Christmas now that 2 children have moved out...

[mousefanmichelle]

How did you handle the first Christmas morning when some of your kids moved out? I have 3 kids and my 2 oldest 23 and 21 have moved out and my dd who will be 19 shortly is so sad that she will be the only one waking up Christmas morning in our house. She wants her brothers to stay the night on Christmas eve but they both live with their girlfriends and most likely won't want to.

Tell me how you changed or how you adjusted to your household changing and the holidays.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I wouldn't change anything.

 

[ahutton]

I will be facing this sooner than I care to admit. My plan at this point is to offer to let them stay over, or come in the morning (no need to get fancy - PJs are fine!) for breakfast and our traditional Christmas morning.

 

[Hikergirl]

Invite the others over in the morning for Christmas breakfast and presents.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I wouldn't change anything.

I'm with you.

Don't change anything. Certainly not the first year. And certainly not with one still at home. Let them come or go as they need/want to.

My parents seemed to change as they needed to. For example, eventually, my husband and I had a child, so we didn't want to spend every bit of Christmas away from our house.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I feel so sad for your DD!!!
I know this must really be something for her to adjust to.

But, time stops for no man!!!
Most all of us have to get older, grow up, face an empty nest, etc...

Changes and adjustments are often a good and necessary thing.

Maybe make some special plans for Christmas morning, including your sons if possible!

 

[BLAZEY]

This will be the first year ever that we haven't spent Christmas morning at my mum's house and I'm married with an 8 year old daughter. Our house is like 2 minutes away. My younger sister and her family have bought mum's house, and are building a single level Grannie suite in the backyard. They are in the middle of construction, so the living room is full of my Sister's furniture, and boxes. It's our turn to have Xmas dinner, so have the morning won't make much difference. My sister is going to her in-laws as he FIL is in his 80's, and he doesn't like leaving the house. They will come to dinner as will her MIL. Next year it will be back to normal, with Xmas morning at my sister's house (formerly my mum's house). I wouldn't change anything about your morning, especially with one still at home. Just invite your sons and their girlfriends for Xmas morning as usual. Then it's up to them to accept.

 

[NFLDERS]

I've known couples who volunteer on Christmas Day, others who travel once their children have left home. I'd keep things the same for now with one still at home, and consider in time new traditions especially if your sons are starting some new ones of their own with girlfriends.

Merry "Almost" Christmas!

 

[karmic]

My kids are 28 and 30-DD is married with 2 little boys- each year since they both left college has been different- DS is home this year as he finished 5 years in the Army- the passage of time changes all things as the older generations die and new people come into the family but it is just as good if not better- definitely an adjustment

 

[ronandannette]

...I wouldn't change anything about your morning, especially with one still at home. Just invite your sons and their girlfriends for Xmas morning as usual. Then it's up to them to accept.

Agree, and OP, please try not to pressure them. Young adults that age are very often "feeling their oats" at being on their own and the novelty of being able to do things differently. That novelty WILL wear off, but if this first time they have already made other plans or are reluctant, try to accept it graciously. Especially now that two separate sets of "significant others" are involved I'd urge you to be very careful not to foment any conflict. Hopefully you'll all have many, many more Christmases together. I wish you all well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How did you handle the first Christmas morning when some of your kids moved out? I have 3 kids and my 2 oldest 23 and 21 have moved out and my dd who will be 19 shortly is so sad that she will be the only one waking up Christmas morning in our house. She wants her brothers to stay the night on Christmas eve but they both live with their girlfriends and most likely won't want to.

Tell me how you changed or how you adjusted to your household changing and the holidays.

We celebrate with extended family together, on Christmas Eve.

This YR my 21yo is not coming home for Christmas. I will send her a gift.

My 26yo and her BF are going to be living with us for a few months, so THAT will be different. It is temporary. We are selling this house and have a rental.

It becomes your "new normal".

 

[Nancyg56]

I would extend the invitation and then let it go. I would not change a thing, and certainly would not expect my adult children to spend the night unless they really wanted to. This is going to be the first of many changes that will determine your relationship with your kids and their significant others regarding holidays.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Thanks everyone for sharing your traditions with me. I may just invite the boys over for brunch and open presents. Last year I didn't do Christmas dinner at my house like I normally used to. My dad passed away in July of last year and I got real fed up with my extended family so just my dh, kids and I went to a movie and got Chinese food on Christmas day. I have to decide what to do this year. I am not talking to some of my extended family still but I know my kids miss my big holiday dinner. Have to find balance this year for all of it...sigh....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would extend the invitation and then let it go. I would not change a thing, and certainly would not expect my adult children to spend the night unless they really wanted to. This is going to be the first of many changes that will determine your relationship with your kids and their significant others regarding holidays.

Yep.

I will say that we already had established traditions before that time. Once Santa was over we opened gifts Christmas eve with family.

 

[22Tink]

My 2 oldest are moved out but spend Christmas Eve night at our house so we’re all still together Christmas morning.

 

[jt'smom]

OP, I think you are pretty awesome that you have the awareness to realize that things shift as your kids grow up and move out! I love seeing this! My 21 year old will be home from college, but he's already told us that he might have plans to go visit his girlfriend in a different state at Christmas. Probably leaving on Christmas Day, early in the morning. I decided to do a fun Christmas Eve thing, and he will probably be up and gone the next morning before we even get out of bed. I told my husband, we can then spend the day at the beach bar!

 

[Southernmiss]

Talk to your boys. When would a good time for them to come over? Make new traditions.

DS 23 got married this year. We started talking Christmas with them yesterday. I am modifying some of our "traditions" to accommodate for their plans. With Christmas being on a Monday this year, it allows us some flexibility in getting together early on Sunday. DDIL's family traditions on Christmas Eve are similar to our own family traditions. But I am willing to change my plans to make it easy for her to have her family traditions and us to keep our traditions.

Now Thanksgiving this year is another thread!! LOL!!

And this time, it's my mother giving me grief over having Thanksgiving on this coming Sunday. I am the one who does the cooking and I may be out of town on Thanksgiving Day!

 

[Julylady]

I agree with making new traditions. As your kids move out and establish their own families they will most likely not want to spend Christmas Eve/Day with their parents. They may also have to share time with their spouses family. Accept these changes gracefully. What my Mom did was to move our family Christmas Eve celebration to the Sunday prior to Christmas. We kept the food, gifts, and other traditions the same.....just moved the date. That has worked well for several years now.

 

[Nancyg56]

Thanks everyone for sharing your traditions with me. I may just invite the boys over for brunch and open presents. Last year I didn't do Christmas dinner at my house like I normally used to. My dad passed away in July of last year and I got real fed up with my extended family so just my dh, kids and I went to a movie and got Chinese food on Christmas day. I have to decide what to do this year. I am not talking to some of my extended family still but I know my kids miss my big holiday dinner. Have to find balance this year for all of it...sigh....

I think that making new traditions is a great idea. You could ask the boys and your daughter how they want to celebrate holidays. I do not think you have to have an extended family meal for holidays, and quite honestly, since our family holidays have been reduced to our immediate family, a few friends the holidays are way less stressful. We have a lovely meal and it is so much more relaxed now that we do not have to accommodate people who were kind if unfriendly to us.

 

[Micca]

Your DD is pretty sweet to think about missing her brothers on Christmas morning. Not sure if it'd make her feel any better but maybe give her a choice of a favorite dish for breakfast? I'd even consider giving her a little extra gift as the "last kid at home" bonus present.