Clearing out a family home

LuvOrlando

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Joined
Jun 8, 2006
Messages
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The process of clearing out a family home is way more expensive and demands more effort than we thought. Kids finished school and moved to the city place while I/we are still trying to transition and have completely filled two giant dumpsters and there is still a house full of stuff, most of it will go to people we know who can use upgrades but most of it was put away ages ago never to be seen again. Not hoarders, just shocked how much can be neatly collected in blue bins and tucked into crawl spaces, closets, cabinets etc. like ancient golf clubs that were scooped up by a kid as soon as they hit the curb, dust and all.

Three things I learned:

First, it seems moving triggers the same spell as the Lestrange vault because every time we remove a thing it seems like more stuff shows up behind it. So you look at, say, a cabinet and think, OK that's one thing, but no, it's not singular. That old cabinet is full of old files & junk and I am compelled to review this junk because random photos and such pop up so one cabinet is at least hour of time and a giant pail of garbage, plus a pile of things I want to keep (that will probably go into a box to be thrown out in another decade LOL kidding, not kidding)

Second, rule for first step applies to things that need to be fixed, adjusted or managed. Everywhere I look is a thing that needs attention, must be some kind of blindness that happens when you live in a place a long time, now the stress is reduced by each task being done but yikes, it's a lot.

Third, shocked how expensive dumpsters are and associated costs in general. Now I get why people have giant "Moving Sale" events because long distance prices are outrageous and enough to make me reconsider many things I never thought I'd give up because it's just such a nuisance.

Not really sure what else we will discover as we move through the process towards our age in place home, I'm sure there is a lot I don't know yet. One thing is true though, I will not get massive heavy stuff because getting rid of it is an ordeal. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for a family that needs to move abruptly or for adult children who need to clean out their parents stuff when they move into a facility of some kind, must be positively miserable.
 
You've nailed it all exactly!

I've recently been helping family members going from two houses to one ("snowbirds" staying in Florida after this trek) and it has inspired me to be a lot more ruthless with my own decluttering this summer.
 

I get it!
First we had to clean out my dad's house after he passed away. This was made worse as my mom had died a year and a half earlier and he couldn't part with any of her things. We still had a full house to deal with. I won't go into all the details. They weren't hoarders but like @LuvOrlando, they had just accumulated a lot of stuff over almost 60 years of marriage. Moral of story one, do your kids a favor and start getting rid of stuff. Ask the kids what is special to them and what they want. The rest get rid of. Your kids don't want all your stuff and you're putting a burden on them, both emotional and time/money.
Second, we moved from Maryland to Florida several years ago. Went from a 4 bedroom, 4 level split including basement to a 2 bedroom on a slab. Again, same issues as @LuvOrlando. Start before you have to!!
 
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Oh...it really is difficult. And yes, expensive for the dumpster rental.
We cleaned out my mom's house and now are in the process of DMIL's. Not easy.
At my mom's some neighbors came through and took a lot of stuff. That was helpful. But still a lot left to deal with.
 
/
Do what military families do...move every 2 to 3 years. 😆

It really helps with the clutter.
I married into an Air Force family. The other things that helps, some of your stuff gets lost in the move. To the day he died in 2004 my FIL was still mad that the Air Force lost he vinyl LP collection in 1964.
 
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we will never move from our current home. having to empty 2 deceased family member's homes encouraged us to purge as much as possible our own home. as it pertains to items of no financial value/no sentimental value to anyone but myself or my husband which we have stored in plastic containers-all are marked with large flame festooned stickers which my adult children know mean 'no need to go through, all can be disposed of'. boxes with documents of any nature that they might remotely need are marked (the ones of importance are in the safe/copies with estate planning in 2 locations). we have made a sworn promise to never hide documents or money inside books, dvd boxes or photo frames (all places we found items during our duties as 'cleaners').


dumpster rental-if you have some time to do the project check w/your local garbage company to see what 'dumpster service' runs vs. just getting a dumpster for a couple of days. i pay less monthly for having a dumpster at my home that gets picked up/dumped every 2 weeks than a single day rental runs.
 
DH mother was youngest sib of big Italian family and only one with kids. As each sib died, we (DH, me, our kids) "helped" clean out their house and deal with financial/legal stuff. Much of it, unfortunately, ended up in remaining sibs' homes. We had to deal with the same stuff again as each subsequent one died.

Finally, moved inlaws into smaller home then 9 years later into assisted living. Each time was grueling (they were 800 miles from us so I spent a whole summer in hotels or at friends). My kids said to me "Don't do this to us." I've been trying and got rid of a lot but DH is very sentimental. Accuses me of having no feelings.
 
I get it!
First we had to clean out my dad's house after he passed away. This was made worse as my mom had died a year and a half earlier and he couldn't part with any of her things. We still had a full house to deal with. I won't go into all the details. They weren't hoarders but like @LuvOrlando, they had just accumulated a lot of stuff over almost 60 years of marriage. Moral of story one, do your kids a favor and start getting rid of stuff. Ask the kids what is special to them and what they want. The rest get rid of. Your kids don't want all your stuff and you're putting a burden on them, both emotional and time/money.
Second, we moved from Maryland to Florida several years ago. Went from a 4 bedroom, 4 level split including basement to a 2 bedroom on a slab. Again, same issues as @LuvOrlando. Start before you have to!!
I had my parents house (large 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom historic home filled with antiques, the plus was there was enough worth in the items that we worked with an estate sale company to get rid of stuff, although prepping for an estate sale and then realtor stagers was a lot of work, starting with the clean out crew for the large garage and basement). My mom passed 4 years before my dad, he had Alzheimer’s and nothing could be removed before he died. My only sibling lives a plane ride away, thank goodness for my husband and 5 kids. What a nightmare.
 
We had a family member in your situation OP, moved from NH to Texas and they took two years to clean out their home and numerous dumpsters as well as their adult children using vacation time to help them clean out.

I've never been a clutter bug but they inspired me to start now.
I've been going through every closet and box.

I offered stuff to my kids before tossing. No, they did not want their first baby shoes, report cards, etc..
Well, they did take their pokemon cards, baseball cards and first baseball gloves!

I am actually on my second go through of storage spaces/cabinets as some things like our wedding champagne glasses and baby dresses were hard to toss the first time around.

We've been in our home for 34 years and could move pretty quickly at this point.
I do like the uncluttered feeling!
 
That is a monumental task, good luck!

I got hit with the declutter bug during COVID. Went through the house and got rid of alot of stuff. I still have alot stuff but it all gets used so for now it stays. I’ve got one more closet to go through but it’s the everything closet so I just shut the door and ignore it.
 
I get it!
First we had to clean out my dad's house after he passed away. This was made worse as my mom had died a year and a half earlier and he couldn't part with any of her things. We still had a full house to deal with. I won't go into all the details. They weren't hoarders but like @LuvOrlando, they had just accumulated a lot of stuff over almost 60 years of marriage. Moral of story one, do your kids a favor and start getting rid of stuff. Ask the kids what is special to them and what they want. The rest get rid of. Your kids don't want all your stuff and you're putting a burden on them, both emotional and time/money.
Second, we moved from Maryland to Florida several years ago. Went from a 4 bedroom, 4 level split including basement to a 2 bedroom on a slab. Again, same issues as @LuvOrlando. Start before you have to!!

I am often shocked over how easily my kids toss things out that I was certain they would want one day for themselves. Like I PAINSTAKINGLY saved some annoyingly difficult things and then they ask why I kept it. Admittedly, I am sentimental but apparently I am the only person in the family who is, so that's the reality check space I'm in at the moment.
 
I am often shocked over how easily my kids toss things out that I was certain they would want one day for themselves. Like I PAINSTAKINGLY saved some annoyingly difficult things and then they ask why I kept it. Admittedly, I am sentimental but apparently I am the only person in the family who is, so that's the reality check space I'm in at the moment.
It's not that they aren't sentimental, it's just they aren't sentimental about the same things as you. One thing I had to deal with was all the family photo albums. So I bought these clear boxes that hold about 150 4"X6" prints. Then there are larger boxes you can put the smaller ones in. There were several thousand photos! Holy Cow! My wife said "why are you saving all of their vacation pictures?" Scenery, not the ones with them as subjects. I cut all that out and I had to save only about a third. The scenery wasn't "our" vacations or memories, they were theirs. Another thing, perceived value. My dad thought everything was worth more than it was. Not worth time or cost to put on line or have a yard sale. Sorry, we work. Three trips from 1-800-got-junk and a lot of the problem was solved. It's just getting over the hump. It's not them, it's just something they had. I'm not talking the stuff of theirs that means something to you.
We, as do most parent's I'm sure have a bunch of my daughter's crap. She obviously couldn't take it to school with her but once she was out, why do I still have it? Parents, once they have their own place it's time for them to come get their junk. If they aren't willing to come get it out of your place, time to get rid of it. Unbeknownst to me, (my wife slipped the totes into the POD much like your toddler throws a package of cookies into the grocery cart without you seeing it) we hauled a bunch of my daughter's junk to Florida and it's taking up some valuable storage real estate. Just a suggestion, don't haul your grown kids crap all over the country if they don't want it themselves.
Sorry for the rant, just some lessons I have learned the hard way.
 
We've been slo-o-o-o-wly clearing out the house since 2020, which I suppose is the situation with a lot of people. Plus, my uncle passed early that year and we needed to go through all of his stuff-and his stuff is the garage and his workroom in the basement. My aunt goes through phases-she's selling the house, it's too much. She's *not* selling the house, an apartment is too small. She *is* selling, just not this year, etc. Everything not needed has to go in either case. I think she'll wind up selling it eventually now that she's retired.

My uncle helped to build the house and lived in it for 60 years, my aunt over 40 years. There's lots of stuff. Luckily, my aunt's not really sentimental so she's been able to let go of a lot already. We haven't even touched the workroom or the garage yet, though. My aunt doesn't care that maybe some of it might be valuable, she just wants it gone. I told her to maybe lay the stuff that might be worth selling and have an appraiser come in or something, but she doesn't care. Whatever she wants to do, I'll do-but it's frustrating. I had to clean out a house twice, and it isn't fun, but needs to be done.

I'm babbling. Sorry.
 
It's tough. We had to clean out our Dad's apartment after he passed away. Fortunately he had already asked all of us what we wanted, plus he'd gotten rid of a lot of stuff after a few moves from a large house to a much smaller house to his apartment.

We went through the photo albums he took of his vacations and tossed everything that didn't have him in it. As was said, it was his vacation, not ours. Most of his clothing and furniture went to thrift stores and we got it all pared down to two boxes of his things we wanted to keep.

There's a technique called Swedish Death Cleaning where you get rid of everything you're not using except for a few boxes of things you want to keep, with the understanding that after you pass away the family can dispose of those boxes. It's sort of like cleaning out your own living space as if you've passed away.
 
It's not that they aren't sentimental, it's just they aren't sentimental about the same things as you. One thing I had to deal with was all the family photo albums. So I bought these clear boxes that hold about 150 4"X6" prints. Then there are larger boxes you can put the smaller ones in. There were several thousand photos! Holy Cow! My wife said "why are you saving all of their vacation pictures?" Scenery, not the ones with them as subjects. I cut all that out and I had to save only about a third. The scenery wasn't "our" vacations or memories, they were theirs.


when my mom passed there was a single medium sized tote with photos, old christmas cards, letters....while going through it i mentioned in passing to a cousin how my mom could never throw away a photo and as a result i had years and years of both her and her sibs school photos that we would traditionally receive in HER mom's christmas cards. my cousin gasped-her mom had never kept any copies for them, they all always got mailed out. so glad i hadn't tossed any yet-she got a huge mailer with all their photos, some duplicates of other family members we had in common, some of her mom's handwritten notes in christmas cards...i had dh reach out to a couple of his family members when his mom passed to offer what we found in the way of photos-in all cases people were very happy to come into possession of these items.
 

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