Constructive criticism/mind your own business?

[poohandwendy]

Want some opinions of how to offer my sister constructive criticism without completely offending her...or do you think I should keep my mouth shut and mind my own business?

My younger DS is a single mother with 2 girls (2 and 5). Her eldest just started kindergarden this year. In late August she told me that Abbey wouldn't be going to the first day of school because her father was taking her to Six Flags and wouldn't be returning until later in that day. She told me it would be no big deal, Abbey would go the second day. She didn't want to get into a confrontation with her ex about it. I did say that from my experience (my kids are 8, 13 and 15) that the first day of school is indeed a big deal and Abbey may feel lost the second day because of all of the things they cover the first day (this is her first year of school ever). I dropped it, none of my business.

Then last week came Open House Night, I asked if she was excited to meet Abbeys teacher? She told me that she wasn't going because she had to work(she's a hairdresser). Her ex also wasn't going because he wouldn't have a sitter for the girls. I asked her why she didn't change her schedule to be at open house, and that I would be happy to watch the girls so that they/she could go. (and there are at least 5 other members of the family she could ask for babysitting help) She told me that she forgot (they send out info on this early in the month) and that her ex had already met the teacher and that it's not like open house is really a big deal...you don't even get to discuss your child with the teacher or anything....

The weird thing is that she has always been the over-protective, super-involved type with her girls, but since she has recently started dating her BF, she has sort of has tunnel vision with her personal life. I know I cannot control my sisters actions and that it really isn't my business, my concern is my niece. I know my sister is thinking 'it's only kindergarden', but IMO she is setting the stage that school (which is a very big part of Abbeys life) isn't important. This is mostly a rant, but I wonder if you would say something or just MYOB? I know that if I bring it up she will be defensive. Any thoughts?

 

[Otimon]

I understand how difficult a situation this is for you as a concerned sister and aunt. Unless physical harm is involved, it's hard to just sit back when you feel things aren't done as they should be.

Your sister will make her own decisions (right or wrong like the rest of us) and have to deal with the consequences. All you can do is be there for her and let her know you're there to help when she needs it. The rest will be up to her.

Best wishes.

 

[shortbun]

You are right, of course. I'm a
"big sister" too and we must maintain
a respect for our adult siblings who
do not want to hear our advice. Sounds
like you've already said enough. Your
sister obviously doesn't "get" the Open
House idea or can't care. My sister is
doing the same thing-allowing her new
SO to take over her life, her opinions,
the way she decorates her house and on
and on. If my sister had children, her
SO would now be in charge of their
discipline. I'm very tired of watching my
sister lose herself in the men she dates
-sounds like you are too. I'm sorry your
neice is suffering for it. Why don't you
take her to her open house? She'd love
it and since there is no significant teacher
contact (your sister is right about that),
she can have fun and you won't be stepping
on parental toes. Besides, it's nice to get
the whole family involved in celebrating
school. I saw lots of grandparents and
even friends at our school open house
last Thursday.
mimi

 

[Serena]

I'd open my mouth say what I had to say and then drop it. Ask her if she minds if you take your niece, but that's it.

She'll have to decide what she's going to do and if you come across as critical of of her bf, she will not appreciate it.

Goodluck.

 

[poohandwendy]

Thanks for the replies, I agree with all of you. Actually, Open House was last week and she told me she wasn't going the evening before. The only thing that stopped me from going was I knew she'd be pissed at me for going in her place. The Open House here is for adults, not the students, this is why I offered to watch the kids. I will take your advices and MMOB. Thanks again for the replies...