Child support wage reporting.

[DisneyBamaFan]

For New Jersey, your estimates are way too low, especially the food, and apparently the court thought the dad could pay on that salary. What about health care, and transportation, and utilities, too? Maybe the family was a one income household until the dad left. Maybe the mom was looking for a job. Maybe the guy made $100k with his OT, and the $21k seemed reasonable. Maybe the woman was forced to live close to the dad. Lots of possibilities. I don't think it's that much.

You are wrong in all of your guesses, and I am raising TWO children, in NJ, so I am very much aware of how much it costs.

The guy was getting reamed. I say was because he finally got fed up and left. He just walked away. Now the mother gets no help and the child will never get to know his father. Lose, lose. And the mother - she is a horrible parent, but that is a whole 'nother story...

 

[mamacatnv]

You are wrong in all of your guesses, and I am raising TWO children, in NJ, so I am very much aware of how much it costs.

The guy was getting reamed. I say was because he finally got fed up and left. He just walked away. Now the mother gets no help and the child will never get to know his father. Lose, lose. And the mother - she is a horrible parent, but that is a whole 'nother story...

I find this story just disgusting. What he should have done was gotten himself a good attorney and instead he walked away. No matter the cost, I have no respect for someone who is willing to walk away and abandon their child. There is not excuse. You can blame the judge etc. but bottom line this guy bailed, unexcusable.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I find this story just disgusting. What he should have done was gotten himself a good attorney and instead he walked away. No matter the cost, I have no respect for someone who is willing to walk away and abandon their child. There is not excuse. You can blame the judge etc. but bottom line this guy bailed, unexcusable.

Yep, he bailed, but I watched him fall apart over three years. He didn't just wake up one morning mad. It took a long time. In the end, he had tens of thousands of dollars spent on lawyers fees and three judges who showed no mercy. He cracked, then he bailed.

 

[Hannathy]

I find this story just disgusting. What he should have done was gotten himself a good attorney and instead he walked away. No matter the cost, I have no respect for someone who is willing to walk away and abandon their child. There is not excuse. You can blame the judge etc. but bottom line this guy bailed, unexcusable.

I agree. And if he couldn't pay the 1800 he should be paying something. Nope he took the easy, no excuse way and walked away from his responsibility.
Newsflash to deadbeat dad HE picked the woman not the child! He never should have had a child with her if he hates her so much. Or guess what he could have stayed married to her and raised his child.

 

[nathalee81]

You are wrong in all of your guesses, and I am raising TWO children, in NJ, so I am very much aware of how much it costs.

The guy was getting reamed. I say was because he finally got fed up and left. He just walked away. Now the mother gets no help and the child will never get to know his father. Lose, lose. And the mother - she is a horrible parent, but that is a whole 'nother story...

Are you honestly excusing a guy for bailing on his kid? Guess what? If he didn't want to have a kid to support, he didn't have to have one. It is that simple. If you want to have children, you need to be prepared to take responsibility for them. And having a "greedy" mother doesn't get you excused from that.
You may claim the mother is "horrible" and "greedy", but it appears she is the one that stuck around to raise the kid-more than what the "poor guy" has done.

 

[sparklynails23]

You are wrong in all of your guesses, and I am raising TWO children, in NJ, so I am very much aware of how much it costs.

The guy was getting reamed. I say was because he finally got fed up and left. He just walked away. Now the mother gets no help and the child will never get to know his father. Lose, lose. And the mother - she is a horrible parent, but that is a whole 'nother story...

Yeah. He sounds like a winner, too-- willing to spend thousands on lawyers but not his own child.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I agree. And if he couldn't pay the 1800 he should be paying something...

You are not paying attention. He wanted to pay "something". The judge wasn't hearing it, and the wife is a vampire.

He still sends her money, but in untraceable ways. Not sure how much - she won't say - just that it isn't the full amount.

 

[kiddo76]

Yeah. He sounds like a winner, too-- willing to spend thousands on lawyers but not his own child.

And apparently willing to work OT when it benefits him, but not his child. Disgusting.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Are you honestly excusing a guy for bailing on his kid?

Never said that I excused it - just that I understand it. As I said, I watched him fall apart under the financial pressure.

You may claim the mother is "horrible" and "greedy", but it appears she is the one that stuck around to raise the kid-more than what the "poor guy" has done.

She thought she had a pay day. She has never cared for the boy. He now get nothing - not emotional support - from anyone. The courts gave her custody when they got divorced just because she was the mother. She is evil, but the courts didn't care. Now everyone suffers.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Yeah. He sounds like a winner, too-- willing to spend thousands on lawyers but not his own child.

Yeah, you have it all figured out.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

And apparently willing to work OT when it benefits him, but not his child. Disgusting.

Another person with all the answers. His buddies at the fire department kept letting him work the overtime so he could save up for a downpayment for their home. That deal wasn't a lifetime deal.

Not sure why I bother explaining this stuff to a bunch of people who made up their minds about this guy without ever having met him.

 

[kiddo76]

Another person with all the answers. His buddies at the fire department kept letting him work the overtime so he could save up for a downpayment for their home. That deal wasn't a lifetime deal.

Not sure why I bother explaining this stuff to a bunch of people who made up their minds about this guy without ever having met him.

Perhaps he should have thought of that before he spent all that money on the house instead of the child.

My DH would happily spend $1800 a month to have a child of our own.

 

[nathalee81]

Never said that I excused it - just that I understand it. As I said, I watched him fall apart under the financial pressure.



She thought she had a pay day. She has never cared for the boy. He now get nothing - not emotional support - from anyone. The courts gave her custody when they got divorced just because she was the mother. She is evil, but the courts didn't care. Now everyone suffers.

Actually, it is the kid who suffers the most, because his dad abandoned him and he will have to deal with that for the rest of his life.
As I stated before, he didn't have to have a kid. If you have a kid, be prepared for the financial and emotional responsibilities of having one.
There are no excuses for bailing on your kid. None. While you may be "understanding" of this, I (and many others) am not.

 

[tvguy]

I have two friends (well, one is somewhat less than a friend) who gave up promising careers because of absurd child support demands made by idiotic judges. One was a firefighter, who worked a huge amount of overtime in one year while they saved to buy their home. Well, they get divorced, and the judge uses the huge earnings year to base his child support. They had a single child - child support payment was over $1800/mo.

The judge would not reduce it, even after two years of standard pay proved that his income was not the same as the year with all the overtime. He was now completely broke, so he walked away. I couldn't blame him. He just packed his bags and left. His greedy wife still complains about it, but she (and the idiotic judge) were the cause. Seriously, who needs $1800/mo in child support for a healthy child? He was a firefighter, not a stock broker.

Well, I've always heard that the guideline is about 40% of gross pay for child support, so if your friends base pay is at least $54,000 that wouldn't be out of line here in California either. (firefighters here start at $75,000 for a 48 hour week)

 

[Chelley00]

Wow! How easy is it to get the child support amount reduced if there is no bonus or overtime forthcoming?

I have no idea. I just know at my last job one guy was appealing the court decision because a contract we had with a major retailer to redo their stores resulted in all the guys getting TONS of overtime work for one summer, but we didn't have that contract the next summer and there was going to be no overtime and a LARGE drop in wages from one year to the next. His lawyer advised him he could appeal and I had to fill out tons of paperwork to prove there would be little to no overtime.

 

[cm8]

Actually, it is the kid who suffers the most, because his dad abandoned him and he will have to deal with that for the rest of his life.
As I stated before, he didn't have to have a kid. If you have a kid, be prepared for the financial and emotional responsibilities of having one.
There are no excuses for bailing on your kid. None. While you may be "understanding" of this, I (and many others) am not.

, could not have said it better

 

[Carly_Roach]

Another person with all the answers. His buddies at the fire department kept letting him work the overtime so he could save up for a downpayment for their home. That deal wasn't a lifetime deal.

Not sure why I bother explaining this stuff to a bunch of people who made up their minds about this guy without ever having met him.

I know what you're talking about, Bama. I've seen enough of these situations where the guy tries and tries and tries to get the woman to be reasonable but the woman behaves much like some of the responses you're seeing here. They're already hurt because of rejection and divorce; now it's all about getting even and making him bleed (one way or another) as much as they can for as long as they can.

Eventually the guy, no matter how much he wants to be with his kids or support his kids, gives up and becomes what the woman was saying he is all along: a deadbeat. If he's going to do the time then he's gonna do the crime. I can't condone that behavior, but I sure do understand it because I've watched it happen many, many times.

For those who are saying, "Tough poop. He had the choice of becoming a father or not. He should have kept it in his pants if he didn't want to pay", I have a reply to that - especially since we're talking divorce of a marriage and not a one night stand:

Since 1973, any woman who's gotten pregnant has also had a choice as to whether or not she wanted to become a mother. If she didn't want to bear children with her (then) husband, then she should have kept it in her pants. It takes two to tango.

I try to avoid these kinds of threads on the DIS because the bitterness and hatred is almost too shocking and overwhelming, but I wanted to step up and say I know what you're talking about.

 

[Pakey]

I know what you're talking about, Bama. I've seen enough of these situations where the guy tries and tries and tries to get the woman to be reasonable but the woman behaves much like some of the responses you're seeing here. They're already hurt because of rejection and divorce; now it's all about getting even and making him bleed (one way or another) as much as they can for as long as they can.

Eventually the guy, no matter how much he wants to be with his kids or support his kids, gives up and becomes what the woman was saying he is all along: a deadbeat. If he's going to do the time then he's gonna do the crime. I can't condone that behavior, but I sure do understand it because I've watched it happen many, many times.

For those who are saying, "Tough poop. He had the choice of becoming a father or not. He should have kept it in his pants if he didn't want to pay", I have a reply to that - especially since we're talking divorce of a marriage and not a one night stand:

Since 1973, any woman who's gotten pregnant has also had a choice as to whether or not she wanted to become a mother. If she didn't want to bear children with her (then) husband, then she should have kept it in her pants. It takes two to tango.

I try to avoid these kinds of threads on the DIS because the bitterness and hatred is almost too shocking and overwhelming, but I wanted to step up and say I know what you're talking about.

I know far more custodial parents who are getting less than they should (including nothing) than I know non-custodial parents who are paying more child support than they should. Sure, there are going to be some cases in any situation where there is unfairness, but you won't convince me that most deadbeat parents are deadbeats because the custodial parent has made it a life mission to milk him/her dry.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I would think it would be 50/50- if dad is expected to shell out $1800 per kid to support the kid, then mom should be too. That's over $21,000 a year. Don't forget that you can attend public school for very low cost. A child's part of utilities and rent is minimal- going from a one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom apartment/house shouldn't be more than an additional $300 or so a month on top of expenses that the mom would be making anyway to support herself. Unless the kid is an infant/toddler, daycare should be attainable for $175 or so a week or less. A kid costs what, MAYBE $50 a week to feed? So my math adds up to about $1200 a month for reasonable child expenses. That leaves $600 for extra stuff such as dance lessons, clothes, etc. I can see why a dad could get fed up and say that's too much. It sounds someone expects the dad to 100% support the child instead of it being a 50/50 split where the mom supports the child too. I can see $900 being justified for child support but $1800? Yikes, I don't fault the guy either for his decision if the mom wants to be that greedy. Cases like this make you almost side with the dead-beat dad. $1800..wow, that's more than my mortgage and car payment COMBINED!!! How can anyone support themselves with that kind of payment? The poster is right, you'd have to be a well paid stock broker.

Usually the costs of raising a child are divided according to income. So if Dad was making more than mom, than Dad will be expected to pay more.

As far as your figures, yes you can raise your child for $1200 a month, but the child is entitled to the standard of living that the parents can afford. $175 childcare in a high cost of living area will be low quality, not some place I'd ever dream of leaving my child. My son's wonderful, but nowhere near the most expensive in my city, child care center is now $1,545 a month or almost $400 a week, and that wouldn't cover infants who cost more. School age care at my local public school is $735 a month for 5 days, and of course that cost goes up when there's a day off or vacation.

As far as housing, if it was important to this dad to raise their child in a house when they were together, then it should be important when they aren't. In my city, you might be able to find a place where the 2 bedrooms were only $300 more than the 1's but it wouldn't likely have the amenities you'd want with a child -- a decent school, a place nearby to play. In my building (old building, no extras like second bathrooms or washer/dryers, but close to a park, in a great school district) the 1's and 2's are more like $600 apart. Given that we live here because of my child (I could get a basement apartment MUCH cheaper if I didn't care about school district) it makes more sense to think of that rent as 50/50.

Then there are all the other things you're aren't thinking about -- clothing, school fees, sports equipment, Christmas presents, doctors fees/prescriptions, etc . . .

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I know far more custodial parents who are getting less than they should (including nothing) than I know non-custodial parents who are paying more child support than they should. Sure, there are going to be some cases in any situation where there is unfairness, but you won't convince me that most deadbeat parents are deadbeats because the custodial parent has made it a life mission to milk him/her dry.

No one said "most". No one is trying to make the case that most deadbeat parents are victims - most are scum. But there are exceptions, and the way that judges tend to treat non-custodial parents can lead to disturbing results. They are not ATM machines. They are human beings, trying to live and love and build a future just like the custodial parents.