Clearing out a family home

One problem we ran into was that Dad had very old family photos albums of his family, with NObody identified. So they were basically photo albums of complete strangers. Every once in a while we'd recognize someone but for the most part it's "I have no idea who these people are." But we hate to throw them out because they were important to him, even though nobody in the family knows who's in those photos. One day theyll have to go, though.

On the other hand at least we have the photos, today's younger people won't have any family pictures unless they get prints made of the photos they have on their phones and computers. Even digital files will one day be corrupted and unreadable.
 
This is a tough process, I find myself drawn to things that I will probably let go of after I take a few beats. Like when I saw the box with the lightsabers my kids used around kindergarten pulled out of the attic I grabbed them. I am completely aware they will probably go, just not today. This is how it is going best though, for a few years now I do small purges and am sometimes surprised I have zero recollection of a thing, those things are easy.

I'm not knocking people who don't keep mementos, I am aware that some feel they have the memories and that's the point - my whole family explains it this way. But for me some things are like an anchor in time so holding my kids lightsabers puts me back in two thousand something - standing in the living room with them, so that can be tough to set free. It's nice to have a Portkey in time :) I just have too many to keep forever.

It's nice to hear other people experiences, they are encouraging for me to push through.
 
Ugh. I’m right there with some of you. My mother could never throw anything out. She wasn’t one of those hoarders who went out & shopped a lot. Just a depression era kid who could never throw anything away. We lived in a 100 year old, 4 floor house. And cleaning & home upkeep was not on their radar. At all. Mom just passed away in May. In addition to the stuff she had after being married for 65 years & raising 6 kids, she was executor for her aunt & mother. So there are rooms filled with their stuff too. She resisted all our efforts to go thru things for years.

My siblings & I are just starting the process of cleaning out the house. Unfortunately, 2 sisters are determined to examine every little item & will want to keep a lot of it. We have no pressing time table to be done & sell the house. One sibling actually lived in the house with our parents for about 7 years to help them. She’ll stay in the house til she retires in about 18 months. So we have a lot of time to purge stuff.

Seeing the disaster we have to deal with at my parents house has made me determined my kids shouldn’t have to deal with that. We’ve gotten rid of some stuff over the last few years. But now that I’m retired & no longer have to spend days caring for my mom, I’m starting to work on things here a little more. Even a little bit every week or so helps. I really wish I was a minimalist all my life. It would make things so much easier now. :rolleyes:
 
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Having cleaned out both my grandparents home and having done several military moves, I get the itches every few years to do major purges. I am far more ruthless with the purges and my husband is not.
My Ohio grandparents we had to fly from out of state several times, rent dumpsters, had my parents, aunts uncles, adults cousins come into town, we had to knock the siding off the carport where there another attic and just had to start heeving stuff into the dumpter, there was no going through it at the point.
My Florida grandparents, still had boxes stacked in garage from the Ohio move 14 years before their passing.

I have made a vow to never do this to my kids and if we ever have grandkids.
 
Wondering what sort of things you all have?

Besides some things in my china cabinet, some photo albums/genealogy papers, and some crafting stuff I really don’t own much else
A few Knick knacks and jewelry in a case.
Nothing that would take me weeks to go through.
Kids are in late teens and one corner in basement has some fav toys which I have kept.
 
DH & I have an ongoing good-natured battle about what to keep and what to get rid of. He's a keeper. I'm a tosser. He still has all of his old college textbooks, whereas I go through my stuff every year and always end up getting rid of at least a few things. As a result, we no longer keep a half dozen sets of master bedroom sheets on hand. We don't need 6 sets of sheets for just our bed alone. LOL.

On the DH side of things, though, this means that we have plywood and scrap wood sitting in our garage unused for 2 yr now...originally purchased at the start of the pandemic because DH thought he'd be making all sorts of backyard furniture. :rotfl2: Yet because it was "expensive" when he bought it, even though he no longer has visions of becoming an amateur furniture maker, the wood sits there unused.

This also means that a huge hydroponic 'grow tent' sits in the garage unused...flashback to the days when we moved in 3 yr ago...when he thought he'd grow tomatoes in his office/man cave all year round. He acknowledges that he no longer plans to use it, but thinks that he'll be able to sell it online...but wants me to take care of all that. So it's going to disappear some day soon in the trash bin.

I'm grateful on a regular basis for our city's bulk trash pick up that occurs every 6 weeks.

Oh...and how do you get rid of a bunch of heavy concrete paver bricks when nobody wants them even for free? You do it Shawshank Redemption style and put 1 brick in the trash bin every week. Several months later, and then bingo...no more leftover paver bricks.
 


It is an experience I would not want to repeat anytime soon... or ever. Several years ago I went from a 3BR house to a 1BR apartment, so I had to purge in a big way. I moved quite a distance so I only took with me what I could fit in a Dodge Caravan. Being somebody w/semi-hoarder tendencies, that was quite a challenge. There was absolutely NO WAY I was going to make 2 trips, it all had to be done in one. I sold stuff that had some value that would easily sell, gave away and donated a ridiculous amount of stuff (a lot of it was pretty expensive but I would not have time to sell), and pitched a lot of stuff. I did end up storing some stuff, but a very small amount. I planned on only living at the new apartment for the duration of the lease so I purposely avoided accumulating anything that would not be easily "disposed of". When I moved here, I did start to get more necessary things although I moved into a 1BR apartment again, I knew I planned on just digging in and staying so I was able to get nicer stuff that I would want to keep.

Since getting married and moving to a 3BR house again, and the "merging of stuff" and all, I/We have accumulated "stuff" or shall we say "junk" again. My plan is to make this my "forever home", but I try to keep from keeping too much unnecessary stuff around and purge every now and then. We also try to stay semi-organized and label things in containers.
 
My DH's Dad moved in with us in 2005. We sold his house and had to clean out and sell off a house full plus multiple barns/sheds. He was a borderline hoarder.

Fast forward a few years later and he moved into a rental house near us. Somehow in a couple of years he packed it full plus a huge shed. We ended up moving out of state and he decided to move, too. Packed about half and git rid of the rest.

Two years later he passed away and we had a third house and standalone garage to do it AGAIN.

JUNK JUNK AND MORE JUNK. PSA to hoarders - please remember that your loved ones will have to deal with it when you are gone. :(

Sadly, this must be a gene because my DH and his sis have it. My 10 DD is showing signs. Arrgghhh! Lol
 
I love my dad dearly but he keeps everything. His reluctance to get rid of anything plays a large part in why I can be fairly ruthless in decluttering. (Admittedly though, I'm so far the other direction that I have had to rebuy things I have thrown away-and that probably isn't good either.) My mom tries to get him to go through stuff and he flat out admits he "just doesn't want to deal with it." But he also doesn't want anyone else to do it either. You can't do it on the sly either because, even though he hasn't used something in 40 years, the day after you throw it away, he will be asking for it. He is in poor health now and I dread having to go through all of it. I've told him that I will be mad enough that he left it all for Mom and I to do that I will pray and ask that his spirit has to sit with me as I go through every. single. box.
 
I've told him that I will be mad enough that he left it

I understand. I think part of what’s so upsetting is that instead of just being able to grieve our parents, we have to deal with the anger too. I get so mad at my parents for the mess they left us. They lived in that house for over 55 years. That’s over 55 years of stuff plus unfinished projects, basic maintenance only & extremely limited updating. And even when we talked with them about it, they didn’t care enough about us to deal with any of it.
 
We got lucky in that my MIL and my mom weren't hoarders. But both had 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom houses, and just the basic stuff you would expect in a home was a lot to deal with. I think the biggest frustration for me was finding how valueless some expensive items are if they are used. I couldn't give away my mom's washer, dryer or refrigerator, I had to pay a junk hauling company $200 to come get them. There are several used appliance stores here that advertise they buy used appliances but they won't touch anything more than two years old! I hope the junk hauling guy was telling the truth, because he said he might find someone to give them to since they were in perfect working order.
 
My mom moved across the country to live with us almost two years ago. She had so very much stuff. Closets packed to the brim. We got rid of a lot but we had a moving van bring a lot of furniture and household items.

I didn’t realize before the move that she wanted to keep pretty much everything. Even though you can look around our house now and see her things everywhere she will still mention some Knick knack thing from her house and want to know where it is and accuse us of throwing it away.

One thing we did donate in our clean out was a small Liberty Bell souvenir I brought back from a trip in 1979. I figured we no longer needed it. Well she asked about it. I said I’m sure it’s here somewhere. Found one on Amazon and once it arrived I “found it” and all was well. Whatever it takes to keep the peace.
 
It is daunting and expensive. After my DH passed the kids and I had to clean out the house. He was a pack rat. We filled 3 dumpsters, had junk king comes twice, and every week maximized the town trash pickup. It took us 4 months. My DH would never have been able to part with alot of the stuff due to being very sentimental. He always said he would do it when he retired but sadly never got there. My advice to friends, acquaintances, and anyone who will listen is to purge junk so you won't have to do when you are older or so your surviving family do not have to do it. It is a nightmare. I sold the house as it was too big and too much maintenance for just me. I ended up moving to a one floor condo which the kids like because I can age in place. I don't consider myself that old but if the kids won't worry as much about me, then it is all good. I wanted a town house but the kids are happy with where I am now. I did not save alot of stuff but I am going to do another round of weeding out stuff. It was hard the first time due to just losing my DH and being sentimental about things. Now I look at things and usually just toss them if I know I will never use them or look at them again. Next is weeding through the holiday bins. I will have a toss bag, the kids want bag, and a smaller save bag. It never ends.

Good luck on the cleaning and the move.
 
We're in the middle of it. The hardest part is my siblings and I getting along. Brother thinks he doesn't need to be involved because he doesn't want anything. Sister had put it off for years but suddenly wants to go through EVERYTHING. She spent several hours just looking at a stack of mom's old calendars. (We have journals, letters, cards, pictures, etc. to go through too....) I'm madly trying to just GET IT DONE because I've been trying to get them working on this for YEARS while they pretended it all wasn't happening and I'm just flat out tired of managing it all on top of keeping all the estate handled and my mom who now lives near me taken care of. I had already completed a massive photo digitizing project and given everyone thumb drives so at least that was done. (If you are familiar with the enneagram personality inventory, I think we're a 9, 4, and 1.}

We met for 3 days and finally got all the paperwork (8 boxes of old tax stuff, medical records, and bank info to shredding and more in recycling/garbage) and family memorabilia we're keeping out (sister took a bunch) and have a date set for an estate sale. The gal who organizes it does EVERYTHING, takes 30% and clears out the house afterwards. We just pay the dumping fees, which will be covered by part of the proceeds. Sounds like a bargain to us! None of us will be present for the sale and after a paid cleaner it will be put on the market.

My mom had gone through a bunch of the STUFF about 25 years ago, but really it was the memorabilia, pictures, and paperwork that is the hard part. The "stuff" will all be dealt with by the estate sale team. We could have made money off of all our all our old lunch boxes and midcentury modern stuff she got rid of, but the paperwork.... I'm going to try to remember that when cleaning up for my own kids. I've already starting digitizing photos.
 
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DH and I did it for both of our parents’ houses as well as an aunt’s. My mother was the last sibling of seven, too, so lots of my cousins gave Mom stuff when they were cleaning out their parents’ houses, so we have all of that, too, along with stuff from our parents houses and an in-law apt I still have to go through. We’re working on purging little by little now and it’s tough. I have the feeling for lots of the stuff it’ll be the end of the line - today’s styles are fresh and uncluttered so I doubt there will be much passing along of old things, for the most part. I’m also putting together a notebook for our kids with all of our important data. I guess you can say it’s more of a marathon than a sprint in our case. We just bought a trailer for dump runs which we’re going to try to do once a week. Hang in there everyone!
 
The hardest part is my siblings and I getting along.

I understand that. Before my mom passed in May, my siblings & I cared for her at home. The last 18 months, someone needed to be there 24/7. She was a depression era baby with serious hoarder tendencies. We just started the serious cleaning this week. When mom got really bad last year, I told a fried my goal was to get thru it with all of us still talking to each other. So far, we’re all good.

I’m also putting together a notebook for our kids with all of our important data
I’m the keeper of the information/ bill payer in my house. I put together a file folder a couple of years ago, the “black file”, with everything my DH or kids would need if anything happens to me. Everything is in there, legal papers like deed to the house, birth certificates & our marriage license; bank accounts; insurance policies; bills & credit card numbers; cemetery arrangements; absolutely everything I could think of. Remember to update it as your life changes: I had to remove work info & add pension & social security deposit info. Recently realized I should put important passwords, like for our cell phones in there too. After my mom died, I was talking about that folder. DH didn’t even remember I made it & kids didn’t know where it was. Lesson learned, remind them about the file once in awhile. Doesn’t do them any good if they don’t remember it’s there.
 
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The process of clearing out a family home is way more expensive and demands more effort than we thought. Kids finished school and moved to the city place while I/we are still trying to transition and have completely filled two giant dumpsters and there is still a house full of stuff, most of it will go to people we know who can use upgrades but most of it was put away ages ago never to be seen again. Not hoarders, just shocked how much can be neatly collected in blue bins and tucked into crawl spaces, closets, cabinets etc. like ancient golf clubs that were scooped up by a kid as soon as they hit the curb, dust and all.

Three things I learned:

First, it seems moving triggers the same spell as the Lestrange vault because every time we remove a thing it seems like more stuff shows up behind it. So you look at, say, a cabinet and think, OK that's one thing, but no, it's not singular. That old cabinet is full of old files & junk and I am compelled to review this junk because random photos and such pop up so one cabinet is at least hour of time and a giant pail of garbage, plus a pile of things I want to keep (that will probably go into a box to be thrown out in another decade LOL kidding, not kidding)

Second, rule for first step applies to things that need to be fixed, adjusted or managed. Everywhere I look is a thing that needs attention, must be some kind of blindness that happens when you live in a place a long time, now the stress is reduced by each task being done but yikes, it's a lot.

Third, shocked how expensive dumpsters are and associated costs in general. Now I get why people have giant "Moving Sale" events because long distance prices are outrageous and enough to make me reconsider many things I never thought I'd give up because it's just such a nuisance.

Not really sure what else we will discover as we move through the process towards our age in place home, I'm sure there is a lot I don't know yet. One thing is true though, I will not get massive heavy stuff because getting rid of it is an ordeal. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for a family that needs to move abruptly or for adult children who need to clean out their parents stuff when they move into a facility of some kind, must be positively miserable.
my mom passed away last month and going through her things now. Anything that is semi good I put up on my towns "buy nothing" facebook page and so far every single thing I posted someone wanted- it is so easy- I put it out on the step and they come pick it up- if there is a lot at one time I set up a table and people stop and pick up their items they wanted. I have not had to get a dumpster yet because I just have bagging up into big trash bags and put out 10 bags for the garbage pick up twice a week and also toss a couple in front of my neighbors houses on each side so I can get rid of like 40 bags each week between me and the 2 neighbors houses. For big things like her bed you can only put out one mattress for each pick up so that took 2 pick ups to get rid of. But there is stuff I have no idea what to do with- like things I know she treasured, and I just can't toss them out of give them away and I have NO idea what I am going to do with them!
 

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