Children of adoption - Ever meet your birth parents?

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I'm not adopted, but I've always wondered how children who have been adopted feel about the possabilities of meeting their birth parents. I have one friend who has met her birth father, and encludes him in a lot. I don't know about her birth mother though, I've never hear anything about her.

So if you were adopted, have you ever met your birth parents? And if so, how was it? Or do you never want to pursue that, and why?

 

[~disneydiva~]

I've never met my birth father. ( My mom had me when she was 16 and he couldn't handle it).

My best friend was adopted. When she was a kid (unsure of the age) she was told that her birth mom died. Turns out...birth mom lives in Alaska. She just made contact with my best friend and her two sisters. (blood sisters..adopted together). They talk on the phone and text. They haven't met face to face yet, but she did get to meet her little brothers.

 

[ckay87]

I was given up for adoption almost 40 years ago . Never tried to contact my birth parents and I probably never will at this point. At best, it might be interesting to see what they looked like, but I am perfectly happy with the family I've been given. I don't feel the need to seek out additional parents who never actually did any parenting of me. People see it differently, I realize, but that's just me.

In a way, it would feel kind of creepy to me to see another woman who looked like me. Keep in mind, I don't know any biological relatives other than my boys. And only one of them kind of resembles me. So having other people who share my physical features is completely foreign to me. Weird, I know, but when I really think about the prospect of coming face to face with my biological mother, it kind of freaks me out a little

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I was given up for adoption almost 40 years ago . Never tried to contact my birth parents and I probably never will at this point. At best, it might be interesting to see what they looked like, but I am perfectly happy with the family I've been given. I don't feel the need to seek out additional parents who never actually did any parenting of me. People see it differently, I realize, but that's just me.

In a way, it would feel kind of creepy to me to see another woman who looked like me. Keep in mind, I don't know any biological relatives other than my boys. And only one of them kind of resembles me. So having other people who share my physical features is completely foreign to me. Weird, I know, but when I really think about the prospect of coming face to face with my biological mother, it kind of freaks me out a little

Truthfully, thats exactly how I would feel. I think it would be freekie seeing someone that looks like me, that I don't know. And personally, I don't think I would want to know this person. It would be neat to find out if I had any other siblings though.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

My kids are adopted internationally. Neither has ever wanted to find their birth parents, but my oldest son wonders about siblings, if he has any. I support them in any choice they make.

 

[eeyore65]

I was given up for adoption almost 40 years ago . Never tried to contact my birth parents and I probably never will at this point. At best, it might be interesting to see what they looked like, but I am perfectly happy with the family I've been given. I don't feel the need to seek out additional parents who never actually did any parenting of me. People see it differently, I realize, but that's just me.

In a way, it would feel kind of creepy to me to see another woman who looked like me. Keep in mind, I don't know any biological relatives other than my boys. And only one of them kind of resembles me. So having other people who share my physical features is completely foreign to me. Weird, I know, but when I really think about the prospect of coming face to face with my biological mother, it kind of freaks me out a little

I was also given up for adoption over 44 years ago. I could have written your post exactly, only my one son does look like me.

It is hard to explain - but my parents are my parents. I respect the people that birthed me for making the decision they did. But that is it. After having my own child, I respect how difficult it must have been even more.

 

[MushyMushy]

Yes, I've met both of my biological parents (my bio father has since died) and my 8 brothers and sisters. It was some of my older siblings who found me. They could remember our mother going away pregnant and coming back with no baby, so they always knew I was out there.

It was hard finding out that she kept 8 kids, but gave me up! But I later found out that it was definitely for the best for me.

Oddly enough, out of all the kids, I'm most like our mother.

 

[ckay87]

I was also given up for adoption over 44 years ago. I could have written your post exactly, only my one son does look like me.

It is hard to explain - but my parents are my parents. I respect the people that birthed me for making the decision they did. But that is it. After having my own child, I respect how difficult it must have been even more.

That is the only time I get emotional at all about the issue is when I think about how difficult it must be to give up a child. I heard a woman tell a story of giving up a baby one time and I was a blubbering mess! Of course, I have only come to appreciate that since giving birth myself. So yea, this woman who delivered me has nothing but my utmost respect, whether I ever meet her or not. I hear about people who are bitter over having been give up for adoption and that always sounds like the most ridiculous, unappreciative sentiment I can imagine.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I'm a adoptive mom, but feel the same way about dd's birthmom. I tear up almost every time I think of her because I think of how difficult it must be.

My dd is only 6, but she asks sometimes if she'll ever get to meet her birthmom and sisters. I always tell her I hope so, if that's what she wants.

 

[barrett7890]

both myself and my 2 sisters are all adpoted (not blood related), and none of us have any interest in contacting our biological parents.

I have no ill feelings towards my birth parents, i just see my family as my family

cami
x

 

[dnoyes]

I helped a girlfriend find her mother in the early 80's. It did not turn out well at all because the mother turned out to be who she thought was her older sister (15 years older) and her parents were her grand parents.

Her bio mother had married the same man that fathered my GF and had two more children and lived 5 miles away from where GF was raised. She could never forgive any of them and moved to Florida to get as far away as she could (from Washington State) and as far as I know never spoke to any of them again. Very sad ending.

 

[angwill]

I don't know my birth father and only have his name. I tried to find him but can't so I don't know if he may have passed away. I was raised by birth mom. If I found my birth father I would be interested in health info since I do have a couple of issues that are hereditary but not from my birth mothers side. I would be afraid of disrupting his life as it was not his choice since my birth mother lied and told him she gave me up for adoption.

On the other side my DS was adopted. He is well aware and has at 15 says he has no interest in ever meeting birth mom but knows I would be open to it if that is what he felt he needed. He did say if he had siblings he would be interested in maybe finding them only.

 

[angwill]

I helped a girlfriend find her mother in the early 80's. It did not turn out well at all because the mother turned out to be who she thought was her older sister (15 years older) and her parents were her grand parents.

Her bio mother had married the same man that fathered my GF and had two more children and lived 5 miles away from where GF was raised. She could never forgive any of them and moved to Florida to get as far away as she could (from Washington State) and as far as I know never spoke to any of them again. Very sad ending.

That is so sad. Honesty can go a long way in a case like your GF's.

 

[Hyonlyf]

I found my BM due to a clerical error! I called her when I was 18 and she met me for lunch and gave me a huge long tale about how she wasn't my BM but her friend used her name. She even had pictures of the "friend"!

Years later I realized she lied, so I called her again and she admitted it was her and she had her identical twin sister (ironically I have ID twins too!) call me later that evening and tell me my story. I have kept a tenuous relationship with my aunt and that's fine with me. She was really kind and generous to me when my twins were born.

It hurts me that my bio mom lives in the next city, small town USA, yet wants no contact with me at all. Neither does her bio daughter, my 1/2 sister. I get over it and realize she did a great thing and she deserves her privacy (even though it hurts).

My bio dad is a GREAT guy! Lives here in town and always hugs me when he sees me, very kind. He has 3 boys (men) who are very nice to me as well. I could pursue a closer relationship but choose not to, it's just too weird.

Look forward to hearing other stories!

 

[MainStMandy]

My mom is adopted and considering finding her birth parents. My grandmother has always very openly supported her doing this but my mom was still worried it would cause ill feelings. I think this is something she wants to do but is afraid they would have no interest in meeting her. She loves my grandmother (and grandfather who is passed) but never felt that connection that her and I share.

 

[MushyMushy]

I found my BM due to a clerical error! I called her when I was 18 and she met me for lunch and gave me a huge long tale about how she wasn't my BM but her friend used her name. She even had pictures of the "friend"!

Years later I realized she lied, so I called her again and she admitted it was her and she had her identical twin sister (ironically I have ID twins too!) call me later that evening and tell me my story. I have kept a tenuous relationship with my aunt and that's fine with me. She was really kind and generous to me when my twins were born.

It hurts me that my bio mom lives in the next city, small town USA, yet wants no contact with me at all. Neither does her bio daughter, my 1/2 sister. I get over it and realize she did a great thing and she deserves her privacy (even though it hurts).

My bio dad is a GREAT guy! Lives here in town and always hugs me when he sees me, very kind. He has 3 boys (men) who are very nice to me as well. I could pursue a closer relationship but choose not to, it's just too weird.

Look forward to hearing other stories!

Wow! I can't believe she let you think someone else was your bio mother... I'm sure she had her reasons, but still.

My bio mother doesn't keep in touch with me either. She's always extremely happy to see me when we do meet up, but she's not a "mother." She's not in touch with the kids she kept much more than she is with me either, so what can I expect?

 

[overlyspoiled4sure]

Very sensitive subject. I applaud any children who've found their birth parents & have a relationship with them. I also applaud any children who've found their birth parents & choose not to have a relationship. Personal choice in my opinion. Some birth parents would rather not be found & others look forward to being found.

In my case, my birth mother kept me. I was an accident, due in part to a stupid doctor who told my mom to "go out & have some fun" because the love of her life was killed in action (WWII) before they could even go on a date. I'm the result of the "fun". Some guy married her to give me a name because in those days it wasn't considered proper to have a child out of wedlock. To top it off, my mother never told me the truth. Why, I don't know because you'd think that as an adult I would have been able to accept the mistake & not hold it against her. My grandmother told me before she died. My mother went to her grave not knowing I knew all about it. I figured why let her know I knew? Wouldn't have accomplished anything. This still sort of bothers me that she couldn't trust me with the truth but I'm learning to live with it.

When I was reaching my teen years, my mother married a wonderful guy who adopted me & his parents welcomed me as their grandchild. I loved him & them a lot so all's well that ends well.

Only thing missing is medical history, something that will remain missing.

Hugs to all adopted kids! They're special, aren't they???

 

[aprilgail2]

After many many years of searching I found my birth mother and 3 half siblings. She doesn't live close but we have gotten together a few times and email all the time. My half sister lives in NJ and we see her for the holidays, birthdays, bbq's etc....my brother lives far away but I got to meet him this year which was great. Other brother no one talks to so I don't know him.
My mom was really cool about it- even made sure my birth mom was invited to my baby shower and they exchange christmas cards!

 

[EMom]

When you adopt from Russia, you often get the birth mother's name, address, ID/passport number, etc. They're not a very mobile society, so I don't imagine finding a birth mother would be that difficult. But there is such a stigma associated with adoption that if DD ever wanted to make contact, we'd hire a private investigator who specialized in these matters as an intermediary. There is a growing "industry" in this area.

We've met DD's bio sibling, who was adopted by other Americans. They look like two peas in a pod. So she knows what it is like to have "someone who looks like you." I'm glad they know each other.

 

[angwill]

My mom is adopted and considering finding her birth parents. My grandmother has always very openly supported her doing this but my mom was still worried it would cause ill feelings. I think this is something she wants to do but is afraid they would have no interest in meeting her. She loves my grandmother (and grandfather who is passed) but never felt that connection that her and I share.

I have read that fear of rejection is common when looking for birth parents.