Susan Storm
Storm Family!
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2015
I'm posting this here because I have wondered about it for a long time. I have PTSD related to childhood sexual abuse that I experienced pretty heavily from the ages of 5 to 13. I don't normally talk about it AT ALL, but for some reason I have felt like maybe there are other people who feel the same way as I do. I kind of feel like I didn't have a childhood, it was all corrupted. Then I became a mother really young and had to be grown up really quickly. I love my kids and I'm glad things are better now, but I struggle a lot with PTSD and depression and having to deal with a lot of dark thoughts and hopelessness.
I went to Disney World when I was 19 and I remember sitting on the ground in Magic Kingdom watching 'Wishes' and nearly crying - this was at a point where I was really suicidal and didn't feel like there was anything left to hope for. I hadn't even really wanted to go to Disney World. Just being there, surrounded by all that magic and hope, and being surrounded by all these things that appeal to childhood and belief in your dreams, it made me feel like there was this child inside me who just wanted to be able to alive again. Maybe this sounds super cheesy, I don't know. But ever since then I think about Disney World and plan trips whenever money allows and I can make it happen. I miss it when I'm not there. I feel like for that one week when I can go I'm totally safe from the outside world. No horrible relatives or abusers will bump into me there, and it's okay there, to want to be a kid again and to think of childhood in a happy light. And the planning of it and thinking about it casts a kind of happy glow on my mind that isn't there otherwise. Maybe I'm TOO obsessed with it, I don't know...I try not to talk about it to too many people because I feel kind of lame.
I don't know, I feel like I'm rambling. I'm just wondering if anyone else feels this way.
I went to Disney World when I was 19 and I remember sitting on the ground in Magic Kingdom watching 'Wishes' and nearly crying - this was at a point where I was really suicidal and didn't feel like there was anything left to hope for. I hadn't even really wanted to go to Disney World. Just being there, surrounded by all that magic and hope, and being surrounded by all these things that appeal to childhood and belief in your dreams, it made me feel like there was this child inside me who just wanted to be able to alive again. Maybe this sounds super cheesy, I don't know. But ever since then I think about Disney World and plan trips whenever money allows and I can make it happen. I miss it when I'm not there. I feel like for that one week when I can go I'm totally safe from the outside world. No horrible relatives or abusers will bump into me there, and it's okay there, to want to be a kid again and to think of childhood in a happy light. And the planning of it and thinking about it casts a kind of happy glow on my mind that isn't there otherwise. Maybe I'm TOO obsessed with it, I don't know...I try not to talk about it to too many people because I feel kind of lame.
I don't know, I feel like I'm rambling. I'm just wondering if anyone else feels this way.