Children with Parents in bathroom

[Leajess99]

Actually our YMCA is extremely strict about opposite sex in the dressing rooms. I do believe it is 5 and under may be 4, and they mean it. They do have some individual rooms like dressing rooms you can go in with kids but absolutely not into the dressing rooms.

And even tho I lived on a coed floor we had single sex bathrooms. all the dorms at my DD's school have single sex bathrooms.

The big problem with older boys in the women's room is the older girls. What older girl wants to come out of the stall after, sorry about this, passing gas, etc and have a boy her age standing there? How about a girl dealing with her period and a ten yr old boy is standing there gawking at her. Girls at that awkward stage are embarrassed by life enough as it is without having to deal with it in the bathroom because of over protective Moms.


What if you spilled something on your shirt and would like to lift it up to clean it, can't with an 11 yr old staring.

I always say if your son needs to come into the Womens room take him in your stall with you. If he is too old to be in there with you then he is too old to be in there with my daughter or me.

But remember that the moms taking their older sons in the bathroom feel their right to protect their sons outweigh our rights for our daughters to not be made uncomfortable. My girls do not like seeing boys their age and older in the bathroom.

Shoot we were at Walmart last weekend when a mom and her kids were coming out of the bathroom. Imagine the look on the 2 -12 year olds and the 8 year olds face when they saw a boy that went to school with the one 12 year old coming out of the women's bathroom. The older girls started laughing after the initial shopck wore off because they did not know how else to react. The child is a normal 7th grader at my 12 year old's friend's school. I was just shocked.

 

[Vijoge]

While we're worring about kids being molested in public bathrooms at the mall let's not lose sight of the fact that they are much more likely to be molested by Uncle Fred, their soccer coach, their Sunday School teacher, next door neighbor, and yes, even Dad!

Most of the time the perp is someone they know and trust.

 

[maxiesmom]

But remember that the moms taking their older sons in the bathroom feel their right to protect their sons outweigh our rights for our daughters to not be made uncomfortable.
/QUOTE]

I don't agree with those moms. At what age do they think it will magically become "safe" to send their boys into the mens restroom?

Having said that, if a mom feels the need to bring her older son into the womens restroom, I think she should. As long as she takes him into the stall with her. That is the only way to be sure no one will take off with your child, or do inappropriate things. After all, wouldn't the best time to do something like that be when mom is partially undressed? If someone else's modesty isn't reason enough to leave your older child outside, then why not bring the child into the stall with you? If someone feels that strongly about keeping the child safe, surely they would sacrifice thier own modesty to see to it?

 

[GinnyEmma]

I have a son who has been using the bathroom on his own in public places since he was 6. He is now 17 and has lived to tell about it.

I am not sure if you are agree with me or not. My boys have been the same as yours since at least 5 or 6. My point was merely that the person that person had quoted only has one young daughter. Her opinion on the situation means far less, really nothing, compared to yours with your son. You and I have had to assess the situation, read the horror stories, etc., and still made the choice to give our sons (mine are 16, 14 and 11) the feeling of empowerment and independance, rather than doing the easy thing and protecting them 24/7 so that we would not have to suffer concern or worry.

 

[princessmom29]

I am not sure if you are agree with me or not. My boys have been the same as yours since at least 5 or 6. My point was merely that the person that person had quoted only has one young daughter. Her opinion on the situation means far less, really nothing, compared to yours with your son. You and I have had to assess the situation, read the horror stories, etc., and still made the choice to give our sons (mine are 16, 14 and 11) the feeling of empowerment and independance, rather than doing the easy thing and protecting them 24/7 so that we would not have to suffer concern or worry.

Agian, how in the world does the fact that my child is a girl change the fact that she is being sent into the bathroom alone by her dad, and ahs been for a while? It is the same thing as sending a boy alone into the mens room. I realize you don't like me because of other things I have posted, and are ready to attack anything I say on any subject, but you are letting it cloud your judgment here.

 

[pacrosby]

But remember that the moms taking their older sons in the bathroom feel their right to protect their sons outweigh our rights for our daughters to not be made uncomfortable. My girls do not like seeing boys their age and older in the bathroom.

Shoot we were at Walmart last weekend when a mom and her kids were coming out of the bathroom. Imagine the look on the 2 -12 year olds and the 8 year olds face when they saw a boy that went to school with the one 12 year old coming out of the women's bathroom. The older girls started laughing after the initial shopck wore off because they did not know how else to react. The child is a normal 7th grader at my 12 year old's friend's school. I was just shocked.

(I can't believe I'm not walking away from this discussion, especially given that I'm not defending myself LOL)


But where oh where does the insanity end?????

Pretty much everything is always going to make someone uncomfortable somewhere at sometime. Should EVERYTHING that makes SOMEONE uncomfortable be off limits?

Silly question I know. I suppose the rule is "if it's uncomfortable for ME (insert one's name here), then it should be off limits"

btw: Not a soul here is saying a middle schooler belongs in a women's bathroom LOL

 

[jodifla]

Agian, how in the world does the fact that my child is a girl change the fact that she is being sent into the bathroom alone by her dad, and ahs been for a while? It is the same thing as sending a boy alone into the mens room. I realize you don't like me because of other things I have posted, and are ready to attack anything I say on any subject, but you are letting it cloud your judgment here.

To me, it's very different. Women don't attack children at nearly the same rate as men.

 

[mjkacmom]

(I can't believe I'm not walking away from this discussion, especially given that I'm not defending myself LOL)


But where oh where does the insanity end?????

Pretty much everything is always going to make someone uncomfortable somewhere at sometime. Should EVERYTHING that makes SOMEONE uncomfortable be off limits?

Silly question I know. I suppose the rule is "if it's uncomfortable for ME (insert one's name here), then it should be off limits"

btw: Not a soul here is saying a middle schooler belongs in a women's bathroom LOL

Because they are chicken - 17 people polled said that they think middle school boys belong in the ladies room. You asked for reasons why some might not like the idea, you've been given several. I'm guessing you don't have girls - I can tell you right now that dd14 would be uncomfortable with older boys (including her brothers) in the ladies room, and dd9 (almost 10) would probably feel the same way. And I think ds8 would rather piss himself than go in the ladies room (except in scary bathroom situations, like highway rest stops).

 

[pacrosby]

Because they are chicken - 17 people polled said that they think middle school boys belong in the ladies room. You asked for reasons why some might not like the idea, you've been given several. I'm guessing you don't have girls - I can tell you right now that dd14 would be uncomfortable with older boys (including her brothers) in the ladies room, and dd9 (almost 10) would probably feel the same way. And I think ds8 would rather piss himself than go in the ladies room (except in scary bathroom situations, like highway rest stops).

But 85% of the respondants said under 10. The overwhelming majority AGREE that older boys shouldn't really be in the ladies room (including myself). Why choose to continue to 'argue' a point that only 15% of people disagree on (IF they read the poll question right)? Especially since it doesn't appear that a soul FROM that 15% is participating in the discussion.

FWIW: My question was specifically about 'little boys' NOT 'older boys'.

My final comment above about "someone always being uncomfortable about something" was added only to make the point that it made. Take it as you will. It's actually quite true. You might think something shouldn't be done because it makes you uncomfortable. Someone else doesn't care because it doesn't make them uncomfortable. I'm quite sure you've made some decisions in your life that you thought were reasonable that made some people uncomfortable. Does that mean you shouldn't have been allowed to make them?

I'm just all about not making mountains out of molehills.





I know you'd love to dismiss my point of view by assuming I don't know "what it's like", but I do. I do have a girl. And, I'm a woman who was once a girl myself. And my POV remains the same.

Just for kicks, my dd is 10 and I KNOW she would not be uncomfortable with her 9 yo brother in the bathroom with her because.......well, he sometimes is LOL My kids have been brought up to not be uptight about body parts and bodily functions....they are what they are. I'm not saying your child should be like mine, just pointing out that not all children are like yours.

Maybe I'm reading your post wrong but you seem to be coming on awfully strong. I don't bring MY boys in with me remember? This has nothing to do with ME or my choices. I, personally, have nothing to defend.

YIKES

 

[MinnieForMe]

Oops. I think I voted wrong. I said 11-12 but that was sending my son into the men's room with his father at Disney. I still do not like to see either of my boys go in alone anywhere. I always feel better when my two sons go in together to the men's room. They are 13 and 9 now!

My daughter is five. I take her in with me but if my husband was alone with her, he would cover her eyes and put her in a stall in the men's room. Or, I think he would!

 

[princessmom29]

To me, it's very different. Women don't attack children at nearly the same rate as men.

The risk of any child, boy or girl, being attacked in a restroom is astronomically small. The vast majority of predators prey on children thay know, and a random attack is just that, random.
Look at this thread. There is only one article from over a decade ago that anyone can find to point to as an example. So for me "someone might get him" is not a reason not to send a child to the restroom alone. It is like saying may child might die walking down the sidewalk. It has happened before, so I guess I had better carry him everywhere, just in case.
The number of women abducting children is on the rise Women are snatching other people's kids to make them thier own. A little girl in the resroom alone is much more likely to accept help a stranger than a little boy in the men's room, because everyone assumesthat any man the speaks to a chidl not his own is a perv, but with women there is a very false sense of security.
That being said I am one that believes we cannot keep or kids in a bubble for fear of every minute possibility, andthe possibility of a child being attacked in a resroom is bryond minute.

 

[JustGot2BMe]

DS is 13 and my DD 11 both have taken martial arts since they were 2 due my DH teaching it and I still worry when sending them into the bathrooms. My son less as he is taller then myself and knows pretty well how to defend himself. But there are crazy people out there and it only takes a minute to do something that impacts the rest of thier lives.

 

[Leajess99]

http://www.cnn.com/US/9811/16/boy.killed.02/

That happened 13 years ago and in a non crowded bathroom. Sorry but can you point to more recent trends??

ETA: Murders can happen anywher so should we just all lock ourselves in our houses and never go out for fear we may be murdered??

 

[Leajess99]

But remember that the moms taking their older sons in the bathroom feel their right to protect their sons outweigh our rights for our daughters to not be made uncomfortable.
/QUOTE]

I don't agree with those moms. At what age do they think it will magically become "safe" to send their boys into the mens restroom?

Having said that, if a mom feels the need to bring her older son into the womens restroom, I think she should. As long as she takes him into the stall with her. That is the only way to be sure no one will take off with your child, or do inappropriate things. After all, wouldn't the best time to do something like that be when mom is partially undressed? If someone else's modesty isn't reason enough to leave your older child outside, then why not bring the child into the stall with you? If someone feels that strongly about keeping the child safe, surely they would sacrifice thier own modesty to see to it?

I so agree with the bolded!!!!!

 

[Leajess99]

I am not sure if you are agree with me or not. My boys have been the same as yours since at least 5 or 6. My point was merely that the person that person had quoted only has one young daughter. Her opinion on the situation means far less, really nothing, compared to yours with your son. You and I have had to assess the situation, read the horror stories, etc., and still made the choice to give our sons (mine are 16, 14 and 11) the feeling of empowerment and independance, rather than doing the easy thing and protecting them 24/7 so that we would not have to suffer concern or worry.

I see and I could not see keeping a child from using the appropriate bathroom. Bad things can hapen anywhere and we can't be with our kids 24/7/365. We have to teach them the best we can and give them some independence.

I know my 12 year old daughter hates seeing older boys in the bathroom and I can only imagine it will get worse as she gets older and deal with changes.

 

[pepperderr]

We live in a small town and do most of our shopping at Walmart. I normally let my 10 yo take my 6yo with him and I stand right outside the door. We also use the family bathroom in the back as often as possible.

The other day I was waiting at Walmart to pick up prescriptions and of course my 10yo had to go to the bathroom. The pharmacy and the bathrooms were right up front so I could see the bathroom from where I was, so I told him to go and then come right back to the pharmacy. He took FOREVER. I was really getting worried. I though OMG the first time I let him go to the bathroom without standing right there and something happened! He FINALLY came out and said he went in the stall and locked himself in there and was afraid to come out because of another guy talking on his cell phone and it made him scared he said. He said he just didn't feel right so he stayed in there till the guy left finally. He didn't say the guy said anything scary when he was talking but he just was still scared so he stayed locked in the stall till he left. I was relieved he was ok and I will definitely not do that again. I will wait right outside the bathroom no matter what. That night there was a cop car out in front of Walmart, a cop at every entrance and at least one we saw walking around in the store. We don't know what was going on though.

I would not feel comfortable taking my older son into the woman's room with me but I definitely take my 6yo in with me. Since I don't have a girl I can't talk about taking a girl into the men's room. How often do you see someone with no clothes on or lifting their shirt or something like that in the womans bathroom? I have never seen it around here. I think that is rare so I don't feel bad. It is not like my son is standing there watching other women go to the bathroom.

pepperderr

 

[Leajess99]

But 85% of the respondants said under 10. The overwhelming majority AGREE that older boys shouldn't really be in the ladies room (including myself). Why choose to continue to 'argue' a point that only 15% of people disagree on (IF they read the poll question right)? Especially since it doesn't appear that a soul FROM that 15% is participating in the discussion.

FWIW: My question was specifically about 'little boys' NOT 'older boys'.

My final comment above about "someone always being uncomfortable about something" was added only to make the point that it made. Take it as you will. It's actually quite true. You might think something shouldn't be done because it makes you uncomfortable. Someone else doesn't care because it doesn't make them uncomfortable. I'm quite sure you've made some decisions in your life that you thought were reasonable that made some people uncomfortable. Does that mean you shouldn't have been allowed to make them?

I'm just all about not making mountains out of molehills.





I know you'd love to dismiss my point of view by assuming I don't know "what it's like", but I do. I do have a girl. And, I'm a woman who was once a girl myself. And my POV remains the same.

Just for kicks, my dd is 10 and I KNOW she would not be uncomfortable with her 9 yo brother in the bathroom with her because.......well, he sometimes is LOL My kids have been brought up to not be uptight about body parts and bodily functions....they are what they are. I'm not saying your child should be like mine, just pointing out that not all children are like yours.

Maybe I'm reading your post wrong but you seem to be coming on awfully strong. I don't bring MY boys in with me remember? This has nothing to do with ME or my choices. I, personally, have nothing to defend.

YIKES

And at what point in time have you even taken into consideration the female victims of molestation and sex crimes?? Why should my 8 year old expect to see a 2nd grader in the girls' bathroom while she is in it where she belongs?? What happens if a young lady has to ask mom or someone else for a pad or tampon because of just starting their period or having an unexpected or early start to their period?? Could you honestly not understand how embarassing that would be to those young ladies??
Do you take your 9 year old in the stall with you?? If you are so fearful for his safety than he should be in the stall with YOU.

8, 9, and 10 is still TOO old for the female bathroom barring any disability. My youngest would freak to see a child her age in the bathroom and I can honestly say that we did not experience that at Disney once. We have experienced women changing outside of the stalls or taking off their shirts to blow dry them after a water ride.

I cannot imagine these boys all being okay with going in the ladies' bathroom with their moms. I know my son would have died of embarassment.

 

[Hannathy]

Yep i say that on everyone of these threads. if you must take your son in with you then TAKE him in with you into the stall. If you are uncomfortable with him being in there with you while you go then I am to , or my DD is or the little girl who is in his class.



And to the 10 yr old afraid cause someone was talking on a cell phone, seeing everyone seems to be talking on those everywhere it is something to get used to. And actually he did do what he should have if he was unsure, stay were he was safe. And what difference would it have made if you were outside or 25 feet away there was no danger and he still would have been in the stall.

 

[nchulka]

The other day I was waiting at Walmart to pick up prescriptions and of course my 10yo had to go to the bathroom. The pharmacy and the bathrooms were right up front so I could see the bathroom from where I was, so I told him to go and then come right back to the pharmacy. He took FOREVER. I was really getting worried. I though OMG the first time I let him go to the bathroom without standing right there and something happened! He FINALLY came out and said he went in the stall and locked himself in there and was afraid to come out because of another guy talking on his cell phone and it made him scared he said. He said he just didn't feel right so he stayed in there till the guy left finally. He didn't say the guy said anything scary when he was talking but he just was still scared so he stayed locked in the stall till he left. I was relieved he was ok and I will definitely not do that again. I will wait right outside the bathroom no matter what. That night there was a cop car out in front of Walmart, a cop at every entrance and at least one we saw walking around in the store. We don't know what was going on though.


pepperderr

It sounds like you've passed your paranoia on to your son. A 10 year old staying locked in a bathroom stall just because there is another man in the bathroom! It appears that man was not being threatening in any way, you say he was not saying anything scary. I think we need to raise children that are able to evaluate situations correctly and then behave appropriately. In your son's case, coming out of the stall and walking out of the bathroom would have been correct. If you continually tell your kids that the boogyman is out there waiting for them all the time they are going to be scared of their own shadows and not make very affective adults.

 

[tartemis]

I'm shocked at the responses on this thread. I have sent my 3 year-old into the bathroom by herself (granted at a very small venue), but If I'm somehow still tailing her into the bathroom at 6, 7, 8, I think I will have failed in teaching her some basic self-sufficiency and independence.

All that being said, I couldn't care less whether a young boy or a grown man is in the bathroom with me, but I know that most Americans are not like me and have more prudish views on these things.

My solution -- communal bathrooms. Instead of the single toliet family bathrooms that most places have there should be large-scale bathrooms (almost identical to the male/female versions) that people can take opposite sex children into (or even just use as another option themselves).

My hometown in Iowa just built a great new athletic complex with a great aquatic center. There is a male locker room, a female locker room, and a family locker room, that men and women, boys and girls can all use together. It was actually fabulous. My husband, me and two girls were all able to get ready together and it really helped with the extra hands. While we were in there another father came in with his two sons and a mom came in with her two sons and two daughters. Nobody cared that opposite sexes were in the room and it was really great solutions and, frankly, very progressive for the middle of Iowa.