Come on and make me laugh

[Celluloidgal]

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

 

[wdwgirl03]

OK, so this one is really cheesy and not all that good, but here goes anyway...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9. hehe

 

[trishy]

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.

"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

[anotherboardnposter]

Originally posted by Sirius

So, I figured with your name and all you'd find this funny. Although, it's technically an Ape and not a Monkey.

A Bush-bashing joke calls for a John Kerry zinger...

What does John Kerry wear on his feet while on the campaign trail?

FLIP-FLOPS!

Sincerely,

John "anotherboardnposter" Kilduff

 

[luvdisney81]

Bob and Julie are single roommates. Bob invites his mother over to the apartment for a Mother's Day lunch which and and Julie prepared. Bob's mom asks him about Julie and the nature of their relationship but Bob says their is nothing there, just friendly roommates. His mother says fine and drops the subject in order to enjoy lunch.

A couple days later Julie says to Bob, "I've noticed ever since your mother came over on Sunday that our silver spatula has been missing. I'm not saying she did take it, I'm not saying that she didn't, just that since she was here I can't find it."

Bob: "Ok I'll ask her" So Bob calls his mother "Mom, I just wanted to ask you something. Ever since you came over Julie has not been able to find the silver spatula. Now I'm not saying you did take it, I'm not saying you didn't, just that it hasn't been around the past few days and maybe you know where it is."

His mother laughs a little and says: " Bob. I'm not saying you are sleeping with Julie, I'm not saying you are not sleeping with Julie. But if Julie were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the spatula by now."

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by anotherboardnposter
A Bush-bashing joke calls for a John Kerry zinger...

What does John Kerry wear on his feet while on the campaign trail?

FLIP-FLOPS!

Sincerely,

John "anotherboardnposter" Kilduff

 

[shrubber]

Originally posted by wdwgirl03
OK, so this one is really cheesy and not all that good, but here goes anyway...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9. hehe

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Hey, nice belt!

 

[Roemama1]

Originally posted by shrubber
What did the 0 say to the 8?

Hey, nice belt!

Cute...I had to think about that one for a minute.....

 

[shrubber]

'Doc, I can't stop singing "The green, green grass of home"'

'sounds like Tom Jones syndrome to me'

'Is that common?'

'It's not unusual..'

 

[onecoolmama]

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.


Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

just pop the hood and................

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

just pop the hood and................

 

[shrubber]

two peanuts walk into a bar,
one was a salted.

 

[onecoolmama]

Com'on you guys I really need this today!!!!

 

[monkeyboy]

A Welshman an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside.
Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said...''Meow''.

"Just cats," he thought.

He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said....''woof''.

"Just dogs," he thought.

As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said.....''potatoes!''

 

[bellacam]

Pecans In The Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he >thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all, now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.

 

[izzy]

My father's all-time favorite joke:

Two rabbits were in a garden eating carrots.

One rabbit said to the other, "This carrot tastes kind of pithy."

The other rabbit says, "It should. I just pithed all over it."

 

[dmadman43]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied look on his face. The egg is frowning and looking frustrated. The egg says: "Well, I guess we answered that question."

 

[shrubber]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says

"I'm going to have to put him down."

"Why?, Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy

 

[shrubber]

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," said Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!"