*Considering* homeschooling my son

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I honestly don't know. Every time I bring up homeschooling, DD freaks out. She LOVES LOVES LOVES her school, just not the school part.

Understandable.

 

[bellebud]

OP - I answered you on the Family Homeschoolers thread.

 

[Buckalew11]

I have been considering home schooling since last year. I still haven't made the plunge. My DD has not been written off by the teachers like OP's child has. She has written off all the teachers. She believes that she is smarter and more knowledgeable than all of them and focuses her time on social activities (the real problem is she's not far off in her assessment).

I am loathe to take her out because she has so many friends and loves her school, she just has no time for academics. She does the bare minimum to get Bs and Cs and is perfectly happy. I know she can do better with just a modicum of effort (she's testing off the charts, particularly in English) but she stubbornly refuses. There are no learning issues, just extreme lack of interest and stubbornness.

The other reason she is still in school, is orchestra. The school is one of the best in the state and DD really loves it (straight As in that class and the teacher can't praise her enough).

Another thing that is common and depends on either the class or her group of friends is that it is not *cool* to be a standout student. Therefore a lot of times kids will either dumb themseleves down by not working to their full potential or not doing all the work or other tricks to not standout.

 

[ChristmasElf]

First off, this consideration is in the very infant stages. I have not researched very much other than my state laws & city requirements. I would like to hear from anyone that has any experience with homeschooling or just can share some good/bad points. Like I said this is only a consideration right now and I will explain a little why.

My 14 year old DS is in the 8th grade. He was held back in 2nd grade due to struggling in pretty much all areas. He did have ADHD, then as he got older diagnosed as ADD. He no longer takes medication simply because he no longer needs it like he did. Meds or not it never changed his learning problems. He did have a 504 plan, which the middle school last year pressured me to stop it because they don't really utilize it anyway. One thing I have learned through all of these years of him struggling is, if your child is not technically learning disabled or an easy learner (including gifted or just smarter) then they can easily fall through those invisable cracks you always hear about. I have gone against teachers and schools trying to get him the help I think he needs only to become frustrated with the entire system. He has totally shut down this year and I can't change it. His teachers are fed up because he gets frustrated and then gets an attitude because they don't have the time to help him one on one. He tells his sister he gets picked on, but refuses to discuss it with me. I can't even get him to bring home his homework anymore, he just doesn't care any longer. His teachers won't post his homework on the webpage, so I never know what is even due. He is just so frustrated and tired by the end of the school day that he is totally shut down to even think about homework.

With that said, I know what he needs and I know how to get through to him. I myself did not go to college. I only have my high school diploma and trade school. I am aware there are programs available. Is this reason enough to homeschool him? I am so scared that I may hurt him more than help, but then again I see what path he is on and I refuse to lay down and do nothing. Our school system here is good. I have my oldest DD who breezed right through advanced classes and my youngest DD who is in the gifted class. My son is totally different and has always had a hard time. I mentioned to him just in passing and his reaction was "PLEASE, I can't take it anymore". I just feel like crying, just as I have for years over him. I can't really discuss this with my friends because I know that they don't have any problems with their children and school so they just wouldn't understand.

Kim

www.connectionsacademy.com

F A B U L O U S

 

[SmallWorld71]

But besides ADD, were you able to figure out what type of learning disabilities he has? I can't tell from your post if you know exactly what's going on or not? I understand his frustration---I'd be frustrated too!!

I was wondering this too. OP- has your son ever been formally tested? If not, then I would definitely recommend it. It will hopefully give you/ the school if he stays and most importantly him some insight into his strengths and weaknesses. The fact that you had a DD who went through gifted classes makes me suspicious to the fact that your DS could even be a gifted child with a disability - very frustrating! Whether you choose to homeschool or not, it seems as though there are pieces of the puzzle that are missing and getting more info. could hopefully help no matter what route you decide to take.

 

[torinsmom]

Before I pulled him out, I would write a letter requesting that your son be tested for learning disabilities. The school will only have so many days to do the testing once you request it in writing. ADD rarely travels alone. DS16 has ADD, dysgraphia(writing disability) and a few other fairly minor LD's. He sometimes begins to fall through the cracks, and I have to stay in contact with his teachers and remind them that he has an IEP with accommodations. I have learned that in HS, you have to be really assertive to get things done. Simple things like having a computer made available for longer writing assignments required me to spend probably 2 hours talking to different people at the school. The computer was already in the room, and the accomodation was in his IEP

Anyway, even if you decide to homeschool him, having those test results would be helpful for the future. It would give you some insight into any learning problems. If you keep the IEP current, it would even go with him into college.

 

[kimmyann]

I have no experience with homeschooling so I can't speak to that.

But besides ADD, were you able to figure out what type of learning disabilities he has? I can't tell from your post if you know exactly what's going on or not? I understand his frustration---I'd be frustrated too!!

I was wondering this too. OP- has your son ever been formally tested? If not, then I would definitely recommend it. It will hopefully give you/ the school if he stays and most importantly him some insight into his strengths and weaknesses. The fact that you had a DD who went through gifted classes makes me suspicious to the fact that your DS could even be a gifted child with a disability - very frustrating! Whether you choose to homeschool or not, it seems as though there are pieces of the puzzle that are missing and getting more info. could hopefully help no matter what route you decide to take.

Yes, DS was tested in elementary school and it was deemed that he did not have any learning disibilities. That is how we started the 504 plan to begin with, based on the doctor's diagnoses of ADHD & ADD. He had an IEP in K & 1st grade for speech. He was also tested when he started middle school with the same results. He was also tested for gifted in the 1st & 3rd grade, everyone is. His doctor tried to push the school for more accomedations (laptop, etc), but they said he does not test as disabled so he can't get anything else. He is now at the point of just being a trouble maker because he gets the attitude when he is frustrated. Now the school is not very helpful at all.

This is what I meant in my first post that he falls in the middle. Not an easy learner & not disabled. It's not like I've been sitting on my hands here. I KNOW exactly whats going on and have been fighting schools and teachers for years.

Kim

 

[kimmyann]

www.connectionsacademy.com

F A B U L O U S

Oh, btw, thank you for this link. It looks like def something that will help.

Kim

 

[gottaluvPluto]

My DD was in the same situation as your DS. I saw that she was falling through the cracks and the teachers and school admin. didn't want to help. I was fighting with them all the time about the situation. Anyway, I worked with my DD after school teaching her and it was difficult to get everything in after school. So I decided to homeschool her and it turned out to be the best thing. She is excelling in all her subjects!

I do not use a virtual school. I decided to join a co-op for science and history and everything else we do at home. We do a lot of hands on activities just because my DD is a visual learner. Anyway, if you have any questions just PM me.

Lynne

 

[torinsmom]

Yes, DS was tested in elementary school and it was deemed that he did not have any learning disibilities. That is how we started the 504 plan to begin with, based on the doctor's diagnoses of ADHD & ADD. He had an IEP in K & 1st grade for speech. He was also tested when he started middle school with the same results. He was also tested for gifted in the 1st & 3rd grade, everyone is. His doctor tried to push the school for more accomedations (laptop, etc), but they said he does not test as disabled so he can't get anything else. He is now at the point of just being a trouble maker because he gets the attitude when he is frustrated. Now the school is not very helpful at all.

This is what I meant in my first post that he falls in the middle. Not an easy learner & not disabled. It's not like I've been sitting on my hands here. I KNOW exactly whats going on and have been fighting schools and teachers for years.

Kim

A child can be tested again as early as one year later. It is likely that at least one LD would show up if they did testing now. My DS was tested as a 1st grader and nothing showed up. Four years later, he qualified for services in 4 areas. As kids get older, norms for the tests get more narrow. For this reason, it is common for LD kids to not qualify for services, but after 2nd or 3rd grade, that changes. I teack PreK/K and I don't refer for testing except in the worst cases, because the norms are so broad. Getting a "normal" result can give a false sense of security to parents and teachers, when the child is already falling through the cracks.

OP, please request ask for him to be tested again, so you have some answers. Also, are you sure the ADD meds would not help with some of the problems he is having? Lack of attention and organization can make things even harder for kids with ADD.

 

[castleview]

Yes, DS was tested in elementary school and it was deemed that he did not have any learning disibilities. That is how we started the 504 plan to begin with, based on the doctor's diagnoses of ADHD & ADD. He had an IEP in K & 1st grade for speech. He was also tested when he started middle school with the same results. He was also tested for gifted in the 1st & 3rd grade, everyone is. His doctor tried to push the school for more accomedations (laptop, etc), but they said he does not test as disabled so he can't get anything else. He is now at the point of just being a trouble maker because he gets the attitude when he is frustrated. Now the school is not very helpful at all.

This is what I meant in my first post that he falls in the middle. Not an easy learner & not disabled. It's not like I've been sitting on my hands here. I KNOW exactly whats going on and have been fighting schools and teachers for years.

Kim

This describes a good chunk of kids in school. All kids in the middle (which is about 90%) can easily fall through the cracks. I'm trying to figure out what you want the schools to do. You say you know what's going on and have been fighting the school for years, but I still don't understand what you think he needs from his teachers.

 

[kimmyann]

This describes a good chunk of kids in school. All kids in the middle (which is about 90%) can easily fall through the cracks. I'm trying to figure out what you want the schools to do. You say you know what's going on and have been fighting the school for years, but I still don't understand what you think he needs from his teachers.

He is not an average student in the 90% catagory. He has a very hard time, but is not able to be labeled learning disabled to get the extra help in class. If he was just an average student then this would be a non issue. An example, when he was in the second grade the first time, his teacher told me in January that she will just give him easy work so he feels like he is doing what the other students are doing, just to get him through the year. He will have to repeat the grade. Needless to say the principal agreed that this was not acceptable and switched his teacher mid year. He still repeated the second grade, but he has no kind of disablility. Every year it has been one thing or another. This year I can't even get his teachers to post homework on line. It's easy to judge when your not in the specific situation, I'm not sure what your point is. At this point I don't think the schools are able to do anymore, obviously he is not able to excel in an *average* classroom. That is the entire point in me considering homeschooling him to be able to give him the one on one that he may be needing.

 

[torinsmom]

The problem is that you can't force the school to meet your child's individual needs without a 504 plan or IEP. Once it is on one of those documents, it is against the law for them NOT to make the accommodations. He really needs to be tested again, even if you plan to homeschool him, IMHO. If you don't want to go through the school system, you can go to an educational psychologist and have it done, but it is pricey.

It will help your son to be able to see what his strengths and weaknesses are as shown on the tests, and it will help you to know how to help him. Best case scenario, with an IEP, he may be able to continue in a regular school setting.

 

[kirstenb1]

The problem is that you can't force the school to meet your child's individual needs without a 504 plan or IEP. Once it is on one of those documents, it is against the law for them NOT to make the accommodations. He really needs to be tested again, even if you plan to homeschool him, IMHO. If you don't want to go through the school system, you can go to an educational psychologist and have it done, but it is pricey.

It will help your son to be able to see what his strengths and weaknesses are as shown on the tests, and it will help you to know how to help him. Best case scenario, with an IEP, he may be able to continue in a regular school setting.

This is what I was trying to drill down to. You said it much better than me. I asked about learning disabilities, because I was unclear as to whether or not he had one.

My point was, figure out what, if anything LD-wise is interfering with his ability to learn and succeed. An LD will still be there, whether you homeschool, or he attends school. If he has one, then you are have the information you need to tailor your teaching to his learning style.

Regardless of which path you choose, it sounds like you (OP) need more info to go on. Unless you can rule out an LD, I'd recommend private testing, just because there are no conflicts of interest. It can take quite a few months to get this going, so if this makes sense, you may want to get started.

 

[castleview]

He is not an average student in the 90% catagory. He has a very hard time, but is not able to be labeled learning disabled to get the extra help in class. If he was just an average student then this would be a non issue. An example, when he was in the second grade the first time, his teacher told me in January that she will just give him easy work so he feels like he is doing what the other students are doing, just to get him through the year. He will have to repeat the grade. Needless to say the principal agreed that this was not acceptable and switched his teacher mid year. He still repeated the second grade, but he has no kind of disablility. Every year it has been one thing or another. This year I can't even get his teachers to post homework on line. It's easy to judge when your not in the specific situation, I'm not sure what your point is. At this point I don't think the schools are able to do anymore, obviously he is not able to excel in an *average* classroom. That is the entire point in me considering homeschooling him to be able to give him the one on one that he may be needing.

okay. I guess my point is that I can't figure out what the issue is, but it sounds like you can't either. I would take torin and kristen's advice and look into private testing. It may be expensive, but you said the school isn't doing anything and you might not have a choice. My guess is you wanted harder work for your child (which I demand and usually receive). I guess I'm perplexed that the school wouldn't want to do this.

 

[torinsmom]

okay. I guess my point is that I can't figure out what the issue is, but it sounds like you can't either. I would take torin and kristen's advice and look into private testing. It may be expensive, but you said the school isn't doing anything and you might not have a choice. My guess is you wanted harder work for your child (which I demand and usually receive). I guess I'm perplexed that the school wouldn't want to do this.

Schools will do anything to keep from testing, even if the teacher wants it. It is expensive and the districts are all trying to keep costs down. Once it took me 6 months to get the school to test a child who had been severely struggling for 2 years! The parent needs to request testing herself. If the teacher starts the process, it will take at least 3-4 months. I think the school has to respond to the parent's request within something like 10 days and all assessment must be completed within 60 days of them agreeing to the request. They don't have to agree to test, but if the child is struggling as much as OP says, I imagine they would agree.

Another reason the school may not be doing anything is that the teacher thinks it is behavioral and the child is just being a PITA. As a teacher, I can tell you that regular ed teachers do not get much training on LDs, either in college or while we are teaching.

 

[bellebud]

This describes a good chunk of kids in school. All kids in the middle (which is about 90%) can easily fall through the cracks. I'm trying to figure out what you want the schools to do. You say you know what's going on and have been fighting the school for years, but I still don't understand what you think he needs from his teachers.

This isn't what she's saying at all. He's NOT an average learner (which 90% of the kids in school are).

OP - did you read my response to you on the Family homeschool thread? What do you think about assessing his learning style on the site I linked for you? Does he sound like my ds? I think you'd get more out of that than a private LD test.

Just my opinion.

 

[castleview]

Schools will do anything to keep from testing, even if the teacher wants it. It is expensive and the districts are all trying to keep costs down. Once it took me 6 months to get the school to test a child who had been severely struggling for 2 years! The parent needs to request testing herself. If the teacher starts the process, it will take at least 3-4 months. I think the school has to respond to the parent's request within something like 10 days and all assessment must be completed within 60 days of them agreeing to the request. They don't have to agree to test, but if the child is struggling as much as OP says, I imagine they would agree.

Another reason the school may not be doing anything is that the teacher thinks it is behavioral and the child is just being a PITA. As a teacher, I can tell you that regular ed teachers do not get much training on LDs, either in college or while we are teaching.

I got restraining training my first year of teaching - that was a wake up. But you are correct that regular ed teachers don't get much LD training. At the same time, there's a huge frustration among regular ed teachers because they are being given the responsibility meant for special ed teachers - like you said it's cost cutting.

 

[castleview]

This isn't what she's saying at all. He's NOT an average learner (which 90% of the kids in school are).

OP - did you read my response to you on the Family homeschool thread? What do you think about assessing his learning style on the site I linked for you? Does he sound like my ds? I think you'd get more out of that than a private LD test.

Just my opinion.

And those kids are still in danger of falling through the cracks because no one notices whether they are average learners or not. I was just pointing out that the OP's son is not the only child being tended to. Frankly, it sounds like the OP thinks her son needs one one one attention which is why she is considering home school. To which I say go for it. All kids would benefit from one on one attention and teachers would love small classes. In reality, however, it can't be done.

 

[kimmyann]

okay. I guess my point is that I can't figure out what the issue is, but it sounds like you can't either. I would take torin and kristen's advice and look into private testing. It may be expensive, but you said the school isn't doing anything and you might not have a choice. My guess is you wanted harder work for your child (which I demand and usually receive). I guess I'm perplexed that the school wouldn't want to do this.

One of the issues now would be that he has E's in every single class and is also getting tutoring once a week. Why would I want harder work? It's nice that you receive it for, I'm assuming your kids. Which would lead me to believe you can't have any concept of what I'm dealing with. Thanks anyway.

This isn't what she's saying at all. He's NOT an average learner (which 90% of the kids in school are).

OP - did you read my response to you on the Family homeschool thread? What do you think about assessing his learning style on the site I linked for you? Does he sound like my ds? I think you'd get more out of that than a private LD test.

Just my opinion.

Bellebud, yes I read your response on the other board and plan to just carry over on there. Thanks for the link for testing, I do plan to do this.