Christmas now that 2 children have moved out...

[dosekies]

My younger brother is the only child of the 3 of us that still lives at home. He's 21, I'm 24, my older brother is 33. What happens now is my parents and him wake up on Christmas morning and do their gifts and stockings. My fiance and I spend the morning at his family's house doing the same. We then go to my parents' house to open our gifts and stockings there before our extended family comes over and we spend all night together. It doesn't really bother my parents much. We always spend Christmas Eve together too and go out for a casual dinner.

 

[luvsJack]

Well, honestly, any more it changes every year!!!

But, when dd was very young and it was just her and yds at home, ods and his wife would come to the house very early in the morning! Like to be there to see what Santa brought--5 AM or so. They would actually come over in their jammies and it was a lot of fun having breakfast and hot chocolate together.

Then after it become both of her older brothers that had moved out, for awhile we kept the Christmas breakfast tradition but started a little later.

After both of them started having kids, it became more difficult! ODS works offshore and will sometimes be gone the entire month of December (like this year for instance). YDS and his ex switch the kids around each year. So we have had 3 Christmases! One for each kid! LOL. ODS was leaving so early in the month the other two felt it was too early to open gifts but still wanted to celebrate and have dinner with him. Then YDS had the kids Christmas Eve so we had a Christmas breakfast and opened gifts with them and DD still wanted to open her presents on Christmas morning and another special breakfast! (I slept all day on the 26th)

This year, dd is with her boyfriend. She will be with us on Christmas Eve as he has to work but then they will be together the next morning. I can't expect them early though because he works until 4:30 am and they live an hour away.

I am thinking of having our family gathering Christmas night after all other festivities are over with. Or maybe I will just switch it to June? LOL Thanksgiving still isn't decided so June it really may be.

 

[sk!mom]

Thanks everyone for sharing your traditions with me. I may just invite the boys over for brunch and open presents. Last year I didn't do Christmas dinner at my house like I normally used to. My dad passed away in July of last year and I got real fed up with my extended family so just my dh, kids and I went to a movie and got Chinese food on Christmas day. I have to decide what to do this year. I am not talking to some of my extended family still but I know my kids miss my big holiday dinner. Have to find balance this year for all of it...sigh....

It sounds like things started to change last year.

I'm very go with the flow regarding the holidays. We have traditions but I don't mind changing them to accommodate new family members. This year is likely the last the DD21 will come home for an extended period over Christmas. She graduates college in May and the current plan is that she and her boyfriend are moving to a city around 3 hours from us. I honestly look forward to the time when she might want to host us.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Christmas eve is spent at my in-laws house for the night so we will see our kids there. I don't want my Christmas with them to be that night so everyone will probably go their separate ways that night then maybe have them come over for a late breakfast - as long as they feel alright hanging around all day until we hit the movie and dinner. If not, they can come by in the early afternoon and we can open presents, have dinner and see the movie. It's just going to be different from now on and I know I have to get used to it but I don't want to wah wah wah loL!!!! I wish they didn't have to grow up and move on :-(

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Christmas eve is spent at my in-laws house for the night so we will see our kids there. I don't want my Christmas with them to be that night so everyone will probably go their separate ways that night then maybe have them come over for a late breakfast - as long as they feel alright hanging around all day until we hit the movie and dinner. If not, they can come by in the early afternoon and we can open presents, have dinner and see the movie. It's just going to be different from now on and I know I have to get used to it but I don't want to wah wah wah loL!!!! I wish they didn't have to grow up and move on :-(

It will be OK, lol. I would tell you to open gifts at the ILs. Do you guys open gifts there?

 

[lovesmurfs]

We're in that stage as well. Last year, DS and his wife came over in time for lunch/dinner around 2 and opened their gifts then. My DD (who was a senior in HS) opened hers in the morning, but saved her stocking for when her brother came over. I still made egg casserole and cinnamon rolls -- DS chowed down on leftovers when they arrived.

We used to go to service and then go out to eat as a family Christmas eve -- DS now goes to his wife's family for Christmas eve. That's something we all miss, but we still go out.

This year, my parents are coming to visit for 10 days, so we'll do the whole thing. I just let DS and his wife know when we'll be home, and when meals are planned, giving them the freedom to come when they can (she has an 8-year old with special needs and who doesn't do particularly well leaving his Christmas gifts, so he stayed at her parents' house last year).

 

[pigletto]

Agree, and OP, please try not to pressure them. Young adults that age are very often "feeling their oats" at being on their own and the novelty of being able to do things differently. That novelty WILL wear off, but if this first time they have already made other plans or are reluctant, try to accept it graciously. Especially now that two separate sets of "significant others" are involved I'd urge you to be very careful not to foment any conflict. Hopefully you'll all have many, many more Christmases together. I wish you all well.

This is gold advice. My dd is 21 and just moved in with her boyfriend. Do I like it? Nope. But they've been together for 5 years and more importantly.. nobody is asking for my opinion. She was telling me yesterday how excited they are to be doing their first real grocery shop as a couple. I remember that feeling vividly. It had nothing to do with not being with my parents.. I was just so excited for independence. So I try to remember that as I navigate all of this newness.

OP, in my case my dd wants to come home for Christmas Eve and the few days after this year. I do understand your dilemma though. It's hard for the siblings "left behind". My son is 13 and missed his sister a lot when she went off to school a few years ago. We've all adjusted, but I think new traditions might be your best bet. Or even going away somewhere next year?
I've often thought it would be nice to vacation over Christmas.

 

[luvsJack]

Thanks everyone for sharing your traditions with me. I may just invite the boys over for brunch and open presents. Last year I didn't do Christmas dinner at my house like I normally used to. My dad passed away in July of last year and I got real fed up with my extended family so just my dh, kids and I went to a movie and got Chinese food on Christmas day. I have to decide what to do this year. I am not talking to some of my extended family still but I know my kids miss my big holiday dinner. Have to find balance this year for all of it...sigh....

Just saw this. I am sorry OP, changes in holiday due to losing family members is a whole lot harder than your kids growing up, isn't it? We lost my Mom last year. MIL has Christmas on Christmas Eve so it leaves a big gaping hole in Christmas Day when we normally had dinner with Mom. I don't see/talk to my siblings very often so we don't usually plan anything.

If I were you, I would find out what each of my kids want to do. IME, you not only have to plan for your family but around their gf/bf/spouse's families. So, whatever the best time for all of them. (why I like the idea of Christmas night, for us) But, additionally, I would plan a special Christmas morning with your child at home, if the others won't be there. Special breakfast, spending time having fun with the gifts (maybe buy a game the three of you can play together), whatever makes it special for your child.

If your kids want your big holiday meal most of all, are you totally against preparing it? I prepare pretty big holiday meals and its just for us. But was the family grows that "big meal" becomes a bigger deal each year.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I don't think I want to do the big holiday meal - it was so nice last year and I felt like I got to enjoy the holiday with my kids vs me cooking and cleaning and all that jazz. If they want the whole shebang then I may just do that as a normal Sunday family dinner type thing lol!

 

[Nancyg56]

Christmas eve is spent at my in-laws house for the night so we will see our kids there. I don't want my Christmas with them to be that night so everyone will probably go their separate ways that night then maybe have them come over for a late breakfast - as long as they feel alright hanging around all day until we hit the movie and dinner. If not, they can come by in the early afternoon and we can open presents, have dinner and see the movie. It's just going to be different from now on and I know I have to get used to it but I don't want to wah wah wah loL!!!! I wish they didn't have to grow up and move on :-(

I get it. We always had to have Christmas Eve with my first husbands family, and that was kind of rough for my husband. Actually for all of us, but we all felt it was the right thing to do. Christmas day was hectic, the whole family would come over and we would open our gifts before everyone else arrived. So things have changed, and now we don't need to have the extended family obligation. I have found that my kids and their families arriver earlier than I expect them and tend to stay later. Honestly, it is really nice now but the transition was kind of bittersweet.

 

[leebee]

Our Christmas changed last year as DD and her boyfriend moved out of state, leaving just DH and me at home.
DH and I opened presents, had brunch, spent the day reading and munching on appetizer-y stuff- wings, nachos, chips and dip, etc. It was pretty low-key and... not depressing or sad, but it didn't feel like Christmas at all. They won't be home this year, either, but we'll see them Dec. 27-30 when we all get together in NH for our "Cousins' Christmas" celebration with all the cousins from my dad's side of the family (no aunts/uncles left, so we are determined to keep the family connected with our get-togethers).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Our Christmas changed last year as DD and her boyfriend moved out of state, leaving just DH and me at home.
DH and I opened presents, had brunch, spent the day reading and munching on appetizer-y stuff- wings, nachos, chips and dip, etc. It was pretty low-key and... not depressing or sad, but it didn't feel like Christmas at all. They won't be home this year, either, but we'll see them Dec. 27-30 when we all get together in NH for our "Cousins' Christmas" celebration with all the cousins from my dad's side of the family (no aunts/uncles left, so we are determined to keep the family connected with our get-togethers).

(((HUGS)))

 

[Marchand63]

I'm with you.

Don't change anything. Certainly not the first year. And certainly not with one still at home. Let them come or go as they need/want to.

My parents seemed to change as they needed to. For example, eventually, my husband and I had a child, so we didn't want to spend every bit of Christmas away from our house.

ITA with this.

We have had many changes to Xmas traditions. My parents used to host because they had a HUGE house. When I got married & had kids, we hosted. When my kids moved out we did Xmas eve, Xmas evening dinners. When my kids & 2nd DH kids started having kids we changed again. We did Xmas eve with his, they hosted & Xmas day with mine, again they hosted.

I love it now. I get to sit back and do NOTHING!!!! I get to play with grandkids & they do the rest.

 

[AndreaDM]

I still have a 14 year year old at home, she has 2 older sisters 26 & 28 who have their own lives and families now too. It's rough, especially since her dad and I split 3 years ago, right before Thanksgiving. So, I think she feels a huge sense of loss around the holidays and especially this year since her oldest sister now lives out of state. Those simple traditions become deeply ingrained, but life changes and goes on. I just keep telling her we will make NEW traditions and just do whatever fun stuff WE want to do. Of course it's usually met with eye-rolling lol.

 

[iluveeyore]

I have had to adjust my Christmas a great deal, not only with my three kids growing up and moving out, but with my own life changes as well. Three years ago, I remarried after moving from Canada to Florida, and my DS 27, DS 25 and DD 23, plus my grandson 4, are all up in Canada. So a lot has changed for them and for me...my DD has tried to be down here every year for at least a week before Christmas, but with her university schedule this year, that wasn't possible, so I was able to go to visit them the end of October for a week, her and her fiance. My DS 27 and his fiance and my grandson will be joining my DH and I here in Florida Dec. 6 for a week, so we are doing a big Christmas dinner while they are here, and they can enjoy all my holiday decorations like when my kids were young (my DS always joked that Christmas 'threw up' in our house, I literally decorate every room possible), and then they will take all the gifts for them and their siblings home to distribute when it's actually Christmas - Mom always does their stockings, so they look forward to that

My DH and I have had to make our own traditions as newlyweds...On Christmas Eve, we have a big dinner that we make together, and before bed we watch the Polar Express. Then Christmas morning we get up whenever we feel like it, and I make cinnamon rolls and we open our stockings and gifts while listening to Christmas music. Then we have leftovers for lunch. Then our tradition is to go to a movie matinee together in the afternoon - surprisingly, this is a popular thing for a lot of 'empty nesters' to do as we have seen every year at the theater. Then back home for more leftovers and to cuddle up and watch a Christmas blu ray together.

I know even if my kids were closer, it would still be a time in our lives to make new traditions, and to accommodate their new lives with their significant others and their own children. I am happy for any time I get with them, no matter what time of year it is.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

Awwww...

My sister and I moved out years ago, but our parents, or my parents and my little sister before she moved out, haven't had to deal with the difference in holidays, yet. We've gone on vacation over Christmas ever since we were teenagers, and we still do - just instead of all leaving from the same place, we meet up at our destination. It makes for a pretty great family reunion!

I say ask the brothers to spend the night! Maybe they won't, but don't their girlfriends have holiday plans, too? Have they already chosen sides of the family to spend parts of the day with? Talk to them and see what's up!