Child's B-day party: how to state on invitation adults pay extra?

[leight]

Problem with inviting kids from a class is that teachers won't provide addresses for you to mail an invite to a child's home and our school's rules are that for invites to be passed out during school either all girls(I have two dd's) or entire class. It has been that way at both elementary schools we've been to and at day care. Being in FL now there is school choice so the kids in their classes or neighborhood are not the same and unless you are constantly at school to meet other parents I can't figure out a way to send an invite to say, just 2 kids.

 

[pyrxtc]

I would not pay extra for parents to attend. It is a party for the child, not the adults. Some parents will be okay wiht just dropping off and some won't. My DH just dropped off our barely 6 yr old this past weekend ata pool party. DH didn't stay, vene wiht our DS afraid of water as he is, he had a lot of fun and we made sure got hima vest. I knew that the mom would take care of my kid and that she had enough adults to watch all of the kids safely.
If you will have enough aduults there to help with the amount of kids, then the parents should be able to drop their kid off. My DS and DD are ahving a roller skating party in April and I am inviting just the children. If the parent wants to come and bring siblings then they will have to pay their own way but I want to know who is going to be there before they show up. I will be paying $10 a kid to be there and will have plenty of my family adults there to help wiht the younger children. Now if I was having a party at my house, I woulnd't mind the parents staying.

 

[kami2199]

At my dd's skating party a few weeks ago, I put in the invitation that we rented out the entire rink and parents and siblings are welcome (but not obligated) to stay however there is an additional $2.50 rental fee for those who wish to skate as we had invited the maximum amount of guests included in the party fee. I know alot of my dd's friends have younger siblings that would love to go with big brother or sister to a birthday party. As long as the parent stayed and I was not responsible for the extra child's care, it didn't bother me at all. But, since she invited all the girls out of her entire second grade class, the added expense of other kids/parents would have been quite a bit in the end. I did provide enough food for everyone to eat. It worked out well for us. Good luck!

 

[kathi29]

Problem with inviting kids from a class is that teachers won't provide addresses for you to mail an invite to a child's home and our school's rules are that for invites to be passed out during school either all girls(I have two dd's) or entire class. It has been that way at both elementary schools we've been to and at day care. Being in FL now there is school choice so the kids in their classes or neighborhood are not the same and unless you are constantly at school to meet other parents I can't figure out a way to send an invite to say, just 2 kids.

Last year we only wanted to invite a handful of kids from DDs class. I sent a note asking the teacher for the addresses - she sent me a note to just send in the invitations and she would discreetly get them into the bags of those kids.

 

[surfgirl]

I know this is mildly OT.... however, my siblings are always sad whenever DS or DB goes to a party... the last two parties that I've had, I've made extra cookies (roll-out, frosted) and put them in little gift sacks with a couple Hershey kisses and lollipop. They are specifically sent home with a child to give to their siblings - we've had about 10 or 12 kids at a party, so about 15 siblings... doesn't matter if they are younger or older, male or female, they still like a cookie, Hershey kiss, and lollipop. Makes it fun for the child who came to the party to take home to share and especially makes it easier for mom or dad!

As for the OP, I would pay for one adult (if needed) but no siblings. Maybe gently encourage moms to come with friends so there are less adults ?

I also like the wording from the movie-theater mom!

 

[Mo-Yo]

Every one is different and has different comfort levels.

I would never let my 6 year old go to a pool party without me. She is not a strong swimmer and it only takes one unsupervised moment for an accident to happen. I know no one is going to watch my dd as carefully as I am...especially in a chaotic Birthday party environment.

As a host, I think it's polite to be aware that all parents have different comfort levels with this ...and to make accommodations to help them feel comfortable.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I agree about paying for a parentt o come, but i think it's tacky that people would bring siblings of the child that was invited. Do people really do this??

YES!!! It was done to me and a close friend of my DD. My DD's friend's mom had invited about 35 kids to go bowling. She ended up having over 60 due to siblings and uninvited friends (of the guests not the birthday girl). To top it all off every mom just dropped off the kids. I wasn't planning on staying as my DD was going to stay overnight with her friend but I stayed just to help keep order. I thought this was bad until my own DD had a birthday party. She had invited her whole class. The newest girl in the class had a slumber/birthday party the night before. Her mother took it upon herself to include my daughter's party as part of her festivities (she even had swim party on her invitations..the swim party was my DD'). She showed up with 10 uninvited girls. So yes people seem to do the most unheard of things.

 

[carmie3377]

I would pay for one parent and that's it. I would not let me daughter go to a party at a museum w/o one of us there. However, if they decide that both parents and/or a sibling come along, then they should pay for that person.

We were planning a party at a local pizza place for both my kids. You only have to pay for the partcipants (the children). However, I knew that many would bring there parents and possibly a sibling. Since I can't afford to feed all the parents, I opted against the party there and changed it to my house. If you can't afford to pay for at least one parent, I would cancel that party and have it at your house.

 

[gillenkl]

I would pay for one adult to attend with the child - that's it. Some people will bring their whole family entourage.

 

[PatsGirl]

I have to agree with the one other poster here that believes that parties are for the invited only. If your child is invited to a party that you don't believe she/he is ready to attend alone, then she shouldn't attend. I know how difficult it is to say NO to a child (especially when it comes to a party) but having gone through the teenage years with my son I know that this will be the first of my disappointments for them and they will need to know what limits can be negotiated.

On that note, I would never allow my 5 year old to go to a pool party even with the best of friends but all other ideas (museum, pizza, etc.) would depend on the ratio of adults/children and whether I knew the family or not, among other things.

And, if I can really be outspoken here I personally don't think that these elaborate parties are necessary or even the most fun for children of elementary school age. There's an old rule: if your child is five, there should be five children (is it plus or including) the birthday child. I personally like to keep our birthday parties small and don't give a thought to keeping up with the Jones's -- all the more money for the family to go to WDW

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I have to agree with the one other poster here that believes that parties are for the invited only. If your child is invited to a party that you don't believe she/he is ready to attend alone, then she shouldn't attend.

I had my DD's entire pre-school class at my house last year for her 4th b-day. All of the moms stayed. Do you think that since they weren't "ready to attend alone" then my DD should have had no guests at her party? As for the 4=4, 5=5 "rule" you also mentioned, I can tell you that all of the kids had a wonderful time, and I'm glad we did it.

I think, frankly, that this issue varies quite a bit by region. Around here, parents often select party places for their children's birthdays that are somewhat public in nature...party zones, skating rinks, etc. And, it is always assumed that if a parents wants to stay, then that's fine.

No, I am not comfortable leaving my kids with parents with whom I am not terribly familiar in public places, and no I do not think I should deny them the fun of attending birthday parties. They'd almost never go to a party.

Like I said, things are different everywhere you go.

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

We faced this same situation, and I chose to just pay for the adults (they were the same place at our museum.) When the kids are only 5, especially at a place like the Children's Museum, its pretty much a given that the parents will stay. And I personally think its rude to invite someone and then ask them to pay. So we did. Sure, it limited the kids DS could invite, but I just felt it was the right thing to do.

 

[Ilovemyprincesses]

I personally wouldn't leave my 5 yr old at any birthday party but I also wouldn't expect the host to pay for me. If I want to stay I have no problem paying for myself.

I would not mention anything about siblings. You could end up with 10-15 extra kids that want to be part of the party. I think it is rude to bring extra people to a party they weren't invited to.

 

[disneyfreakk]

Maybe you could make big oversized tickets or coupons for the childs ( and one for an adult, if thats what you decide to do ) admission. Kind of like Charley and the Chocolate golden tickets. They would be cool keepsakes, and you wont be put in a situation.

 

[dimimi]

I hope it wasn't mentioned, but how many kids are coming to the party and how many adults will be supervising? At 5, neither of my children would have stayed alone, especially if I didn't really know the parent.

I liked a lot of the wordings that were already mentioned. I think you will have to mention something about siblings since it is at a children't museum.

I am amazed at how many people bring their siblings. We went to one party where the mother sat and talked while her 3 year old joined in on all of the 7 year old child's games. The child screamed and screamed and the mother just sat there. The child who was invited to the party didn't have fun because she had to take care of her sister. Several people even pointed out to the mother that her child was upset and she ignored it.

Have fun. I'm sure everything will work out.

 

[Caleb's Mom]

Last spring my 5 year old son was invited to a party at a local place similar to a chuck e cheese. Half of the place was for video games and pizza. The other side was a sports bar! I took my son there to drop him off and had an uneasy feeling in my stomach so I stayed. I couldn't believe the ## of parents who just pulled up, opened the door and sent their child in. Only one other parent stayed. Keep in mind this place was built so half was a bar, the whole class was invited (15) and these were 5 year old. Hosts only gave each kid less than 10 game tokens. Do you know how fast 5 year olds use tokens? After 5 minutes the kids were all looking at me and the other mom who stayed to give them money!?!? I escorted little girls to the bathroom & lifted them so they could reach the sink to wash hands (the very same bathroom that was shared with the sports bar). I cleaned up a child who spilled pop on themself and helped children count game tickets, it was nuts!
I would never, ever leave my 5 or even soon to be six year old alone in a public place for a birthday party!

 

[MiniGirl]

Okay, I'm one of those parents that brings a sibling. My dh is an airline pilot and often out of town, and neither daughter is old enough to stay at home alone. Now having said that I will add that I always call the bithday child's parents in advance and ask if I may bring my other daughter always stating that I will pay for her admission seperately. Only once was I told that I couldn't, so we didn't go. Now, that we have been in town for a few years and have people we trust to watch our girls I would try to arrange a playdate if she couldn't attend. However, I wouldn't pay for a babysitter. I have also had others do the same to me. I've had people bring siblings, and I've had people just show up without RSVPing, but I've never had people bring siblings without RSVPing.

About schools, it is policy in our school district that if party invitations are handed out at school, every child in the class MUST receive one. Otherwise, we are to use the school's directory and mail the invites.

So, OP..... what did you decide to do? I, too, liked the movie mom's wording, and I also agree with the others that say to pay for 1 adult. At that age, I would be uncomfortable leaving my child with people I don't know very well or even at all.

 

[jessica52877]

When I was deciding on my daughter's birthday I thought I might have it at the movie theatre until I found out that it would be Regular price tickets for any adult or extra child that cam e and we were inviting the whole class of 22.I decided against it.For your museum party I agree you have to pay for at least one adult to attend.Maybe you could make your invitation an admission ticket and state this is admission for "jane" and one adult and then note on the bottom that additional guests would be whatever price. Just a thought.

I like this idea! Very cute!

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

I like this idea.

I disagree you should have to pay for both adults and whoever else the child you've invited brings to the party (siblings). If one adult and one child is included in the price, anyone else that comes should pay their own way.
I would never expect the person who's giving the party to pay for my other child I might have to bring, or myself.........

Okay, I'm one of those parents that brings a sibling. My dh is an airline pilot and often out of town, and neither daughter is old enough to stay at home alone. Now having said that I will add that I always call the bithday child's parents in advance and ask if I may bring my other daughter always stating that I will pay for her admission seperately. Only once was I told that I couldn't, so we didn't go. Now, that we have been in town for a few years and have people we trust to watch our girls I would try to arrange a playdate if she couldn't attend. However, I wouldn't pay for a babysitter. I have also had others do the same to me. I've had people bring siblings, and I've had people just show up without RSVPing, but I've never had people bring siblings without RSVPing.

About schools, it is policy in our school district that if party invitations are handed out at school, every child in the class MUST receive one. Otherwise, we are to use the school's directory and mail the invites.

So, OP..... what did you decide to do? I, too, liked the movie mom's wording, and I also agree with the others that say to pay for 1 adult. At that age, I would be uncomfortable leaving my child with people I don't know very well or even at all.

I agree with all the above.
Often parties here are midday on Saturday and I have 3 kids... up until recently I could NOT leave the other two home alone while DH worked if my youngest was invited to a party. I always call and ask if it's okay to bring the other siblings and pay their way for parties like Chuck E Cheese's, skating rink, etc. In fact we just recently went to one of my youngest DD's friend from Girl scout's party- she was invited, I called and found out parents are free if not skating, and paid $4 each additional for my other two to skate. which is what they did- skate. They did not "join in" any of the party festivities (such as cake, drinks, party favors)
If it had cost for a parent to be there even if they aren't skating- I would think with a young child that should be included because otherwise my child wouldn't be going.. because at a young age I would NOT be dropping her off for a party- especially in public places, places where she could get hurt (ie: swim parties, skating parties, etc.) and/or with people I don't know well (like the birthday child is just a classmate at school and I don't know her parents or something). You'd be surprised at how many people do just drop off young children. I remember being shocked at how many people just dropped their 1st graders off at the door when we had a party at home for my son when he was in 1st grade. I didn't know these people and they didn't know me... that's a little too trusting for 6yr olds in my opinion.
(maybe even any age actually..)

 

[Scrap'nPatty]

Some things I learned to do over the years...

I always found in my area that only 40% of those invited actually attend.
The best way to control surprise guests is not to list the address on the invite. That way they must call and RSVP to get the address. Then details can be discussed at that time.

I make computer invites because I can not hand write 30.
When we invited the class, we(DS and I) did not put names on the invites. At the end of the day my son passed them out to the whole class. The most kids from school was in the 5th grade and 6 out of 26. Mostly girls too!
I had one year where only 1 of my 16 guests called me to say they were coming. What a surprise!

Then there was the first year I had the swimming party. I paid $$ for the space and only had 4 guests! That was upsetting! Bowling is a better party than swiming! I think the parents panic about swimming pools.

word your invite like this...(Forgive spelling errors please)

"_______"_is having a Party!
Please join us on Saturday _____2007**(Or)
(You and your child are invited to attend a party for "______")
2pm, Activities will begin promptly at 2:15pm
Located at_______________
Call _"_____"__@ 555_5555 to confirm by *insert RSVP by date"

The party includes admission,cake and snacks for your child.
Additional guests are $4.50 for admission to the musium.
Please call if you have questions.

Thank you,
"_____"
555-5555


Hope that helps

My thought was that the child is invited and the parent should stay on the sidelines. If it is an activity that requires extra $$ to get in, that would be for a drop off party. So if the parent is not comfortable dropping off, then they should ask to pay their own way or decline the invite all together.

I have been to many kids parties in these public settings and never expected to have any refreshments provided for me. Now it is normal to have refreshments in the private home but not public.

I have so many stories of bad to worse parties and what I would not do to my guests. One of the worse for me is when a mom of 5 showed up with all 5 kids who were monsters. My husband had to go sit in the house with these kids because it was like they never eat before. In the amount of time we went out side to play(30mins) they ate the rest of the cake(full sheet of brownies), all the chips(3 super size) bags and the other snacks! One was going through the fridge! So when my other guests came back in for more cake and drinks, it was gone. It was the first time I never had any brownies on my sons B-day. It was something.

So I see both sides to this delima.

Pay for what you can or rethink your location.
My first thought is what will keep the kids busy in the musium?(I never thought of this for a b-day.)
Oh well, you will make it work and the kids will have fun.


Take care,

Patty