Child Support refund check ??? UPDATE post 114

[rainy~daze]

hot topic, eh? All I wanted to know was if anyone knew if they prorated that final month, thus explaining the refund we received. Dh called yesterday, but they put him through to voicemail, and no call back yet.

It really is a different situation for all payors/receivers of CS, so to put general statements about CP or NCP or for anyone to be insulting someone who's on the other side of the fence in these matters, it really isn't fair.

Are we glad to be done being obligated to write a check for that amount every month when we know it is just for her to be going out with her friends and shopping, yes we are! Will we still be supportive of her when she actually NEEDS something and asks us, yes we will!

 

[S. C.]

Guess how much someone we know gets in child support for his two kids that he has custody of? $000 the mother is on SSI. BUT.....she was pregnant with baby 3 when divorce/custody was started, she is bi-polar and sometimes is violent when not on medication. Since she had never been violent that he knows of around baby 3 and was staying on meds during custody battle court gave her custody of baby and him custody of older two. Does he have to pay support for baby even though he gets no support from her for older two? Sure does!

 

[srdipert]

Guess how much someone we know gets in child support for his two kids that he has custody of? $000 the mother is on SSI. BUT.....she was pregnant with baby 3 when divorce/custody was started, she is bi-polar and sometimes is violent when not on medication. Since she had never been violent that he knows of around baby 3 and was staying on meds during custody battle court gave her custody of baby and him custody of older two. Does he have to pay support for baby even though he gets no support from her for older two? Sure does!

You need to get the court to check into things. The two older children should be collecting SSI checks due to the fact that their mother is disabled and if you have custody they should be coming to you. She may be getting those checks instead of you and that would be wrong.

 

[PinkRhombus]

There are LOTS of other expenses involved with raising a kid besides seeing new shoes on their feet.

School fees, school book fees, costs involved for making school projects, insurance, insurance copays (our sick visits are $25 and emergency room is $75) plus whatever medications, dentist visits, glasses, toiletries, hair cuts, sports team fees, gymnastics or karate classes, scouting fees, going to the movies, presents for birthday parties, books, furniture, bedding, toys, computer, music...and they don't joke about teens eating you out of house and home for nothing. This doesn't count the gasoline involved (and the wear and tear on your car) in running kids from this to that.

If you're not there 24/7 you truly have no idea what the ex spends the money on...and if you wanted a less complicated life, then you should not have married a divorced person with children.

 

[S. C.]

You need to get the court to check into things. The two older children should be collecting SSI checks due to the fact that their mother is disabled and if you have custody they should be coming to you. She may be getting those checks instead of you and that would be wrong.

Thank you so much I will let him know. Now that you mentioned that I do remember when the oldest child was younger she was trying to get him on it.

The dad works but doesn't make that much so is hurting financially. It isn't us but is someone close to us.

 

[disneychrista]

If you're not there 24/7 you truly have no idea what the ex spends the money on...

but don't you know that if you are the custodial parent and recieve support you are not allowed to buy anything for yourself, go out unless it is for the kids because you know that means that you never spend any money on the kids.

 

[srdipert]

Thank you so much I will let him know. Now that you mentioned that I do remember when the oldest child was younger she was trying to get him on it.

The dad works but doesn't make that much so is hurting financially. It isn't us but is someone close to us.

Your welcome! All kids under the age of 18 that have a disabled parent draw an SSI check of their own just like the parent does. I would be willing to bet that she is cashing those checks and that would be illegal for her to do so if she doesn't have custody.

My bil is disabled and on SSI. His ex wife gets a check for both of their children and he gets his own check.

 

[SereneOne]

Yep. If it is such an issue that you feel it necessary to call the stepchild's mom a 'pig', feel that possibly that child is being mistreated to the point of abuse I don't understand why said child is still living in that house. A change in custody would resolve your problem of the ex using the cash for herself. Sounds like this poor "kid" has a hard row to hoe.

OP, I am a custodial parent receiving c/s for a child who turned 18 in Nov of their Sr year, the judge extended the support order or support enforcement did until the day school let out. I had to fill out a form and return it letting them know what the last day was etc. My ex was in arears so I don't think he got a return amount/refund. I would imagine that you are correct though that IS a refund on the amount he paid according to the partial month theory. I think it is a great idea to give that money to your stepchild for graduation!

I agree cs is a touchy issue. I have seen it from both sides but I do know that there are many custodial parents who 'appear' to use the money for themselves but don't. It takes A LOT to raise a child and get them ready for college and scholarships and just the world in general. Sometimes you can't take for granted what you see on the surface.

BTW, my kids probably do eat Ramon noodles 6 times a week! They eat it everyday after school cause they love it. I don't mind. Guess I should check with their dad!

Kelly

You do not know what you are talking about. It takes a tremendous effort for a parent, especially a female to lose custody of a child or children. Heck, there was a case in FL where a mother had custody, one of her bf killed one of the children and there was proof of abuse by her too and she STILL maintained custody. I was a GAL for many years and have worked with children and women (social worker) and I can tell you, parents can and do the most horrific things to children and the courts allow it.


Also too, I was custodial stepmom to three for fifteen years (they are adults now) and I have my own son from a prior relationship and not only did their mom NOT pay her child support, she refused to feed them decently when she sporadically practiced visitation and would destroy the clothing we sent over. If they got sick in her care, she would drop them back off at our house or at our jobs. Just like there are dead beat parents, there are parents that get child support and quite often substantial amounts and they spend it on themselves and NOT the kids. Every situation is different. To sit here and type away sanctimoniously on what someone else should do is wrong. There is a thread on the CB of mostly moms griping about dead beat exes, are any of you on that thread posting what they should do and how they are wrong to feel the way they do?

Also you should not allow your kids Ramen noodles that often. The salt content is harmful (I do like Ramen myself, I must say but as a snack on a rare occassion, not every day!) Also, fruit, veggies and protein would be good and while you allow Ramen for your children as a snack, it should never be a main staple, which is what I think the poster was trying to say.

 

[hentob]

The Pig" lets her husband call the kid names. And a host of other rotten stuff that goes on, but we can't do anything because we don't have custody.

Apparently "the kid" is neglected

How long has your DH been fighting for custody to help save his child from this horrible life?

 

[hentob]

Being shacked up in a room with a kid (because that kid's mother doesn't feel like paying rent for an apartment) and eating ramen noodles instead of a HEALTHY MEAL because the pig doesn't spend any child support on the kid is also mistreatment.

You said this in the past:

I completely agree with you, OP. I'm in the same boat, but it's my step-daughter instead of a step-son. Her mom puts her in all these leagues, travel teams, clinics, etc, for soccer and softball.

These things cost money. I am happy your husband pays support to his ex, as it seems like she is using it for his daughter.

Me thinks you don't like the mom because:

Well his ex has never really gotten over him, so she still calls constantly. Even though she is remarried with two more kids.

She has to call him at least two times a day. To "remind" him about games or homework or projects. Every time his phone rings and her loud, whiny voice pierces the air, it makes me nuts.

Of course, what can he do? It's about his child. Nothing urgent mind you, but he has to listen. He can't stand her either, but it's this constant annoyance which we can't get away from for another 7 years.

I told him when his kid turns 18, he's getting a new number.

I am glad your husband's ex is concerned with his daughter's games or homework or projects.

She doesn't seem that neglectful to me Maybe annoying But she seems like she cares about her daughter.

If you are concerned about her getting fed poorly, can your make and freeze her healthy meals to eat? Or, if she lives close, can you run her a healthy dinner in the evenings?

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

So these kids don't have a place to live in or food to eat?

Actually no, at least not provided by the custodial parent. My husbands ex has "custody" but the child is turning 7 in a month and he lived with her 4 months out of his life. He lives with grandma and grandmas boyfriend, and they dont get a dime. His ex is a manipulator and tells her mother that if she takes them to court to get the money from DH for the support, she will kill herself. Grandma feels bad, and lets her have her way. We cant afford to give grandma anothe rpayment each month, and his ex takes the 600 a month and runs with it. Then she flauts what she buys. She had a new baby in december and doesnt know who the dad is, and uses OUR money to support it! We went to an attorney when they didnt enroll him in kindergarten (hes almost seven, never been to school and hes not homeschooled in any way!).... attorney said she wanted a $3000 retainer and she would get the ball rolling but advised us if we couldnt prove it and she wasnt on crack or abusing her kids.... good luck getting anywhere!!

SO YEAH SOME MOMS DO GREAT BY THEIR KIDS AND USE THE MONEY FOR THE KID OR FOR THEIR LIVING EXPENSES... AND SOME DONT... SO YEAH I DO GET UPSET WHEN DH AND I WORK OUR BUTTS OFF TO SUPPORT HER AND HER NEW BABY. SORRY IF ANYONE IS OR WAS OFFENDED... BUT IM SURE IF YOU WERE OFFENDED- THEN OBVIOUSLY YOURE NOT THAT KIND OF PARENT.

NOW- what I was actually trying to say was something totally different. In our situation, dh's ex tried to get an abortion at 7 months. They said it was too late. She didnt know she was pregnant till 5 1/2 months, and never went to the doctor once... at all. Went to planned parenthood and they said nope sorry and then she called DH and said she was pregnant. I just cannot for the life of me understand why men are only given half the rights as women. She could have killed that baby on the spot if she felt like it, but if dh didnt want anything to do with it, then oh well, tough luck. Now I'm not saying that he DOESNT want anything to do with it... its the simple fact that he doesnt get the choice. She could kill his baby no questions asked... but he cant make the choice to not support it. That doesn't make any sense. And what's crazy is... she wanted to give it up for adoption and grandma said no, so grandma explained to dh's ex that they could have the best of both worlds... grandma can keep her grandson and dh's ex can keep the money.

So unfortunately not all moms take care of their kids... and the support system is not fair, AT ALL... and any custodial parent who gets on their soap box about bills and rent and other "non-tangible" items that go into parenting the child.... think about this- if you were married and had a child with your spouse and one of you lost your job, you may be behind on bills, correct? So you would be living on much less money and not paying as much out that month or the next few months. What if a huge home repair came up and your child did not get to play on the football team because you now cant afford it?? Okay, now same scenario, but lets say you and your spouse are divorced now. It doesnt matter to the court what happened with your job, they still want you to pay and give you a hassle with trying to get a modification. If your roof collapsed and you told them, theyd think you were nuts. They dont care. They want the cash. Bottom line.

I have three kids at home and if we had our house flood and everything ruined and had to pay to replace it all... they wouldnt give one crap about it. As long as the CP gets their money, who cares about the other kids involved? Child support is not "about the kids"... its about the CASE. If your rhtree kids at home have no heat or water or safe conditions... who cares. But if you are $100 behind on paying for the kid who doesnt live with you, they will suspend your drivers license. It's ridiculous. The parent s who truly care and try to do the right thing and just happen to run into some bumps in the road are the ones who get screwed by the system.

Sorry for the novel, its just a very sore subject for me because so much is wrong with the child support system it makes me sick. I have a degree in social work and I cant even bring myself to work for one of our local agencies... it's horrible!

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

Now DH's ex does not work at all. So excuse me if I would prefer that the money spent on CS will be extra money we can spend at our home. Which any money spent at our home benefits the kids also.

I agree. Anything we can save in "court ordered" child support we could send to stepsons grandma to use, since he lives with her. I cant pay two payemnts a month and I refuse to. We shouldnt have to. She doesnt work... at all... EVER! And even sent us a nasty letter about "thanks for buying my new truck, and I wanted to let you im pregnant and your CS will be going up soon". Shes a total deadbeat loser! I think if the non-custodial parent is made to work to support the child, then once the child is school age, mom should be forced to work too. Why should we support him when she doesnt? I love him dearly and I know how much hes been through, and would never dream of leaving him high and dry, but I feel like we shouldnt support him if she doesnt. Shes his mother!!!

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

Just another thought...

Try to bear with me on this one- it makes sense in my head... but typing it out could be another story...

I know some people here have got offended by some previous posters saying they were glad that their child support was going down. And they were flamed because people said that meant they didn't want to support these other children, or at least didn't want to support them AS MUCH.

That isn't what is being said at all, and I understand those custodial parents who see it that way may see it wrong... it's really not like that.

An example...

Lets say its fall and I have 5 kids going to school everyday and they all get free lunch at school every day. School starts tomorrow. And I say "Boy am I glad school starts tomorrow, because my grocery bill was so high this summer and I was barely making it. One less meal to feed each day for 5 mouths will definitely save a little money. I'm sure glad I won't be paying all that for now."

That doesn't mean I would otherwise let my kids starve or let them go without or neglect them in any way. Being glad that a payment is going down is just that, about the payment, not the kid.

Nobody here is saying that if their child support went down and then CP called NCP and said that child was signing up for soccer and she can't afford the shoes. Would you let your child go without? Or course not... you'd work out a way for her to get them.

A lower payment just means that maybe CP will have to cut some corners too... obviously NCP is cutting corners if he can't afford the higher payment. It should work on both ends. It's fair.

If any of that made any sense.... and you actually read the whole thing...

 

[maddiesmom0116]

There are LOTS of other expenses involved with raising a kid besides seeing new shoes on their feet.

School fees, school book fees, costs involved for making school projects, insurance, insurance copays (our sick visits are $25 and emergency room is $75) plus whatever medications, dentist visits, glasses, toiletries, hair cuts, sports team fees, gymnastics or karate classes, scouting fees, going to the movies, presents for birthday parties, books, furniture, bedding, toys, computer, music...and they don't joke about teens eating you out of house and home for nothing. This doesn't count the gasoline involved (and the wear and tear on your car) in running kids from this to that.

If you're not there 24/7 you truly have no idea what the ex spends the money on...and if you wanted a less complicated life, then you should not have married a divorced person with children.

You are exactly right. People we meet and marry were not born the moment they met you. You may not like the kids, you may not like the ex, but your spouse must take responsibility for them.
I get no child support, he gives me a sob story all the time. I also don't get support to raise my DN16 from my DB or his ex. It is expensive to handle the daily costs, the food, clothes, activities, school books etc..., I do without all the time to get them what they need (this is called being a parent). You should not have married someone with kids if you were not ready to accept they are supporting this child financially the same as your kids together and emotionally for the rest of their lives. A parent should want to provide for their child even after they graduate high school. Even if a state does not require the parent pay for college,it is your husbands responsibility to do so, are they paying for your kids together to go to college when the time comes? I feel sorry for so many of the children with the step parents listed above, they need to grow up and put the needs of the child first. If I can do this for a DN that isn't even my DB's biological son, you can pull it together for someone that is half of that person you say you love so much.

 

[hentob]

Why should we support him when she doesnt? I love him dearly and I know how much hes been through, and would never dream of leaving him high and dry, but I feel like we shouldnt support him if she doesnt.

Actually, that is more of a reason why you guys should support him

This is such a sad thread.

How does someone lay down with a person, create a child and then feel such hatred toward that person?

and his ex takes the 600 a month and runs with it.

Honestly, paying only $21 a day for a life your husband created is not that bad I think he is getting off quite easy.

Why did he choose to make a baby with this woman if she is so horrible?

I feel so sad for all children caught in these situations

 

[julezdisney]

Actually no, at least not provided by the custodial parent. My husbands ex has "custody" but the child is turning 7 in a month and he lived with her 4 months out of his life. He lives with grandma and grandmas boyfriend, and they dont get a dime. His ex is a manipulator and tells her mother that if she takes them to court to get the money from DH for the support, she will kill herself. Grandma feels bad, and lets her have her way. We cant afford to give grandma anothe rpayment each month, and his ex takes the 600 a month and runs with it. Then she flauts what she buys. She had a new baby in december and doesnt know who the dad is, and uses OUR money to support it! We went to an attorney when they didnt enroll him in kindergarten (hes almost seven, never been to school and hes not homeschooled in any way!).... attorney said she wanted a $3000 retainer and she would get the ball rolling but advised us if we couldnt prove it and she wasnt on crack or abusing her kids.... good luck getting anywhere!!

SO YEAH SOME MOMS DO GREAT BY THEIR KIDS AND USE THE MONEY FOR THE KID OR FOR THEIR LIVING EXPENSES... AND SOME DONT... SO YEAH I DO GET UPSET WHEN DH AND I WORK OUR BUTTS OFF TO SUPPORT HER AND HER NEW BABY. SORRY IF ANYONE IS OR WAS OFFENDED... BUT IM SURE IF YOU WERE OFFENDED- THEN OBVIOUSLY YOURE NOT THAT KIND OF PARENT.

NOW- what I was actually trying to say was something totally different. In our situation, dh's ex tried to get an abortion at 7 months. They said it was too late. She didnt know she was pregnant till 5 1/2 months, and never went to the doctor once... at all. Went to planned parenthood and they said nope sorry and then she called DH and said she was pregnant. I just cannot for the life of me understand why men are only given half the rights as women. She could have killed that baby on the spot if she felt like it, but if dh didnt want anything to do with it, then oh well, tough luck. Now I'm not saying that he DOESNT want anything to do with it... its the simple fact that he doesnt get the choice. She could kill his baby no questions asked... but he cant make the choice to not support it. That doesn't make any sense. And what's crazy is... she wanted to give it up for adoption and grandma said no, so grandma explained to dh's ex that they could have the best of both worlds... grandma can keep her grandson and dh's ex can keep the money.

So unfortunately not all moms take care of their kids... and the support system is not fair, AT ALL... and any custodial parent who gets on their soap box about bills and rent and other "non-tangible" items that go into parenting the child.... think about this- if you were married and had a child with your spouse and one of you lost your job, you may be behind on bills, correct? So you would be living on much less money and not paying as much out that month or the next few months. What if a huge home repair came up and your child did not get to play on the football team because you now cant afford it?? Okay, now same scenario, but lets say you and your spouse are divorced now. It doesnt matter to the court what happened with your job, they still want you to pay and give you a hassle with trying to get a modification. If your roof collapsed and you told them, theyd think you were nuts. They dont care. They want the cash. Bottom line.

I have three kids at home and if we had our house flood and everything ruined and had to pay to replace it all... they wouldnt give one crap about it. As long as the CP gets their money, who cares about the other kids involved? Child support is not "about the kids"... its about the CASE. If your rhtree kids at home have no heat or water or safe conditions... who cares. But if you are $100 behind on paying for the kid who doesnt live with you, they will suspend your drivers license. It's ridiculous. The parent s who truly care and try to do the right thing and just happen to run into some bumps in the road are the ones who get screwed by the system.

Sorry for the novel, its just a very sore subject for me because so much is wrong with the child support system it makes me sick. I have a degree in social work and I cant even bring myself to work for one of our local agencies... it's horrible!

I just wanted to chime in that I know this stuff happens all the time. We're on the paying end of CS. I won't get into details but I def. know your frustration. December of 2019 can't get here fast enough for us!

I also wanted to say I laughed when I saw this thread because I just knew it would be funny to read and I wondered how many posts in would it take before someone freaked out?

It made it all the way to 13! I was impressed!

Now. Can someone close this already?

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

Actually, that is more of a reason why you guys should support him

This is such a sad thread.

How does someone lay down with a person, create a child and then feel such hatred toward that person?



Honestly, paying only $21 a day for a life your husband created is not that bad I think he is getting off quite easy.

Why did he choose to make a baby with this woman if she is so horrible?

I feel so sad for all children caught in these situations

Actually no... you're wrong. Paying for a life she tried to throw away is the problem. She doesnt care about him, she doesnt even HAVE him! She keeps the money for herself. And no, if she doesnt work, that isnt MORE of a reason to support him. If you dont work you can get section 8, food stamps, medical cards, WIC, and a welfare check! We both work... and she doesnt. And she doesnt send anything to her kid at her moms house.

He didnt choose to make a baby with her. He slept with her twice while they were on spring break and both of them were intoxicated. She called him up 7 months later and said she didnt think it was his but wanted ot tell him just in case. They never even dated. They never chose to make a baby. She chose to try to kill this child, she has said since he was born she wished he was dead. She doesnt care. WE DO care about him, though. But she should have to get a job. Bottom line.

You say hes getting off quite easy... my husband has been to hell and back trying to work things out with his sons mother... tried to do the right thing. He has tried and tried to no avail. She makes threats, broke out of window of our home, dropped her son off at a gas station and said hes sitting there, go pick him up I'm not dealing with this anymore.... SO NO MY HUSBAND HASNT GOT OFF EASY. SHE IS THE ONE GETTING OFF EASY. She spends the money on herself and doesnt pay attention to her son during the 3-4 hours a week she sees him. She sells her bi-polar meds and will tell anyone who asks that she sleeps around for money.

If $21 a day isnt so bad... then she should be required to pay that from the money from the sex and drugs and have to put that toward the child. But thats never gonna happen!

 

[hentob]

Now. Can someone close this already?

My goodness—Why would this thread be closed?

People are offering opposing views. Does that warrant a thread closure?

 

[hentob]

He didnt choose to make a baby with her. He slept with her twice….!

Well, um, that is how you make a baby Unless he had a gun to his head, he chose this path

She chose to try to kill this child, she has said since he was born she wished he was dead.!

My God. That poor child

She makes threats, broke out of window of our home, dropped her son off at a gas station and said hes sitting there, go pick him up I'm not dealing with this anymore....!

When he picked him up, why didn’t you guys keep him and give him a nice life?

This poor child I hope your husband fights every day to retain custody of him. What is his visitation schedule with you guys? I hope he has some happiness in his life

Again, I feel for the children caught up in these horrible situations.

 

[LuvMy3Monkeys]

How does someone lay down with a person, create a child and then feel such hatred toward that person?

My husband does hate her... and its very easy to do so. If someone treated your child like dirt and did nothing but use him as a pawn to twist the tables to get everything she wanted, would you hate that person? Absolutely! It's no different if that person is the childs mother.

Believe me, I love him as much as I love my own. I never knew my birthmother growing up and just met my half brother last year that I never knew about. I was always an only child and now I know what its like to be part of a situation that went bad but still have a good relationship with someone else who came AFTER that bad situation (my brother).

So I love him, if for no other reason, he is my kids' brother, and always will be. He has the same blood running through him as my children do. I simply cannot respect or tolerate a deadbeat mother who does nothing for her children and uses them as a means to get what she wants. She had a CPS report last year for leaving him home for 13 hours unattended at 5 years old while she got drunk and partied at a friends house. So, yeah... I'd say she's pretty worthless.

If the dad doesnt support, it's a whole nother ballgame. But if its mom, then its "ohhh she has it sooo rough and she does sooo much". Oh please!

Either sh*t or get off the pot. If youre not gonna take care of your kid, then please let us have him. We have more love and patience than she will ever have. (You know... just in case she's out there reading this... thought I should address that... )