College tuition question

[sk!mom]

3. We only have one vehichle (all we can afford) around here places will NOT hire teenagers who do not have their own car. Both boys spent the whole year searching for jobs.

I have avoided commenting as I have no desire to judge whether or not the OP is trolling for donations or just venting.

I will comment on this, however. I live in a SW city of around 100,000 people. As is common in the SW, public transportation is very limited. I just looked it up and my city has 3 bus routes. The buses hit each stop once per hour and stop running at 6:30 pm. Saturdays are more limited and no buses on Sunday. There is little public transport since most people have cars. As is also common in the SW, my city covers a large area and is sprawling- it is not really a "walking" city. Yet I see people walking to businesses all along the main street near my home.

Having said that, I have never heard of anyone being questioned about whether they had a car when applying for a job. My DD's 16 year old boyfriend doesn't even have a license and he was hired this Spring to work at the largest grocery store in town. This Summer he's been averaging 30 hours per week. He wasn't asked any questions about transportation when he was hired. They just assume that if you applied then you have a way to get there. It is very common for parents to drive teens to and from jobs. My DS works at this store and it's also very common to see employees sitting out front waiting for rides after their shifts.

DD's boyfriend is a nice friendly kid. He's not on track to be the Valdictorian. He won't win a lot of awards but he found a job. I can't imagine that a kid who would earn all the honors of the OP's son wouldn't be able to present himself well and be an awesome candidate for a job. I would think that businesses that hire teens would jump at the chance to hire such a hard working young person.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I have avoided commenting as I have no desire to judge whether or not the OP is trolling for donations or just venting.

I will comment on this, however. I live in a SW city of around 100,000 people. As is common in the SW, public transportation is very limited. I just looked it up and my city has 3 bus routes. The buses hit each stop once per hour and stop running at 6:30 pm. Saturdays are more limited and no buses on Sunday. There is little public transport since most people have cars. As is also common in the SW, my city covers a large area and is sprawling- it is not really a "walking" city. Yet I see people walking to businesses all along the main street near my home.

Having said that, I have never heard of anyone being questioned about whether they had a car when applying for a job. My DD's 16 year old boyfriend doesn't even have a license and he was hired this Spring to work at the largest grocery store in town. This Summer he's been averaging 30 hours per week. He wasn't asked any questions about transportation when he was hired. They just assume that if you applied then you have a way to get there. It is very common for parents to drive teens to and from jobs. My DS works at this store and it's also very common to see employees sitting out front waiting for rides after their shifts.

DD's boyfriend is a nice friendly kid. He's not on track to be the Valdictorian. He won't win a lot of awards but he found a job. I can't imagine that a kid who would earn all the honors of the OP's son wouldn't be able to present himself well and be an awesome candidate for a job. I would think that businesses that hire teens would jump at the chance to hire such a hard working young person.

Way back when I was involved in the hiring process at a company where I worked. The owner always asked "do you have reliable transportation to be on time and or possible overtime". He said that is was against the rules to not hire because they did not have a vehicle. You couldn't come out and ask, just like pregnancy it was a no-no.

OP's son would just have to make sure he was professional and stated he would be to work on time and that he would not have a problem if OT would occur. As I said in a previous post, this excuse just didn't fly with me!

 

[Danibelle]

If folks stopped responding to the OP, perhaps she would go away?

I have trouble with the hyperbole in most (all?) of her posts. I have been in the field of higher education for 28 years at one of the most competitive private universities in the country and applicants who receive a 5 on 4 different AP exams are exceedingly rare. The OP's posts about his accomplishments just don't pass the smell test.

And a lot of AP students don't get any AP credit at all. Those tests are hard! They aren't meant for everyone.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm sure you are struggling, as are many families. Most families however, don't have over a hundred grand in credit card debt while employed in lucrative careers. What happened to that debt in the bankruptcy proceedings? Seems you got lucky that you were able to make it all go away. Many have not been so lucky.

 

[sk!mom]

Way back when I was involved in the hiring process at a company where I worked. The owner always asked "do you have reliable transportation to be on time and or possible overtime". He said that is was against the rules to not hire because they did not have a vehicle. You couldn't come out and ask, just like pregnancy it was a no-no.

OP's son would just have to make sure he was professional and stated he would be to work on time and that he would not have a problem if OT would occur. As I said in a previous post, this excuse just didn't fly with me!

Good Point.

OP, how are your sons answering the transportaion question? A good answer would be, "Yes, I have reliable transportation."

If they are going into anything like, "Well, we only have one car for 7 people..." Then that may be their problem in finding a job.

 

[MrsPete]

3. We only have one vehichle (all we can afford) around here places will NOT hire teenagers who do not have their own car. Both boys spent the whole year searching for jobs . . .

8. After crash of 2008, his job was terminated. Along with 30+ others in our small town. There are no chances to get such jobs anymore around here. We are trying to stay here until boys graduate....because of Drum Major, chance at being Val, all counyt/all region football player with chance to play in college (rising senior) and now rising junior is in many clubs and named Drum Major.

You're in North Carolina? So am I. I'm seeing a couple things that could use clarification:

My just-graduated teen had multiple job offers. I don't hear my high school students saying, "I want to work and can't find a job." If your sons spent the whole year searching unsuccessfully, something is wrong -- and transportation isn't the whole story. I know plenty of kids who don't have their own car, yet they have jobs.

Most NC schools have been moving away from the concept of Val/Sal for, oh, about a decade. I personally disagree with that choice, but I haven't heard of an NC valedictorian for quite some time.

How do your boys play football and take part in marching band, especially leading the marching band as Drum Major? I can see that some football players could be part of the band class, part of concert band . . . but how do they manage these two activities, which both take place on Friday nights?

one of the very first things I would cut would be the internet access/pay TV[/URL], as I would most likely be too busy working multiple jobs just to get by in this post-financial crisis world.

Speaking only for myself, if we were in dire straits financially, the first thing I'd do would be to tell my daughter that "going away" to college isn't a choice. I'd tell her that we have to live with what we have, and she'd need to remain at home and commute to a nearby college. If, like the OP, we had substantial financial aid coming to us, that'd mean she'd have enough to pay her tuition AND get a refund, which hopefully would cover books and transportation.

I wouldn't want to limit her choices and take away the chance to live in a dorm, but if it meant the difference between taking out loans (adding to the family's current debt), I would make that hard choice.

We helped him to make the choice to go to a college that he could afford after reading the financial packages offered to him.

Respectfully, no, you didn't. First, you helped him choose a college he could afford ONLY by mortgaging tomorrow's as-yet-unearned salary. Now you're not sure how to afford the right-now needs (dorm items, musical instrument), so you did help him choose a route he cannot afford.

I too was a kid from a poor family in a small town. I had no financial (or emotional) help from my family, though I did have Pell Grants every semester. One of the best things I did was to choose an inexpensive college with lots of work opportunities.

LOL. The bottom dilemma. Who gets decided "whom" is deserving.

Well, that's an easy choice: The people who are giving the money decide who is deserving.

I'll give an example: A state senator graduated from the high school where I used to work. He himself was the first person in his family ever to attend college. He set up a scholarship with very specific rules: Only students at his old high school are eligible. The scholarship goes to the senior with the highest GPA whose parents /step-parents /grandparents did not attend college. Usually this student was an A-B student, not a top 10% type. If you were a disgruntled type, you might complain that your kid had a better GPA, was more involved, whatever -- doesn't matter. This senator gives the money, and he makes the rules. He personally believes in giving a leg-up to those who haven't had the advantages that come with college-educated parents.

Having worked with high school seniors for 20 years, I can tell you that each scholarship is different. Most scholarships require essays that are sent to someone outside the school; for example, my daughter was awarded a scholarship from a local business. I imagine that the owners /top personnel sat down together, read the applications and made their choice. Other scholarships groups want the school system to make the determination, thinking that the teachers know the students better than outsiders and they can determine who's most likely to go on to succeed. In our school system we have a scholarship committee (one teacher from each department), and they meet to go over applications for lots of different scholarships, and they make the decisions.

 

[crashbb]

Respectfully, no, you didn't. First, you helped him choose a college he could afford ONLY by mortgaging tomorrow's as-yet-unearned salary. Now you're not sure how to afford the right-now needs (dorm items, musical instrument), so you did help him choose a route he cannot afford.

Southernmiss (who you quoted there) is not the OP. I'm assuming that she (Southernmiss) did, in fact, help her son choose a college he/they could afford (nothing posted to suggest otherwise).

 

[Southernmiss]

Southernmiss (who you quoted there) is not the OP. I'm assuming that she (Southernmiss) did, in fact, help her son choose a college he/they could afford (nothing posted to suggest otherwise).

You are correct, I am not the OP and we did help DS choose a college he could afford (with scholarships), otherwise it would have been very affordable Community College and living at home.

 

[ilovemk76]

I think I might just have to invite a fellow DIS from NC to come on over and see exactly what my family is dealing with.

1. I have NEVER asked for any money, ever. I have asked for advice to get good deals, but never for direct money.

But you are doing it indirectly. That is worse in many ways.

2. I have NEVER recieved any money for anyone on the DIS boads. EVER

What about the American Girl doll and the "Angels" who were PMing?


3. We only have one vehichle (all we can afford) around here places will NOT hire teenagers who do not have their own car. Both boys spent the whole year searching for jobs.

I do not believe this.


4. My sister send my DD her plane ticket because she know that DD had a terrible 8th grade and a visit to her home in FL would be fun. DD has made tons of friends from neighborhood.

You son has not shoes but your sister buys an airline ticket instead. Oh yeah, she is a good kid and really deserves it!


5. We have NO immediate family that is in any position to help us.

We have never gotten any help from anybody but we have helped others. We could not have helped you as we would be filing bankruptcy after helping and then you would still just keep on spending.

6. DH is a "contracted instructor" not a professor at a private low paying college. DS is going to a much larger state school. DD is taking home less than $2,000 per month for a family of 7. Figure out how that works....it doesn't.

Explain how you got into financial debt of over $120K when he was making $9850 per month?

7. DH has his masters and worked hard for same company climbing corporate ladder to earn 6 figures in which we were comfortable, not over the top.

You spent like it was over the top. $120K is good money but you still need to budget and watch your spending.


8. After crash of 2008, his job was terminated. Along with 30+ others in our small town. There are no chances to get such jobs anymore around here. We are trying to stay here until boys graduate....because of Drum Major, chance at being Val, all counyt/all region football player with chance to play in college (rising senior) and now rising junior is in many clubs and named Drum Major.

He did not lose his job until 4/09 and then got a severance package. That could have taken him to the fall before he really lost his job.

You were already not paying your CCs well before 4/09 and trying to do a Chapter 7 bankruptcy BEFORE he lost his job..

DH could take a job else where and leave the family behind. He could rent a room in an older woman's house and work and work to get ahead.

9. Trips to NY and WDW were gifted from band scholarships to Drum Major and as reward to hard work and volunteer time given. We cannot give financially so I work my tail off doing manual labor volunteering in all areas of school.

Better yet would have been to work your tail off doing manual labor for a paycheck.

10. Raffle was huge success, selling out withing 6 hours, all prizes donated by and Sklyer now has her new wheelchair!!! Shame on you for even dragging that into this mix.

This story does not smell right to me. I hope there really is a Skyler.

I have just started a full time job this week. I will making fair money, however I will be carrying the health insurance which will eat 1/3 of my paycheck. However we will have insurance. We could qualify for medicaid but choose to carry our own insurance. I will now be working 2 jobs. I could not be happier.

Finally.

I am sure I am leaving some of the particular critics info out. AND I had tried to avoid telling all because of the negative comments that will be posted. As far as me still being here. I have been nothing but nice to all. Its the posters like a few here who are downright mean, borderline heartless and seriously lacking compassion that I wonder how they get away with the obvious harrassment(sp?).

Nothing that you have just posted I have not read on the DIS. I even know that your DH was an Exclusive Executive.

I prefer to pay my own way in life and not keep telling everyone about my poor situation and how we deserve this or that because we are such good people.

Come walk a few days in my shoes and I think you may change your minds and at least follow the golden rule "if you have nothing nice to say".

It would be hard for me to walk in your shoes as I do not have and never had $500 cars leased (A Benz is out of the question), I do not have $90K in credit card debt and did not file bankruptcy. I would love to go on a $90K shopping, eating and vacation spree and then not have to pay for any of it.

You made your bed and now you are unhappy you have to lie in it.

The last words are that I hope and prayer that none of you will ever have to face some of the things that life has thrown our way. Losing major incomd job, eating up savings, losing family car, struggling to provide food, clothing, etc for 5.

Both DH an I are currently unemployed and guess what, we are not in trouble because we did not live way above our means when we had jobs.

$120K is good money but you spend like you were rich.



I honestly don't think some of you would fair a well.

We are fairing way better than you. The reason? No huge debt that we have to service with our unemployment. We got no severance package either.


It is with the Lord's blessing that we will make it and have done so far with the love of the Lord and terrific close friends.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

Since the OP has claimed bankruptcy I think her major issue is not there is NO ONE who will give them private student loans even the government. They will give her DS a slightly extended amount for a stafford but that's all.

If the OP just wants to whine why do all her whines get followed by a specific wish list? My family has also had major financial setbacks but we down sized & rolled with it not complained on the DIS about how deserving my kids are & how I hate to disappoint them. They know life sucks & you deal with it. Never a complaint out of them.

 

[EMAW_KSU]

Excellent Post

 

[Patience]

Ah, I get it now. The OP reminds me of a woman I used to know. They were in their early 50's with four kids, two of whom were teenagers still in the home. The husband made a six figure income and the wife had pretty much always been a SAHM. The husband worked for a non-profit corporation and lost his job in 2009. Since his company was non-profit, he wasn't able to draw unemployment. This woman had the hardest time accepting her new financial reality. She held off getting a job until there was absolutely no choice because she didn't want to work a retail job but she took one when there was no other option. They had to sell both luxury vehicles and drive around in one of the teenager's cars. They had practically no savings and no retirement but had lived the good life and had substantial credit card debt. They quit paying their house payment and lived in their house for over a year before it was foreclosed upon. The husband did eventually find another job and they moved away.

This woman positively mourned for her lost lifestyle. She told me once that she was having a really hard time thinking of herself as a "poor person". Someone from their church once gave them a nice chunk of money out of charity and they spent almost all of it on their adult child's fancy wedding because their child "deserved" the same kind of wedding their oldest child had back when the money was good and the credit was easy. It was crazy, crazy denial. Big time.

OP, I am sorry that your husband lost his job. It does, however, seem you made some poor financial decisions when the money was rolling in and now you are paying for those decisions. Important lesson: live under your means and save for the future because you never know what might happen with your finances. You will eventually learn to accept your new financial reality and stop mourning for the old lifestyle. If you owed six figures in credit card debt, it was all a house of cards anyway and it was bound to come toppling down at some point, even without the unexpected job loss. Job loss can happen to anyone at any time. Be smart and learn from your past financial mistakes and then pass those lessons on to your children.

 

[duffy]

My daughter has been working very hard to get into college next fall. I just ran the numbers at the school she wants to attend and I'm disappointed that we won't be able to afford all the things she will need.

She's such a good kid, I hate to break it to her. We will be able to pay the costs that aren't covered by grants and scholarships, but she will still need:

Address book/personal Alarm clock
Air freshener Bandaids
Bed spread Blankets
Bowls Broom
Brush/comb Calculator
Calendar Can opener
Camera/film Cleaning supplies
Computer Computer disks
Conditioner/hair Cups
Curling iron/curlers Detergent
Dryer sheets Fabric softener
Fan/if no a/c First aid kit
Food Gum
Hair dryer Hand cream
Hangers Iron
Ironing board Lamps
Laundry bag Lite bulbs
Mattress cover Medicine/cold
Microwave Paper pads
Paper plates Paper towels
Paperclips Pencils
Pens Perscriptions
Phone book/local Pictures/decorations
Pillows Power strips/electric
Printer Printer catridges
Printer paper Quarters/wash machine
Razors Refrigerator
Rug Scissors
Sewing kit Shampoo/hair
Sheet sets Soap
Sponge Stapler
Stamps Stationery/cards
Staples Stereo
Tape Television
Tissues Towels
Toothbrush Toothpaste
Trash bags Trash cans
Toilet tissue Utensils
Vacuum Vacuum bags
Wash cloths White out

I have no idea how I'm going to get her all this. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can get help?

 

[Danibelle]

My daughter has been working very hard to get into college next fall. I just ran the numbers at the school she wants to attend and I'm disappointed that we won't be able to afford all the things she will need.

She's such a good kid, I hate to break it to her. We will be able to pay the costs that aren't covered by grants and scholarships, but she will still need:

Address book/personal Alarm clock
Air freshener Bandaids
Bed spread Blankets
Bowls Broom
Brush/comb Calculator
Calendar Can opener
Camera/film Cleaning supplies
Computer Computer disks
Conditioner/hair Cups
Curling iron/curlers Detergent
Dryer sheets Fabric softener
Fan/if no a/c First aid kit
Food Gum
Hair dryer Hand cream
Hangers Iron
Ironing board Lamps
Laundry bag Lite bulbs
Mattress cover Medicine/cold
Microwave Paper pads
Paper plates Paper towels
Paperclips Pencils
Pens Perscriptions
Phone book/local Pictures/decorations
Pillows Power strips/electric
Printer Printer catridges
Printer paper Quarters/wash machine
Razors Refrigerator
Rug Scissors
Sewing kit Shampoo/hair
Sheet sets Soap
Sponge Stapler
Stamps Stationery/cards
Staples Stereo
Tape Television
Tissues Towels
Toothbrush Toothpaste
Trash bags Trash cans
Toilet tissue Utensils
Vacuum Vacuum bags
Wash cloths White out

I have no idea how I'm going to get her all this. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can get help?

 

[DOREEN1779]

My daughter has been working very hard to get into college next fall. I just ran the numbers at the school she wants to attend and I'm disappointed that we won't be able to afford all the things she will need.

She's such a good kid, I hate to break it to her. We will be able to pay the costs that aren't covered by grants and scholarships, but she will still need:

Address book/personal Alarm clock
Air freshener Bandaids
Bed spread Blankets
Bowls Broom
Brush/comb Calculator
Calendar Can opener
Camera/film Cleaning supplies
Computer Computer disks
Conditioner/hair Cups
Curling iron/curlers Detergent
Dryer sheets Fabric softener
Fan/if no a/c First aid kit
Food Gum
Hair dryer Hand cream
Hangers Iron
Ironing board Lamps
Laundry bag Lite bulbs
Mattress cover Medicine/cold
Microwave Paper pads
Paper plates Paper towels
Paperclips Pencils
Pens Perscriptions
Phone book/local Pictures/decorations
Pillows Power strips/electric
Printer Printer catridges
Printer paper Quarters/wash machine
Razors Refrigerator
Rug Scissors
Sewing kit Shampoo/hair
Sheet sets Soap
Sponge Stapler
Stamps Stationery/cards
Staples Stereo
Tape Television
Tissues Towels
Toothbrush Toothpaste
Trash bags Trash cans
Toilet tissue Utensils
Vacuum Vacuum bags
Wash cloths White out

I have no idea how I'm going to get her all this. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can get help?

Before my mom was terminated from the company she worked for since 1972(yes 1972) because her job was outsourced to...... she accidently took a stapler, staples, and some white-out. Just send me a PM and I'll mail them to you!

 

[duffy]

Before my mom was terminated from the company she worked for since 1972(yes 1972) because her job was outsourced to...... she accidently took a stapler, staples, and some white-out. Just send me a PM and I'll mail them to you!

You are a DIS angel!!

 

[wvjules]

Can the toilet tissue be used or are you wanting it new?

 

[beaucoup]

When DH deployed last year, there was lots we had to buy ourselves. Almost like a college student going off to dorm room. It never occurred to me to ask the DIS. Darn. He was provided a bunk bed with one NASTY mattress in his room. 7' x7' room with metal walls. That was it. No other furniture. Not a lamp. no closet. . No sheets or a pillow. He did have his sleeping bag of course but he used that to cover the window to block out the light so he could sleep during the day.

Everything else we bought and shipped to Afghanistan. And some of it was shipped home a year later. Some was burned or given or sold to incoming soldiers.

If he ever deploys again, I am begging here for sure!

Oh and did I mention we took a 25% paycut when he deployed with the National Guard and left his full time NG job for that year? Somehow I still managed and banked more than ever despite him spending more there monthly than I imagined he could. Lol. Good practice because when he came home, his full time job also cut pay by 25%. Good thing we love this country so much to go thru all this.

 

[cookingqueen123]

Well, I am planning a Bat Mitzvah in December. Because my financial picture has radically changed, I am hosting the reception in, gasp, my backyard! That's right folks. No fancy hotel, catered dinner for 200, DJ with dancers and lights ect.

It's buffet style with decorations from homecoming, that I saved, from the high school I work at.
I may be able to get a good deal on a photo booth thru Groupon and that will be the one extravagance. I will be doing all the cooking.

I have been buying things for this event for over year. A little here, a little there.

Would I love to give DD a party with all the trimmings? You betcha. She's a GOOD girl. But I CAN'T AFFORD IT!

I have also told DD and DS that performing poorly in school is not an option. They must do well in order to go to college as they will be funding it themselves. They need scholarships and aid. Would I love to give them a full ride? You betcha. She's a GOOD girls. But I CAN'T AFFORD IT.

My DD is 12. Guess what? She will be working all next week at a Camp to earn some money. 1/2 will go to savings. She also worked earlier this summer for my father shredding medical records to earn summer spending money. She works 2 weekends running a store at various events. She is 12. She told me earlier today that she wanted to make flyers to babysit as well, in the neighborhood.

Do I wish I could give her everything she wanted? You betcha. She's a GOOD girl. But I CAN'T AFFORD IT. So she works to pay for some of her wants.

Guess What? I start grad school in Sept. I will need student loans too. I am a GOOD girl too. Anyone want to pay for me?

 

[mdsoccermom]

My daughter has been working very hard to get into college next fall. I just ran the numbers at the school she wants to attend and I'm disappointed that we won't be able to afford all the things she will need.

She's such a good kid, I hate to break it to her. We will be able to pay the costs that aren't covered by grants and scholarships, but she will still need:

Address book/personal Alarm clock
Air freshener Bandaids
Bed spread Blankets
Bowls Broom
Brush/comb Calculator
Calendar Can opener
Camera/film Cleaning supplies
Computer Computer disks
Conditioner/hair Cups
Curling iron/curlers Detergent
Dryer sheets Fabric softener
Fan/if no a/c First aid kit
Food Gum
Hair dryer Hand cream
Hangers Iron
Ironing board Lamps
Laundry bag Lite bulbs
Mattress cover Medicine/cold
Microwave Paper pads
Paper plates Paper towels
Paperclips Pencils
Pens Perscriptions
Phone book/local Pictures/decorations
Pillows Power strips/electric
Printer Printer catridges
Printer paper Quarters/wash machine
Razors Refrigerator
Rug Scissors
Sewing kit Shampoo/hair
Sheet sets Soap
Sponge Stapler
Stamps Stationery/cards
Staples Stereo
Tape Television
Tissues Towels
Toothbrush Toothpaste
Trash bags Trash cans
Toilet tissue Utensils
Vacuum Vacuum bags
Wash cloths White out

I have no idea how I'm going to get her all this. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can get help?

There are pens in my couch cushions I can send you. There may be a paper clip or two in there, also.