Coming Out...Please Help

[Zazu38]

Hey Guys, So I am a 16 year old guy, and I need some help. How should I come out? Do you have any advice about what to say or maybe who to tell first. I figured you guys might have some tips. Thanks a bundle.

 

[glenpreece]

well you could start with your friends and see how that goes. I found it was just easier to just talk about who i liked etc and be like "oh ya I'm gay btw" Now as for family can't really help you there, they always knew we just had a sit down and mom said "so we know you're gay here are some books you can read if you need any help etc."

Oh and good luck and feel free to ask for any help you might need

You will receive your welcome pkg in 6-8 weeks

 

[enigmaMN]

well you could start with your friends and see how that goes. I found it was just easier to just talk about who i liked etc and be like "oh ya I'm gay btw"

I completely agree with this, it worked well for me. Be yourself and your friends will love you more for it.

As for the family... I didn't come out "officially" to my family until I was 24. I wrote a letter to my mom... as I'm not good with having those conversations. My Dad for some reason opened the letter. I freaked when I found out b/c we were never close and I really worried he'd be a jerk. Surprisingly, I think he was more okay with things than my mom was. She's awesome, but I know at times she has issues. Don't rush it.. do it at your own pace and for the right reasons. Avoid holidays, etc. Trust your gut. It was a very liberating expereince for me, but still very awkward.

Good luck!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

If you have any concerns regarding your home life (safety, acceptance, etc.) then it's an option to not say anything formal until you are in a position to care for yourself, financially.

Just throwing that in there as even today, some teens in coming out to family find out that their parents are not going to be accepting or supportive and they are then placed in a situation that can become unsafe.

Not saying at all that that is your case, just putting that info out there as a means of covering another base, so to speak.

 

[mikelan6]

Good luck on coming out!

You will receive your welcome pkg in 6-8 weeks

I'm still waiting for my welcome package!

 

[sirJeffrey90]

You will receive your welcome pkg in 6-8 weeks

AHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Is that from Will & Grace?!?!

But anyway, I agree with Glen, just work it into the conversation, it's how I did it and it was funny, a bit awkward just after I said it, but all fine...of course my family is liberal.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I really have no advice to offer. I just wanted to say, I know there are parents out there who really have issues, so take what DVC~OKW~96 says to heart. However, if (like sirJeffery90) you have pretty liberal parents they may already suspect and not really be all that surprised and be totally supportive. As a mother I cannot imagine being anything but and I do hope my kids always feel they can share WHO they are (whoever and whatever that may be) with me.
I sincerely hope you find a way that works well for you in all areas In the meantime, at least you know you can be out and welcome here on this board (I know it is not the same--but it is a goodgroup of people here).

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

http://www.hrc.org/issues/coming_out.asp

Maybe this would be a good place to start?

I wish you the very best!! Please know we are happy to have you here on our forum. Feel free to ask questions, vent, whatever.

 

[rpmdfw]

Be prepared for any possible reactions and promise yourself that you're going to be true to yourself no matter what anyone says.

OKW is right. If you're concerned about your safety or about becoming homeless, then don't come out to your family until you're ready to stand on your own. Play the game as long as you have to. There's no shame in it.

And always remember:

Those who matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how things are going.

 

[rosiep]

Just wanted to chime in and wish you the best of luck too.

I also wanted to ask you to come back here and let us know how you're doing.

 

[jenn&nelsonrego]

Those who matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter.

I like this Rob! Very nice!

Best of luck to you Zazu! I have no witty words of wisdom or any help to offer you. What I can promise is to be here to listen to you if you need to scream, cry, vent or laugh... we all are. You have a good, strong group of people (both gay and straight) here on this board who want nothing but the best for your well being. We accept you just the way you are! Good luck!

 

[Simple_Motions]

All I can say is good luck too. Since my coming out story was basically "oh hey mom im gay" "okay whatever" xD

 

[rpmdfw]

I like this Rob! Very nice!

Alas, I cannot take credit, and it seems I misquoted the great Doctor as well


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

 

[Zazu38]

Thanks you guys. It's nice to have such a supportive group of people. I really appreciate it.

 

[Saxton]

DVC~OKW~96 has some good advise (as usual) - be careful if you think there might be any problems with your family. If that's not the case then just be yourself and let the words come. And if you lose any friends then they weren't really friends in the first place. Whatever happens please come back here to let us know and feel free to lean on us if you need any help.

 

[PghLybrt]

I also agree with what DVC~OKW~96 said. I wish you all the best. I wish I had the courage or understanding of it all at 16!



( I thought Ellen sent toasters)

 

[quasar4legs]

Hope it's Ok to comment here, was passing by and this post caught my eye.

As a heterosexual mum to a teenager I would want to know so that we could offer our son support and help him to be proud of himself.
I guess you know your parents and I do hope they are able to love and accept you just as you are.
As parents our job is to help our children grow up to be the best that they can be NOT be what we think they should be.

Sending you a big Koala cuddle

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Another thing you may want to do, regardless of the response you think you may get, is to contact PFLAG before you come out. Ask them if they have any printed materials that might help your family and friends.

Even the most supportive people may have questions, and sometimes those questions without meaning too, give offense. PFLAG may well have some information to smooth over that initial awkwardness.

quasar4legs, of course it is ok to comment here! Thank you for your support. Would that all parents were as healthy as you.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Hope it's Ok to comment here, was passing by and this post caught my eye.

As a heterosexual mum to a teenager I would want to know so that we could offer our son support and help him to be proud of himself.
I guess you know your parents and I do hope they are able to love and accept you just as you are.
As parents our job is to help our children grow up to be the best that they can be NOT be what we think they should be.

Sending you a big Koala cuddle

You are far from the only straight girl (or guy--but seems to be mostly girls) to post here. It is such a wonderful bunch of people some of us have sort of found a home here I hope you come back from time to time.

Another thing you may want to do, regardless of the response you think you may get, is to contact PFLAG before you come out. Ask them if they have any printed materials that might help your family and friends.

Even the most supportive people may have questions, and sometimes those questions without meaning too, give offense. PFLAG may well have some information to smooth over that initial awkwardness.

quasar4legs, of course it is ok to comment here! Thank you for your support. Would that all parents were as healthy as you.

As usual this poster has some wonderful advice

 

[kingLouiethe1]

Good luck. I know this can be a very difficult time. Another thing to keep in mind is to go into the mindset that once you tell a few people, be prepared that at some point everyone may know, because some people got problems keeping their mouth shut

Other people's got problems with grammar, but not me