piratesmate
<font color=red>Drah-gun! I don't do that tongue t
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2001
- Messages
- 7,720
I copied this from somewhere on The DIS (I think) back in 2001. I just came across it this morning & it made me laugh. Maybe it will brighten someone else's day too. 
CHOCOLATE IS A VEGETABLE
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are
plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a
vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain
milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and
strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're
eating it too slowly.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the
store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take
the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less. If calories are an
issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of
heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
(We're testing this with other snack foods as well.)
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a
balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate. Put "eat chocolate" at the
top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one
thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in
one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
CHOCOLATE IS A VEGETABLE
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are
plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a
vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain
milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and
strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're
eating it too slowly.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the
store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take
the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less. If calories are an
issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of
heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
(We're testing this with other snack foods as well.)
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a
balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate. Put "eat chocolate" at the
top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one
thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in
one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
