home too. It's nice to be able to say, boys can you get me xyz? I also was a much more calm new-mom. I knew what to expect and I cherished the little moments more. (even those 3 am feedings)

Wow, I can't believe your little girl is 4. I still have a picture of her in my imagestation album that you asked me to upload of her, a pic with Santa? Would you like me to send it to you?

My kids are 3 1/2 years apart. As a child from a stairstep family I was a little concerned about the larger age gap between my two, but it worked out beautifully.

Good luck making your decision OP!

 

[r3ngels]

I think it is great... my brother is 8 yrs younger and I have always adored him... and he feels the same about me.

I say go for it... you will never regret it.

 

[Pembo]

JunieJay, she'll be 5 in July! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. We have lots of prints of that picture, how funny that you'll still have it! lol

 

[poohandwendy]

I can't believe how old your kids are already either! Wow, time flies.

I don't think 5 years is a significant age difference. That said, the baby always bears the brunt from the older siblings...BUT they also get spoiled in other ways.

I say go for it, if you want another child. I think you will find the spread to work out just fine.

 

[Gupsmom]

I had the same worries. My older 3 are 9, 8 and 7...all born w/i 33 months. When I got pregnant with #4 (I'm 24 weeks pregnant now), I worried about the gap. Then I found out I was having twins....problem solved, but OMGosh!!!

Seriously, though...it's been so a great experience for my children. Even the oldest has no memory of me having our 3rd. They're so excited. I know this wil change our life a bit, but I think the positives will far outweigh the difficulties. Plus...it's hard to bury a true desire for another child. I know because I tried for a couple years. If I had had this baby (babies) when I first felt that I wanted to, they'd be 2 yrs old. Instead, 2 yrs later, I found that the feeling just wasn't going away. DH and I (he was less into the idea at first) decided that we didn't want to look back 20 yrs from now and feel like we were missing someone.

Jess

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I'm the 3rd child in my family. My sisters are 7 and 9 years older than I am. When we were kids, they pretty much wanted nothing to do with me. Now I'm 28 and they're 34 and 36...and the 3 of us are the best of friends! It took a good 18 years to get to that point though. I have a brother who's almost 3 years younger than I am. He and our oldest sister are 12 years apart...she was like his second mother pretty much from the beginning. It's only that when I was born, my sisters were at that "I want nothing to do with a BABY" age.

My mother always said it's like she had 2 different sets of families. My 2 sisters and then my brother and I. Anyway, I love my family the way it is and I wouldn't change it for the world.

 

[LBAK]

My DD's are almost 10 years apart. It wasn't planned that way nor was it ideal but it works. Travel was very hard. To find a place besides WDW that interested both of them was tough. when my DDwas 3 we went to Sesame Place but older DD was 13 and she was bored to tears.

Now however, they are very close. Older Dd and her boyfriend take the little one all over. It's like having 2 moms. And they both benefit from it.

 

[momofmikey]

thanks everyone for the replies!