I think that fate treated me very kindly on this trip. Well…aside from the bazillion hour fastpass return for Toy Story Mania, that is.
I mean that more in regard to Mom. At the Brown Derby, which was our first reservation of the trip, we had a favorite waiter. I was spared the difficulty of having to tell him that my mother had passed because he was not working on this day.
I worried a little bit about things like that. I would have loved to have had him as our server, but part of me was totally relieved that I didn’t have to speak the words out loud.
I can’t…
I can’t even tell you how many times I’d eaten here. With Mom. With Mom and Nana. With larger family groups, including my husband, my father in law, my father. So many different incarnations of similar meals, so many different memories.
How can you hold them all in your heart and know that you’re going to be okay?
It’s not easy. It wasn’t easy to go, but at the same time it was. Because I was with Nana. And because still going to the Brown Derby seemed like a tribute to Mom. It was one of the things on this trip that I couldn’t give up, it’s one of my favorite if not my absolute favorite signature restaurant, and well…despite my hurt, I was glad to be there.
Squirt was totally asleep in the stroller, and they were kind enough to seat us at a booth where we could just park him next to us and not have to worry.
We had a great time at this meal. Eventually Squirt woke up and was an active participant, and that was even more fun.
I don’t really want to do a blow by blow here. The adults split the Cobb for an appetizer, which was divine, as usual, and honestly, I barely remember what everyone ordered for lunch. I had the noodle bowl, which was safe with my dairy allergy, and the baby really enjoyed the noodles as well. Oh, and I got this absolutely divine fruit cobbler for dessert! I believe it’s listed on their menu as the no sugar added option, and it was wonderful. Again, no dairy, and I was so happy.
I was SO full, but also so happy.
No food art photos, I’m afraid, my friends. I was lucky enough to make it through the meal without crying, never mind stopping to take pictures of our food.
Nana and I each had a glass of champagne, but oddly enough, when it came time to toast, the words got stuck in my throat.
I had so much to say. So much to say about Mom…about her being there with us even though she wasn’t…about honoring her, about loving her…and it just stuck. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say any of it.
And I looked at Nana, and as our eyes met, I knew that I didn’t have to. Because she felt all those things I was feeling, and it wasn’t even necessary to say them out loud.
And so we did what I consider to be one of the cheesiest, albeit heartfelt toasts I’ve ever done.
“Cheers.”
When Nana's birthday rolled around this year, I didn't know what to give her. I think we both would agree that we don't need more stuff. That time spent together is more important to us than any thing we could receive. It's something my mother always tried to teach me, and I'm sure that Nana was a big purveyor of that as well.
So instead of giving my grandmother the gift of something she couldn't possibly need, I gave her this instead. Lunch, on us, at the Derby, on our trip. And it was the most perfect gift I could have thought of.
I was glad she was there. Even though it ached not to have my mother, I felt lucky to have my grandmother. To share a new memory. To give her a birthday lunch at one of her favorite places, as well as mine. She thanked us afterwards, but no thanks were required.
Cheers.
And that pretty much sums it up. Cheers to us. Cheers to being here together. Cheers to life. To still being alive, when so much has changed and so much is different.
Cheers.
Next Chapter
Waiting to see what they say, too! We're contemplating driving straight thru on our trip in January. 24 hours! 
We did actually drive to Montana & back, a few years ago, but we stopped for the night(s). That was 1800 miles one way! 
