Childbirth (C-Section) Guilt...inspired by trayletha

[BrerMom]

I didn't read all the responses. Forgive me if I repeat someone...

Maybe it's more upsetting if you "have" to have a c-section and it's your first child.

My DD's birth was relatively normal, although with pitocin. (Yuck!)

DS's birth was also with pitocin, but was very dangerous. They thought they were going to have to revive him upon delivery and I gave birth to a whole room full of pediatric white coats. He was fine and he was ten pounds!!!

When it came time for my last one to be born, we knew he was breech, we knew he was probably 10 pounds like his brother, and I BEGGED for a C-Section. Nothing doing. So we ended up with a horrible 11-hour labor followed by an emergency C-Section. And yup, he was 10 pounds, 1 ounce. And they almost lost me in the recovery room.

Since he was my 3rd, I think it affected how I felt. I honestly didn't care whether which way he was born, I just didn't want to have to go through labor AND a C-section. And that was exactly what happened. I was much more frustrated/upset/disappointed that it took me more than three full months to even start feeling back to normal. I switched practices after that fiasco.

 

[wld]

Hi Becka,

Your thread has made me think a bit. First of all I can't believe that apparently from the **** there is a very normal, natural word we can't say on the boards. I think that is more abnormal than anything else. But then I'm a nurse and say those correct terminology words all the time.

Anyway, not sure I know what normal is when it comes to being pregnant, giving birth, and being a new mom for the first time. Those hormones are crazy things!!!!

But for what it is worth here is my experience. 20 years ago I became pregnant for the first time and was adamant about the no C section thing. After 20 hours of labor and 4 of pushing, I was done in. I had been flat on my back for about 10 of those hours because of meconium stain and a fetal monitor. I was taken for a forcep delivery which also failed. My OB kindly told me a could not remain awake for the delivery because he was afraid I was too exhausted and I had a c section under general anethestic. The truth is I was so tired I told him a trained ape in the middle of MI AVE could deliver me if it would just stop hurting. I don't remember feeling like a failure, just like I'd done what I could and was happy to have a healthy baby girl.

After a year of fertility drugs I finally became pregnant again. I was told if the baby was small I could try a VBAC. At 8 months they told me no, I had to have another C-section. They wanted me to schedule it and I refused. I had to use fertility drugs to get pregnant and I wanted something NORMAL about this delivery even if it was just the timing. My OB agreed although he reminded me death was normal too. We went to the hospital when I went into labor and that evening I delivered another healthy baby girl by c-section, but awake this time.

Several years later I saw a (oops almost typed that banned word) umm, well non c-section birth as a student. My DD's were about 10 and 7 then. It was then I cried and was kind of sad for about a week because of the beautiful experience we had missed. Not about the labor I had done that, but the spontaneous birth, and holding with loved ones around.

I still think about it sometimes but the truth is I had to use fertility drugs to conceive and so it took another medical advance, miracle, really to deliver as well.

Becka, the feelings i think will fade if my experience is an indication. Anyone, well female, can give birth, but it takes something special to be a mom!!

Best Wishes
Kelly

 

[WebmasterAlex]

At the time DD was born, DW had been an ER nurse for 15 years and I had been a paramedic for a little longer. 99% of all childbirths go fine but man that 1% can scare the life out of you. Try being 40 miles from the hospital with a breech birth that you can't get out.
Having seen the down side we really weren't interested in the "miracle" of childbirth.. all we cared about was a healthy baby and a healthy mother.
Dw was supposed to have a "normal" (I agree wld, it's TOUGH not to use the right word!) birth. We were there for about an hour when the doctor discovered DW's cervix was not going to dilate and a C-section would be neccesary. Our reaction was pretty simple.. Ok let's cut.
Because we weren't all psyched out about it the C-Section turned out to be no big deal, DW was laughing like crazy since everyone spent most of the time cracking jokes... (everyone knew everyone)
And after, DD had 10 fingers and 10 toes and everything worked. Mom was fine..
What else matters?

 

[Laurabearz]

I am still a bit upset over my first birthing xperience and it was a Vagianl birth (spelled wrong to get by the sensors lol)

36 hours of Pitocin induced labor where I wasnt allowed to get out of bed (my water had broke and I was still long and hard and 100 closed!)

I really wanted natrual, no drug birth, but even before I was 2 cm dialate, I couldnt take it anymore (this was after 28 hours of HARD BACK labor) and since they thought I was headed for a c-section, they allowed me to have an Epidural...... Each and every one of those 28 hours was HELL.

I kept thinking... what did I do wrong, how could this be happening to me..... I still think that sometimes....

So even us moms who have pushed them out, feel guilty over our birthing experiences....

BUt here is agreat big hug

 

[christineann]

I had an emergency c-section with my son, who is now 17. I was in labor (with pitocin because my contractions were irregular), and he stopped breathing. The last thing I remember was the doctor and the nurses running the stretcher down the hall as I put on the bonnet, and all I could think was that "no matter what happens, this baby is mine". The cord was wrapped around his neck 6 times, so he would not have survived a regular delivery. I was given general anesthesia so I don't remember anything until the next day. I am so thankful that he is fine, and I feel very lucky.

Almost three years later I had my daughter by VBAC. I was again given pitocin to regulate my contractions, and I delivered her sunnyside up, no drugs because I wanted to be totally alert. Ouch. Looking back on it, I would have gotten an epidural, but that was not as common as it is now.

To me, a C-section is just another way to give birth - a life-saving one in my case. The delivery of each of my kids was an exhilarating experience that is difficult to put into words!

 

[snoopy]

Oh, now I realize why this nurse came into my room after I gave birth to my first child by C-section. I was very confused, to say the least, as to why she was asking me if I had any issues with a c-section delivery. I could never understand exactly why she would ask me that - now I do.

Sorry you felt bad about this, becka. I can't really relate, as I am not good with pain and after several hours of labor, I was BEGGING the doctors to get the baby out whatever way they could. Not that they listened, they made me go through a grand total of 36 hours of labor before they finally did the c-section. They should have listened to me in the first place.

The second time I did try a VBAC, but it was not to be. I have big babies and I also have slim hips, so I'm not one of those women built to push out babies, I guess. No biggie whatsoever for me.

Hugs to you though, Becka! Talk to your doctor about the possibility of a VBAC next time, many women do it successfully.

 

[padams]

Becka, I haven't read through all of the other posts, but I had the same experience of not being allowed to move around, labor didn't progress, ending up with a c-section, etc. At first, I was frustrated about my experience, and envious of moms who delivered "naturally." At my follow-up ob-gyn visit after birth, the docter said to me "Be happy that you are alive today, if you had been born 100 years earlier, your baby would have died, and if you weren't dead, you would probably be bedridden for life." Harsh words, yes, but those words forced me to think about the situation from a different perspective. From that point, I viewed my c-section as a gift, a precious gift that allowed my son and I to survive and thrive together.

After listening to friends' stories of episiotomies (sp?) and sex after **** birth, I'll take my c-section scar (that faded away after a few years).

Also, a couple of days ago, DS 4yo asked how he got out of my tummy (he has several friends whose moms are expecting). It was so easy to say "the doctor cut a hole in mommy's tummy, took you out, and then he sewed up my tummy, just like when you got stitches in your chin this summer"-end of discussion. If I had had to explain the other way

 

[BrerMom]

Several years later I saw a (oops almost typed that banned word) umm, well non c-section birth as a student.

It was so easy to say "the doctor cut a hole in mommy's tummy, took you out, and then he sewed up my tummy, just like when you got stitches in your chin this summer"-end of discussion.

Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!

 

[Serena]

Yeah, tell me about it. "You did WHAT?"