Children with autism at parks

[Safari Queen]

People, give it a rest. The poster didn't mean to offend. I believe that the point was that a child who cannot wait AT ALL for ANYTHING doesn't belong in a place where waiting is inevitable. And the guy WAS a jerk. It's very hard to manage life with kids and autism (or any special need) makes it even harder. I know you get tired of fighting with people who don't understand, but please stop beating up this person. He/she heard you.

 

[LuvGoofy6]

Each child with special needs is different than other children with the same disability. I think the issue here is the dad. It doesn't matter if we are caring for an elderly parent, a child with a disability, a family member with cancer or other ailment that requires caregiving, it is so important to take care of the caregiver (you!).

Autism speaks says it wells:
Remember that if you want to take the best possible care of your child, you must first take the best possible care of yourself. Parents often fail to evaluate their own sources of strength, coping skills, or emotional attitudes. You may be so busy meeting the needs of your child that you don't allow yourself time to relax, cry, or simply think. You may wait until you are so exhausted or stressed out that you can barely carry on before you consider your own needs. Reaching this point is bad for you and for your family.

This Dad sounds like he may have been exhausted and stressed to the point that he reached his limit. Unfortunately, his behavior helped no one.

 

[pfp258]

Thank you Safari Queen. You understood just what I was trying to say.

 

[Nayan]

People, give it a rest. The poster didn't mean to offend. I believe that the point was that a child who cannot wait AT ALL for ANYTHING doesn't belong in a place where waiting is inevitable. And the guy WAS a jerk. It's very hard to manage life with kids and autism (or any special need) makes it even harder. I know you get tired of fighting with people who don't understand, but please stop beating up this person. He/she heard you.

This is how I read it . I agree that a child who honestly cannot wait for anything shouldn't go to Disney or any other theme park where there are long lines. It's not being insensitive it's being truthful.

 

[OfTheWind]

I am in Disney World right now finishing a vacation with family. Yesterday my husband and I stopped at guest relations in HS to check a dinner reservation. A man was speaking with a guest relation hostess regarding his son who has autism. (His words). He was complaining about wait times and sharing that his son was unable to stand in line for two hours. The hostess suggested using a fast pass. He wanted more. He claims rides shut down when he was using the fast pass and a cast member told he would have to get in regular line (highly unlikely) his son was having meltdowns and Disney was somehow responsible because his family couldn't just get to the front of the fast pass line of every ride and attraction. He just kept repeating how Disney had failed his autistic son and deprived his family of a vacation. I wanted to turn to him and say, maybe Disney is not the right vacation for your autistic son. Disney is sensory overload and can be too much for many people. If your son has autism and you want to what is best for him don't make him wait in line for something so that he has meltdowns. Perhaps a vacation someplace calmer. Disney is not required to have "no waiting" if your child has autism. Can you even them opening that can of worms? Just be reasonable people.....bringing a child that can't wait in a line (and I actually didn't see any that had a two hour wait time while I was there) then making them wait in a line and then claiming that Disney is at fault is ludicrous! I felt bad for the cast member that had to listen to his tirade and kept calling Disney out for not being accessible to his handicapped son, clearly he was not doing what was best for his son!

Why do adults feel the need to constantly attack autistic children? Why don't they mind their own business and focus on their own children? Why do they feel they should be the ones to tell parents that their child shouldn't experience WDW? This is becoming ridiculous. These are children. You're an adult. Clearly you don't like any child that isn't perfect, but don't worry: that child will be shunned throughout his entire life because of something he can't change. That should make you happy.

I think it is wrong to assume you know more about what is right for someone else's child than they do. Particularly a child you have never even met.

Why didn't she say anything to the father in front of his face instead of running here to stir the pot?

And really OP? You want us to think? Well since we're talking about using our brain, why didn't you use yours and ignore the situation that didn't involve you and enjoy your little trip?

 

[OfTheWind]

People, give it a rest. The poster didn't mean to offend. I believe that the point was that a child who cannot wait AT ALL for ANYTHING doesn't belong in a place where waiting is inevitable. And the guy WAS a jerk. It's very hard to manage life with kids and autism (or any special need) makes it even harder. I know you get tired of fighting with people who don't understand, but please stop beating up this person. He/she heard you.

Stop beating her up? She's the one who felt the need to butt into a conversation, held on to that conversation instead of enjoying her trip, ran here and typed away while being judgmental about how a child acts. But we're beating her up?

 

[brymolmom]

Not all Children with Autism have sensory issues, or they are sensory seeking. Not all meltdowns are related to being overly stimulated.
I will be taking my son on his first Disney vacation in November, I think it's sad you think that a child shouldn't get to experience the happiest place on earth, due to their disability.

I don't think OP said that they shouldn't get to experience the happiest place due to their disability... Obviously all people should be able to experience everything that they possibly can to make them happy. I think OP said that the parent of a child with a disability shouldn't expect DISNEY to make it the happiest place on earth for that specific person. It is really up to the parent to do what is necessary and use whatever tools are made available by Disney (or wherever they vacation) to make it the best vacation for their specific situation. Lots of options here...If lines are tough maybe rent a wheelchair and let child watch a movie sitting in line...maybe just go to the park for the first 2 hours of every day when lines are the shortest and stimulation isn't overwhelming yet...Maybe use a DAS if that might help (actually might make it worse for some kids if they can't get that they have to now go somewhere else to 'wait in line' for that ride/attraction)... And if these honestly WON'T make it a happy place, then yes, consider a vacation spot that might be a better fit (Disney and the heat and the crowds is NOT for everyone - disability or none). I get it OP - and I agree that yelling at a Disney person and expecting individual perks is not fair.

But, I also agree with many that this particular Dad was likely just at the end of his rope and was acting unreasonably. We've all 'gone off the handle' here and there...And usually regret it later. It is likely this Dad will regret that adult tantrum.

 

[supergoofy]

I don't have a child with autism but will say I do not like any sort of special treatment for them or anybody else. Sorry if that offends anybody with children of special needs or who themselves are special needs. At some point a line must be drawn at how accommodating a company like Disney needs to be.

Sorry but we ALL have issues with waiting, standing, heat, etc and we all want to go on the rides now but some get special treatment and others do not.

And we wonder why people were abusing the system.

 

[davedmaine]

I am in Disney World right now finishing a vacation with family. Yesterday my husband and I stopped at guest relations in HS to check a dinner reservation. A man was speaking with a guest relation hostess regarding his son who has autism. (His words). He was complaining about wait times and sharing that his son was unable to stand in line for two hours. The hostess suggested using a fast pass. He wanted more. He claims rides shut down when he was using the fast pass and a cast member told he would have to get in regular line (highly unlikely) his son was having meltdowns and Disney was somehow responsible because his family couldn't just get to the front of the fast pass line of every ride and attraction. He just kept repeating how Disney had failed his autistic son and deprived his family of a vacation. I wanted to turn to him and say, maybe Disney is not the right vacation for your autistic son. Disney is sensory overload and can be too much for many people. If your son has autism and you want to what is best for him don't make him wait in line for something so that he has meltdowns. Perhaps a vacation someplace calmer. Disney is not required to have "no waiting" if your child has autism. Can you even them opening that can of worms? Just be reasonable people.....bringing a child that can't wait in a line (and I actually didn't see any that had a two hour wait time while I was there) then making them wait in a line and then claiming that Disney is at fault is ludicrous! I felt bad for the cast member that had to listen to his tirade and kept calling Disney out for not being accessible to his handicapped son, clearly he was not doing what was best for his son!

Why would you go to guest relations to check a dinner reservation?

 

[disneyguyla]

I don't have a child with autism but will say I do not like any sort of special treatment for them or anybody else. Sorry if that offends anybody with children of special needs or who themselves are special needs. At some point a line must be drawn at how accommodating a company like Disney needs to be. Sorry but we ALL have issues with waiting, standing, heat, etc and we all want to go on the rides now but some get special treatment and others do not. And we wonder why people were abusing the system.

I agree with you and I do have one in my family , but he's not treated any differrent than any other child when we bring him to Disney, we do not ask for anything special and do not expect Disney for anything either. The OP was right about what they said, if they cannot handle it then they need to rethink their plans when attending Disney, such as we do ,swapping out , going early in the morning,fast pass+, etc. I really do not care if others like my opinion or not, but the truth will set you free.

 

[ladyjubilee]

I am in Disney World right now finishing a vacation with family. Yesterday my husband and I stopped at guest relations in HS to check a dinner reservation. A man was speaking with a guest relation hostess regarding his son who has autism. (His words). He was complaining about wait times and sharing that his son was unable to stand in line for two hours. The hostess suggested using a fast pass. He wanted more. He claims rides shut down when he was using the fast pass and a cast member told he would have to get in regular line (highly unlikely) his son was having meltdowns and Disney was somehow responsible because his family couldn't just get to the front of the fast pass line of every ride and attraction. He just kept repeating how Disney had failed his autistic son and deprived his family of a vacation. I wanted to turn to him and say, maybe Disney is not the right vacation for your autistic son. Disney is sensory overload and can be too much for many people. If your son has autism and you want to what is best for him don't make him wait in line for something so that he has meltdowns. Perhaps a vacation someplace calmer. Disney is not required to have "no waiti!

I an going to assume this was said out of lack of understanding and not judgment. First, my mother was a special ed teacher for 30+years..... but when my son came to me (he was 4) she learned that living with a child is far different than spending a few hours in a structured environment. More we've found that even so-called autism specialists know squat. Most training is geared to high functioning autism and not so called classic autism. So even educators should be cautious assuming they know what kids with autism need.

Next, many families have seen great benefit from WDW trips with even low functioning asd kids. Disney has even sponsored research into spontaneous speech at WDW. WDW seems to move at my sons internal speed. We have seen a calmness in him for weeks after. Frankly, most of my family is over WDW, but we go because of the benefit to my son.

Some kids with autism do have SPD...or at least similar symptoms. Some research suggests that what asd affected individuals experience is actually different.... in any case some kids are sensory seekers like my son. Or don't have sensory issues at all.

Your opinion is that Disney IS meeting the individual needs of ALL children with autism, therefore this child's needs were being met. However this is not the experience of ALL families affected by autism. Some are finding the new system does not meet the needs of their children BECAUSE of features of the disability. Incidentally, my son is on the high side of severely impacted and we spend a lot of time with very severely impacted children and adults, but I couldn't tell you the accommodations all of those unique individuals need. I know that what my son needs is often very different than what other individuals need. Length of time doesn't bother my son, but going toward a ride, then turning away (as happens in many line stalls freaks him out.)

As far as whether a cast member would tell them they had to go to the regular line.... even under the old system different cast members applied rules in different ways. It can be Very frustrating to get different information each time you ask..... especially during a meltdown.

More there are reports that even some families that have gone to WDW multiple times since the change have encountered different applications of the same rules. I've been told over the phone three different versions of how the new policy will be applied when we get there.

So even given the facts as you out line them, I don't know that this guy was so out of line. If the accommodations offered to his unique child weren't working, then he had every reason to be upset. Maybe he was out of line.... maybe not.

 

[ladyjubilee]

I don't think OP said that they shouldn't get to experience the happiest place due to their disability... Obviously all people should be able to experience everything that they possibly can to make them happy. I think OP said that the parent of a child with a disability shouldn't expect DISNEY to make it the happiest place on earth for that specific person. .

I'm sorry for double posting, but think this is the core of the disagreement.

Having difficulty waiting crowded lines is a feature of autism... it is a feature of the disability. Having meltdowns is a feature of the disability. So when families and friends of individual hear that our loved ones 'shouldn't' fully participate we hear that should be excluded based on their disability.

On the upside, given the marketing to the asd community that Disney has done, I don't think the Disney company really wants asd families to stay home with their money.

 

[disneyguyla]

I an going to assume this was said out of lack of understanding and not judgment. First, my mother was a special ed teacher for 30+years..... but when my son came to me (he was 4) she learned that living with a child is far different than spending a few hours in a structured environment. More we've found that even so-called autism specialists know squat. Most training is geared to high functioning autism and not so called classic autism. So even educators should be cautious assuming they know what kids with autism need. Next, many families have seen great benefit from WDW trips with even low functioning asd kids. Disney has even sponsored research into spontaneous speech at WDW. WDW seems to move at my sons internal speed. We have seen a calmness in him for weeks after. Frankly, most of my family is over WDW, but we go because of the benefit to my son. Some kids with autism do have SPD...or at least similar symptoms. Some research suggests that what asd affected individuals experience is actually different.... in any case some kids are sensory seekers like my son. Or don't have sensory issues at all. Your opinion is that Disney IS meeting the individual needs of ALL children with autism, therefore this child's needs were being met. However this is not the experience of ALL families affected by autism. Some are finding the new system does not meet the needs of their children BECAUSE of features of the disability. Incidentally, my son is on the high side of severely impacted and we spend a lot of time with very severely impacted children and adults, but I couldn't tell you the accommodations all of those unique individuals need. I know that what my son needs is often very different than what other individuals need. Length of time doesn't bother my son, but going toward a ride, then turning away (as happens in many line stalls freaks him out.) As far as whether a cast member would tell them they had to go to the regular line.... even under the old system different cast members applied rules in different ways. It can be Very frustrating to get different information each time you ask..... especially during a meltdown. More there are reports that even some families that have gone to WDW multiple times since the change have encountered different applications of the same rules. I've been told over the phone three different versions of how the new policy will be applied when we get there. So even given the facts as you out line them, I don't know that this guy was so out of line. If the accommodations offered to his unique child weren't working, then he had every reason to be upset. Maybe he was out of line.... maybe not.

I disagree , the dad was out of line..... Period. Again Disney has the DAS card for all children and adults that are disabled and fast pass + to help! They ,I repeat do not have to cater to certain disabilities... Period . Now it's up to the parent or parents to bring their children to Disney under the new system, knowing they might not be able to handle it, but again that is up to the parents. I for one think Disney did what should have been done a long time ago.

 

[MDDisneyNewbies]

Where to begin?

Well, I'm fairly new to posting on these boards but have been stalking them for a bit to plan our upcoming trip to WDW. This thread was out of the norm for what I've seen on these boards but I suppose they probably exist more than I think (I just don't see them).

Regarding the OP-As an educator myself, I was a bit surprised when you said you were one, too, due to your flippant attitude that the child just should not be at WDW if he can't handle lines. I guess that may have been my attitude (though I'm not completely sure) before teaching and having my daughter. While my daughter appears to be completely on track developmentally, I gained so much perspective just from her being born. Instead of being frustrated by the random crying kid, I cringe because that's now my kid. Instead of secretly judging parents who seem to lack "control" of their children while I was out, I empathize with them because it's me now. Instead of pretending I have some magic ball for how I will do things as a parent, I realize there is no guide book to being Super Mommy and parenting (particularly a toddler right now) has a steep learning curve.

So what's my point? Perspective, people. Instead of automatically assuming the worse of this guy, put yourself in his shoes or completely butt out (which, if you're on vacation and enjoying yourself, the latter might make the most sense). Nothing in life is so clear cut, in my opinion, and assuming you know all of the facts from the snippet of a conversation that you were eavesdropping on is only providing a "single story" instead of the whole picture. Instead of wasting your energy being annoyed (or whatever) with this man and his complaint, spend your energy on enjoying yourself at the happiest place on earth and maybe give the man the benefit of the doubt. Compassion can truly go a long way-especially for someone that has an added disability that they have no control over.

And the idea that people with disabilities are not worthy of additional accommodations is privilege at its finest. From an educator's perspective, providing my special needs students with accommodations is not only my legal responsibility but also gives them that extra bit of help to just get on the same playing field as their developmentally normal counterparts.

Sorry for the book but I'm just a bit shocked and sad that adults (with children, no less) can't seem to step outside of their own reality to see someone else's perspective.

 

[MDDisneyNewbies]

I disagree , the dad was out of line..... Period. Again Disney has the DAS card for all children and adults that are disabled and fast pass + to help! They ,I repeat do not have to cater to certain disabilities... Period . Now it's up to the parent or parents to bring their children to Disney under the new system, knowing they might not be able to handle it, but again that is up to the parents. I for one think Disney did what should have been done a long time ago.

I, for one, hope Disney has a bit more compassion (and I'm pretty sure they do) than you seem to.

Should the dad have been rude to the CM? Probably not (granted, we're only getting one side of the story and who knows what could be missing from this story) but acting as if people with disabilities should just deal or not show up at Disney doesn't seem representative of the message Disney believes.

 

[LuvGoofy6]

I disagree , the dad was out of line..... Period.

I am reposting again the same thoughts. The dad didn't help anyone by acting the way he did. As a special education teacher I have worked closely with parents to prepare students with autism for things in their lives (a fire drill, participating in a concert or spelling bee, handling their parent being sent TDY or transitioning to middle school). We work hard to cover all our bases and to prepare the child with many possible responses to situations. Are we always successful~absolutely not. Sometimes we find we are successful one time but not the next and we didn't change a thing. If it doesn't go well, we pick up the pieces, learn from them and continue brainstorming. However, never in 19 years of teaching has a parent ever yelled or berated me or blamed me when we weren't successful. Doing that helps no one. His approach would have been better if he had asked, "What can we do to help my son, what are my options?"

 

[disneyguyla]

Where to begin? Well, I'm fairly new to posting on these boards but have been stalking them for a bit to plan our upcoming trip to WDW. This thread was out of the norm for what I've seen on these boards but I suppose they probably exist more than I think (I just don't see them). Regarding the OP-As an educator myself, I was a bit surprised when you said you were one, too, due to your flippant attitude that the child just should not be at WDW if he can't handle lines. I guess that may have been my attitude (though I'm not completely sure) before teaching and having my daughter. While my daughter appears to be completely on track developmentally, I gained so much perspective just from her being born. Instead of being frustrated by the random crying kid, I cringe because that's now my kid. Instead of secretly judging parents who seem to lack "control" of their children while I was out, I empathize with them because it's me now. Instead of pretending I have some magic ball for how I will do things as a parent, I realize there is no guide book to being Super Mommy and parenting (particularly a toddler right now) has a steep learning curve. So what's my point? Perspective, people. Instead of automatically assuming the worse of this guy, put yourself in his shoes or completely butt out (which, if you're on vacation and enjoying yourself, the latter might make the most sense). Nothing in life is so clear cut, in my opinion, and assuming you know all of the facts from the snippet of a conversation that you were eavesdropping on is only providing a "single story" instead of the whole picture. Instead of wasting your energy being annoyed (or whatever) with this man and his complaint, spend your energy on enjoying yourself at the happiest place on earth and maybe give the man the benefit of the doubt. Compassion can truly go a long way-especially for someone that has an added disability that they have no control over. And the idea that people with disabilities are not worthy of additional accommodations is privilege at its finest. From an educator's perspective, providing my special needs students with accommodations is not only my legal responsibility but also gives them that extra bit of help to just get on the same playing field as their developmentally normal counterparts. Sorry for the book but I'm just a bit shocked and sad that adults (with children, no less) can't seem to step outside of their own reality to see someone else's perspective.

I think the OP was saying that he acted like he was owed more than what Disney already offers, but he though because he has a disabled child, he deserved more. The new system DAS is fair for all disabled children and adults, the other was being abused and Disney got wise to it.I agree with the OP because they did not have to put up with that bull on their vacation, because it seems the dad was very loud and rude to the CM ,because he did not get his way. It works both ways when you are on vacation.

 

[disneyguyla]

I, for one, hope Disney has a bit more compassion (and I'm pretty sure they do) than you seem to. Should the dad have been rude to the CM? Probably not (granted, we're only getting one side of the story and who knows what could be missing from this story) but acting as if people with disabilities should just deal or not show up at Disney doesn't seem representative of the message Disney believes.

Just speaking the truth.

 

[pfp258]

Wow, is all that I can say. Never have I attacked a child with autism as some posters have suggested. My frustration was never with the child, it was with the father speaking loudly and rudely to the cast member about how Disney is not friendly to people with special needs. I simply thought his attitude was out of line as I think Disney does everything they can to accommodate all guests as best they can.
As for the poster who wondered why my husband and I were at guest relations for dining reservations, it was because we wanted to eat at Hollywood Studios and didn't have a reservation. Guest relations is at the front of the park and we walked in to inquire if any restaurants were taking walk ins. The cast member was able to let us know which restaurants had availability. He then booked us a reservation.

 

[MDDisneyNewbies]

I think the OP was saying that he acted like he was owed more than what Disney already offers, but he though because he has a disabled child, he deserved more. The new system DAS is fair for all disabled children and adults, the other was being abused and Disney got wise to it.I agree with the OP because they did not have to put up with that bull on their vacation, because it seems the dad was very loud and rude to the CM ,because he did not get his way. It works both ways when you are on vacation.

But we're still only getting one side of the story. A lot of judgement is being made about an incident we don't know all of the facts about. There are a lot of assumptions about what this man must have been thinking or that he was acting entitled yet these judgements are being made from hearsay.

I guess when I'm on vacation I simply try not to expend energy on things that don't matter (like judging someone else's response about their perceived treatment of their child) and enjoy myself. It's too exhausting to worry what other people are doing when I could be happily enjoying my time with my family.

Plus, like I said originally, I am not an expert on parenting and certainly will not be doling out advice on how a father should or should not advocate for their child in this situation.

I don't know, I guess there just has to be more to this story than what we were given by the OP (and I have a feeling they may get frustrated with believed abuses of systems and what not which colors one's ability to relay the story objectively, in my opinion).