child support question

[NHdisneylover]

Bite me. you have no idea what you are talking about.

Welcome to the family friendly Disney message board folks

Maybe remaining calm and rational in your explanations, or just backing away if you cannot, would help your case more?

Weird-you know to much about this family. I find it creepy.

Actually, ALL of that was in a thread that luvsjack started very recently. It was an odd enough one that I think most people who read it recall the details. I did, with no "sleuthing" or looking up old threads (can't even search now if you wanted to), etc.

This thread turned in to an argument between a couple posters instead of helpful suggestions for OP.

It's sad that it has become nothing more than a bickering match. The OP of this one is so similar to the luvsjack thread from a few days ago ,that I am not surprised though.

Hopefully some of the first few comments will help the OP out, anyway.

 

[Jedana]

When DD#2 was little, DH and I were separated for a little over a year. (DD#1 has a different father, so she is not in this equation, as DH didn't have parental rights to her at that time).

Our verbal agreement for DD#2 was: DH pays for insurance and all medical bills; 1/2 of daycare costs for her normal 2 days a week; buys what she needs when she was with him; and he had her on his 3 days off (worked a 4 day workweek, 11 hours a day). I paid for her things she needed when she was with me and 1/2 daycare costs. He made about twice what I did, so we thought it fair he covered the medical portions.

I worked 5 days a week, 3 of which were his days off--so he was only paying for childcare for 1 day a week due to both of us working, and I paid the other.

When he started grappling on his days off, it was up to him to find her childcare and pay for it. If he was sick, it was up to him to find her childcare and pay for it. If I was sick, it was up to me to find her childcare and pay for it.

Amazing what two adults can work out, if both are being mature and sticking to the plan...


On the other hand, DD#1's father never paid his child support (had to go to court to get it ordered, because he refused to try to work out any kind of arrangement with me). He would work a job for 3-4 weeks, then quit, so that the court wouldn't have time to garnish his wages for cs. He lived his dad for awhile, and then his mom, and would take DD1 to their house for his visitation, and leave her while he went off to play. They got tired of it, kicked him out, and he bounced from house to house--and expected me to let him take DD1 to his friend's houses. Um..no.

The courts agreed with me, and told him he could see her at the social worker's office 2x a week until he got his life settled. Every week, twice a week, I would take her up to the sw office, and wait for 3 hours and he wouldn't show. For six months at a time, and then he'd show for one visit and get mad because she wanted nothing to do with him...she's 5 and she doesn't know who the heck you are!


I never bad mouthed him to her, and still don't to this day. She's asked, and I've answered, questions about his behavior towards her or myself, but only things that I can prove with documents from doctors/courts/etc. I tried everything to work with him, as I did DH (we got back together, and have a son as well---have been together for 21 years, less the year we were separated)...but he wanted nothing to do with it--it had to be his way or no way.

Anyways, some people aren't interested in being parents, they are just interested in hurting and inconvenicing the other party. Nothing you can do will fix that, so it's best to have the courts handle the issue, IMO>

 

[ilovemk76]

Welcome to the family friendly Disney message board folks

Maybe remaining calm and rational in your explanations, or just backing away if you cannot, would help your case more?

Actually, ALL of that was in a thread that luvsjack started very recently. It was an odd enough one that I think most people who read it recall the details. I did, with no "sleuthing" or looking up old threads (can't even search now if you wanted to), etc.


It's sad that it has become nothing more than a bickering match. The OP of this one is so similar to the luvsjack thread from a few days ago ,that I am not surprised though.

Hopefully some of the first few comments will help the OP out, anyway.

Hadley is exactly right. She ranted for days about this and posted all of this in a single thread.

 

[Turn the Page]

Hadley is exactly right. She ranted for days about this and posted all of this in a single thread.

I have to say what I find so incredibly entertaining about all of this is that Luvsjack is now spouting off the exact same argument everyone was giving her on her thread a few days ago but still won't accept it for her DS. I'm not sure where the disconnect is for her that she can't make the connection.

 

[Janepod]

I have to say what I find so incredibly entertaining about all of this is that Luvsjack is now spouting off the exact same argument everyone was giving her on her thread a few days ago but still won't accept it for her DS. I'm not sure where the disconnect is for her that she can't make the connection.

 

[horseshowmom]

Making an agreement legal through the court doesn't have to mean a bloodbath, out to inflict maximum damage on the ex. I've seen it happen where the legal documentation somehow smooths the waters, which is fantastic for the kids.

I agree and have given this advice to others before. The more you have spelled out explicitly in the decree, the less there is to have conflict over.

A couple that I know were constantly having issues with his ex-wife because their agreement was very vague, and she exploited it to the max. I suggested they go back to court and have the agreement specify everything they had been having problems with (all visitations/times, vacations, pick up location/times, etc., etc., etc.). They did that, and it completely ended the bickering - much better for the kids.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Groundhog day, anyone? Hello? Buehler???

 

[cabanafrau]

If you had read the thread being re-attacked you have found that it is not a legal agreement. There is no legal agreement. There has been no court agreement, no one is going to court. There has been no divorce proceedings or anything of that nature.

They are separated. She moved out. He got a better job than the one he had finally making enough he can support his family but it is out of town. He is only home on the weekends. They agreed that he would come get the kids when he is not working. He doesn't really want a divorce at this time, (don't know what she wants) so he hasn't gone to a lawyer or tried to get an agreement. After the last couple of weekends, that may change. It is certainly not my call to tell someone they may need to start divorce proceedings or get an order of custody for the kids. There is no such creature as a legal separation in this state.

It may be in your experience that everyone who doesn't run to the judge about every little detail is trying to get by with something, but not in mine. In fact, I have known of judges that told a few couples if they came back in their courtroom over something so trivial, they would be fined.

I wasn't attacking another thread? I was involved in this discussion.

Recommending it's generally best to put down an agreement officially with the court to give everybody a framework to work from is hardly the same as running to the judge with every little detail. Matter of fact, many of these roller coasters seem to smooth out once it becomes official.

Evidently you're posting in defense of a personal situation. I'm posting based on what I've seen over the past several years in a work capacity, literally many hundreds of cases, not anything I'm emotionally vested in.

 

[Planogirl]

The only thing I've learned from reading all of these threads is that every situation is different and a few people have way too much time on their hands.